Neither of us spoke for a moment. I wasn't sure what to do. Inside I wanted to squeal and hug her and tell her I had missed her terribly everyday she was away. But looking at her reminded me of Edward. I wasn't scared of seeing Alice, only the questions she may ask. She was never given an explanation either. And I didn't know if she'd forgive me. Especially if she ever found out.
"I don't know if I want to hug you or hit you Swan. "She said. I nodded, because I had no idea how to respond to that. Technically she had a right to do either. "Oh, okay, let's quit the shit" she said "I'm not gonna pretend I'm not upset with you but for now get over here and hug me." She smiled, and I smiled back as I made my way towards her. She wrapped her arms around me and I around her and my whole heart swelled with happiness. You never know how much you miss someone till they return after a long time. It shows you how pronounced it was. "I really am mad at you, you know." She said against my shoulder. "Yeah, I know." I replied. "I'm mad at me too. I don't blame you. " "You were supposed to be there. I waited for you to leave. We both did. I didn't want to go without saying good bye but then we were going to miss the plane. I emailed you! I called you! Nothing. Just a long stretch of nothing. I asked Edward if he had heard from you and he said No, but he never wanted to talk to me about it. What did I do Bella?" She had started to become hysterical. This was the conversation I had been avoiding. At least maybe going through it with Alice would give me a dry run for the inevitable. No….no it wouldn't be close. That conversation would be far different. I couldn't imagine him having told Alice the whole story. No, our conversation would be much more difficult. "I don't know how to explain Al. It's an incredibly long story. And not one I'm ready to hash out, if I'm being honest." She held me at arm's length, and I looked her in the eye. "It was never you Alice. You must understand. It was never you. If you leave now and never speak to me again I will understand. But I need you to know that." She nodded at me and said "Okay, enough estranged drama. There's plenty time for that later. Right now, tell me about you. This store is beautiful. You work here?" I puffed up a little with pride as I said "no, I don't work here. Well, technically I do. But its mine. I'm the owner. This is my store." She squeaked a little and said "Yours? You did this? Oh Bella that's fantastic! Why it's your dream! And you pulled it off! Charlie must be so proud of you!' I smiled at her "yeah, I guess he is. How about you?" "Happy to be home . After my final semester was over I took a long trip. Went overseas! I went to Europe, oh Bella it was magic! Such beauty and romance. Just what I needed. I was headed back to mom and dad's and I passed this shop and it looked too quaint not to stop. "I could do nothing but smile at her. "How are your parents?" They're great. Dad's still at the hospital and mom still has her shop up in Pt. Angeles though she works mostly from home now. I had asked both of them about you, but mom said she hadn't heard from you in a long time, and Dad just told me that when you were ready you would find me, whatever that meant." Internally I grimaced. There was a reason I hadn't seen her parents either. Jesus I realized I had been avoiding the entire Cullen family for years. I wondered about her oldest brother. "How's Emmett? " "He's doing well. He got a construction company up in Pt Angeles. That way he's close enough to home. You know how much he loved it here. It works out well because he and mom are able to pass business between each other. "I smiled and nodded. Before I could say anything the bell over the door rang and Rose walked through the door. "Bella Hun, you here? You didn't answer your cell." "Over here Rose. "I called she turned and faced us and caught sight of Alice. "Alice? Alice Cullen, right?" Rose looked back and forth between the both of us. Alice held out her hand and said "Yes, I'm Alice. You are…?" "Rosalie Hale, sorry, I've just heard a lot about you from Bella." Alice beamed at that statement. "You live here?" She asked Rose. "Yeah, my brother and I moved out here from California when we turned 18. We wanted a quiet town." I smiled at Rose. She and her brother had made a happy life for themselves. "Your parents live here?" Alice asked and I saw Rose's eyes cloud over. "No, they don't." She deadpanned. Rose and her brother had headed out on their own as soon as Rose had graduated high school. There was a whole history there. One that Rose only ever discussed when extremely drunk and angry. But her brother Jasper was a sweet guy and a good support system for Rose. She always maintained she needed no other family than her brother. As far as I knew they hadn't talked to them in a long time. I never pried, thanks to the ghosts in my own closet. That's probably part of what made Rose and I such good friends. Rose quickly recovered herself and continued. "Well Bella and I were headed to a late dinner." Rose looked at me like she was waiting for me to protest before she continued into her next statement. "Did you want to join us?" Alice looked between us and said "I'd love to! Just let me call my parents so they know not to expect me." In a moment of panic I grabbed her arm that was dialing on her cell. "Please Alice, please. I'll tell you everything in time, I promise but please. Don't say you're with me." Squinting her eyes at me, she began to put something together in her head. Understanding registered on her face. "It's him, isn't it?" That's why you've avoided me. Something happened, didn't it? Did he hurt you? So help me God if he hurt you…." "No Alice!" I protested. "Nothing like that. Not at all. I said I'd tell you and I will. Just not right this moment, okay?" "Yes, you bet your sweet ass you will explain yourself Swan. But if you'd rather he not know I'm with you I'll respect that. But you'll pay me back with that explanation." I nodded. Alice knew when to drive a hard bargain.
I threw myself face down on Edward's bed. He laughed at me as he made his way over to his desk to set his books down. "Seriously, senior year is going to kill me Edward. It's not a joking matter. "I threw his pillow at him as he continued to laugh at me. "Bella, you always jump to the absolute worst conclusion. You'll be fine and you know it." "Whatever, we can't all be geniuses like you asshat." I replied. "And why am I taking gym again? Seriously who wants to be subjected to that!" He spun around slowly in his desk chair laughing "certainly not Mike Newton. But maybe your aim will get better and you'll break something more than his nose this year." I growled at him and his statement. "I wish I could just break his face entirely. The asshole." Edward stopped spinning in his chair and looked at me "Has he started in on you already again? I can give him another friendly warning if he needs it." I smiled at his statement. "Nah but thanks." Having Edward as a friend was like having the big brother id never gotten. Course I'm pretty sure that was a good thing because I could have never stood for having a brother that gorgeous. I mentally kicked myself in the ass as I had been doing for a year now. I'd come to grips that Edward was far too beautiful to ever look at me that way. But in doing so I had discovered my very best friend. And I wouldn't trade that for a million years. All of a sudden his bedroom door was flung open and Alice burst into the room. "Oh my god today was horrid! I need some retail therapy! Come on Bella!" She exclaimed. I looked at Edward and sighed. He smiled at Alice and shrugged his shoulders. I huffed as I got up off Edward's bed and picked my bag up. Alice began clapping her hands. "Maybe we can go get you some new makeup too Bella. It would look so pretty if you-"Edward cut her off. "No Alice. You know Bella hates that shit. She's pretty just the way she is." Before I could turn around and look at Edward his phone had rung and he picked it up. "Hey baby." He answered and turned to wave at me goodbye as he continued his phone conversation with Tanya…his newest fling. I waved back and Alice and I left his room and I shut the door. Walking out of the house and getting into Alice's car I felt that same feeling I always did when I walked away from Edward. As if I was leaving the best part of myself behind.
We drove to a small bar and grill halfway between forks and Port Angeles. It was nice and dark on the inside. It was intimate enough and the three of us sat at a table in the corner. It was fun listening to Alice and Rose get to know each other. It was like watching a piece of my past and a piece of the present fit together in a beautiful puzzle. If only everything would work out that easily I thought to myself sarcastically. Rose was in the middle of telling Alice a story from our trip to New Orleans. "So they explain to Bella, the most obtuse person in the world, that if she wants beads she is going to have to flash for them!' Alice was giggling hysterically. "So Bella hops up on her proverbial soap box and begins this conversation with the whole bar about women's rights and how degrading it is to women and how we should be ashamed in ourselves participating in such a barbaric custom." Alice and Rose are full out laughing at me now. Rose continues on "And then this really good looking guy begins to buy Bella some shots and the next thing you know Bella has earned herself more beads than anyone else in the entire bar!" Alice looks shocked at me while laughing "No way! You honestly did that bells?" I nod my head feeling ashamed all over again. Alice begins her own story to Rose. "Well that's a shock considering high school. Bella never even bothered to look at the boys. Mike Newton followed her around for ages and she never gave him a backward glance!" She told Rose "That's because he was a complete douchbag!" I interjected. I realized that maybe the drinks we had consumed so far instead of eating our dinner might have been a bad idea. I could feel myself being a little more exuberant than normal. Or maybe it was just the extra estrogen Alice had provided to our little group. Whatever it was, it felt good. But like always I knew I would pay for it. Alice was still laughing at my statement. "We were all convinced Bella was the only virgin left in our group. She had no interest in guys. And hanging out with my brother didn't help her at all. The only reason Mike hit on her was because he was dumb, the rest of the guys were scared shitless of him." I laughed at the memory. Being Edwards's friend had had some perks. "So I take it you finally decided to give it up Bella? Did you wait till your twenties? Some random one night stand? Spill it Swan! It's just us girls!" Alice goaded me on. Rose interrupted before I could respond. "Please Bella lost that shit before she graduated high school." Rose blurted out. I knew the alcohol had been a bad idea. "WHAT?" Alice screeched. "And you never told me! Bella how could you! I told you everything! You'd best tell me now!" she giggled poking me. I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. She was laughing now, maybe but she wouldn't in a minute. I shot a look at Rose, who had the decency to look ashamed. She realized too late that she had set me up for this. At least she had the decided to stop laughing. I took in a deep breath and said "Because it was private, Alice. I didn't want anyone to know." She laughed at me still not picking up on my change in mood. "Was it Newton? Please don't tell me you avoided him for years only to give in! Hell if it was I totally get why you kept that shit to yourself!" She continued on. "Tell me! I'm dying not knowing." She exclaimed. I took one more deep breath and looked down at the table, slowly spinning the glass that held my margarita. I said to Alice quietly, "Are you sure you want to know?" I asked Alice. Again she giggled at me. "Of course!" I looked up from the table to meet Alice's eyes, and I asked again. "Alice, are you sure you want to know?" Alice stopped laughing taking in my expression. She set her glass down, and narrowed her eyes at me. "No, Bella…tell me you weren't that stupid." I looked back down at the table, unable to meet her eyes any longer, and nodded my head. Yes…I had been that stupid.