Chapter 4
Fiske's Point of View
In the coming months Hiro and I became inseparable. We were over at each other's houses so much I started referring to the Lucky Cat Café as home, and Hiro did the same with my house. We still made fun of each other all hours of the day, but there were a lot more serious conversations that we had as well. These talks were few and far between but they were still there. The bullshit was also still exceedingly evident. There were frequent 2:00 am Taco Bell shenanigans, near run-ins with Yama, and offerings of gummy bears in exchange for math tutoring. Because I can't do math to save my life and Hiro has a worrying gummy bear habit.
Since Hiro and I were attached at the hip and there was a great lack of people my age on Berk, my parents let me drag him along on our trip. We're going to visit Berk for two weeks to see my grandparents and all of my parents' friends on the island. I should say my mom's friends. Dad likes most of them just fine, it's mostly Astrid and the twins that get on his nerves. Astrid never particularly liked my father's sense of humor, and he didn't appreciate her near complete lack of one. It also didn't help that he insulted her Yaknog, a fun new "beverage" that she created one year at Snoggletog. It wasn't intentional but she was pretty peeved about that one for a while. Although I have no idea how the phrases "What the hell is this made of? Rhinoceros puke and dragon anus?" didn't sound offensive to my father. It sounded offensive to pretty everyone else. And the twins… they're just different. I have to admit, they can get on my nerves a lot too with their constant bickering. Snotlout isn't too bad. He's just really bullheaded and into himself but he doesn't cause too many problems. And Fishlegs is just awkward as hell with people. Yup, so excited to see everyone again…
My father and I had finished packing a while ago but my mother was still double-checking, triple-checking, and quadruple-checking that we had everything. Toothless had drifted off to sleep on his mattress about forty minutes ago and I was tempted to join him. My butt was falling asleep and it was tiring just watching Mom scurry through the house like a meerkat with its tail on fire.
"Fiske, did you pack a toothbrush and toothpaste?" Mom asked.
"Yes," I replied absentmindedly, twisting some loose threads on my on one of shoes between my fingers.
"A warm coat?" Mom asked.
"Yes," I nodded, trying not to sound exasperated.
"Did you pack clothes for Hiro?" He asked, still bustling about through the kitchen.
"Yes. I packed everything we need," I said, hoping that would put a stop to the no doubt endless line of questions heading my way.
Mom still didn't have his shit in order and it had taken me almost two full hours just to find my old Viking clothes for Hiro to wear. Come to think of it those clothes are ancient. I haven't been able to fit into them since I was about eleven or twelve, but Hiro doesn't need to know that. He's already unhappy about the fact that he can't wear his own clothing in the first place, but if he showed up in normal city clothes we would have an entire village of panicked Vikings readying the torches and war hammers.
"I'm almost ready!" Mom called from some new location in the house.
"Alright, I'm going to walk down and get Hiro!" I called back.
I arrived at the Lucky Cat Café right in the middle of Tadashi relentlessly mothering and pestering Hiro. They were standing in the middle of Tadashi's more pristine and unsoiled side of the room. The younger Hamada had the most unamused look on his face and intermittently uttered "Yes Tadashi" while the elder Hamada lectured about safety, don't talk to strangers, not being stupid, etc. Mochi sauntered up to me and demanded attention, so I snuggled with the fur ball for the duration of the sermon. When Tadashi had finally finished, Hiro lightly punched his upper arm.
"You act like I'm a walking disaster area that charges head on into danger on purpose," Hiro chided, crossing his arms to further illustrate how offended he was.
I was tempted to say because you are, but that would've been pretty rude. That and I've never seen Tadashi look this serious before. It was a little unsettling. He seemed to readying another long winded discourse but stopped himself. He probably figured it wouldn't do any good. No matter how many times you warn Hiro not to be dumb, he still finds a way to almost get himself seriously injured.
Tadashi sighed, "I know you're not. I just worry about you, that's all."
Hiro smiled, "Because you're a nerd."
Tadashi looked stern for a moment, "Because I can't lose you too, Bonehead."
Hiro's smile vanished, regret and guilt taking its place, "I'm going to be fine, T. I promise."
Tadashi's facial expression softened a bit and he ruffled Hiro's messy hair, "You better be. Or I'm banning gummy bears from the house."
Hiro looked aghast, "You wouldn't!"
"I would," Tadashi playfully admonished, "Now go say goodbye to Aunt Cass."
Hiro hugged Tadashi, which was really hard to not laugh at. I mean, it was really cute and all but it was looked absolutely ridiculous. Tadashi had to bend down so they could actually embrace each other. It's no wonder Hiro has a midget complex. I couldn't help myself. I had to snicker a little bit. It did not go unnoticed like I had intended.
Hiro let go of Tadashi and shot me dirty look, "Come on Aryan Beach Boy let's go."
"Wow. Hitler jokes now? I did Nazi that coming," I replied.
"Auschwitz you would hurry up," Hiro retorted, "I'm waiting on Jew."
I said goodbye to Tadashi, then I grumbled and reluctantly stopped petting Mochi. It was a heartbreaking goodbye and I promised Mochi I would be back soon to give him more snuggles and cat treats. We located Aunt Cass, each received a rib-cracking hug, and then hiked back to my house.
Now came the fun part of trying to make Hiro look like a Viking. Hiro eloquently announced his arrival with an obnoxious "I'm home!" and Toothless came bounding in to say hello like we had been gone for millennia. After getting crushed under several tons worth of dragon cuddles, I led Hiro into my room and shoved wool clothing and leather boots into his arms.
"Put this on and see if it fits," I said, awaiting the inevitable sassy comment.
"Damn. I didn't know I had to wear leather, fur trimmed Uggs," Hiro said, inspecting the shoes with a look of concern plastered on his face.
"Oh my lord they are not Uggs. They're normal Viking attire," I huffed, glaring at him.
"Sheesh, you already look attired of my shit," Hiro said smiling.
"Just get go get dressed while I recover from that horrible joke," I retorted, smirking back.
While Hiro was getting changed, I began to begrudgingly braid my hair. Why that's a Viking tradition I will never understand. It makes sense if you've got long hair and you want it out of the way in battle or something like that, but just walking around? Really? I never saw it as necessary but Mom would smack me if I didn't do it. So I just left it at a small braid off to one side, a lot like my mother's just a lot less professional looking. I was pretty good at braids by now but I hadn't been able to reach that same level of fabulous. Then I went to help my Dad with his. Dad's braids are even messier than mine when he actually attempts it. He's just not coordinated enough with hair I guess.
There aren't many instances where I'm uncomfortable with Dad but braiding hair is definitely one of them. Both of us feel a certain level of embarrassment doing it because it feels so silly. I'm sure it's three times worse for my father. I wouldn't want to ever ask, "Son, do you think you could spare a moment to come over here and help me braid my hair?" That's just humiliating for everyone involved.
By the time I was done finagling decent looking braids into Dad's hair and our awkward silence was over, Hiro came out of my room with a very troubled expression on his face. I thought he looked fine in the olive green woolen shirt and brown linen pants. Then I realized it was the shoes that were the issue for him. You know when you terrorize your dog or cat by attaching little boots to their paws? That's pretty much what it looked like.
"How do you walk in these gargantuan, clunky monstrosities?!" Hiro asked, trying not to trip over his own feet as he staggered over to me.
"Well you generally start with putting one foot forward, and then the other. Repeat that a few times and you should be walking within the hour," Dad quipped.
Ah ha. Ah ha ha ha. Very funny," Hiro smirked, still attempting to walk like a normal human being and failing miserably.
"A lot different from your high tops but you'll get used to them in no time. In fact, I'd say you're already a shoe-in for success," I said.
Hiro stuck his tongue out at me, "Go ahead! Make jokes at my expense! See if I care!"
"Well, shuffle over here so I can braid your hair," I replied.
"You're kidding me. There is no way in hell I'm letting you do that," Hiro retorted.
"It's a Viking tradition, Hiroshima. Now get over and here and sit down," I said, pointing to the couch cushion beside me.
Hiro grumpily tromped over and sat himself down rather unhappily beside me. He only stumbled once, I was impressed. Then the real bullshit began. It was difficult to get his god damn hair under control long enough to actually do anything with it. It was like a never ending war. I would win a battle on one front just to lose on another. It kept going in all different directions and it flat out refused to stay put for longer than a millisecond. The only upside was that his hair was almost as soft as his cat. It was really tempting to start petting him but I had a feeling that wouldn't go over very well.
I probably should have warned Hiro about how we were getting to Berk, because as soon as I was done playing hair stylist a tunnel opened up in the middle of the living room floor and a six foot rabbit hopped out of it. Hiro shrieked and jumped into my lap, gripping onto me like that was somehow going to make the situation any less distressing. Bunnymund screeched in answer and leapt back several feet, clutching his chest.
"Bloody hell! You scared the shit out of me, ya gumbie!" Bunnymund snapped in a gloriously Australian accent.
"Wh-why is there a talking rabbit from Down Under who sounds like Hugh Jackman in your living room?" Hiro asked, looking to me and my dad.
"Hiro, this is Bun Bun," Dad said, gesturing to Bunnymund, "He's the Easter Bunny and he doesn't eat Asian children, so there's no need to panic."
"I don't eat children, period. And you can call me, Bunny, Bunnymund, or Aster. You may not call me Bun Bun," Bunny replied, glaring at Dad, then he turned back to Hiro, "I'm sorry to have frightened you, mate. That was not my intention."
"It's… it's ok," Hiro replied tentatively, eyes wider than dinner plates and still maintaining his iron grip on my shoulder.
Mom and Toothless strolled into the living room toting a pile of luggage. I gently pushed the Asian koala off of my lap so I could get up and help them. I should say tried. Hiro wasn't going to budge after that experience. It took a lot of physical strength and will power to get him to retract his claws and let me up. Hiro was still keeping a close eye on Bunnymund, probably asking himself if he was stoned, crazy, or all of the above. While Dad began instructing Hiro on safe tunnel travel, Mom and I set up the suitcases in the middle of the room and made small talk with Bunny. It was a little challenging to keep the conversation going with Toothless batting at Bunny's tail every ten seconds or so. Bunny would attempt to ignore it but after a minute or two he would try to relocate somewhere else just to have the pesky dragon trailing behind him, still swatting at his tail. After several dirty looks that Toothless blatantly ignored, Mom sighed and sternly told the oversized lizard to knock it off.
Toothless grumbled a bit and sat down as Dad and Hiro joined us in the middle of the living room. I really wish Dad could've gotten a hold of North so we could've just stepped through a portal instead of going head first into the most painful, bullshitty slide ever created. That and it's easier for poor Toothless. He got stuck last time we did this and he was pretty butt hurt about it for a while. It only made it worse when Dad started in with the fat jokes. Toothless pouted about it for most of the day and wouldn't look at Dad until he apologized.
"You all ready?" Bunny asked, although he was mostly looking at Hiro.
"Yup, ready," Hiro said, while the rest of us nodded.
Yeah, he wasn't ready. Hiro shrieked again as the floor gave way beneath us. Dad and Bunny took off in front of us like they always do. They feel the need to make everything into a competition. That left me, Hiro, and Mom tumbling oh so gracefully all the way through the tunnel, with Toothless sliding on his belly right behind us. In hindsight we probably should have had Toothless go first. At the end of the tunnel we were abruptly dumped into a pile of flailing arms and aching bodies, then crushed beneath the weight of a Night Fury, who's bum served as a great barrier to stop the luggage from hitting us as well. Bunny and my father were laughing their asses off at the sight of us. It was a great start to the trip if you didn't count the entirety of it so far.
"Thank you so much for your help, Jack!" Mom said sarcastically, as Toothless got up and off of us.
"Aw, come on Hicky. You were doing great," Dad answered, holding back giggles, "You looked so elegant."
"Number 1, don't ever call me that again. Number 2, you're carrying the luggage into the house," Mom answered with a sniff.
"Sounds like you're in trouble now, Frostbite," Bunny said snickering.
"Fiske, why don't you go find your grandparents and we'll meet you back at the house," Jack said, smacking Bunny's shoulder.
"Alright. Come on Hiroshima. This way," I said, helping a still stunned and disoriented Hiro stand up from where he had so magnificently landed on his rear.
The insult brought him back up to the land of the coherent. "Lead on, freak," Hiro replied.
As we were walking into the village he asked me, "So, Diane. What are your grandparents like?"
That's when I got a little worried. Now that I think about it, my grandfather can be really insulting. He doesn't mean to be, but sometimes he can just flat out insult you without realizing how hurtful he's being. Mom has told me about plenty of times where Grandpa had insulted his height, scrawniness, and his lack of dragon killing capabilities. Fantastic. I could almost hear the short jokes coming from all the way over here.
"Uh. They're nice. My grandmother, Valka, is the sweetest person on the planet. Really loves and cares about dragons. My grandfather, Stoick the Vast, is also nice. Most of the time…" I replied.
"Wow. What a name. So do I call him Mr. The Vast? Or is that Sir The Vast?" Hiro asked.
"Neither, Stoick should be sufficient you ass," I retorted, rolling my eyes.
It wasn't too difficult to spot Grandpa. It was liking playing a game of Where's Waldo? with Hagrid. He was in front of Gobber's place. We walked up to the humungous hulking mass of Viking, and then the real bullshit began. Like I said before, he doesn't mean to be insulting. He simply is. I also got to see a whole new side of Hiro that I didn't even know existed. As soon we got into close proximity to Grandpa, Hiro moved closer to me and actually looked a little frightened. I always saw him as the arrogant little shit that he normally is, but now he just looks vulnerable and scared. Was my grandfather really that terrifying or is Hiro like this with all new people?
"Fiske my lad! It's so nice to see you again!" Grandpa exclaimed, lumbering over and giving me a bear hug.
"It's nice to see you too," I said, struggling for breath.
Grandpa released me and looked down at Hiro, then turned to me and said, "Your parents didn't adopt another one did they?"
"No, they didn't. This is my friend, Hiro," I explained.
"That's a strange name. How old are you, little one?" Grandpa asked him, still looking almost completely straight down to actually see him.
"Uh, fifteen," Hiro said, looking increasingly more uncomfortable.
My grandfather started laughing, "By Thor, you look to be ten! Take a look at this Gobber! This walking fishbone is fifteen years old!"
Another enormous Viking looked over the counter of the saddlery, and burst out laughing as well, "Are you serious?! You better keep an eye on that one, Fiske. He might get stepped on."
Hiro now had a look of pain and humiliation on his face. It broke my heart. He looked like a kicked puppy. A really adorkable puppy but a sad one none the less. I figured now would be a really good time to make a graceful exit.
"Where's Nanna?" I asked.
"She's flying Cloudjumper at the moment, but she'll be back soon," Gobber replied, brushing his obnoxiously long moustache.
"Well, we'll be at the house helping Mom and Dad unpack. See you guys later," I said, before anyone else could make a rude comment.
We began the trek back to the house in silence. Once we were out of ear shot I turned to apologize to Hiro, but stopped when I saw that he was only getting more nervous and upset. Some of the other surrounding Vikings had noticed the "walking fishbone" and were staring at him. One kid pointed at Hiro and asked his mother, "Why is his face weird?" It didn't occur to me until that moment that Berk, being as isolated as it was, had never come into contact with anyone of Asian descent. Hiro didn't look incredibly different, but he did look different enough. This wasn't going well, and after that lovely comment Hiro looked like he was about to throw up.
Once we had reached the house on the far side of the village Hiro turned to me, still clearly upset, "What the hell is wrong with my face!?"
"Nothing! They just aren't used to… people like you…" I said hesitantly.
"What does that mean?" Hiro asked, eyes narrowing.
"It means they've never seen an Asian before, so you look weird to them. The people of Berk might have ships, but all they really ever used them for was trying to go out and kill dragons. Once they stopped doing that they didn't really go out exploring because they were trying to avoid trouble or something like that. My mom was the only one interested in going new places, no one else really cared. They were always so wrapped up in their own little world they never really got to know other cultures and fun stuff like that," I explained.
Hiro still looked a little upset, just not as intensely so, "So there's nothing wrong with my face?"
"No. There's nothing wrong with you. I think you're very attractive," I said, then immediately started malfunctioning, "I mean, I don't think that… what I meant was… uh…"
Yup. Social skills at its finest here people. You know when you decide to drink orange juice and you brush your teeth right afterward and then you feel that deep regret and immediately question your life's choices? Multiply that twice over and that's about where I am right now. Flying out the window and rolling into the sunset was starting to look like a very viable option. What made it so much worse was that Hiro was now giggling. I can always count on that one true friend who sees me in great and insufferable pain and thinks it's just god damn hilarious.
"You always this articulate, Captain Coherence?" Hiro asked, lightly poking my belly.
"Yeah, pretty much. This is as good as it's going to get," I replied shifting my feet uncomfortably and praying that my face wasn't as red as it felt.
"Oh, your mom told me about his breast hat by the way. I just want to know, when do I receive my boob hat and battle axe?" Hiro asked.
"I'll get you a boob hat tomorrow and I don't trust you with a kitchen knife, so a battle axe is out of the question," I retorted, heart rate slowly going back down to normal.
"Aw, come on now. I've worked with knives in my Aunt's kitchen plenty of times. They're really cutting edge," Hiro said, grinning.
"Well, it's nice to see you back to your old self again," I said with a touch of sarcasm, "Come on, nerd. I'll show you around the house."
We traipsed through the house so I could pretty state the obvious for a while. Every house tour is pretty much the same. Here is the kitchen. You can tell it's a kitchen by looking at all of it's kitchen-like features that you see in every kitchen ever built. This is my bedroom. It's a room. It has a bed. See this. This is a toilet. So this is the bathroom. Actually the toilet was the most exciting part of the whole thing. I thought Hiro was going to have aneurism right then and there. I don't know what he expected. Vikings weren't known for their five star hotels and fancy toiletries. When Hiro saw the hole in the ground he looked really flushed. Pun intended.
"I am not using the bathroom like that," Hiro said indignantly.
"Well you can brave the brush outside the house if you like," I retorted.
"I am not braving any kind of foliage to take a shit," Hiro stated, still looking unhappily down at the gaping hole.
"I'm sorry that this is such a shitty situation for you," I replied, smiling.
"Blow me," Hiro scoffed, playfully shoving me aside as he left our glorious five star hole in the ground bathroom.
"Now that you've had the house tour and know where everything is, it's time to go catch some food for lunch," I said, making my way to the front door.
Hiro stumbled over one of his clunky shoes as he followed me, "I'm sorry, did you say catch the food? Are we going to kill innocent wildlife?"
"It's called fishing, Hiro. Not 'killing innocent wildlife'. You make it sound like we're animal haters," I said.
"Cry about it," Hiro retorted.
"I will not be able to guarantee that you'll live through this entire trip," I replied, pushing him through the front door.
Hiro almost face planted it but managed to regain himself, "Don't do that. You won't be able to call 911 to have my body picked up because you're blonde."
"What the hell does my hair color have to do with calling 911?" I asked, dumbfounded.
"You won't be able to find the 11," Hiro replied.
I stopped and thought really hard about that one. Then I got it, "I know there's no 11 button on a phone!"
"Wow. Look at you, figuring stuff out all by yourself. Good job, Delayed Reaction," Hiro said smugly.
"I'll push you into the lake," I grumped.
When we got down to the lake I attempted to teach Hiro how to fish. Seeing as the most difficult thing he had to do to obtain food his entire life was find the best deal on his favorite brand, the process was much more than grueling. Fox and the Hound flashbacks were had. When Tod tries to go fishing and he ends up flailing into the water and shoots up a log trying to grab a fish. Hiro made that look good. It was ridiculous. Clearly his survival skills were going to need some work, to put it lightly. Oh well, still plenty of daylight ahead of us for Viking training.
(Meanwhile back at the Haddock estate)
Hiccup's Point of View
I don't know if it was my resting bitch face or if I actually did look upset, because I had barely placed my rear down on that chair when my mother rushed over and swooped down next to me asking what was wrong. Did I look like someone had died or like someone had given me a bowl with a mix of M&Ms, Skittles, and Reese's Pieces? I had been thinking about some pretty upsetting stuff as of late but by Odin's beard I didn't think I looked like Kristen Stewart.
"Hiccup, are you alright?" Mom asked.
"Yeah, of course I'm fine," I replied half-heartedly nodding.
I knew that I've always been a bad liar all of my life. Jack had let me know that under no uncertain terms. It also didn't help that my mother is very keenly attuned to people's emotions. No matter how good of liar I could be, she would still catch me in the end anyways. Almost like an emotional bloodhound. Though maybe less terrifying than I just made it sound.
"You don't have to be alright, you know," Mom replied.
"I know," I replied with a sigh, "It's just… me being butt hurt over things that's all."
My mom cocked her head to one side and gave me a funny look, "If your rear end is in pain then perhaps you shouldn't be sitting down."
"No Mom it's when… never mind that. I'm upset over nothing is what I'm getting at," I explained.
"Perhaps not, son. Why don't you tell me what's going on?" Mom suggested.
I sighed. She wasn't going to leave me be about it until I told her. "It's about Fiske…" I began, "I just worry that I haven't been as crucial in Fiske's life as Jack has been. At the beginning everything was sunshine and roses, but when Fiske got to be about six years old he started asking Jack where he was off to all the time. When Jack explained that he had to go bring winter to the modern world, Fiske got curious and wanted to go with him to see what that other world was like. Jack agreed, and Fiske just didn't come back the same. He wanted to spend more time in the modern world, so Jack kept taking him. Fiske became more and more interested in the modern world than in ours, so Jack began teaching him more about it."
"I can't even remember the last time Fiske actually asked me for help. I can't help him with normal everyday things let alone his homework over there. We've been there for about three quarters of a year and I'm still getting used to how everything works and they adjusted almost immediately upon arrival. It's been a frustrating experience and I feel like I'm losing touch with Fiske now more than ever," I finished. I had to admit, I at least felt better after ranting about it.
"Have you spoken to Jokul or Fiske about any of this?" Mom asked, a worried expression on her face.
"No, not really…" I replied, shifting my weight a bit in the chair, causing my prosthetic leg to squeak.
"Well, there's a start. Either that, or perhaps get Fiske a dragon?" She suggested.
"I tried that. Fiske didn't get a connection with any dragon we put in front of him. Do I even have a right to be complaining about any of this?" I asked, feeling more than a little self-conscious on the subject.
"Of course you do, Hiccup. I regret everyday not being there for you throughout your childhood. I know how it feels to be left out. At least you go out and do things as a family. I never got to do any of that with you and Stoick. Perhaps start with talking to Jokul first, then see what headway you can make with Fiske," Mom said with a smile, "I'm sure you'll have everything figured out in no time."
I smiled in return, "Thanks Mom. I'll sort all of this out when we get back home. By the way, Jack still doesn't like that name."
"Oh well. It's what I've always known him as. He can get over it," She answered with a shrug, her long brunette hair flopping to one side.
"I'm sure he'll be so pleased to hear that," I said shaking my head, "Thanks for listening to all my bitching. I better go and check on Jokul, er Jack, and Toothless and make sure they're still getting along. It's been too quiet out there for a little too long."
Mom chuckled, "Of course, Hiccup. I'll start making tea for when you corral them back in here."
It didn't take long to find them. They were a few hundred feet from the house near the center of the village. Toothless had the hood of Jack's sweatshirt in between his teeth and he was perched on his haunches with a very distressed Jack trying to put his feet back on the ground, flailing his arms and yelling for help. I quickly walked over and scolded Toothless.
"Come on Bud, that's not nice," I said, "Please put my husband down."
Toothless gave it some thought then tersely dropped Jack on the ground. Jack landed on his behind with a thud and an unhappy grunt. He irritably stood up and brushed himself off, looking offended as all hell. Toothless just snickered to himself while he scuttled over to greet me.
I hugged Toothess' head and scratched his chin, then I turned to Jack, "Hey um, do you think we could talk somewhere a little more private?"
"Sure. You want me to go get thrown on the floor inside too?" Jack asked in a huff.
I gave him an unimpressed look, "No, I would actually talk to you."
Now Jack look worried, "Alright. That's fine."
We didn't actually make it all the way back inside before I started in with my questions, "Do you think Fiske and I are losing touch?"
"Um, I don't think so," Jack shrugged, then decided to be a gentleman for once in his life. He held the door open for Toothless and I, and didn't even make a fat joke when Toothless got stuck.
After successfully shoving Toothless inside, I continued on with my whining, "I know that he never really went up to me for help before, but he seems to be doing it less now."
"It's not just you. He hasn't been asking me for much help either. He's growing into a strong independent white boy who don't need any assistance," Jack replied.
"You're right. I'm just being silly," I said, feeling ridiculous for even having brought any of it up in the first place.
"No, you just don't want to your baby grow up," Jack said, "I don't want to see it either."
"No, I don't really want to see him grow up. It feels like just yesterday he was almost as tall as my waist, tugging on my sleeve and wanting to go play outside with his little wooden figurines. Now he's off getting himself into all sorts of trouble in the city," I replied with a heavy sigh.
"Yeah you can thank our new kid for that one," Jack said with a smirk, "Speaking of our other child, I hope Hiro lives through this entire trip. He has a bad tendency to get himself hurt and if there's anywhere he shouldn't be it's too close to any fire-breathing dragons."
"Seriously. Fiske better be keeping a good eye on him," I said, "The last thing I want is to have to call Cass or Tadashi from the hospital saying that we broke Hiro."
"I'm sure they'll be fine," Jack said, "The real question right now is are you fine?"
I thought for a moment then nodded, "Yeah, I guess I was just having one of those days today. Where you just don't feel like you're doing anything right. You know that feeling?"
"All the time," Jack smiled, "But you shouldn't worry so much. Everything is going to be fine. Fiske and Hiro can't get themselves into too much trouble all the way out here and you and Fiske can have some bonding time when we get back to the city. So what do you say we spend some time with your mum, then go on an adventure of our own around the island?"
"Sounds like fun. Let's do it," I said, smiling back.
(Third Day on Berk)
Fiske's Point of View
I woke up and nearly pissed myself. Now I truly understood the lyrics of Ke$ha's song. I did wake up this morning feeling like P Diddy. I awoke drowsy and confused about where I was, and felt the presence of another human being behind me that definitely wasn't there when I fell asleep last night. My heart froze and I didn't know how to react. Had I had drank too much and slept with a prostitute? I looked down at the arms enveloping my waist and realized that it was just Hiro. Last time I checked he wasn't a hooker. He must have gotten cold in the middle of the night.
I sighed with relief and stretched a little. Hiro grumbled something inaudible and shoved his face into my back. This is weird. I'm normally the cuddly one. It's almost always me who initiates snuggles. He's taking my job, damn it. That should have been my first indication that intense bullshit was going to happen today, but I'm not all that observant.
I waited patiently for about a half hour for Hiro to wake up, but my bladder was getting pretty agitated at this point. I need to go now. In my haste to get to our fabulous hole in the ground, I mean bathroom, I forgot that I had a human koala still very much attached to me. I gracefully plunged to the cold stone floor and took my now very disgruntled companion with me.
Hiro landed on top of me and awoke with a start, "What on god's verdant earth do you think you're doing!?"
"Well, every morning I throw myself on the floor before getting up and going to the bathroom. I follow that up with leaving the house through the side window to walk around to the kitchen, enter again through the window and then get myself breakfast," I replied sarcastically, "I thought I would change it up a bit and throw an Asian child on the floor along with me. For good luck and all that. I fail to see why you're so surprised by this."
"I fail to see how you fail to see that I don't appreciate your bullshit," Hiro retorted.
"You going to let me up today, Dental Work? I still have to pee," I said, fidgeting under his weight.
"Umm how about no? I'm comfortable up here," Hiro replied like a jackass.
"How about I pee on you then? Would that be better?" I asked.
"Nope. I'm good," Hiro replied quickly as he rolled off of me.
"Thank you," I said, standing up and brushing myself off, "After breakfast you want to go wander around the island and get absolute nothing done?"
"Procrastinating? I don't know maybe later," Hiro replied from where he still lay on the floor.
Once I actually got the joke I groaned and left to go urinate. A little while later we rushed through breakfast because we've got a whole day of goofing off to get started and that's pretty serious business. It wasn't until about midday that the second omen reared its ugly head. We had made it to the far side of the island when we found a dragon trap lying out in the open. Naturally Hiro wanted to go up and touch it and see how it was put together.
I slapped his hand away from it, "Do you want to set that shit off and lose a hand?"
"Well instead of being a shit about things you could lend me a hand," Hiro replied smiling, "I wasn't actually going to touch it you know."
"Uh huh. Like that time you said you weren't going to shake up my soda before handing it to me?" I asked, unconvinced.
Hiro lightly punched my arm, "You can't complain about that. Most of the soda got on me."
"I'll complain about you all damn day if I please," I answered.
"So what exactly is this supposed to be trapping? Elephants?" Hiro asked, gesturing to the open maw of the metallic contraption.
"Dragons," I said bitterly, "There are still dragon trappers that hang around after all of these years."
"Dude. This thing looks like it could kill a dragon, not just trap one," Hiro replied.
I picked up a stick and carefully tossed it into the steel monstrosity. It triggered the trap and made a loud, resounding crack throughout the meadow. It sounded like Thor himself had pimp slapped the Incredible Hulk. The noise reverberated off of the surrounding ring of mountains.
"At least this trap won't be hurting any innocent dragons today," I said, still feeling pretty miffed about the whole thing. Drago had been gone for years and yet the trappers still refused to leave Berk alone.
I didn't have very long to be irritated before I heard a crash. An injured dragon came careening down from the sky and nosedived straight into the ground. The dragon poked its head up and looked around with a dazed expression on its face. It didn't look like any dragon breed that my mom had told me about. It kind of looked like Toothless, vaguely. It was about the same size but pure snowy white and the head spines were different. They were pointier and closer together. It was also more slender and streamline in body type. The dragon's face looked somewhat feminine and it had piercing, bright cyan eyes. Scratch that, one piercing, bright cyan eye. Her left eye was cut open. She had faulty depth perception and couldn't fly, that's why she had hit a tree and smashed into the ground. Blood was still running down her silvery scales from that bum eye, the poor baby.
The she dragon irritably stood up and walked bitterly towards a patch of dragon nip. She seemed to be having a bit of an existential crisis. Fear and anger swirled in her good eye and she kept shaking her head back and forth. She must've hit her head pretty hard on the way down. Hold up. Dragon nip doesn't grow naturally on this side of the island. Oh crap.
Now it was my turn to do something really, really stupid. "Stop!" I yelled at the chalky white beast.
She planted her feet down with a flare of annoyance and glared right at me with her good eye. That was the most intense stink eye I had ever received from another living being. I have been glared at plenty of times in the past, but she was clearly trying to make me spontaneously combust with the sheer force of her scowl. The dragon then decided to ignore me, probably figuring I was only a minor annoyance compared to the rest of her problems, and continued on her course leading straight into bullshit. Someone get Admiral Ackbar all up in here because that is definitely a trap.
I started moving towards her only to have Hiro latch onto my wrist, "Fiske no! Not a good idea!"
I wrenched my wrist away from him and continued being an idiot, "She doesn't know any better. Someone has to help."
The dragon was nearing the faulty dragon nip so I yelled at her again, "Don't do that! It's a trap!"
Now she was mad. She whipped around to face me and lunged forward into an all-out charge. I could hear Hiro yell something behind me, but I couldn't quite hear him over the sound of me getting impaled. The snowy white dragon had me pinned down on the ground under her massive paw, and her fore claw was lodged in the left side of my stomach. It started off as a sharp pain upon impact, then it dulled down to a slightly less sharp pain. This was truly stupendous. Heat was shooting out in all directions throughout my torso and the wind was quite successfully knocked out of my body.
Then a large rock struck Chalky White square in the jaw. As the projectile bounced off the shimmering scales, the dragon swiftly turned on the new assailant. Hiro was in the midst of readying another rock when Chalky White began her next assault. When I saw the fear stricken expression cross Hiro's face I panicked. My hands were suddenly very cold. My hand shot out towards the dragon and time seemed to stop as a jet stream of ice blasted from my fingertips. A wall of ice shards formed between Hiro and Chalky White in seconds.
Hiro screamed and jumped away from the ice wall, while Chalky White froze for a moment then looked back at me. Rage melted into bewilderment in her working eye. She cautiously scooched toward me a few feet. Her tongue flicked in and out of her mouth a few times before letting loose her own torrent of ice onto the ground between us. It looked a little fuzzy because my eyesight was swimming in a sea of bullshit. I smiled dazedly at Chalky White, and to my great surprise she attempted to smile back.
My mind was currently trying to focus on way too many things at one time. My thoughts must've looked like rush hour in midtown San Fransokyo. And there was still blood pouring out of my open wound. That was certainly not helping. I just found the smallest ice spitter on record. That was a feat in itself. If I can make ice out of air and bullshit then that must mean that I am directly related to my dad. That means that my parents have been lying to me for my entire life. Not only that, but there a few other unsavory possibilities that come along with being related to a winter spirit. I felt like throwing up, crying, and punching something all at once. My body compromised and went with the 'let's just pass out and see what happens when I wake up' option.
Hiro's Point of View
My breathing hitched as ice came flying out of nowhere and I think I might have screamed. Did that just come shooting out of Fiske's hand? This day went so far downhill, so fast. Stupid dragon. Now Fiske is forming a spiritual connection with the damned thing? And Fiske is unconscious. How am I going to get his dumb ass back to the village now? God this is all happening way too fast.
I started walking briskly toward the dragon and my unconscious friend. I was going to tell that thing what for, "Get away from him! You've done enough already!"
The dragon looked a little confused as to why I was yelling at it. I didn't have time for its ignorance right now though. I just hoped I would be able to get Fiske back to the village to get medical attention. I bent down and tried to pick Fiske up but only succeeded in moving him over a few inches to the left. After about ten minutes of me trying and failing horribly to lift Fiske, the dragon slowly walked forward and tried to touch him.
"I said get away!" I yelled, hoping it would leave soon.
The dragon looked taken aback once more and bared its teeth at me. I sat down next to Fiske and sighed in frustration. I simply wasn't strong enough to lift someone that heavy. As I was trying to think my way around the problem, the milky white dragon reached over with its hooked, bat-like wings and gently slid them under the unconscious moron. I was about to chastise the dragon for deliberately disobeying me, but stopped when it hauled Fiske up onto its back. That was actually kind of gross. How the hell did its wings even move backwards like that? What kind of ball-and-socket joint moves does that at that angle? Note to self: dragons defy logic.
"Can you take him back to the village?" I asked.
I was met with a blank stare. God damn it.
I sighed, "Will you follow me?"
That the dumb thing seemed to understand. Recognition of the phrase passed through its one eye and it began to scuttle along behind me.
We walked side by side through the meadow. Awkward levels were reaching over 9,000. I had watched many a time as Hiccup, Fiske, and Jack would have full conversations with Toothless. I still felt a little weird talking to Toothless myself. It was basically talking to a mute human. He clearly understood everything I was saying but the fact that he's not human is just so… I don't know the right word for it. It's just off putting. What made the current situation even worse is that this dragon was still being a total priss. Shooting me dirty looks every two minutes. God, why couldn't we have run into the Bill Murray of dragons? If we ran into a chill dragon that would've made this entire trip so much easier. But no. Fiske had to try and save the most stuck up prude on four legs.
The killjoy and I finally made it back to the village, still with complete silence between us, and we arrived back at the house to find no one home. Thank you for nothing, Jack and Hiccup. I had no idea who the hell to turn to for help now. I had briefly talked to a few of Hiccup's friends but I didn't remember a single one of their names. Why does life test me like this?
I roughly shoved aside my anxiety and strode up to the woman nearest to us. She had an air of authority about her. I vaguely remembered talking to her on Day 1. She didn't like Jack. Jack had insulted her something or other and that's why they didn't get along. And her name reminded me of a butt. Her name is Astrid! Damn I'm good at this.
"Hey, Astrid is it? Where are Jack and Hiccup?" I asked, trying not to sound too panicked.
Astrid turned and smiled, "Oh hello… Hikaru? Jack and Hiccup are out flying Toothless. Oh god what happened to Fiske!? Is he ok?!"
Done. So done with everything. Suddenly I sounded like the protagonist in a bad anime and what the hell kind of question was that!? Is he ok? Give me a break. It took a lot of self-control to not answer with "Of course he's ok. His stomach always spontaneously combusts when he falls sleep on the back of a feral dragon".
"Not really," Was the answer I went with.
"Come on. Bring him to Gobber and we'll see what we can do for him," Astrid said, urgently motioning for me and the prude to follow her.
Vanilla Ice the flying reptile stayed uncomfortably close to me the whole trek over there to Gobber's saddle shop/dragon dentist's office. It kept looking around at all of the surrounding Vikings with a very concerned look on its face. I didn't fully understand why it was still here. It could have just dropped Fiske off, said fuck you, and left. So why didn't it?
The dragon shoved its head into the small of my back when Gobber and Astrid went to retrieve Fiske. This dragon was friggin' weird. I mean Toothless and the other dragons can have a senior moment once in a while, but this kind of shit was just bizarre. To my horror Gobber stitched up Fiske's stomach right there in front of us. I sat there mindlessly stroking the dragon's scaly, silver head while Gobber worked. It was disgusting watching the needle pierce the skin on the way in and on the way out. I almost threw up after about two sutures. Astrid attempted approaching the feral dragon only once. After she almost got her hand bitten off Astrid backed off and then just looked really bewildered.
"Why is this dragon here?" Astrid asked, "She doesn't seem overly friendly."
"It won't leave Fiske alone. I have no idea why," I answered, "This dragon has done nothing logical since we came across it in the meadow. I think something might be wrong with it."
The dragon hadn't understood the word "village" but it certainly knew when it was being insulted. It smacked me upside the head with its tail rather hostilely. It hurt like hell. Gobber shooshed me when I yelped and jumped away from the scaly crap pile.
"I can't focus with you carrying on like that, Fishbone," Gobber scolded.
"This honky piece of shit started it! And my name is Hikaru! I mean Hiro!" I retorted. I was started to get a little fed up with all of these Berkian shenanigans.
Astrid and Gobber didn't really know what to do with me after that, so they just continued on with their business. Once Fiske had been fully stitched up and Astrid cleaned up the wound, Gobber carried him back to the house and got him back in bed. The irritating dragon rudely invited itself in with us and refused to leave. I didn't know what else to do with the damn thing so I just resolved to keep an eye on it until Fiske could wake up and deal with it. At the very least Fiske had the decency to wake up not too long afterward.
Fiske's Point of View
I awoke pretty much the same way I had this morning. Drowsy, confused about where I was, and Hiro was still right there next to me almost giving me a heart attack. I also had the added bonus of pain in my abdomen. Remarkable. I surveyed the room in an attempt to piece together what had happened while I was passed out. Hiro and Chalky White were still eyeing each other. Obviously they didn't make up during my unplanned nap and I'm a little lost as to why Chalky was even still here. Gobber was sitting on a stool by my bed, he had probably been the one to stitch me up. Those felt weird and gross implanted in my belly.
I started to sit up but was quickly shoved back down again by Gobber, who chastised me for being an idiot, "Lay back down! What do ya think you're doing?"
"I… I'm sorry?" I stuttered.
"By Odin's Beard boy. You have to rest," Gobber said, his accent so thick you could spread it on a god damn slice of bread, "Would you like anything to eat?"
"Um, yes please. If it's not too much trouble," I replied, then immediately regret being left alone with an angry Hiro.
Hiro punched my arm as soon as soon Gobber left, "Don't you ever scare me like that again! Next time a dangerous animal is out wandering the landscape, how about you not piss it off!?"
I rubbed my now sore and bruising arm, "You go off and almost get yourself killed all the time! This is an injustice-"
"No! You shut your whore mouth!" Hiro cut me off, "I was scared shitless! I was so afraid I was going to lose you, you idiot!"
"Number 1, you can't get rid of me that easily. Number 2, you're the one with the whore mouth around here," I sniffed.
Hiro took a breath, then asked in a somewhat less rage fueled tone, "Oh, how so?"
"Last week you hugged me and whispered in my ear 'Anime in the streets, hentai in the sheets'. Then you grabbed my crotch," I replied.
"Your majestic squeal was so worth it," Hiro chuckled, starting to relax a bit.
"Pssh. You're such an ass," I retorted, shifting my weight a bit. That's about when I realized that my filter had turned off due to my drowsiness. "You know, when I look at you from certain angles it looks like you're wearing eye liner," I said groggily, "Maybe I should start calling you Maybelline New York."
To my surprise Hiro didn't get irritated. "I've always been more of a Sephora kind of guy," Hiro smiled, then gestured to Chalky White, "Now seriously what do you want me to do with this piece of shit?"
"Have you tried getting her to leave?" I asked.
"Do I really want to tell a gargantuan hostile lizard to get out of town? Not really," Hiro answered simply.
I looked over at the female dragon, "You can go now. Shoo."
Chalky just stared at me for a moment. Then she sauntered up to the side of the bed, claws clicking across the stone. Hiro began to get up to shove her away, but I motioned for him to wait. Clearly this dragon wanted something from me. I just had no god damn clue what it is. She shoved her face into my hand and a low, soft grumble emanated from her throat. I started petting her for lack of a more productive thing to do.
"I guess we should give her a name," I suggested, "Umm, Luna maybe?"
"Call it Ugg," Hiro replied with a tinge of annoyance in his voice.
"Why Ugg?" I asked incredulously.
"It's whiter than Vanilla Ice and has the attitude of a stuck up teenage girl," Hiro explained, "The name fits it."
Chalky didn't like that at all. Her eyes narrowed and her claws dug a little deeper into the floor. I started petting her with a little more vigor than before, hoping to appease her injured vanity. It seemed to work and she focused back on my hand again.
"Are you going to try to be nice to this dragon?" I snapped.
Hiro bit his bottom lip, "Well… yeah. I'll try if it does."
"A good start would be replacing 'it' with 'her'. She has feelings you know," I replied.
Hiro nodded, still looking mildly distrustful of Chalky, "Alright. I'll try if she tries. What's her name?"
"Uh. I'm kind of feeling Rosalie," I replied, still stroking her head.
"That's a cute name," Hiro said, "Still going to call her Slim Shady though. And are we going to discuss your freakish ice hands or what?"
I frowned and sighed, "I… I don't know what the hell to think about that. Obviously I am biologically related to my dad, which I really didn't want."
"Um, why? You seem to have a good relationship with your dad," Hiro replied. You know, for such a smart little shit he can be pretty thoughtless at times.
"I might inherit more than just his physical attributes and annoying personality," I replied, my eyes beginning to water despite myself. This is what happens when I get tired. I get overly emotional. Jesus, I could feel the man period on the verge of surfacing.
"So that means you could be immortal?" Hiro asked.
"Yeah. That's what that means. I could be immortal, I could have a prolonged life span, or I could be completely normal. I guess I won't know until I bring it up to Dad. That is, if he even knows the answer," I said, still mindlessly caressing Rosalie.
Hiro hugged me, being careful to not fuck up my stitches, "Well, no matter what I'll still be here to insult you, chastise you, and laugh at your expense."
"I love you too, Hiro," I smiled.
"Yeah I know. I love me too," Hiro replied, still embracing me.
"Well, at least I know that if I ever wanted to kill myself I could just climb to the top of your ego and jump down to your intelligence level," I retorted.
"I don't even know how to respond to that, "Hiro laughed, then asked in all seriousness, "Can I tell you something weird?"
"Nothing has ever stopped you from doing it before now, so I don't see why not," I answered.
"I don't even remember how I functioned without your sass and stupidity in my life before I met you," Hiro replied.
"I feel you on that one. My life prior to meeting you and your bullshit seems so boring to me now. And I've never been insulted in so many different ways before you either. You should go professional with that crap. You'd be at the top of every category," I said, leaning against him.
"Thanks. It's taken many years to get to this level of perfection. And I'm still not even at my final form," Hiro replied, "And is Rosalie going to be sleeping in here tonight?"
"I don't know. I guess we'll find out," I answered, "I just can't wait until my parents get back with Toothless. He is not going to be happy about sharing the position of giant needy lizard with her."
Cue Gobber's entrance with smoked halibut and news of bullshit, "Here's your dinner, Fiske. I brought some for you too, Fishbone. By the way, your parents are home."
"Excellent. Tell them that I almost died and I shall receive them once my companion and I have consumed our sustenance," I replied, taking the freshly cooked fish from Gobber.
"Eh, I'll just tell them you almost died," Gobber replied simply, then tossed a fish to Rosalie who eagerly scarfed it down, "You might want to get her out of the line of fire."
I nodded, "Don't worry. I'll take care of it."
Gobber left to go signal the beginning of the impending parental stampede as I turned to Hiro, "Can you lead her over there to the corner and sit with her while my parents have their meltdown?"
"I could. The real question is will I," Hiro retorted, but did obstinately walk Rose to the other side of the room to sit with her and eat his halibut.
Rose would occasionally make a play for his fish, but Hiro wasn't having any of it. While they were bickering like children I hurriedly finished my dinner because I could hear the incoming bullshit barreling up the stairs. I sighed. I was probably going to get assaulted with both hugs and punches to the arm. Fun times in the kingdom these are.
As I expected my mother was the first to start suffocating me in a bear hug and to chastise my life's decisions, "Are you alright?! What happened!? Where are you hurt!? Is Hiro ok!? Do I need to get a hearse!?"
"Everything's fine. I'm fine. Hiro's fine. We're all fine here. I just needed a few stitches," I replied in perhaps too calm of a tone.
"A few stitches? Do you think this is a game, Fiske? What the hell were you thinking!?" Dad asked sharply.
"Well it wasn't on purpose you know! I didn't wake up this morning and say 'Gee, today is a day to get impaled'. I'm not purposely trying to make you mad!" I said defensively, "I simply had a little accident with a dragon trap today. That's all. Nothing serious. I'm just tired and my body aches a bit."
Both of my parents seemed to relax a smidgen. Then Dad spoke up again, "Please don't make this a habit like Hiro has."
Hiro was about to get offended but I had more important matters at hand. "Hey Mom, do you think you could help me with something after I heal?" I asked.
"Uh sure. What is it?" Mom asked suspiciously.
"I need to know how to train my dragon," I replied.
Mom stared at me incredulously, "You need to know how to what?"
Dad's facial expression changed from being really concerned to really done within the span of 0.3 seconds, "Another one? Good…"
Mom looked over to where Rosalie was still harassing a very upset Hiro. She was shoving her face into Hiro's side, probably searching for more food. Mom looked bewildered at first, then interested. Rosalie froze and stared at Mom as he carefully walked over to her.
"She's beautiful, though I have no clue what kind of dragon she is," Mom said thoughtfully.
When Mom got into range, Rose swiped her tail forward, hooked it around Mom's feet, and sent Mom down to the floor. Dad attempted to catch Mom but failed miserably and ended up going down with him instead, landing on Mom's stomach. Rose seemed to find amusement in it though. She started making a chuffing noise and tilted her head back. That is until she sneezed and blew a thick layer of frost all over Hiro. When Hiro squealed and leapt away from her, and she only laughed harder, making dragon wheezing noises. This dragon is a gargantuan jerk and laughs at other peoples' pain. I think we're going to get along just fine.
"Fucking god I don't like this dragon!" Hiro declared, storming over to my bed, brushing off frost as he went. Then he moodily got into bed next to me, took some of my blankets, and wrapped himself up in a little angry, Asian burrito.
Dad assisted Mom to a standing position once they had gotten their second wind, then Mom turned to me, "That's amazing. She's the smallest ice spitter I've ever seen."
Dad was about to open his mouth but Mom immediately put a finger to his lips and snapped, "One ice pun and I will-"
"Put him on ice?" I asked, then put my arms to protect myself from any possible slaps to the face. Dad and Hiro just sat there giggling while Mom just stared at me for a moment.
"I can see why she likes you so much, Fiske. She was clearly attracted to your intense bullshit," Mom retorted.
"Well which tense is it in? Past, present, or future?" I asked, earning me a dirty look from my mother.
"Just… stop… please, Fiske. As soon as you're better I'll help you train her, if it's possible," Mom said, "Though I'm sure we'll be able to do it eventually."
"Thanks Mom," I smiled, "I really appreciate it."
Mom smiled back, "Anytime. But seriously one more pun from any one and I'll scream."
"Noted," I said, unconsciously scooching closer to Hiro for warmth.
"You going to be ok alone with her in here?" Dad asked worriedly.
"Um, could you maybe stay in here with us? I don't know how much I trust her," I answered.
"Of course we can," Mom replied, and the parental units got themselves settled at my drawing table opposite my bed.
I turned to the Asian Burrito, "Do you mind if I sleep for a bit? Getting impaled is rather exhausting business."
"Sure. Go ahead. I'll just sit here and talk to Ugg and your parents," Hiro replied from his cocoon.
"Don't make her mad please," I said, then snuggled into Hiro's shell of blankets, already drifting off into sleep.
"Do what I want Diane," Hiro retorted, "You can't tell me how to run my life."
I half-heartedly glared at him, "If you piss off Vanilla Ice then that's on you."
"Go to sleep, nerd. You look like shit," Hiro chuckled.
I would've argued, but damn I was tired. I fell asleep listening to my parents having a pleasant conversation about the upcoming dragon races, and Rosalie pacing around the room. Her toes click-clacking against the hard rock floor and her occasional wheeze as she sat down or stood up. She isn't the most pleasant acquaintance to have made, but she certainly is entertaining. I just hoped I could trust Hiro and Rose not kill each other while I slept. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.