My ex and I
Chapter 4
Love Fool
Disclaimer: I do not own ccs
Warning: this chapter has reference to adult situations
"It's funny how one event can change the entire course of your life. One event can turn you into a different person and change your ideals. In my mind I had it all planned out. If my life went according to the list I had mentally set out for myself, I would be a different person. I wouldn't know what it means to lose something and to gain something. I wouldn't know how to let go. And eventually, a good reputation is not everything. I don't owe anyone an explanation for the things I have done and the choices I have made."
Sakura told herself as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. She was hardly dressed, luckily Syaoran was running late. She spent the whole morning planning for their trip to his beach house. When she finally realised that she was going to be doing a commercial, her heart beat so fast and she was scared.
She quickly put on a dress and tied her hair into a messy ponytail. She took her handbag and the script. She only had one line, she had practiced all night. It was ridiculous to put so much effort into one line but she could not help it.
Tomoyo had dropped Asuna at day care; now all she had to do was stand outside and wait. While she waited outside, she played with the bangles around her wrist nervously. "Where are you?" she muttered.
Finally his car pulled off on the roadside, she quickly walked to him and got in. She looked at him for a second then looked ahead.
"I'm sorry I'm late." He told her.
She nodded and her hand quivered.
He wrapped his hand around hers "You look like you're going to puke."
He knew that when Sakura was nervous, she was not one for talking. She looked at him "How am I going to do this?"
"The same way you did it the first time but this time you have me. I'll make sure you don't pass out." He smirked.
She smiled at him; the beating of her heart was almost back to normal.
It took 3 hours to shoot 40 seconds commercial. For Syaoran, the atmosphere was anything but comfortable. He could not stand the gazing eyes, all of them at the beautiful Sakura...the beautiful almost naked Sakura. All she had to do was pretend to take a bath and say one line. After it was over, he grabbed a robe close buy and practically ran to cover her up.
"It's better with you here." She told him.
For years the Li family had been known for their class and their real estate. In the past Syaoran had tried to get her to fit into this world, a world where money was not an object. But she always stood out like a sour thumb. So it was no surprise that the beach house Syaoran inherited would be special. It was a yellow wooden house a short distance from the beach. It had a porch, a tyre swing hanging on the branches of a nearby tree. There was a pathway hiding in between the tall Savannah grass. There were palm trees and one could hear the waves splashing in the distance.
Sakura walked along Syaoran without looking to the right or left of her, and Asuna pattered along behind, she had forgotten that she had not had any breakfast and was hungry. At least Asuna had cereal.
"It's been a while since my family has been here." He commented.
"It's lovely." Sakura said.
They ambled to a white wooden door. Syaoran took out the keys and opened it. When they entered, the room was dark. The shutters and curtains blocked the sunlight. Sakura dropped her bags and Asuna copied her.
"This place is scary." Asuna said.
"It's not that bad." Syaoran began to pull the curtains and he cracked the shutters open.
His face lit up and he smiled from ear to ear "See."
He was right, it was beautiful and homey. The Furniture was of bright pastel colours. She smiled at him looking around "Syaoran...wow."
Asuna looked up at her mother and giggled.
They toured the house, 2 bedrooms a large living room and kitchen and a spectacular view of the ocean.
"We need to go grocery shopping but first, let's get something to eat and we can go to the beach after that." Syaoran said.
"The beach!" Asuna said jumping enthusiastically.
Syaoran picked her up from the ground and playfully shook his head "Yes, we're going to the beach."
They sat on the sand and looked up at the ocean. Asuna was in her pink swimming suit building sand castles. They had promised her that they would all go into the water after an hour.
His fingers were over hers. She wore a polka dot red bikini and he was in green swimming trunks. Even before she saw the ocean, she could smell the salty ocean scent from a distance. It was all perfect.
"Thanks for bringing us here." She told him. She could feel the red-hot sun slowly heating her back.
"It's nothing." He played with the sand that filled the gaps between his toes.
She looked at Asuna then looked at him "the lady at Asuna's day care called me."
"What did she say?"
Sakura sighed then rolled her eyes "she practically called me an unfit mother just because Asuna was late yesterday. Damn, it's not even elementary school. So what I only take Asuna there when I'm not busy, I enjoy her company."
"Who really needs nursery school?" He chuckled.
"She said Asuna doesn't really have friends and the fact that she is always with me is hindering her social skills. She spends the whole day looking forward to going home."
"She reminds me of me."
Sakura pulled her legs to her chest "I don't want to let go. I wish she could stay four forever." She looked down.
"You are an amazing mother, and I'm not just saying this." His hands snaked around her waist and he pulled her close. He pressed his lips against the bangs of her hair.
She pulled away and looked at him; she smiled at him then stretched her hand out to touch his face.
"You've always known." She said softly as though she was talking to herself.
"Always known what?"
She looked down at the sand, her cheeks turned bright red and she said softly "That I've always been in love with you."
He smiled with a slight nod. The truth was, he had convinced himself that she was not in love with him anymore.
He gently rested his hand under her chin then gently forced her to look into his face. "I love you."
She smiled, sat up and positioned her body in such a way that he was looking into her face and his body was in direct contact with hers. She kissed him softly and he responded in a split second. She slowly closed her eyes as he did his. Then they broke the short lived kiss.
She settled her hands of his hands which were pressed tightly against the sand. She wrapped her hands around his neck and he around his waist. Her weight caused him to fall to the floor.
"Just hold me close." She whispered and he did as she asked.
Her bare body was pressed against his; she closed her eyes and pressed her ear against his chest. She could hear his heart beating very fast. She smiled like an amused little girl. He could not help but feel guilty for his mistake.
"Are you married now?" Asuna said interrupting them. She was holding a green pale and a tiny green shovel.
Sakura quickly withdrew herself.
She looked at Syaoran "Uh...Asuna, don't you want to go swimming now?"
Asuna shook her head elated "Yes!!"
Sakura and Syaoran stood up, Syaoran carried Asuna "Ill teach you how to swim."
............
That evening, they tidied up the house, Asuna woke up from her slumber 5 minutes after they had finished. They had supper out on the veranda where they could see the stars. By eight, it was past Asuna's bedtime. Sakura gave her a kiss on her forehead and left the rest to Syaoran. He read her a bedtime story until she was fast asleep. He stayed there fifteen minutes longer before turning off the lights and leaving the lamp light on.
"She's fast asleep." He said walking toward Sakura who was packing the dishes.
She raised her eyebrows then nodded then smiled before opening the refrigerator for pudding. It was just the two o f them now. It was the moment they had been waiting for. She had been thinking about it so much that it would drive her crazy if it was not to happen.
She put the pudding on the counter; she was unable to explain why she was so nervous. All day since the kiss at the beach, he had been staring at her. His intense eyes telling her that he wanted her.
Suddenly he moved towards her. He found a way to stand in front of her. Their faces were only inches apart.
"I'll go crazy if we...If I don't..." he pauses, the words stuck in his throat. He leaned his head against her forehead then he kissed her softly. His hands snaked around her waist almost forcing her white blouse up.
She wrapped her hands around his neck and allowed herself to enjoy this.
He drove her to the counter, then lifted her up so that she was seated on the counter. His head was buried in the river of her breasts as he tried to take off her bikini top.
Sakura moaned in ecstasy. He undid the stings and pulled the bikini from under her shirt. He looked up and they kissed once more. It was a long and passionate kiss; she had to painfully pull away to breath.
Without her noticing, he forced her off the counter. He took her hand and led her to the bedroom.
.....
They lay there for minutes, quiet. He pulled her closer to him. She was now his source of warmth.
"I can't believe we've been doing this since we were fifteen." She said.
His eyes widened "We were much too young. Back then I felt like I knew what I was doing. I didn't think of myself as a kid."
She nodded. They rushed into having sex. She loved him but that was not enough. The first time they made love, she hated it so much she made up all sorts of excuses not to do it again. She could remember him telling her "the more we do it, the more you'll like it." And he was right.
She grabbed the sheets and squashed them in her hands. All that time her father thought they were studying.
She sat up and looked at him.
"What's the matter?"
"If I tell you, promise you won't judge me." She said.
He nodded. "Sure."
"I've only ever imagined myself with you; if it's not you then...I'd rather be alone. I can't imagine myself making love to someone else. I only want you."
He could only smile "Sakura..."
"I want us to have another baby. A boy most preferably. I know it sounds rash but I've always thought about it. Asuna can't be an only child and I don't our kids to have a large age gap between them."
"It's not rash." He said.
She rested her head on his shoulder, her fingers playing with the little hairs on his chest.
"I always thought that we could get back together and be a real family."
She smiled "I want him to be like you. Handsome, smart, funny and sincere."
No matter how much they fought, Syaoran had always been honest with her.
Suddenly his phone rang. He picked it up from the side table. He looked at the caller ID, it was M Meiling. He cursed inwardly before cancelling the call and turning off his phone. She had already send him previous messages earlier in the day asking him where he was.
"Who was that?" Sakura asked.
"Just a friend from school."
She wrinkled her nose "At this time of day?"
"It's only 9:00 Sakura."
She got out of bed "It feels late."
"Where are you going? Aren't you going to give me seconds?"
She laughed and grabbed a rob from behind the door "I have to pee." She said in a cute voice. "And I still have pudding waiting for me."
He shook his head "Sometimes I think you like food more than you like sex."
"Sometimes I think so too. The good thing about food is that you don't have to wait a whole hour for seconds."
He shook his head laughing after that.
She returned with a tub of ice cream in her hands. She settled on a space next to him. "Have some." She smiled letting her hand out. She had taken an extra spoon for him.
"I guess everything turns out the way it's supposed to." She said to him.
He looked at her strategically raising an eyebrow "What do you mean?"
She looked down at her fingers "In the end...you and I are together....that's the way it was meant to be." She smiled and his heart melted.
He stroked her chin "There is nothing I wouldn't do for you." He smiled "I was thinking that later...we can move here."
"As in this house?"
He nodded "Why not, we've got the beach and just the three of us. What could be better?"
She nodded "That would be wonderful."
He took her hand "What do you want Sakura? I want to fix everything has been broken."
She tucked her hair behind her ear "It's silly, ever since I was in elementary school Id always imagine that you would take me to my prom. At the time, so much was happening I had to act like I didn't want it but I always have."
"Then I'll take you to prom."
She laughed coyly "You're kind of late."
"It's never too late. You can get a prom dress and everything and besides it's almost prom season anyway."
Sakura shook her head "We can't."
"We will, please let me make you happy."
She leaned in and kissed him meaningfully.
...............
That morning, Asuna found a dead bird on the veranda. She screamed hysterically. Both of her parents came to her aid.
"Death is normal Asuna. It's nothing to be afraid of. It's always hard to say goodbye but you have to accept it in order to keep living." He told her as she hid her head in his chest tears falling from her emerald eyes. Maybe she didn't understand him but those words meant so much to him. Ever since his mother's death, his views on life had changed.
They buried the bird in the back yard. Asuna placed flowers on top of the spot right where it was buried. She ran to Syaoran's side, her head leaning against his thigh.
They stayed at the beach house longer than they had planned. Asuna turned 5 on their fifth day there. They took her for a boat ride and all the places they knew she would love. At night they spoilt her with candy and birthday cake. It had been eight days now. It had been the most memorable getaway.
Syaoran and Sakura were sitting on the couch. Sakura's head on Syaoran's chest. He had a lap top on his lap. They were laughing at some videos Syaoran had downloaded off the internet when Sakura's phone rang.
She quickly answered it "Hello." She said giggling.
Suddenly she was quiet "Yes." Was all she said nodding her head, then she said "I'll be there tomorrow." She hung up.
"Who was it?" he asked her worryingly.
"The modelling agency," she said sadly "they want me to do a photo-shoot tomorrow."
"Oh." He said silently.
"But I don't have to go...I can just cancel."
He kissed her forehead "Don't do that, it's about time we get back to the real world right?"
She reluctantly nodded.
..............
It was a Monday evening when Sakura went down to the supermarket across the road. She had it all planned. A romantic night with Syaoran. She had already cooked the food and lit the candles in her apartment. The only thing she had forgotten were the roses. She now only had ten minutes. Asuna was spending the night at her grandfathers.
Her face turned red and she giggled when she picked up a candle from the shelf "You can never have too many candles." She said to herself.
She turned around and headed towards the counter.
"Hi..." Someone spoke to her.
She slowly turned around. It was a familiar woman. She had long black hair and golden eyes. Sakura smiled back "Hi."
The woman walked towards Sakura and lifted out her hand for a shake "Meiling, I don't know if you remember me Sakura."
"I remember you." Sakura said almost walking away,
Meiling's eyes hovered over Sakura's basket "Roses, champagne and candles, wow! What's the occasion?"
"There is no occasion." Sakura said blankly.
"Syaoran didn't mention that you were seeing other people. He talks about you all the time; because of him I know everything about you." She laughed.
Sakura let out a nervous chuckle "Well...Syaoran and I are together." She said trying not to sound as though she was bragging.
Meiling gasped and placed her hand over her mouth "I never would have guessed!" she said in an exaggerated tone then she mused a chuckle that irritated Sakura immediately.
"What's so funny?" she asked in a serious tone.
"This situation."
Sakura placed her arms on her waist "Syaoran told me you know."
Meling was smiling "really? Exactly how much did he tell you?"
Sakura sighed; she looked at her wrist watch quickly "He told me that you have a crush on him."
Meiling nodded "Yes, go on..."
"It's cute and all but we're a couple now." Sakura said. She knew she sounded mean but the look on Meiling's face was getting on her last nerve.
"That Syaoran, I can't believe he didn't tell you." Meiling went all the way up to Sakura's face "Just last week he was in my bed."
Sakura laughed "You're crazy..." Sakura was surprised but she wanted to ignore this.
"He got drunk, came to my place and he couldn't keep his hands off of me."
Sakura was quiet. She was not sure what to believe.
"I don't know about him but I loved every minute of it."
Sakura's eyebrow jerked and she stood still.
Meiling patted her on the shoulder "Well, it was nice meeting you Sakura. Enjoy your evening."
With those words Meiling disappeared.
Sakura slowly walked into her house. She closed the door gradually and lazily placed the keys on the counter. The room was dim, just as she had left it. The candles were melting, the food was on the table and the champagne was ready to be opened.
She ambled to the chair and sat there, she was motionless before she rested her head on the table. She was not sure what to feel.
Suddenly the doorbell rang; effortlessly she said "come in." She knew exactly who it was. Now she had to think of how she was going to act around him.
He opened the door "Why is it dark in here?" he asked.
It was obvious; he was just being an idiot. Maybe he did these things only to get on her very nerve. She slowly withdrew her head "I made supper for us." She said plainly.
He smile elated.
He sat on the chair across her and asked "Is there something wrong?"
She shook her head and shot him a plastic smile "Nothing is wrong, why would you say that?"
She laughed on purpose.
"You are pretending to laugh and you keep tapping your fingers on the table." His eyes settled on her fingers for one long second.
"Nothing." She said softly this time. She was waiting for him to confess; to confess that he had looked her in the eyes and lied.
"Are you pregnant?" he asked her in a dramatic tone.
She held her hand over her chin "No, at least I don't think so." She drank the wine.
"If you don't think so you really shouldn't be drinking."
A nerve jerked from her forehead.
Beads of sweat came over his face and he said "I'm just saying."
There was a silence between them, an awkward, dangerous silence that got him sweating more and then he knew, she knew. He cleared his throat nervously. He took a sip of the wine.
"So how was your day?"he hesitated.
She looked at him, her eyes not leaving his face "My day was alright, I do miss Asuna though."
"Where is she?" he ran his fingers through his hair.
"With my Dad, remember I told you darling."
He quickly finished his meal; he made sure that he was occupied while her angry eyes cut through him.
He took out his chair and he stretched. He stood up, walked over to her and tried to kiss her. She immediately turned her head away.
"I...Sakura...are you sure there is nothing wrong?"
She laughed; her hand was on her stomach. "Are you seriously going to stand there and play stupid with me?"
He kept quiet.
"I know that look on your face, I know everything." She got out of her chair "I can't believe you? How could you wait for me to ask you? Why didn't you just tell me? Why couldn't you be honest with me?"
"Because, everything has been so perfect Sakura and I don't want this to end. Everything in my life was bad before you walked back into it."
"It's all about you." She tried to control her tone. "What about me?" she asked him softly.
"I didn't mean to..." he paused "It shouldn't matter anyway. It was nothing, I was drunk and for what it is worth I despise her."
Sakura shook her head disappointed "I'm always honest with you."
He was quiet.
"I don't care about what happened between the two of you." She lied. She cared so much, she could feel the pain right in her stomach "I don't even care that you decided to lower your standards." It was an arrogant statement but she had to hurt him.
"It happened when things were not serious between you and I."
"But they were getting serious."
She walked past him "Just leave, I can't stand looking at you!"
He followed her all the way up to the bedroom door "Don't be like that. I meant every word I said to you just as you meant every word you said to me."
She held her hand to her head "I can't deal with this right now. I've got work tomorrow...I just can't!"
"What is wrong with you? The minute something goes wrong between us you back out! You don't even want to try."
"You are what's' wrong with me?! You've always been what's wrong with me!" tears came to her eyes. She was hurt because she was hurting him. She was saying all these things that she did not mean and she could not stop. It was like word vomit.
"Stop it! He reached for her hand and tried to force her into a hug before she quickly pulled away.
"Don't!" she was crying "Why don't you just go back to that filthy tramp and leave me the hell alone?!"
"I don't want...that filthy tramp, I want you."
She got into the room and slammed the door in his face.
"Sakura Now you are just being childish." He leaned against the door, as did she.
"I love you...please don't leave me."
She said nothing.
He sat by her door for an hour as she did on the other side of the door. He could hear her crying and his heart ached.
TO BE CONTINUED
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