Day 2 continued (the day that never ended)…
Bucky made sure Alpha was in a comfy spot before checking they weren't followed. When he returned Alpha was awake and sitting up.
"Hey, be careful." He said reaching out for Alpha's shoulders to help her back down. She jerked back with fear filled eyes. Bucky hesitated. "It's me." He added trying to reassure her. Alpha frowned.
"Which one?" She asked with a dark tone. Bucky knelt down with a med pack in hand.
"It's Bucky." A sad smile grew on Bucky's face. Tears began to well up in Alpha's eyes.
"Oh, thank God. Bucky," She breathed as she tackled Bucky in a tight hug. Bucky's eyes widened. Alpha was hugging him. Bucky slowly wrapped his arms around Alpha's tiny torso.
"I thought you were lost and all that work worth nothing. I-I thought you were going to kill me." Alpha's words washed over Bucky like a wave of icy cold. He patted her back, calming her.
"I thought you didn't like me." Bucky murmured. Alpha released her grip and sat back against the wall.
"You don't seem too bad. It's the other guys I've been stuck with I don't care for." Alpha said wiping her face with her hands then grimacing when the moving of her left arm pained her. She looked down at the large scratch across her shoulder.
"I've been trying to hide that." Alpha mumbled. Bucky stared, wanting her to continue. She swallowed. "I know you have one just like it on your left shoulder, the prosthetic one. I'm not sure why they put one on me too but they did. It might seem strange but even though I have this AI inside of my brain that can access any information from around the world within seconds it is blocked from any information about me. So, there are a lot of unknowns to my life." Alpha added. Bucky came over to sit next to her.
"How about, I help you get patched up and you tell me your story, or as much as you know." Bucky suggested as he began cleaning the wound on her shoulder. Alpha made a face.
"Oh, you've never seemed all that interested in my life when I've mentioned it before. What's changed?" Alpha asked. That was when she noticed what changed. She had asked Bucky that question with no fear in her voice. Her fear was ebbing away the longer she sat and stared at Bucky, the real Bucky. The one Captain Rodgers must have known back in the 40s.
"I trust you more. In a way you're now an ally. When I ran off and went crazy you could have gone too. You would have been home free. But you came after me and I'm curious why." Alpha searched the dirty floor as she thought. She slapped her free hand against her forehead.
"I'm such an idiot. I should have just gone and so many of my problems would have been solved." Alpha moaned. "After I realized you had reverted I was planning on getting out of the city and getting to do whatever I wanted or needed. I would have been free. Why didn't I just leave sooner?" She turned back to Bucky. Bucky's face fell. He lightly stroked the patch he had put on Alpha's shoulder to be sure it was securely on.
"So you don't want to talk about your past?" He asked a bit sad. Alpha searched his face.
"I have to admit I'd really like to tell you. Even though you trust me more, why do you care about knowing my past? It won't make much of a difference to you knowing me. Do you want to know because you remembered your past now?" Alpha asked. Bucky liked his lips as though he had to think hard about how to answer. Aloha noticed Bucky wasn't telling her something that required him to think about his response. She hated secrets. Her blood pumped a bit warmer.
"Let me get one thing clear. If we are going to work together at all we're not going to keep important secrets from each other. That was how SHIELD fell and friendships crumble. I promise to tell you everything about my past, even if it hurts, but you need to tell me whatever you're not telling me now and other important things that might involve me in the future. Ok?" Alpha said sternly, pulling away from Bucky to make him pause in his work he had begun on her face.
"I admire you. You're only nineteen but you have the heart and mind of a full grown adult. I hate that you've had to grow up so fast but you're going to influence a great many people for the good. I know that for certain." Alpha's face softened.
"You really think so? I wouldn't think a freak like me could do much of anything except survive in such a terrible world that only wants to destroy people like me." Bucky shifted so he faced her full on.
"I really do. I think you're meant for great things, and not the stuff Hydra or SHIELD wanted you to do. You're going to do amazing things and it's going to be what you want. I have no doubts that whatever you put your mind to will produce something wonderful. Sometimes you'll need to fight the world we love to do so but things will be better in the end." Alpha studied the muscles in Bucky's face as he spoke. His voice was so much gentler than when he was the Winter Soldier.
"So, do you promise not to keep secrets?" Alpha asked with a deep frown. Bucky looked straight into her eyes.
"I promise." He stated, making sure she understood he wasn't going to break that promise. Alpha acknowledged that with a curt nod. Then Alpha patted Bucky's human shoulder with a light laugh through her nose.
"I can see why you and Steve were such good friends. Do you realize he became the great man he is today because you were his friend? You promised to be there for him and that made him strong." Alpha paused. "I hope I find more friends like you in the future." She added with sadness in her voice. Bucky knit his brows and shook his head slightly.
"Once paths like ours have crossed it's hard for them to fully separate. Even if you and I aren't side by side for months on end, I'll be there if you need me. You've been here when you most likely should have left so I'll be there too. I'll be with you 'til the end," Alpha cut him off.
"Don't say that." She said sharply.
"Why not, if it is the truth?" Bucky asked.
"Neither of us can predict the future. Plus, the thing you were trying to say has been recorded and put in the Smithsonian. It's a famous quote. It's the great quote you said to Captain Rodgers back when you were friends. I don't deserve such an honor from you, from anyone." Alpha explained.
"I'm not sure you get to choose what honors I give you or not, if what I say is that important at all. I want to show you how loyal I am to my friends. That is one of the ways."
"I'm honored and all but… It just feels weird. All my life I've never thought I was meant for anything important. I still don't think that." Alpha admitted.
"Everyone's important, especially the little people. Everyone has something important to do and therefore deserve importance back more than equal to what they give. That means you too." Bucky said. Alpha noticed his voice seemed much more vibrant and emotional than it was when he first captured her from the house. A silence grew between them.
"This is kinda weird. It's like I'm getting a pep talk from my great grandpa but from the body of my awkwardly much older, older brother." Alpha said, trying to break the silence and tension she had begun to feel. Bucky's words made sense to her and she believed that for other people but she still disagreed that she applied for those things. She honestly didn't think she deserved it. She had done some terrible things in the past, and was sure Bucky had as well, but hers were of another dimension of terrible. At least, that was how she saw it.
"I'm sorry it's weird. If we're going to keep hanging around each other it might stay that way." Bucky laughed. Alpha had never heard him laugh before. It was a nice laugh. "Come here, I need to finish fixing you up." He added motioning for Alpha come close again for him to work. She scooted over and he continued. There was silence between them again.
"Do you still want to tell me your story?" Bucky asked.
"It's not an easy one to tell." Alpha warned. Bucky glanced at her sideways.
"Try me,"
"Ok," Alpha took in a deep breath. "SHIELD began a project about twenty years ago. They got sperms and eggs from volunteer agents and the minority of the population that is on the level of genius. They wanted to artificially create their own powerful super geniuses that could build things, or command armies, or invent the next big weapon for SHIELD. Fury at that time was working hard to build up a stock of super elites in his back pocket for when a force was to come and attack. I was the only one, out of thousands, that survived all the way through birth. Not actually being born from a human mother made my childhood lonely from the very beginning.
"I was raised on puzzles and things to boost my IQ and strategic skills. I was transferred from safe house to safe house to a bigger base then back to another safe house. It was a bit of a mess. After Tony Stark made his first Iron Man suit, Fury was afraid others would pop up and try to take me and my knowledge, which was why I was moved around a lot. Soon, though, I got a permanent stay pass at the SHIELD hub in D.C. I was about seven at that time. By that time I was smarter than Mr. Stark at the same time. It was a good thing Fury wanted to keep me secret more than anything because the bragging rights behind me could have caused a third world war.
"After gaining my permanent apartment in a secret area of the hub Clint and Natasha, that is, Hawkeye and Black Widow, came into my life. From then on they were assigned to me to be sure I was doing my work, passing my specialized tests to show progress, and remaining mentally healthy. All when they weren't off doing missions. They became my parents because I never got to meet my real ones. The real ones weren't allowed to even meet me because I was kept so deep underground."
"Were they the reason you tried to escape Hydra so often?" Bucky asked, suddenly. Alpha licked her lips.
"Yeah, they were the only ones who seemed to understand me. They actually cared about my thoughts, feelings, worries. Being a genius is stupidly difficult." Bucky chuckled. Alpha smack his shoulder that was nearest to her but the fun quickly dissipated because she had hit his prosthetic shoulder.
"Sorry, continue." Bucky said, trying to lighten the mood.
"Of course playing God has its drawbacks. The scientists at SHILED were more focused on enhancing my mind, one of the most powerful weapons to the human race. I got amazing genes that were lined up for success in the brain department but got almost all of the drawbacks when it came to the physical body. As you can see I am a stick, no matter how much I work out I gain very little muscle. No matter how much I eat I gain very little fat so I can't get within a healthy weight range to do a lot of things. For crying out loud if the wind is too strong I can literally get carried away by it. Another thing, I can't have children. According to the scientists the hormones required to make eggs to have children aren't in my brain. Even if they wanted to make another baby from me the same way I was born, they couldn't.
"When I turned twelve I was also diagnosed with a terminal illness that was a long as a truck and destroyed my brain. I was brain dead by seventeen. Between ages twelve and seventeen I worked on projects for people like me with brain diseases that made us brain dead or immobile. I created descriptive designs for the tech I have implanted in me. The AI inside of my brain is what keeps me going and fighting my brain damage every day. My spine was supposed to be for people who had spine or back injuries. I had others but I made sure to destroy them when I got the chance."
"The third time I had to find you, you were running around with a metal trashcan that had paper documents inside of them that were on fire. You burned your hands. Is that what those were?" Bucky asked. Alpha nodded.
"Yeah," Alpha laughed a light laugh. "That seems so long ago. It wasn't easy burning all that stuff but I got to blow up a car. Not many nineteen year olds can say that and feel proud." They laughed together for a minute as Bucky finished caring for some of the deeper scrapes on Alpha's face.
"Why did they name you Alpha?" Bucky asked.
"I was the first and thankfully the last of my kind to be born. Being the first they decided to name me after the first letter of the Greek alphabet. Clint and Natasha always called me Allie, though. It's weird for people to call out 'Alpha' in the middle of a crowd and not see a dog appear but a girl." Bucky nodded in understanding.
"I'll start calling you 'Allie' then. It sounds a lot better than Alpha." Alpha smiled.
"Thanks… So, I've done my part of the deal. What weren't you going to tell me earlier?" Alpha didn't waste any time to get what she wanted. She was curious and as much as she liked to talk about herself when she got the chance, she wanted to hear what Bucky had to say much more. She had come to like his voice. Bucky sat back a bit so he was leaning against the wall just like her.
"First off, how much of my, 'reverting' you called it, do you remember?" Bucky asked.
"I remember you staring at me forever then chasing me out of the alley. I lost you for a bit around a corner then got the car. You shot at me, which I've been meaning to ask you about that. You chased after me more and somehow were fast enough to jump onto the roof of the car. I braked hard for a red light and you rolled into the intersection. I turned right into the traffic you were distracted by and thought I was home free. Then you somehow got level with the car, jumped into the passenger side door, broke your arm through, and then wrenched the wheel to the right until the car crashed into a building. I woke up with a headache and a bloody nose but soon passed out." Alpha remembered back. Bucky relaxed some on the inside. He was glad she couldn't remember turning into, that… thing. It was a nightmare to watch such an innocent and gentle person become a monster. Bucky paused in his thoughts. Was that how Steve saw him? Alpha's face morphed into slight confusion.
"Wait a minute…" Bucky's chest tightened. "I remember feeling immense pain in my back for some reason." Alpha said slowly as she reached back to feel her spine. Her hand followed her spine until the edge of her shirt and was about to return it to her lap when she noticed something. The edge of her shirt was flipped up for some reason. Alpha thought she had felt a slight breeze on her lower back. Her fingers were met with the feeling of cool metal. Alpha's jaw dropped in horror.
"Please tell me that's your metal hand up my shirt and not a metal tail from my spine." Alpha whispered. From Bucky's perspective she looked as though she was going to faint, scream, puke, cry, or all four at once. She felt like she was too.
"I was just about to tell you about that." Bucky said blandly. "But look at me first," Alpha's fear stricken eyes locked onto his.
"Don't panic. Everything's going to be alright." Bucky reassured. Alpha closed her mouth to swallowed and nodded numbly. Alpha looked down and noticed her tail was wrapped into a tight curl right behind her feet. She wouldn't have noticed it if she hadn't looked down at an awkward angle. She uncurled it and began examining the diamond shaped tip.
"It's made from the same metal as your arm." Alpha remarked. Her voice shook but she seemed less panicked. She held out the tail to his exposed prosthetic to compare the metals. There were a few circular scrapes in a spiral motion all down his prosthetic. Alpha moved onto her knees to examine it more closely. She gasped quietly.
"My tail did this. It must have ripped your sleeve off and it all these markings in the metal. I'm sorry," Alpha's voice caught. Alpha stood suddenly and began backing away from Bucky.
"What do you mean?" He asked, preparing to stand and follow her. Alpha covered most of her face.
"When I thought I passed out my AI must have taken over my body and taken safety measures. She found some files on special safety measures Hydra had put in my tech. I had no idea what they could have done but this was… It. In case of an emergency this, thing, would appear and I would go berserk. Oh, Bucky I'm so sorry." Alpha was near the other end of the small room and her hands covered parts of her face. Bucky got to his feet.
"I'm to blame. I got you in that position and forced you to get like that. Neither of us are seriously hurt so everything is fine. Please sit down. There is more I need to tell you and you need to rest. When you… did that, you used up a lot of energy." Bucky pleaded. Alpha never wanted to harm anyone. When she knocked out all those Hydra agents merely a few days before she felt terribly guilty for doing it. She just didn't have much time to worry about it at the moment because shortly after Bucky appeared and her next great adventure began. The idea that she attacked Bucky, the one who always patched her up and made sure she was safe, broke her heart. Bucky may have done terrible things to her in the past but that still didn't make her want to harm him.
Alpha curled up in the corner and covered her face with her arms. It began in choked cries as Alpha attempted to contain her breaking mind but soon escalated into back shaking sobs. She repeated over and over again, "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry," in a hushed tone. Bucky was unsure of what to do. He wanted to hold her in his arms and rock her like the child she was. But, he didn't know what she wanted or what she needed.
"Allie," Bucky whispered.
"I never wanted to hurt anyone." Alpha said with a shaking voice of tears. "I just wanted people to have a second chance at life. But, everything I have made so far has only led to destroying countless lives. There are so many days I wished I wouldn't wake up from the forced sleep they put me in." Bucky was taken by surprise by her words.
"You wanted to die?" He asked very slowly and carefully. Alpha nodded and sniffed.
"I want all the terrible things that were happening to me and other people because of me to stop." Bucky's mind remembered back to another time he had to collect her as the Winter Soldier.
"The bridge incident. You didn't fall off," Bucky rushed towards Alpha and tightly wrapped his arms around her curled up body. "You jumped." He added almost inaudibly. Alpha turned so she could bury her face in Bucky's torn up sweatshirt. Her hands gripped the sides of that soft cloth with an iron grip as she sobbed. Bucky's heart broke into millions of pieces for that girl.
"I've been so frightened of you for years. You were one of those things Hydra would bring back to tear me apart and break me down. They used the very idea of you they put in my mind to control me. Even at SHIELD I was always ruled by fear. Fear of disappointing people, disappointing myself, of making something that would really hurt someone. I don't want to be ruled by fear anymore but I don't know how to stop!" Alpha wailed. Bucky settled his back against the wall and lightly rocked Alpha side to side. Alpha sat up a bit to more easily catch her breath. After that she rested her head on Bucky's human shoulder. Bucky stared at her with wide eyes. He couldn't believe what was happening. Her touch was so light yet full of pain as she clutched his shirt.
Even though he was there and seemed to be helping Alpha he couldn't shake the awkward feeling that created a pit in his stomach. Because Alpha was curled up completely into Bucky's right arm his left arm was free. Bucky lifted it and was about pat Alpha's shoulder but hesitated. He clenched his metal fist. His heart fluttered uncontrollably from all that contact. He had scooped her up almost out of instinct but once she sat there with him curled up against him he didn't know what to do next. Was he supposed to keep his right arm curled around Alpha and his hand land at her waist? Where was his left hand supposed to go? Those questions tormented Bucky until he decided to keep his right arm where it was and rest his left arm around Alpha's shoulders to keep her even closer and from falling off of his lap.
Alpha was a mess. Bucky and Alpha remained in that position until Alpha cried herself to sleep. Bucky began to hum something from his memory that soothed him and helped Alpha's breathing steady.
They remained like that for countless hours. After a while even Bucky fell asleep. His arms remained around Alpha's fragile body, holding her close, keeping her safe from the world outside. Bucky fell asleep with one thought; he finally had a chance to start doing good for the world and he was going to start with her. He made a promise right then he was going to give his life to protect her, even after he finally felt ready to face Steve again. She was going to be by his side and she was going to be safe.
Bucky was determined to make up for all the terrible things he did to Alpha. Bucky also never planned to admit to Alpha that he could remember the times Hydra ordered him to torture her. That was the one secret he vowed to never tell her.