One Piece is not mine.

Nami spread the striped beach towel carefully over the lawn of the Thousand Sunny, picked up her book and flopped out on the deck, flipping pages until she found her place.

After several minutes, she set her book aside. She'd been planning to read more theories about the Grand Line's magnetic fields, but the sun was gentle and warm and made her want to nap instead.

Nami dozed in the quiet that the rest of the crew's absence left behind, the chirping of various tropical birds and the far-away hum of the market town creating a peaceful ambiance.

Squelch.

The wet sound was enough to bring Nami to the edge of awareness. The next squelch had her fully awake, feigning sleep and wishing she hadn't left her Clima-tact on her bed.

Squelch.

The hair on the back of her neck prickled.

Squelch.

Unable to take the tension anymore, Nami rose to all fours and scrabbled across the deck – and stopped abruptly when she saw the squelcher.

A huge, squat green frog stared at her out of bulbous, soulless yellow eyes. Slowly, its throat expanded and it croaked at her.

Nami stared back, incredulity turning to angry in an instant. She snatched up one of the cricket bats the boys had left on the lawn, and stalked towards the amphibian with every intention to flick it over the railing and into the ocean.

The frog, looking alarmed, hopped swiftly backward, croaking loudly.

"Oh no," Nami growled. "You're not getting any mercy from this pirate!"

The frog stopped just short of the railing, croaking increasing in frequency and volume.

Nami slowed, frowning. "There's no point begging." She informed it, because it really did sound like it was saying "please, mercy, please." in a very gruff, croaking voice.

"Please beautiful lady!"

Nami stared. "Are you speaking to me?"

"Oh, thank the powers that be. I feared that thou wouldst not understand me."

"Goddamn, frog. I'm not sure if I should keep you alive and sell you to the circus, or just kick you over the side and pretend this never happened."

"Please, lady, I implore thee to do neither of these things. They would bring about calamity!"

Nami dropped the bat in order to massage her temples. "This is not happening... I am not being spoken to by a damn medival frog. Listen here, frog." She snapped, glaring. "I'm going to turn around, count to ten and when I'm done, you'll be gone, if you're smart."

"Oh, but lady, I beg of thee! This island, it is my home! For I am not a frog, but a prince! I have had a spell cast upon me, and I need but a single kiss from thee to restore me to human form! Please, do but this one small test and thy rewards shall be legendary! Half my kingdom, I shall take thy hand in marriage, I shall empty my treasure vaults for thee -!"

"Treasure?" Nami demanded, dropping to her knees in order to be on eye-level with the frog. "What kind of treasure?"

"Gold and silver and jewels as big as your fist!" the frog said, hopping closer. Nami didn't notice that he'd dropped his accent.

"As big as my fist, really?" she said, beaming.

The frog could almost here the kaching! sound her brain was making. "Just one little kiss..." it said, tantalizingly.

"Done!" Nami said quickly, holding out her hand to shake, then laughing sheepishly. "Alright..." she said, leaning over and closing her eyes, puckering her lips.

There was a squish!ing noise. Nami opened her eyes in time to see the frog sailing over the railing, despite the fact that frogs are not aerodynamic creatures in the least.

Zoro put his boot down, and raised an eyebrow at her. She gaped.

"You did not just kick that frog over the railing!" she shrieked. "He was a prince! He was going to make me rich in exchange for turning him back into a human!"

"No." said Zoro flatly, drawing her over the railing, hand on her wrist. "He's just a pervert. Look."

In the water next to the Thousand Sunny's hull, a very naked young man was clinging to the hull, sputtering and squalling. "Pull me up!" he screamed. "I'm a Devil Fruit user, I can't swim!"

Snarling, Nami grabbed one of the heavy cricket balls and hurled it with killer accuracy at the man's skull. With a plonk! He sunk below the waves.

Zoro snorted. "You shouldn't run around letting strangers kiss you."

"Shut up!" she growled, stomping towards the kitchen her face an angry red. "I did not ask for your advice!"

"Hey guys!" Usopp called. "I found our cricket ball! It was in the water! Right next to some guy!"