Hello lovely readers! I finally got some inspiration for this chapter! Yay! Not that I didn't really have the inspiration before…but it felt like every time I sat down to write I just couldn't get it to sound right. Then I'd feel guilty for writing fanfiction when I had a shit load of homework to do so….yeah. College is great and all, but the homework load sucks. Just fyi. So, anywhoodles, enjoy (if you can) this chapter. It's pretty sad, gonna go ahead and warn you. Like, depressingly sad. And for my WYB readers, I AM GOING TO UPDATE TONIGHT OR TOMORROW! YAYYYYYY! enjoy!

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Chapter 4: Drunk Again

As soon as I'm safely in the limo, I crack open the closest bottle of alcohol and start drinking it straight out of the bottle. By the time I reach home, I'm feeling pretty good again. I stumble up my doorstep, and into my lonely, cold apartment. Flashbacks of when Ally used to live here with me haunt me as I walk from room to room. Finally I make it to the basement, where there are hundreds and hundreds of alcoholic beverages stored. I grab a bottle of whiskey, and start drinking it straight from the bottle. There's a piano and another living room down here, too, so I walk over to the piano, ready to pour my heart out. I haven't written a song since the time I wrote Steal Your Heart for Ally, but I'm going to right now. Whether it's the alcohol making my feelings come through my head loud and clear, or just the immense amount of pain my heart is in after tonight, I'll never know. Setting the bottle of whiskey down on top of the baby grand, finding a sad tune I'm comfortable with, I start pouring my heart into the music.

I think you can do much better than me

After all the lies that I made them believe

Guilt kicks in and I start to see

The edge of the bed

Where your nightgown used to be

This happens to me all the time. The never ending feeling of guilt, the remembering this house not as empty with Ally here, the things we used to do together.

I told myself I won't miss you

But I remember

What it feels like beside you

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

I really don't think I'm a fan of Ally's new "image". Her innocence is one of the many things I always told her I loved about her. It was so refreshing, and enjoyable. I even sang about it in the song I wrote for her! But hey, maybe that's why she chose to get rid of that image. Because she knows I love that about her. Or maybe it's because I took that innocence away from her.

Just another thing to make me feel the guilt even more. She really does deserve someone so much better than me. Someone who would've been man enough to stand up for her and Aiden.

While looking through your old box of notes

I found those pictures I took

That you were looking for

About a week before the big fight, Ally had been looking for the pictures of Team Austin's first award show. I had won Best Male Artist of the Year, and Ally had gotten an award for her song writing. That was the first night me and Ally had made love. Maybe that's why she was looking for them, to remember all the good times before she told me the big news. I'm such an ass hole.

If there's one memory I don't want to lose

That time at the mall

You and me in the dressing room

Ah, again. Ally had tried on this stunning dress for a movie premiere we were going to together. Our first sighting in public as a public couple, even though we'd already been secretly together for several months. She walked out looking so beautiful, I couldn't help myself. She was so against it at first (her innocence taking over), because we were in a public place, but it didn't take long to convince her otherwise. This is one of my favorite memories of the two of us. Two teenagers, so in love that we couldn't stand to wait another minute.

I told myself I won't miss you

But I remember

What it feels like beside you

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

She deserves SO much better than me.

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder

Wish I never would've said it's over

And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older

Cause we never really had our closure

This can't be the end

I never really said it's over, but I'm the jack ass who made the horrible mistake that I did, meaning I'm the one who ruined what we had together. I might as well have broken up with myself, I should have known that doing what I did was a one way ticket to splitsville. But with people saying awful things to me, and the alcohol, and everything else going on, I didn't even sit down and take a moment to think about the consequences.

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

(And I think you should know this)

(You deserve much better than me)

I quickly write down what I just wrote, then reach up and grab the bottle of whiskey again, finishing it off and heading to grab another bottle. Sitting down in the arm chair by the bookshelves, I look around the room. There's pictures of Ally and I, together and happy as could be. There's pictures of me and my family, before my parents quit loving me. There's pictures of Team Austin, four best friends who meant the world to each other. And lastly but not least, there's the one picture I have of Aiden. It's from when he was first born. I only have it because it was plastered all over the internet, and pretty easy to get. It's my favorite one. I stare at that one the longest, wondering what life might have been like if I wouldn't have screwed everything up.

But as I'm chugging down my third bottle of whiskey since getting home, I come to realize that nothing is ever going to change. Trish and Dez will get married, Ally will raise Aiden, Aiden will hate me forever without even getting a chance to know me, and I'll be here. All alone, just regretting all of the things in my past and wishing I could be a part of the lives of people who no longer welcome me. I'll be famous, and rich, and a superstar, but I'll have no one to cherish my dreams with; no one to come home to every night. I'll always be alone, living this empty life of fortune and fame.

Sitting back down at the piano, I feel another rush of sadness and begin to write out the horrid thoughts currently consuming my brain.

Time has run out, for me, everything's distant and I don't know what to believe

It's so hard, lost in the world's confusion and I need to leave

For awhile, life is so meaningless there is nothing worth a smile

So goodbye, I'll miss you...

I'm sorry, but this is my fate, everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay

And I'm sorry, but I've waited too long, so here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me, I'm not worth any tears...

Tears start to pour down my face as I realize the truth of my own words. No one who really matters would give a fuck if I was gone or not. It would alleviate Ally of the stress of having to go on tour with me. Dez would no longer feel like he has to do his monthly check in on me. Trish could continue to hate my guts. And my son, Aiden, would never have to fight with his mother about wanting to at least meet his father, and could just hate me like Ally wants him to, because I'll be gone. My parents haven't spoken to me in more than 6 months, and they have forbade my younger siblings to have any contact with me whatsoever. So, yeah…It really wouldn't matter, would it? My fans are probably the only ones who would really be sad. But there will always be some new, upcoming "hot" guy that is willing to take my place.

My hands shake as I play the melody once again, my voice coming out strained because of the tears and slurred because of the alcohol. Just as I'm finishing the last few notes, a loud crash jolts me out of my morbid thoughts and I stop playing. Looking up, I see that someone has taken one of my empty bottles and smashed it through the glass coffee table, apparently very angry.

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Okay…so I know that I'm leaving you with an awful cliff hanger, but I PROMISE not to leave it at this point! In fact, if you give me 15 reviews I will update TOMORROW ;) I don't own either of the songs I used. But the Hinder song, I am in love with. I love Austin Winkler's voice, and that song just…mmmm. Lols.

So, what did you guys think?

Any guesses on who the person is that's found Austin in his depressed and drunken state?

Don't worry, I know it's sad right now but trust me when I say it is slowly building up to Auslly!

I love you all!

Love and kisses,

KKequestrian/Paige