L settled back into his chair.
Suddenly, everything turned black and white, rainbows spurted out of the electrical wires, a dinosaur crashed through the ceiling, the sky turned neon green, it began to rain broccoli, the floor turned into pudding, blood began to ooze from L's keyboard, a rabid dog began to chew on his papers while a monkey wearing a top hat and a monocle sipped L's coffee, the cat in the hat began doing cartwheels on all of his monitors, L's hair got shredded out of his head, a hippo-
" Ryuuzaki-kun!"
-as Santa Clause melted all of the windows with his laser vision, an army of iniquitous demon bunnies took over the world, Barney stepped on the building next door, Taylor Swift got braces, an ominous pink storm cloud formed in the north, a gigantic killer peacock ate all of the marshmallows in the world, monkeys developed superior intelligence, an insignificant roach in someones house sneezed-
" Ryuuzaki-kun! Snap out of it‼"
-and thus the apocalypse began.
" Quit staring into space!" L felt a stinging sensation on his face, and he blinked, everything fading dizzily into his regular, gray, work area.
L slowly turned his head to the right, the unfortunate appearance of Misa's overly made up face coming into his vision. L placed a hand on his burning cheek.
" If I may inquire, did you just slap me?" he murmured.
" Yes! You were staring blankly at the wall, and I was trying to tell you about the incredibly sexy date Light-kun and I had yesterday!"
" Oh. You mean the one where you asked him out, he refused, and then you dumped a can of tuna on his head?" L muttered.
Misa leaned forward, cupping a hand around her ear. " Huh? What did you say? I didn't hear you."
L coughed. " Nothing."
Misa hopped around, hands folded behind her back. " Wow, I've never been in this room before! Light-kun said I shouldn't. Something about shattering computer screens with my high-pitched voice." Misa turned her head to the side. " What does, ' high pitched' mean, Ryuuzaki-kun?"
L rubbed his forehead, an impending migraine throbbing at his temples. " Misa, just how did you get into this room? I proofed the doors against annoying pop stars."
" Huh? What do you mean, Ryuuzaki-kun? I've been here for your whole life. Watching you. Staring at you. Sitting in the corner, concealed by the shadows. Living on the turds left by the mice in the dust. I know everything about you, Ryuuzaki-kun." Misa giggled, a dark glint in her eyes.
L was seemingly oblivious to the creepy aura coming from behind his shoulder. " Mouse turds? No wonder you're so thin," he remarked.
" Yeah! Misa noticed that Ryuuzaki-kun is dieting as well! But ice cream has fat, and fat makes you fat, so how is that going to help?" Misa asked, tapping her chin.
L's eyes narrowed. " I'm not trying to 'help' anything. I am merely trying to halt or at least slow down any upcoming health concerns."
Misa rotated her head 180 degrees. " Misa-bot has processed 40% of information sent to her. Please wait before proceeding with any more computations," she squawked like a parrot. Her head turned back to him, and L realized that she had become a parrot, with a neon blue beak, amber eyes, green neck feathers, and... she wasn't wearing any clothes.
L politely averted his eyes.
" Ryuuzaki-kuuuuunnnn! Your staring into space again! Wake up!" Misa's jarring voice shot L out of his crouching position, and he looked at her.
Her face looked as plastic as usual, her hair the same piss yellow color as always, and her lips looked perfectly botoxed, as they always did.
She was also wearing clothes, thankfully.
L swiveled his chair to the computer screen, a frown dragging down his features. He tapped his fingers absent-mindedly on the keyboard.
" No! Don't start it again Ryuuzaki-kun-"
" I am fully capable of hearing your repelinglly screechy voice, thank you very much," L muttered. Before Misa could retaliate, he turned to her, asking, " Misa Amane, do you like parrots?"
Misa wrinkled her nose. " No. They're squawky and poop all over the place."
L was about to answer, " Yeah? Kind of like you?" but decided against it. Instead, he answered, " Have you ever recalled looking like a parrot?"
" Whaaaaaat? Misa is cute, and parrots aren't! You dare to associate Misa with something that isn't cute!" Misa yelped.
" Sure. Whatever." L said shortly. He turned back to his computer.
Why was he seeing these things? First the ice cream cone, then the dinosaur, then Santa Claus and his laser vision... this just wasn't adding up.
" It just makes no sense..." L muttered, chewing on his thumb nail.
Misa leaned over Ryuuzaki's shoulder. " Ryuuzaki-kun seems stressed out. Maybe Ryuuzaki-kun needs a hug," Misa suggested. Before L could jerk away, knowing what she was implying, a pair of thin arms wrapped around his neck, and Misa rested her head against his shoulder.
L stiffened, trying to duck away from her, but it was to no avail, he was trapped by her embrace of death.
L knew that sugar couldn't putrefy, but if it could, that description would best suit the scent of Misa's perfume.
For a moment, he wondered if all women smelled like this.
' Note to self: Steer clear of females.'
L's eyes shot open. That was it! Sugar!
' Yes, that must be it! The only reason that I would be experiencing such fantastical hallucinations would be because my lack of sugar intake! I must solve this problem immediately!'
Since L wasn't a stereotypical shojen anime character with abilities to teleport, he resorted to dragging Misa along with him; the girl in question refusing to release his neck.
Hopping out of his chair with his weird L powers, he slunk across the floor to the door, and exited the room.
It took him approximately 20 minutes to manuever around the stairs with Misa on his back. But L reached the kitchen eventually, where Matsuda was pigging out on Pop Tarts.
The young man stiffened. " R-Ryuuzaki-kun! I-I wasn't expecting you! I was just, um...well, I..."
L seized the whole box from him, shoving all of the pop tarts down his oversized gullet at once.
Tears formed in Matsuda's eyes. " No! Not my rasberryudumptious yummyness!" he sobbed.
L scrounged around the kitchen, a feral glow in his eyes. " Sugar..." He moaned.
Matsuda was completely oblivious to this, as he licked the floor, trying to get any Pop Tart crumbs that L left behind.
L began to chew through the cabinets. " Sugaaaaar..." he repeated between bites.
Matsuda found a particulary satisfying chunk of jam, and spent extra time loading it onto his tongue.
L found a jar in one of the drawers that contained sugar. He attempted to shove the whole thing down at once, but it got stuck in his not-so-stretchy jaw.
Matsuda realized that the jam he was licking was waste left by a mouse, and screamed, scooting away. This triggered Misa leaping off of L's back, screaming, " Mouse turds!" and setting upon the task of consuming it.
This was how Watari found them all.
It was an understatement to say he was startled.
" Oh dear," he whispered.
(AN) Misa bashing everywhere! Though there was that L and Misa scene snuck in...
Well, I thought that the last chapter was weird, but this one doesn't even make any sense! Oh well, its humor...
Thank you to anyone who has reviewed this story!