Harry couldn't get his head straight. Why, for the second time had he poured his heart out to Draco? Why did the blonde make him feel so safe? For that matter, why did the blonde suddenly make him feel a whole lot more than Harry had ever felt. He'd never allowed himself to be this vulnerable in front of anyone before, excluding his two best friends. He couldn't understand why things were moving so fast, the feelings that had developed so quickly for the blonde scared him, but in the midst of this mad war, it was the only thing that felt right. Him and Draco felt right. However, Harry forces himself to ignore the butterflies that fluttered in his stomach when Draco spoke to him, touched him, ignore the electricity that seemed to flow between them, ignore the way his body reacted whenever the blonde was around. Being together put Draco in huge danger, because he was Harry Potter. He already had to deal with his friends putting their lives in the line for him, and he wouldn't allow Malfoy to do the same. Couldn't allow Malfoy, because Harry knew, however fresh the feelings were, he wouldn't get over Draco being hurt. He didn't even know if Draco really liked him back, or if he was just flirting with him because it was fun. Something told him it was more than just a bit of fun, the way Draco had held him, had listened to him. But no, that was besides the point. It couldn't happen.
The group made their way off the beach as the sun set slowly, sinking into the sea, setting it ablaze in orange light. It was the first time any if them had felt happy in a long while, however there was a nasty edge to the happiness, because they all knew that come tomorrow it was back to the real world, and it was going to be hard. Fluer cooked, and they sat and talked for hours. Fluer and Dean told them about Hogwarts and how things had changed, Bill talked about his parents and the order and how they had been coping. Harry, Ron and Hermione told them what they could about where they'd been, but everyone understood that there was a limit to what they could say. Malfoy was unusually quiet, his gaze resting softly on Harry, their eyes meeting frequently. Harry didn't think he could cope with it much longer, the need to kiss him was becoming so strong. 'You can't do that to him', Harry repeated in his head like a mantra all throughout the evening. They talked late into the evening, and eventually it was time to go to bed, but Harry was restless, wanting to postpone tomorrow for as long as possible.
'I'll clear up guys', he said as people started to get up from the table.
'No it's fine Harry, you should sleep', said Bill patting his back.
'Honestly Bill, it's the least I can do', Harry replied, 'plus I don't really think I could sleep now'.
Going to bed meant Draco, and Harry didn't know if he would be able to restrain himself.
'I'll help'. Ron and Draco both stood up at the same time, glaring at each other.
'Harry's my friend', Ron snarled at Draco.
'Oh, so you own him now?', replied Draco smartly.
'Hardly, but you think I'm going to let him hang out with-'
'Ronald, that's enough', barked Hermione. Draco smirked. 'Malfoy can help Harry wash up, Harry doesn't mind, do you Harry?'
'Yeah he can help'
Harry couldn't help but smile at the two of them. He knew they just wanted what was best for him and he loved them for it.
'But mione..', Ron whined in a last ditch attempt.
'Weasly I'm perfectly capable of washing up', Draco drawled, 'me and Harry have already shared a bed, I'm sure we'll manage this'.
Harry knew that last bit was meant to embarrass both him and Ron, and it worked, a pink blush on both of their cheeks.
'Right, well, night mate', Ron said, giving Harry's shoulder a shake
'Don't you dare touch him Malfoy', he warned, before disappearing up the stairs.
Hermione walked round the table to pull Harry into a hug. 'It's ok Harry, we just want you to be happy', she whispered to him.
It was Harry's turn to whine at her. 'Mione!', he said, 'I've already told you-'
'Fine, fine, whatever you say', she said amusedly, hands up in the air in mock surrender.
Draco watched him with an identical expression of amusement. Was he really that easy to read Harry thought in annoyance .
'Good night Malfoy', she said.
Malfoy offered he a courteous smile, and she was gone.
Draco could see how nervous and tense Harry had become now they were alone. In ten minutes they'd barely spoken two words other than, 'could you pass that bowl' and 'where do the forks go?'. He didn't know how much longer he could contain himself, Harry looked so inviting, his hair and skin salty from the sea, his skin bronzed and glowing. However Harry was definitely avoiding any body contact with the blonde, leaning as far away from him as possible. They retained that distance until Draco leaned round him to put a plate on the draining board, and Harry spun, bringing the two of them excruciatingly close. Draco felt his breath catch in his throat and his heart skip a beat as their eyes met. Slowly, tentatively he stroked his hand up Harry's side, coming to rest in the hollow of his neck, fingers curling into his hair. Harry didn't resist his touch. He could feel heat burning between them, the air fizzing with electricity, and a stronger desire than he'd ever felt. He couldn't wait any longer to kiss Harry.
'Don't', Harry whispered, his voice so heartbreakingly sad and broken.
'I want you Harry', Draco replied huskily.
'Please Draco, don't ', he said again.
Draco's heart definitely stopped at the use of his first name. 'Why Harry?', he demanded gently. How could Harry not be feeling what he was feeling?
'I can't', Harry managed to get the words out thorough his erratic breathing.
'Why?', Draco asked again, now letting his fingers travel slowly down Harry's arms, then up his spine and threading back into his hair.
'I'm bad for you', he stuttered out.
'Your bad for me?', Draco questioned, trying to keep his amusement hidden.
'People close to me get hurt. Sirius, Dumbledore, my parents', Harry gulped back a wave of tears that pricked his eyes threateningly. 'I can't put you in danger Draco'. His hand rose hesitantly to Draco's face and softly stroked his cheek, then dropped his hand.
Draco sighed in exasperation, bringing his forehead down to touch Harry's. They were so close now.
'Harry Potter, do you seriously think that I'm not already in danger? My father is one of the most infamous death eaters, I'm a deserter of the dark lord, and I've already decided I'm going to help you. The way I see it, is if I'm going to die, I might as well die happy. You, for god knows what reason, make me happy', he smiled softly down at Harry, who still didn't look convinced.
'Do you want me?', he asked.
'I...' Harry's voice was hoarse and rough, and it was all Draco could do not to force their lips together right then, but he knew it needed to be on Harry's terms.
'I don't want you to die', Harry whispered desperately.
'I can't promise I won't Harry', 'Draco said, 'but I'll try'.
'I still don't think this is a good idea', he started, 'what if-'.
'I don't care what you think', Draco muttered.
And with that he lowered his head down to Harry and their lips met for the first time. It was devastatingly soft and gentle and sweet, and Draco could feel the affection swelling out of him, his heart was doing somersaults, lightning bolts coursing through his body. His hands cupped Harry's face delicately, Harry's hands were in his hair. Harry suddenly broke the kiss, looking up at Draco, his eyes wild, h he gently pushed the blonde away. Draco backed off, concerned at the sudden change of mood.
'I don't want this', Harry said, his voice cold, empty, his eyes full of heartbreaking sorrow.
'What, Harry, you just-', Draco stuttered, eyes narrowing.
'I know what I said. It was a mistake, I was just...lonely'. His eyes didn't meet Draco's, he kept his head bowed.
'Harry', Draco said softly, not willing to let the brunette escape from him after the intimacy they had just shared. He reached his hand out to Harry.
'Don't kiss me again Malfoy', Harry spat, but his voice lacked any menace, it was just sad. 'I mean it. It's not even like we're friends'.
He spun on his heel, leaving the room, and Draco, standing alone in the kitchen, his heart beating heavy, his mind swirling in an angry haze. What the hell did Harry think he was doing?
Harry had walked away from Draco for two reasons. One he was absolutely terrified. The intensity of the feelings that the kiss had stirred up in him, the deep longing and need, the fullness, completeness, it sacred him. He'd never felt this about anyone before, and it had all happened so quickly, he hadn't had time to process it. This was Malfoy, for merlins sake, they'd always hated each other, but now... Second was if he allowed himself to continue feeling like this, he'd never forgive himself if Draco got Malfoy were with Harry, he'd be in even more danger than he already was, despite what he may say; there was absolutely no way Harry could allow himself to put Draco in that much danger just to loose him. He couldn't be that selfish. It was easier for Draco this way, Harry thought, easier for the blonde to accept nothing could exist between them and move on. He forced himself to keep walking up the stairs to his room, wouldn't let himself run back into Draco's arms and confess that he did want him, more than anything. There were more important things than his happiness.
Draco knew something was wrong, knew what he'd felt when he's kissed Harry, knew that the other boy had felt it too. Still, it had hurt when Harry had pushed him away, told him he didn't want him. Part of Draco wanted to believe it, because it was easier to be bitter and angry with Harry than to pine for him, worry about him. A bigger part of him knew that now he'd started, he didn't think he could ever stop, wouldn't be able to fall out of.. like... Not Love, he couldn't fall in love overnight... with Harry.
He vowed to do everything in his power to make Harry see, realise that them being together was right, no matter what danger it put them in. Slowly he climbed the stairs to bed, a hollow ache in his chest at the thought of seeing Harry again, but not seeing him smile or laugh, knowing they weren't together.
It was a long night, both boys lay awake, listening to the other steady breathing, bodies as far away from each other as possible, a cold empty space on the mattress between them. Draco could feel Harry shivering and wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around the boy and make it ok. He knew he couldn't. Harry wouldn't let that happen. Draco finally drifted off to sleep, and when he woke up in the morning, Harry was gone. He'd already gone down for breakfast. When Draco arrived, silence descended. Harry was scowling into his cereal, Ron with a smug look on his face.
'From forth the fatal loins of these two foes,
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life', Luna piped up.
'You what Luna?', asked Ron.
'Shakespeare?', said Draco, his eyebrows quirked sceptically.
'Destiny...', Hermione said quietly, 'that's nonsense Luna'.
'Hardly, clearly we aren't acting under some irrational impulse right now', Malfoy snapped, 'this isn't some tragic fairytale'.
'See, I told you he was in love', said Luna dreamily, nodding at Hermione.
'Merlin, I'm not in love, for the last time-'.
Ron and Harry had sat frowning, not the faintest idea what was going on.
'What the bloody hell are you on about?', Ron exclaimed, finally unable to contain his annoyance at not understanding.
'It's Shakespeare Ron', said Hermione, as if that would clear things up.
'Yeah I got that much' Ron said sarcastically, ' I just wanna know why you're banging on about star crossed lovers for Merlins Sake'.
'There are no star crossed lovers, because no one is in love', said Malfoy, irritated.
'No one asked you Malfoy', Ron growled.
'It's a phrase for lovers who were destined to meet, in the Stars'.
'Oh bloody hell', Ron said, weren't not getting started in divination again are we?'
'It's just a phrase Ron, it was used when fates where determined by the stars. Two people destined to meet, written in the stars', Hermione said, 'of course, it doesn't hold any truth', she added sternly.
'Doomed from the start', said Malfoy rolling his eyes, 'this isn't Romeo and Juliet, me and Harry are real people, yes we are having some...difficulties with our feelings right now, but this is hardly some poetic declaration of love that will end in both of us getting killed'.
'Nothing is going to happen between me and Draco', Harry said, finally speaking up. He stood, his eyes fleetingly meeting Draco's. Then he walked out of the room.
'Harry, wait-', walking after him.
'All encompassing yet thwarted. Unresolved passion will eventually destroy them and many around them'. Luna looked after them sadly.
Hermione sighed heavily. Luna looked at her pointedly.
'You know I'm right', Luna said.
'Like Malfoy said, this isn't a fairytale, whatever is happening between them is complicated, yes, but they'll sort it out'.
'This bloody better not be a fairy tale', Ron snapped, 'I don't want Harry to be with someone like him'.
They ate the rest of their breakfast in a stony silence. Nothing more was said about the tantalising connection they all could see between the two boys.
'Harry stop', Draco shouted angrily. 'This is ridiculous'.
Harry spun to face the blonde, all the passion he'd held back now pouring out of him, as anger.
'Can you not understand, Malfoy, can you not just leave this be?'
'No', Malfoy said stubbornly, folding his arms across his chest in defiance.
'I've read Romeo and Juliet you know', Harry said.
'What's that got to do with anything?', Draco asked skeptically, 'your avoiding the subject'.
'They both die, Draco, because they aren't supposed to be in love. they're supposed to hate each other. I can't hate you Draco, but I won't love you either, I won't do that to you'.
Harry could see that Draco was getting irritated. Good, he thought, maybe he'll give up and go away. Then Harry could stop mounting the unattainable love and start thinking about their mission. That was the most important thing now
'Harry just listen to me. This isn't Shakespeare, it's real life. There are no star crossed lovers, no destiny, no fate. It's just us'.
Harry could feel Draco behind him, so close, but not touching. He was glad for that, because it would make saying no that much harder.
'I'm sorry Draco. We're leaving soon, me Ron and Hermione, you will stay here. You'll be safe. If you truly do feel anything for me, you'll let me leave you, because I can't let you get hurt. If you died...' Harry couldn't finish the sentence, because honestly, he didn't know what he would do if Malfoy died. Even before he'd started liking the other boy, Malfoy had always been a reliably constant presence in his life, he'd always known what to expect. The thought that that would be gone, and now, the way he knew he was falling for Draco, Harry couldn't let anything happen to him.
'Have you stopped to think what will happen to me if you die?', Malfoy seethed, 'you suppose I'm willing to let you waltz off, then just get over it if anything happened?'
Harry reached out to cup Draco's face, searching the grey eye, full of lining and need and anger.
'I'm sorry Draco', he whispered, pressing a brief kiss to the blondes lips. He felt his heart break slightly as he pulled away, for the last time, from Draco, then turned back to the house. 'I've got to speak to Ollivander now'. Then he was gone.
When Harry kissed him, time seemed to stop. It was so fleeting, Draco wasn't even sure it had happened. Then Harry left him and Draco felt totally alone. Harry wouldn't take him, didn't even want him in the mission with him, so he was left with no one. No family, no friends, no Harry. He didn't think there was anything more he could do to change the brunettes mind so it was over, before it had even started. He spent the rest of the morning on the beach, picking at shells and flowers, mourning his miserable life. By the time he went back inside, Harry, Ron and Hermione had gone.