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30 Days Before Raphael's Death
"I don't know, I mean maybe I'm being too hard on him, or maybe I'm not. Maybe Raphael's just too stubborn for his own good. Or maybe..maybe I'm just not cut out to lead the team." I hang my sorry head in shame as I put a rest to my endless pacing, stopping in front of Karai, who sits on the old, beat up couch.
My girlfriend reaches her hands out, grasping mine. She pulls me forward, sits me down next to her.
We sit, our eyes locked as we breathe quietly, the sound of wind gasping outside the abandoned warehouse. It's been declared a safe house for me and my family, a place to flee to if anything ever happens to the lair, or if it's ever too hazardous to stay there. This is also a place that I meet Karai nightly, where we have our affairs.
Back when we found this place, we raided a junk yard for the essentials of a home, and we gathered two couches, three mattresses, and many others.
No one but Raphael knows about my relationship with Karai, and I intend on keeping it that way. Donatello and Michelangelo wouldn't let it go if they found out, they'd be constantly pestering me about it. And Master Splinter, he'd probably kill me on the spot. He'd forbid me from seeing Karai any more, and most likely take away my role as leader. Maybe that wouldn't be that bad, the leader thing. I could use a break.
Just now me and Karai are talking about Raphael. Ignoring my brother's threat, I told Karai about what happened earlier in the dojo.
"You're a great leader, you're brothers just need to learn to respect you. Don't doubt yourself, Leonardo." The way she says my name, it makes me shiver every time. She's so beautiful, so wonderful. Not perfect, no. Thinking someone is perfect is infatuation, knowing that they're not but still hanging around them anyway is love. And yes, I am in love with Karai.
I move forward, more towards my girlfriend. Wrapping my arms around Karai, I pull her onto my lap. I tilt my head back, looking towards the ceiling as Karai looks down on me, our foreheads resting upon each other as I hold her up higher than me.
She cups me face, our lips smashing together more fiercely as the kiss deepens. As I drown in the love of Karai, I question the word; love. What is love? Is this love? Sneaking out to see each other every night despite the war our families rival in? My end of the rope is love, it fills my heart and mind every second I'm with Karai. She surrounds my every thought, bringing me light in the darkest of times. But what about her end?
Ever since I met Karai, Raphael has warned me nonstop about the dangers of the tanto wielder. I've done nothing but ignore my brother's cautions, dodging them like a bullet from a gun.
But now, I let that bullet strike me. It hits me hard in the chest, polluting my mind with a simple yet complicated question. Does she love me?
I pull away from Karai, forcing her away. She stares at me in disappointment as her hand drop from my face.
I take them in mine, lacing my fingers with her thin, delicate ones. "Can I ask you something?"
Karai's head falls towards her left shoulder, as if her body can't support the weight. "You know I don't like talking.." She trails off, as if urging me to finish her sentence. I won't speak it, but I'll recite it through my mind. A human can bond much easier through physical interaction rather than social.
Karai says this a lot, it's what she believes to be true.
Though, I know it's not.
In a relationship, especially like ours, communication is something you need in order to blossom, to bloom.
Me and Karai have a lot of issues surrounding our relationship, with our families at war and me being a giant alienated turtle. All I've ever wanted was someone who would wrap their arms around me and hold me as I slip into a deep sleep, and now I've got one. I want me and Karai to be able to talk to each other, to be able to open up and confess our love. She doesn't want that, though, and that scares me.
What if this relationship is fake, nothing but an illusion. Or maybe it's an act played to get close to me, so she could kill me, and then my family.
I need to know that Karai feels the way towards me as I do to her.
Ignoring her bullet, I ask away. "Do you love me?"
We've never confessed our feelings towards each other, though it's clear what I feel. Karai, on the other hand, is a completely different story.
Living with the Shredder all her life, Karai learned to just accept life for it was and leave it at that. Never, has she gone further in, to see what the caverns of the world truly holds.
"Stop." She hisses as she stands up, shoving me against the back of couch.
My eyes glue to Karai as I watch her strut over to where her tanto lies next to my twin Katana, picking up her weapon and sliding it into its scabbard. Just before she could walk to the doors, though, I sprint over to her. Gripping her wrist, she spins around, facing me with a loathing gleam to her Amber orbs.
Gazing into them, I get lost in a sea of Amber grain, running wildly with my arms in the air. The taste of freedom was an alarming sensation, enlightening my body with joy and excitement.
Extracting myself from the daydream set a flight by Karai's wondrous eyes, I swallow and open my mouth, words rolling across my tongue in speech.
"Karai, I love you." Her glare subsides, her eyes widening in shock. How hadn't she noticed, I've become practically obsessed with her?
"Leo..." She whispers, her voice quivering in- uneasiness?
Shaking my head, I continue. "You're the air I breathe, the water I drink; I need you."I take a deep breath and release my grip on Karai's hand, trusting her enough not to run away. "You may not like it, but it's true. I know you don't like talking about this, but it's something I have to do. You must know what I feel for you, and I must know what you feel for me. So, do you love me?"
My hands loll at my side as tension builds through my mind, echoing off the walls of the warehouse. The anxiety in my veins sings as I dwell on the fear of rejection.
Karai stands plainly in front of me. Our bodies stand tall and straight, but she quickly crumbles under the weight of my question.
Her head droops, and her hands reach for mine.
Holding on tightly, Karai closes her eyes, facing down to the floor. Our hands embrace each other, and I begin to loose hope as seconds tick by, and minutes fly past me, exiting my life.
"I don't know what I feel right now, but I'll tell you when I'm sure." Karai's lips are back on mine and I carry her back to the couch, setting us right back where we began.
Her words ring throughout my mind, swinging at my like the Sai that did just this afternoon.
For now, I will put my faith in Karai, because I love her, and that's just the type of sacrifice you make for the ones you love.