Chapter four
Earlier that morning
Waking up that morning it felt weird. Today was the day before we put Finn in the ground. To say all of our goodbyes to him at least for now. Somewhere inside of me I know that we will meet him again. I know one thing is certain if its only in my head for now I will NEVER love anyone how I have loved Finn. I don't know if I will ever want to date or have my kids call anyone besides Finn the endearing term of 'daddy' or even 'dad'. It breaks my heart when I think of it.
I heard footsteps outside my door. Thankfully I was already dressed. I was debating whether or not I should wear my 'Finn' necklace. "Who's there? Santana? Kurt? Is that you?" I asked. The door opened and revealed Noah and . "Hey Rach." They said. "Hey guys. Are we all leaving soon?" I asked. "Not for a little bit we came to talk to you. Why don't we sit down." Mr. Shue said taking a seat in the loveseat. "Rach what do you have there?" Noah asked. I realized that he had noticed that I was clutching onto the Finn necklace. "It's just this necklace." I said opening my hand to show him which one it was. "Rachel." Puck started as he took my hands in his and lead me to my cozy chair to sit. "I remember the day that I went to help Finn pick out this necklace. He was obsessed with finding the perfect necklace for you. I asked him why. Do you want to know what he told me." I asked. I nodded for him to continue. "He told me that he wanted to give it to the woman that he was going to marry. I think he wanted it to become a family heirloom. I had never seen him happier than when he was with you. You meant more to him than words can say." Puck said. " Puck. Mr. Shue." I said. "Yes Rachel?" They asked. "You want to know what scares me the most?" I said starting to get teary- eyed. "What is that Rachel?" asked. "I'm afraid that one day I'll wake up and have forgotten him. That our kids will resent him for not being around. And what scares me the most is waking up without him beside me." I said breaking down crying. "Oh Rachel, it's okay. We'll all make sure that you will never forget him. And as for the 'littlest new directions'. We will make sure that they know their dad one way or the other. But as for the last thing. I believe that his soul will wait for you. He is always around you. You are never without him. I believe that you will see him again. But right now the little ones need food. And if Finn was here he would be telling you to eat." Puck said. "Noah, you're right." I said after composing myself. "So let's go get something to eat downstairs." I said getting up out of the chair. "But Rachel. Before that. You need to put that necklace back where it belongs. That is with it on your neck." Puck said bluntly.
On the way to the funeral home:
"Diva, we're almost there." Mercedes said. " I just hope Carol is okay with the situation even after all that has happened in the last few days." I said starting to get nervous. I was in a car with Mercedes, Kurt and Santana. " Sweetie. My step-mom is actually looking forward to spoiling her grandkids. I think it is one of the reasons that she has kept herself together about losing her only son so well. She'll get through it eventually. But right now she is just broken. Oh and she wants to talk to you before everything gets started. She wouldn't tell me why though. But I figure it must be important." Kurt said. "He's right Rach. She probably just wants to see you. Carol probably wants you to come back with the little ones as often as possible." Santana said. "You never know it could be anything knowing Carol." I said. "You're right Diva." Mercedes said. As Mercedes said that we pulled up to the funeral home. Everyone was waiting outside. We all found this kind of odd. The wake was supposed to start about thirty minutes ago. So it's confusing to why everyone was waiting outside. Well Carol might answer this as soon as I see her. "Rachel I'm going to drop you and Santana off at the door. Mercedes and I will meet you in there." Kurt said as he stopped near the sidewalk. "Okay see you soon Kurt." I said.
Santana and I walked over to the group waiting outside. They were all former and current students at McKinley High School. But everyone got quite as soon as we approached. Carol came up to us and pulled us inside the funeral home. "Santana, sweetie the New Directions are in the waiting room. With Mr. Shu, Miss. Pillsbury, and Coach Sue. I need a few minutes alone with my son and daughter in law." Carol said. Santana then left to see everyone on the bottom floor. "Carol, as much as I love you. You do realize that Finn and I never got married." I said. "I know that but you are carrying my grandbabies. And you would have been married by now if Finn hadn't died. And how many times do I have to tell you to call me mom and not Carol. I consider you like my own daughter. Even after everything that has happened recently." Carol said starting to get chocked up. I gave her a hug. "Mom, I loved Finn very much. And can I be honest with you?" I asked. "Of course you can Rachel. I knew you loved him very much. I could tell how much he loved you. I could tell every time I saw him talk about you. Or even on the phone to you." Mom said starting to get serious. " I am afraid that there will be one day that I forget his face and voice. That our kids will one day eventually resent him. For not being around and in their lives. I tell you this because after College we will be moving back to Lima. I am transferring to NYU to study to become a music teacher." I said. "Sweetie your giving up your dream?" Mom asked. "Without Finn it doesn't feel worth it anymore. Right now what I want to do is finish college. Become a teacher. And start teaching at Lima. It's where I want my kids to grow up. Kurt and Santana respect this. After a lot of convincing that we will come for short visits during the year." I said. "You've really thought this threw haven't you?" Mom asked. "Yes I have." I said.