Chapter Four: The Expected and the Unexpected

Disclaimer: Last time I checked, I was a girl, which makes it impossible for me to be Eoin Colfer. Hence: I own nothing.

'May your neighbors respect you,

Troubles neglect you,

The angels protect you

And heaven accept you'

-An Irish Blessing

The days flew by until it was Tuesday night. Living with Kris was nothing like I expected. One of the first things she had done was tape a large, obnoxious poster of some actor she insisted was named Rob Morrow up on the wall across from her bed. Several other smaller posters advertising a show called NUMB3RS and more actors I didn't know quickly joined it. It was irritating, how on Earth was I supposed to have Jacob and Finn over when Don Eppes or whatever his name was staring them in the eyes? Well, I suppose Finn wouldn't really mind, but Jacob would. After taking over the wall space she proceeded to take over the small walk-in closet-like entryway between the bathroom and the bedroom. This, at least, she had asked about. However, I'm not quite sure I'm too comfortable walking past all off her dresses and girlie pajamas just to take a shower or shave. Thank god she has the sense not to leave her other clothes lying around.

Needless to say, by the time Wednesday morning rolled around I was already tired with Miss Smith's antics. This did not improve when she woke me up at 3:30 in the morning.

"Raleigh?" Kris's voice was small and hesitant, and she was obviously still groggy from sleep.

I didn't answer her, groaning instead and pulling a pillow over my head. It was far too early to think, and I knew that looking at the school-supplied alarm clock would do nothing but help me wake up. Maybe if I just ignored her she would take the hint and go back to sleep. After all, it was her first day tomorrow, she should be getting all the rest she could get.

"Raleigh?" no such luck then. "Are you awake?" Her voice was getting higher.

Sighing I rolled over in my bed and opened my eyes less than half way. In the darkness I could just barely make out her outline. She was sitting on her bed and clutching a blanket to her. "What?" I asked a little more sharply than I had intended.

"I had a bad dream." She whispered, almost ashamed.

Rubbing one eye tiredly, I sighed. Caoimhe often came to me with her bad dreams. Usually she was crying. Thank god Kris wasn't crying like Caoimhe does because I'm absolutely useless when it comes to crying. "What was it then?" I questioned, my voice a little slurred.

"Someone killed my father." There was a definite tremor in her voice now. I did not like the direction this was going.

"And what does your father do for a living?"

"He's a therapist." Kris said, sniffling slightly.

I relaxed, rolling back over on my bead. "Listen Kris, no one in their right mind would want to hurt a therapist. All they do is help people get over their problems and shit. I can assure you that serial killers rarely ever target therapists. Relax and get some sleep. You're gonna need it."

Reassured and still sniffling slightly, Kris climbed back into her bed and fell back to sleep almost instantly. Stretching my back slightly, I yawned before curling up into a ball and falling back asleep.

By the time she was ready the next morning, we were ten minutes behind schedule. All the good food was sure to be gone by now.

Leaning against the doorframe, I scowled at her as she finally emerged from the bathroom. I couldn't even tell what on Earth had taken her so long. As far I could tell, she looked almost exactly the same as to how looked when she'd gone in. I mean, sure, her hair seemed straighter, and I guess that her face was…I don't know, prettier? But really, how long does it take one to put on clothes?

"We're late Kris." I said tersely.

"I'm sorry." She said, not looking it at all. "I was trying to find a way to make this stupid skirt look attractive. It didn't work."

I stared at her incredulously, shaking my head. It was getting very hard to believe this girl. Hopefully she would get along with Finn, because there was no way I would be able to put up with these asinine things all year long. "You look fine." My voice was impatient, and I was getting hungrier by the minute. "Now come on, we've missed all the good food by now."

By the time we arrived to the mess hall, it was crowded and noisy. Well, at least it was noisy, until the boys around us began to notice Kris's presence. They stopped talking to elbow their neighbor in the ribs and stare with out any traces of shame. A few of them began to whisper among themselves, exchanging knowing smirks and eyeing Kris.

Biting her lip nervously, my roommate gave them all a harsh, if not slightly panicked, glare. Tugging on the hemline of her knee-length skirt, she spoke up for the first time since we'd left the dorm. "What?" She said to the almost silent mess hall. "Never seen a girl before, have you?" Kris demanded, straightening her spine.

Someone towards the back of the mess hall laughed at this statement.

"Well?" Kris demanded again, her voice rising slightly at the end. "Why are you still staring?"

The message was instantly received, and although several boys continued to send disbelieving glances in her direction, the room returned to its normal uncontrollable din. Sighing with relief, I took firm hold of Miss Smith's arm and lead her towards a table in the very back of the lunch room.

Jacob was saving the seats, and took his feet off of the chairs as they drew closer. He greeted me with a half smile and nod, before moving his attentions to Kris. Jake had taken the whole 'my roommate turned out to be an American girl' concept very well. Once we had finished explaining it all to him, the first thing he did was to ask Kris if she had a boyfriend. He'd been persistent to point of annoyance once he found the answer was no. Well, that was Jake for you. Single minded to the point of bull-headedness.

"Good morning, beautiful." He said easily, sliding over as to allow her a seat next to him.

Ignoring my friend completely, Kris sat down at the opposite side of the table. "Did you hear something Raleigh?" she asked innocently. "Because I could've sworn I just heard a loud annoying buzzing noise in the background."

Jacob pouted, looking devastated. "Oh baby, that hurts. That hurts me deep, deep down."

"Who's your baby now?" a kind, amused voice said from behind my chair. "Surely you didn't actually succeed in getting a girlfriend already Jacob."

Finn was here at last.

"Actually," Jake said defiantly as he snaked his arm around Kris's shoulders. Something told me this was not going to end well. "You happen to be right. Finn, meet Kris Smith, my girlfriend," he put stress on the last word and I rolled my eyes. "And Raleigh's American roommate."

Kris was scowling as she stared down at her manicured nails. "Jacob, I am going to give you ten seconds to get your arm off me."

Jake yelped slightly and withdrew his arm. Laughing, Finnegan slid himself into the free chair between Jake and Kris. His light brown eyes portrayed a sense of calm at all times. Finnegan was usually the one thought out our pranks and adventures, but was almost never the one that caught. Finn had always had a way about him when it came to getting out of tight spots. The way he carried himself gave off the air that he was so much better than a prankster. His brown hair was darker than his eyes, and fell in waves around his face. All in all, most people couldn't understand why the three of us got along so well. Perhaps they simply just didn't know Finn like we did. He practically lived for trouble these days.

Kris turned to Finn, surprised and wary. "Another one of Raleigh's friends?" everyone could hear the unspoken question. The words, 'Another one like Jacob?' lay hidden within her question.

Finn smiled vaguely before replying. "There's no need to worry." He said softly. "I'm quite gay."

Kris's eyes widened with surprise as we stared at her, wondering how she'd take the news. Americans were very homophobic, weren't they? I was beginning to regret my decision to keep her a roommate. What if she hurt Finn? I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for having the pair of them meet if that happened. Jacob's eyes were wary as well, and he seemed to be ready to contain her if necessary.

What we weren't expecting was Kris to squeal happily and literally throw herself into Finnegan's arms before starting to chatter happily.

"I love you Finnegan, I fricking love you!" she proclaimed as a very confused looking Jacob looked on in despair. "My safe harbor in a sea of testosterone pumped monkeys!"

Finn looked at me in amazement over an ecstatic Kris's shoulder. Something told me he hadn't expected it to go over this well either. Well, this girl was just a bundle of surprises.

It continued like this through much of breakfast. Jacob had taken to sulking towards the corner of the mess hall. Finn, however, seemed to be honestly enjoying himself. He and Kris were talking about anything and everything. Topics ranged from American pop culture to classes they would have together.

The bell finally rang, and we left a sulking Jacob to head off to Physics. Kris tuned herself down now, and seemed happy to follow me where I was leading her.

"Well," I said, a hint of laughter in my voice. "I guess we'll be seeing a lot more of Finnegan now, eh?"

Kris nodded happily, not quite replying as she stared around the large campus in awe. "What's that building for?" She asked, pointing towards a large dome-shaped building towards our left.

"Theater and the arts." I said absently. "Not like we use it much, though. I don't think I've seen anyone go in there since my first year."

Kris continued to stare at the big building with curiosity as I pulled gently through the throngs of boys procrastinating before the second bell rang. Perhaps if I had been watching the building as well I would have noticed a small figure slip through the large double doors that led into the drab drama department of St. Bartleby's.

"Attention!" Came the soft, yet somehow demanding voice of our resident Physics teacher Mr. Barclay. He had been teaching at the school for as long as I could remember, and his classes hadn't gotten any more interesting as they went along. "Attention!"

"The bell hasn't rung yet, Mr. Barclay!" One of my classmates replied in a surly voice.

Mr. Barclay blinked, momentarily thrown for a loop. "Oh." He said at last, disgruntled. "Right. Well, talk amongst yourselves then."

Several of the boys laughed, and the noisy chatter that had filled the mess hall started up in the classroom.

Chuckling to myself, I turned to see that all of Kris's attention was focused on one boy. Typical girl behavior, I thought to myself as I followed her gaze to a seat in the back of the room. My amusement vanished as I caught sight of her object of attention.

"Who's that?" Kris asked with genuine interest, pointing a black haired youth sitting all by his lonesome.

"You don't want to know him." I said curtly, turning away from Master Artemis Fowl the Second. "Trust me, you really don't."

She ignored my warning, of course, and continued to stare at the youth. "I saw him in your fathers office the other day. What's he like?"

One of the other boys, who went by the name of Shane, leaned in. "That there," he said, completely unashamed to be caught listening in to a private conversation. "Is Artemis Fowl the Second. St. Bartleby's recent genius child, and general pain the ass."

This information was enough to tear Kris's gaze away from Fowl. "He's really a genius child?"

Shane nodded in earnest, glad to have Kris's undivided attention. I rolled my eyes as he continued. "Yeah, that's what everyone says anyway. One of my mates was in his math class the other year, and he said Fowl would answer every question right one day, and then wrong the next. Said he was testing out 'Chaos Theory' or something."

Sighing, I added some information of my own. "He was gone most of our first and second years. When he came back the second time, his father finally shows up after spending two years missing. It can't be proven of course, but people say he was involved in the destruction of the American billionaire Jon Spiro."

My classmate grinned, propping his elbows on Kris's desk as he continued. "And there's also last years Munich trip. People claimed he funded it all himself, but once we got there, he got food poisoning apparently and we didn't see him again until the end of the trip. Not even his roommate saw him, but it was covered up."

"Well, that's quite interesting." Kris said, glancing back at the annoyed looking Fowl child. "I want to talk to him." She decided after a few moments of silent concentration.

"Er, no. Yeh really don't." Shane said seriously. "He may be a genius and all, but he's bloody unpleasant tah be around. He's Fowl by name and nature." Shane chuckled here, apparently honestly amused by his second-rate pun. "Honestly, girlie. Artemis is a far throw from a walk in the park. He shoots down anyone who tries to talk to him."

None of this seemed to faze Kris in the slightest. Once this girl makes up her mind, she really sticks to it. This could get very annoying.

"You haven't given him a chance." She insisted, as she stood up and straightened her skirt. "I'm talking to him and that's final." Kris gave us both a stern look before walking to the back of the classroom.

She was in for one hell of a surprise. I thought to myself as Shane and I watched her walk right up to Artemis and sit down next to him.