I'm so sorry for my huge delay in writing, life got hectic and ahhhhh. But now I'm back on the ball with tons of story ideas!

*Disclaimer; This is all a work of fiction, I own nothing*

Warning: This contains high levels of profanity, graphic sex scenes and should be read as a humorous work of fiction.

*Ren's POV*

Everything is spinning and fun and pretty and YAY! Drunk Renes... Reneeeeee... Rennybaby... Ren-whatever my own name is a jumble.

"Ren?!" Jacob calls out in panic, but the club is packed the music is loud and I am very drunk.
A hot hand grabs my waist and pulls me to his hard-as-fuck side, instantly letting me know it's Jacob.
"Jaaaakke why did you do that? I've gotta find someone to make out with!" I giggle through the sentence as I flop my hands over Jacob's pecs in an attempt to poke him.
"Oh no you don't, we need to get you home missy" He spins me around and steers us towards the door, giving the bouncer a show pretending I'm his girlfriend or something. As if that'd ever happen.

Once we're outside in the cold air of Seattle I cling to Jake more tightly.
"Why'd we go out here Jake? It's cold! If you're gonna make me cold the least you can do is warm me up!" I say, leaning into him more and drunkenly trying to be seductive.
"Hold on a sec little miss cold, gotta find your car keys." Jake snatches up my bag and starts digging for China while searching for the keys. He pulls out a tampon and several packets of gum first before he can find the key set.
"Why do you even have tampons? Do you even have a period?" He questioningly looks at me with morbid (and slightly disturbed) curiosity. I push a finger to my lips and slur, "Womensh shecretssssss." With a confused shake of his head, the car is unlocked via remote and Jake begins the task of coercing my drunken self into the passenger seat.

*Jacob's POV*

"C'mon Ren, you gotta sit down in the seat so we can get home!" God dammit Ren's gonna make a fuss and the bouncers around are going to think I'm abducting some drunk chick.
"But I wanna drive! Look! Vrooooom vroooom wheeeeeeee!" God she's adorable, even when drunk. She'd make an awful rallycar driver in this state though.
"No baby, you gotta sit in the passenger seat." Dear whatever the hell god is out there, please make Ren cooperate tonight. I'm sober as fuck and god knows she gets flirty when drunk. Oh god, what if she grabs my crotch again?
Nope. Nope. Nope. Snap out of it Jakey-boy you cannot get an erection right now.
"Come on, sit tight now." I buckle her in and quickly kiss her cheek so she behaves... at least for a little while.
She makes a drunken squeak/squeal and goes even more red in the face when I kiss her.
BOOYAH! TEN POINTS TO THE WOLFMAN!

She slowly sobers up on the quick drive back to mine, but not enough to go home yet. She's still really drunk and god knows Eddy would smell it from a mile away. OKay then, new plan. Ren comes back to my place for an hour or two until she's stone cold sober. The I drop her home and tuck her in.
Oh god, Edward's gonna kill me if he catches us sneaking back into her room.

I detour back to my place, and park the car out front trying not to wake Dad. Old man needs his rest now more than ever.
The new task on hand should be easy enough... getting Ren out of the car.

I run around to her side, open her door and unbuckle her seatbelt before lifting her out of her car. She snuggles up close to me as I cradle her to my chest for easy carrying. Must. Resist. Urge. To. Kiss. Her. One little peck won't hurt right?
I kiss her softly on her forehead and she nuzzles her head in even closer.
God, I think I actually felt my heart melt. I am so whipped.
She stirrs a little as I make my way into the house.
"Mmm Jake are we home yet?" She says softly as she tightens her arms around my neck.
"Uuuh, yes and no? You were too drunk to take back to yours so I had to detour back to mine so you can sober up"
I softly plop her down on my bed and immediately she starts drunkely attempting to pull off her shoes.

"Jaaaaake my shoes are stuck!" She huffs in annoyance and pouts.
I Grab her feet, and quickly make work of taking off both shoes.
"Yaaaaay!" She flings her arms in the air, flops back and immediately starts wriggling under the covers while pulling down the straps of her dress.
I guess she wants to sleep off the excess alcohol then.
I shrug off my shirt, change into some loose shorts and cuddle up behind her in my bed.

Oh god she's naked.