Ch. 4: D is for Destruction
Destruction - the action or process of causing so much damage to something that it no longer exists or cannot be repaired.
Dear Diary,
Destroyed. Damaged. Doomed. Those are three words that currently describe my relationship with Ezra Fitz, my former English teacher, my former lover, my former friend. Tonight, I found out probably the most upsetting news I have ever received. Ezra was using me. For a book. A stupid, stupid book. The whole time we were dating; when we met in the bar. That wasn't a coincidence. That wasn't just luck, that wasn't just chance, that wasn't just fate or destiny. That was manipulation. When I think about how many people I defended him to, my parents, my friends, everyone. And this whole time, he was just using me. Thinking about it makes me want to throw up. I loved him. I really, really loved him. Notice that I'm using the past tense here. He keeps telling me that he never lied about his feelings for me. But how am I supposed to trust him? How am I supposed to trust him now, or ever again? Now I have to question everything. Everything he's ever said, was it a lie? Did he really love me? Or was he just using me? And he must have known about A, with all of his little "research." How could he just sit there and not help me? I don't want to believe it, but there's just one answer to that question. He never really loved me. I don't want to think about this. I can't. I just want to go back, I just want to go back to Iceland, where everything was so simple and so easy. I didn't have to constantly worry about my personal cyber stalker watching my every move, I didn't have to worry about Alison, or Ezra, or anything else. In Iceland, everything just went away. All my worries, and regrets. All of the bad memories from Rosewood, they were just gone. Wiped away from existence. I can't wait for college. I can't wait to get away from this tiny, screwed up town. And once I get away, I'm never coming back. I don't ever want to be hurt like this again, and I know being in this town won't help. I wish I could run away. Run away from this wretched town, and all of my problems. But, it doesn't work like that. Wherever I go, A will follow me. All of my memories will follow me, Ezra's secret will follow me and haunt me. What I need right now is to never see Ezra again. And, maybe someday, if I'm lucky, I'll be able to forget about him.
Sincerely,
Aria