A/N This is a really long chapter. Thank to darling Isiss826 for helping me out with it! Thanks to everyone else who read, set this story to alert or reviewed. I'd love to hear more about what you all think, so drop me a line! Always, CK
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, no matter how much I wish I did.
Chapter 4 The Ball
The days that followed the start of the school year were filled with the normal school business of attending lecture, studying and completing homework assignments. Harry felt particularly overwhelmed with his workload, as the teachers were trying very hard to make up for the last school years inadequacies, and at the same time prepare the seventh year students to take their N.E.W.T.s. But Harry didn't mind the pressure; it gave him a reason to bury himself in his schoolwork. If he was concentrating on school, he wasn't thinking of the atrocities of last year. Some nights Harry fell asleep in the common room, his head resting atop his books. It didn't matter where when he fell asleep though, the same dreams always haunted him. The ghosts of those who had died in the battle at Hogwarts floated in and out, their mere presence bringing another layer of guilt each time.
His favorite part of the day was the mealtimes. Sitting and laughing with friends and the great hall buzzing with the chatter of students catching up on the day's events was comforting. It was during these times he was able to push the unpleasant thoughts furthest from his mind.
Ginny, for her part, was trying very hard to be supportive. She knew Harry wanted very much to work as an Auror at the Ministry and to do that he would need to pass at least five N.E.W.T.s. It seemed to her the only time she ever saw him anymore was at meals. Harry had found time to ask her to be his date to the ball and that went a long way a cheering her. And even though Ginny knew there would be many other students there, she looked forward to having a set evening she would get to spend with Harry. She spent her free time designing herself a dress, as well as designing one for Hermione, who was busy studying for her N.E.W.T.s, too.
The days became weeks, and the weeks turned into months; soon it was October.
Harry and Ron paced the floor in the common room, waiting not so patiently for the girls to come down from their dorm. They had just seen Neville pass through on his way to meet Hannah near the kitchen. They wondered if he would just end up pacing the floor there, like they were here. How hard was it, really, for the girls to put on some robes and do their hair?
After what seemed an eternity, and Ron halfheartedly threatening to go up there and drag the girls down himself, the boys heard the giggles of the girls coming down the stairs, signaling that their wait was over. A huge smile developed across Harry's face when he saw Ginny. She had on a sleeveless shamrock green dress with an a-line skirt. Along the hem was elaborate gold embroidery. On her head was a pretty, but small, tiara. Every second of the wait had been worth it.
Ron let out a loud gasp at his first sight of Hermione. Hermione's dress was white with glittering spots varying in size, with a burgundy sash around her slender waist. The skirt flowed out from the sash and stopped just before the floor. The curls in her hair had been refined into perfect ringlets, pulled up on the back of her head.
Together they made their way to the Great Hall. Ron and Hermione walked in front, whispering and smiling to each other, caught up in their own little world. Harry and Ginny followed, much more quietly. Even though Harry was quiet, Ginny could tell she had his full attention and that was all she really wanted.
As they entered the Great Hall, decorated with candles floating everywhere, people immediately approached Harry, talking about nonsense things. They acted like they couldn't talk to him any other day. Students wanted to shake his hand today and tell him about friends and family, or in some cases, they themselves, that had been able to come home because of his final fight with Voldemort. Or worse, they wanted to tell him of the loved ones they'd lost in the battles. Small groups of first and second year girls, stood off to one side, awestruck at the young man they'd heard so much about but seldom seen before now. Harry did his best to smile, console and listen to those who had worked up the courage to approach him, when all he really wanted was to disappear. He felt Ginny struggle to stay at his side as admiring students surrounded him, trying to push her out of the way.
Then she wasn't there.
Harry turned in circles, trying to see above the crowd. He felt somewhat panicked as thoughts of the worst possible kind flew through his head. Ginny was gone. He saw Ron and Hermione swaying in their own little world to the music that was barely audible above the noise of the crowd. Without another thought of the masses that flanked him at all sides, Harry made his way to them.
"Have you seen Ginny?" he asked; his concern evident in every syllable. He knew he sounded desperate. Even though he knew he was probably worrying for nothing, she was probably in the loo or somewhere, he couldn't help the knot of fear that tightened in his stomach.
The room wavered for a second and all the decorations disappeared. The music was replaced by explosions and screaming. The dancing turned to running. The fluttering lights above into colorful, deadly spells flying through the air. He could hear Bellatrix Lestrange cackling as she tried to kill Ginny. Harry shook his head and the room returned to its present state. He was in the great hall and everyone was enjoying the party but him. No one had even noticed his lapse.
"No," Hermione replied turning from Ron, with the remnants of the smile she had been bestowing on him still on her face. "The last we saw her, she was with you."
"Thanks," Harry murmured, turning and beginning to make his way through the crowd, eyes still darting across the faces. Where had Ginny gone?
He was on the verge of giving himself another full-blown panic attack when he spotted her. Harry stopped dead in his tracks. All that worrying and there she was dancing on the far side of the room. But that was not what had surprised him. It was who. Gliding across the floor, twirling the pretty ginger-haired girl was none other than Draco Malfoy.
At that moment, Harry's emerald green eyes made contact with Draco's steel grey ones. Draco, with grace and ease dipped Ginny, looked up and winked right at Harry. Ginny hadn't seen him yet. Instead of marching forward and confronting Draco's cheekiness, or better, just reclaiming his partner, Harry turned and walked quickly from the ballroom. He could hear Draco's sharp laugh as he pushed his way through the crowd. Students continued to try to talk to him, but he excused himself, ever polite and continued his hasty retreat.
Harry finally found a secluded garden and collapsed onto a bench, his head falling in his hands. He wanted to believe that he was just jealous, upset that she was with Draco of all people, but he knew in his heart that wasn't true. She disappeared for a moment and his thoughts immediately flew to something morbid happening to her. That some escaped Death-Eater or reincarnation of Voldemort had snatched her away from him. That she was gone. Gone like Dumbledore. Or like Sirius. Gone like his parents. Gone forever.
He heard steps approaching behind him and felt a hand on his shoulder not long after. He didn't look up.
"Harry." It was Ginny. Draco's cackling must have alerted her that something was amiss. Harry looked up. His eyes were swollen. If Ginny was surprised, she was careful not to show it. "Tell me what's wrong."
"Why were you dancing with Draco?"
"He asked me to dance, after the crowd pushed me away from you. I thought it rude to say no. And I thought it would look good, you know, getting along with the ex-death-eaters and all." An uncomfortable minute of silence followed.
"I don't think I should be here."
"Of course you should. Without your determination, I'm not sure any of us would be here"
"That's not what I mean. I think this is too much, too soon. I have constant nightmares about the memories of that last battle here. Walking through the hallways is a constant, torturous reminder of all that took place. My inability to cope isn't fair to you. You deserve better. I would like to be able to tell you I was just jealous or something normal like that, but I wasn't. It was…I was," He took a deep breath to calm down. "I was worried someone had taken you. That I would find you dead on the floor." His voice trailed off.
"Oh, Harry." Ginny reached out and stroked his hair, trying to comfort him. "I'm sure it's normal at first~"
Harry cut her off. "It's not. You don't see Ron having a heart attack when he can't find Hermione. You don't see Hermione having strange fits and visions all over the place."
"What strange visions?"
"It doesn't matter. The point is it's too much. I can't do this." He bowed his head and grabbed at his hair in frustration.
"What are you saying exactly, Harry?" Ginny's brown eyes were wide in disbelief that what she feared could be happening. She had seen Harry Potter as many things, tragic, orphaned child; valiant, triumphant hero. He had fought battles and shouldered burdens that would have made even grown men with much more experience stagger. But she had never seen Harry like this; Harry Potter, survivor of so much, defeated by his inner demons.
Harry stared at her for a few minutes, internally debating. He loved Ginny, but he needed take care of some issues. What if he was swept away in one of his nightmares and hurt her? He couldn't risk that. For both their sakes, he knew this had to happen. His decision made, he continued talking.
"I need a break. I need more time to regain my senses. This isn't fair to you. To make you wait around and worry about me " Harry paused, thinking. Tears were welling up in Ginny's eyes. He tried not to look at her, lest he waver. "And you'll be going to Beauxbaton soon anyway." He tried to rationalize breaking her heart. "You'll be so busy you won't have time to miss me. I don't expect you to wait for me. Finding company was never an issue for you anyhow."
Ginny's brown eyes now flashed anger, through her tears. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"I think you know." He put his head down again, refusing to meet her eyes, willing himself away.
"Well, I hope you are happy," she snapped and he heard the gentle rustle of her dress as Ginny went back inside.
"I'm not," Harry whispered into the empty garden. He spent the rest of the evening walking in the gardens, pondering, planning, discarding and planning some more. In the end, he still didn't know what to do. He felt like he should leave but if he did, where would he go? He had already lost Ginny and he didn't want to lose Hogwarts as well. This was the only place that had ever felt like home.