Wow... it feels almost surreal to post a story... Sorry for the long wait, this took a while to get out :P Thanks for all the reviews, favs, and alerts. I love you all 3

The long-ass quote near the end of the story is taken from The Sandman Vol. 9 by Neil Gaiman... The last quote is from Blow Me (One Last Kiss) by P!NK...

Art is a shadow of what a person is thinking... a small glimpse of what they hold inside. Little secrets, regrets, joys... every line has its own meaning. - Sarah, Los Cerros Middle School, 1999.

Kendall smiles as he looks around his room that he painted just last night. A big 'Kendall' slashed across the wall with the door in silver shines brightly in the glowing sunlight. With an air of contentment, he walks out the door, and heads off to school.

As he walks through the front doors, the first thing he hears is his name being called loudly. He looks around to see Logan dragging Phillip behind him and running towards the blonde.

'Hey,' he says breathlessly, and Kendall smiles in response as Phillip tries to gather his wits.

'I have bad news,' Logan says, biting his lip and looking over at Phillip who nods him on. 'You do Literature, right?'

Kendall frowns and nods slowly, saying 'I have it this morning.'

Logan smiles wryly. 'So do I.'

'So what-'

'Ms. Dolby,' Logan interrupted, 'she pairs us off.'

'Great,' Kendall smiles enthusiastically. 'You can be my partner.'

'Except she chooses our partner. Usually she separates us into boys and girls, then arranges us in alphabetical order.' Logan pauses. 'In order of our first names.'

'Why-' Kendall starts, then stops, as realization dawns. 'Oh.'

'Yeah,' Logan says, looking sympathetically at him. 'James is usually my partner, but your name comes in between us, and since there is no one else new at the school... there is a huge chance you'll be paired off with him.'

Kendall sighs. He did not need this right now. James was going to destroy his love for Lit.

...

'Gary, you're with Harold,' Ms. Dolby calls out.

Kendall drops his head into his hands, regretting every moment. He can feel James' eyes burning into his back.

'James you're with...' Ms. Dolby pauses as she writes something on her class list. 'Our new student, Kendall.'

Kendall heart drops. Whatever hope he was hiding that he wouldn't be paired with James, is suddenly lost.

He jumps as he feels a slap on his back and someone drags a chair and sits next to him.

'So... now we can fuck Romeo and Juliet style. Oh yeah.'

...

It is just out of curiosity that Kendall follows James. As he rounds the corner to the bathroom, he stops short, hearing voices.

'What do you want, James?' a voice says that is not immediately familiar to Kendall.

'Kendall.' James' voice is hard, with a cutting edge to it.

'Blondie? Yeah, what's wrong with him?' The voice had gotten cool and crisp, almost as if just waiting to explode on James.

'You know he's my partner for Literature, right? And you-'

The rest of the sentence is cut off as a group of chattering students passed Kendall. He groans, and grips the concrete, listening intently.

'So what do you want me to do?' The voice sounded on the brink of anger. 'You've been a dick to him and to Phillip, and you want me to be nice to you?'

There is silence, and when James speaks again, his voice is soft and barely-controlled. 'You owe me, Hor-'

There is a crack, which Kendall realized is a slap.

'I told you not to ever call me that.'

Kendall's confused. What has just happened?

'Fine. But you owe me. And you know that.'

'For breaking up with you? It's your fault! You deserve it for being such a dickhole!'

'Please,' James says. 'I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. But just help me. Kendall can't be my partner.'

This time, it feels as if it's Kendall who's gotten the slap. He fights back the lump in his throat.

'Listen,' James says softly. 'If you change your name back to Hortense, then, we can be partners! It's that easy.'

Silence. Then laughter. 'So… you expect me to change my name because you can't stand one boy? Hell no.'

There is a loud groan, and receding footsteps. A peek showed that James had left, and standing there, by himself, is Logan.

…

'Logan?' Kendall says softly, confusion flitting across his face. 'You're James' ex-boyfriend?'

'Yeah,' Logan says, shifting uncomfortably. 'Surprised?'

Kendall frowns, trying to get a grasp on this sudden change of events. 'But… He's such a bitch.'

Logan smiles softly, almost dreamy. 'He wasn't when I knew him. He was perfect. He had the most beautiful voice, he was so nice to everyone, he was too good to be true. I guess all good things do come to an end.'

Kendall sighs, thinking that the real James seems so much better than the one he knew. 'So why does he want me to hate him?'

Logan shrugs apologetically. 'I honestly don't know. If he has to hate anyone, it should be me.'

Kendall raises an eyebrow. 'What? Why?'

'Because... I broke his heart. '

Kendall freezes.

'He told me… he loved me, and everything was perfect until he changed. Then when I broke up with him, he was almost inconsolable. I felt terrible.'

Kendall sighs, looking away, almost feeling sorry for James. 'But his old self sounds so perfect. What went wrong?'

Logan shakes his head. 'I don't know. Only he does. All I know is that he used to have to visit the doctor regularly.'

And then Kendall realises. He knows why James was such a bitch.

But that doesn't explain why James was a bitch to him.

Does it even explain anything?

...

Kendall looks around, smiling, as he dips the paintbrush in the forest green paint again. This is his creation, his masterpiece that he was proud of. This is his room, not his bedroom, but the room that his mom gave him, and he can imagine himself just being Kendall, in this room.

The four walls are painted with beautiful scenery, ranging from a forest, to a lake to beautiful green meadow. He is so close to being finished, and he can feel the excitement building in him. It was almost perfect, especially since he was painting from imagination.

His mom's voice disturbs him, causing his paintbrush to slip a bit, but it isn't anything bad. 'Kendall! Your friend is here to see you!'

Kendall frowns. Why would Logan or Phillip be here to see him? He looks up at the wall, deciding to use up to his last minutes painting.

'Okay!' he yells back, eyeing the walls again. It is almost like his private lair. Like a VIP room. He grins and sticks out his thumb, smudging the petals of a flower, giving it scenic feeling.

He hears footsteps coming up the stairs, and groans. Dipping the paintbrush one more time, he swirls it around, all the flowers, making it look as if leaves were flying around.

Perfect.

He can't keep a goofy grin off his face. Whoa. He feels awesome. Nothing can dampen his mood now.

A soft knock comes on the door, and Kendall knows it's mainly because of the 'Keep Out Or Else' sign slashed with so much extra red paint, that it dripped down the door, giving it the desired effect.

'Coming,' he says, whistling softly to himself, looking at his paint-covered jeans, and bare chest, deciding that he didn't give a fuck. Logan didn't like him, and Phillip, well, he had his problems as well.

He opens the door, and- 'Whoa. That's beautiful.'

Kendall mouth drops open. James is standing there, a stunned look on his face as he stares past Kendall.

'James? What the fuck are you doing here?'

Kendall hastily shuts the door behind him, leaning heavily on it.

'What am I doing here? Aren't we supposed to be working on the Literature shit for that woman?'

Kendall passes a hand over his face. Fuck. 'So what? Couldn't convince your ex-boyfriend to help you out?'

Shock passes over James' face, disappearing quickly. 'No. But that same ex-boyfriend told me where you live, so I guess I still won, huh?'

The mocking tone slices Kendall. First James sees his art, which he wasn't planning on anyone seeing, now he's being his usual bitchy self. And Kendall thought that nothing would make him angry. Ha. He thought wrong.

'Whatever,' he mumbles, as he pushes past James, shivering as his bare chest rubs against the taller boy's arm.

He stalks over to the room, not sure whether he's angry at himself, or Logan, but he's definitely sure he's angry with James.

He searches frantically in his drawer for a shirt, as James saunters up behind him. He jumps as he feels a finger trailing down his bare back.

'You could stay without a t-shirt if you want,' James says, and Kendall doesn't have to see him to know he's smirking. 'You look hot.'

Kendall straightens up and tries to shut off his mind to the deliberate compliment, but he could already feel the butterflies in his stomach, he could already feel his head spinning, and he feels like giggling and blushing. Hell no.

'Fuck you,' he hisses at James, grabbing a random t-shirt and pulling it on.

'That's what I've been trying to get you to do for the past week, but you're a stubborn prude.'

Kendall flushes, and frowns. 'I am not a prude,' he starts off indignantly, but James ignores him and jumps on his bed.

'Nice shirt,' he comments, before lying on the bed, hands behind his head.

Kendall's head shoots down, glaring at his shirt which says, It's not the size of the vector that counts, it's how you apply the force.

Kendall blushes a deep red. 'I was twelve when I got this shirt, okay? I thought it was talking about math!'

James grins, obviously enjoying seeing Kendall all flustered. The shirt is tight on Kendall, especially after five years, and James could see the blonde's nipples poking slightly out. He smiles to himself, and rips his gaze away from him.

'I like your room,' he says, and Kendall shrugs. 'You like to paint?'

Kendall smiles. 'I'm an artist. Of course I like to paint, dickhead.'

James rolls his eyes. 'Let's do this shit quickly so I could go-', he stops abruptly, biting his lip.

Kendall sees the pain in his eyes, and his heart almost immediately softens toward the brunet. 'James?' he says softly, but James looks away.

Kendall sits on the bed, next to James, his body angled toward the brunet. 'Do you have to go to the hospital?'

After a painstakingly long minute, James nods, slowly. Kendall lies down slowly next to him, turning his head to James. 'Do you want me to go with you?'

James stares at him, his throat working. 'Why are you so nice to me?' he says, his voice surprisingly rough and raw. 'I've tried so hard to make you hate me, but you're still being nice to me. Why?'

'Why do I have to hate you?' Kendall whispers, wishing to touch James, but afraid of the reaction. 'I can't hate you, James. I don't want to hate you. You're worth so much more than my hate.'

James covers his face with his hands. 'Kendall, please don't say things like that. You don't even know half of my life.'

'Do I need to? What I know of the real you so far is perfect for me.'

'Kendall,' James sounds as if he's crying. 'I'm a whore. And I'm going to die within the next year. I'm not perfect for anyone.'

Whoa. Kendall grabs James' hands and pushes them forcefully away from his face, revealing a tear-streaked, red-eyed James. He cupped James' face in his hands. 'No matter how bitchy you are to me, no matter how idiotic you may act, James, you are perfect for me. Show me the real you, James. Why can't you let me in?'

He shudders, and it's almost as if his resolve is broken. He launches forward, and suddenly, he's kissing Kendall harshly, bucking his hips, running his hand through the blond hair. Kendall grabs him, and rolls on top of him, attaching his lips to James neck, forcing a moan out of the brunet. Kendall is in heaven, James's lips over his feel so perfect.

Their hips grind together, and James pulls Kendall closer, silently begging for so much that Kendall wants to give him. They roll over, and James is on top of Kendall, his hands running all over Kendall's body.

They pull away slightly, for air, gazing into each other's eyes, and James takes in Kendall's flushed face, his shining green eyes and ruffled hair, and all he could think about is how much he lov-

Fuck.

James pulls away quickly, running his hand through his hair, scrambling off Kendall. The blond props himself up on his elbows, looking confused. 'James?'

James looks down at his hands as if they'd betrayed them. Then slowly, he looks up at Kendall. 'I'm sorry,' he whispers. 'I have to go.'

'No… James- Wait!' Kendall says, scrambling off the bed, but James is already gone.

….

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love.

James closes the book slowly, biting his lip. He walks over to the window, and looks down. Past the roof, past the pipes, past the fence.

There are so many ways one could die. Jumping off a roof, running in front of a car, overdosing on pills, cutting their wrists, drowning themselves, or…

Or they could die this way.

James crouches on the windowsill, tears forming at the base of his eyes. He looks down at his trembling hands. Maybe he could've convinced himself that he couldn't feel anything anymore, but he'd be lying. Because there's one emotion that's rampant in his heart right now.

Fear.

His heart is racing, his head is pounding. If he's so afraid of dying, then why was he there?

And why did he have a gun in his hand?

He raises the hand slowly, to his head, looking over to the street, where he sees a group of children playing happily.

Why can't he be like them? Why can't he be like the lady sitting on her husband's lap in the porch, smiling at him lovingly?

Why can't he love anyone?

Then he sees his father in the yard, and it's like an invisible blow to his chest. He rocks back slightly, his hamstrings straining to keep him upright.

That's the reason, he thinks. The reason he can't seem to love anyone.

Because he never wants anyone to become like his father.

Because in his head, that's what love does to you. When the person you love the most dies, you turn out like his father.

Right?

The cold steel of the Colt 45 presses to his temple. Maybe his father should've returned the gun to his police partner. Maybe he should've called them and told them he may not ever return to work.

James doesn't care.

His finger slides onto the trigger, rubbing it slowly, contemplating.

He's a horrible person, to Kendall, to everyone. He's a whore. His father hates him, and abuses him. He doesn't deserve to live.

It's not as if he would live, give or take.

He shuts his eyes, wondering absentmindedly where he's gonna fall. Maybe on a trashcan? Maybe on the lawn?

He wills back the tears that threaten to come.

Then, as he's ready to do it, a face flashes across his mind unwillingly.

Kendall.

Kendall touching him, Kendall kissing him, Kendall stroking his face. Kendall.

Doesn't Kendall deserve just one chance at seeing the real James?

No matter how bitchy you are to me, no matter how idiotic you may act, James, you are perfect for me. Show me the real you, James. Why can't you let me in?

Kendall's melodic voice.

James' hand falls to his side. His strength is gone. He can't do it anymore.

He jumps off the windowsill, resting the gun where he was crouching.

Just one day of being nice to Kendall.

He closes his eyes, and before he can stop it, a tear leaks out, down the side of his face.

I've been crying, I've been dying over you, tie a knot in the rope, tryin' to hold, tryin' to hold, but there's nothing to grasp so I let go…

I really hope you guys liked it :$ Please review :)

Love,

CHelziXo