Klausinstein (American Dad)

Summery: Klaus makes a dead fish body come to life…and it starts killing people! Warning: This story is rated T so read with caution.

"KLAUS, KLAUS!" Steve yelled, coming in the Halloween decorated house. He had a dead goldfish in his hands, Klaus was on the end table in his bowl.

"What is it?" He wanted to know.

"My friends and I were fighting with foam swords and I lost my glasses in the sewers…"

"Ja, ja; just get to the point!" Steve showed him the goldfish body. Klaus' eyes widened.

"Look what we found!"

"Oh mien gosh, Steve, do you know what this is?"

"Yeah, it's a dead goldfish body."

"It's my old body." Steve looked confused.

"I thought you were human before your brain got transplanted."

"My old goldfish body!"

"Huh?" Klaus sighed.

"The body that I was in before Stan transplanted me in that black man of a Earth, Wind, & Fire cover band. I flushed that body down the toilet and got back in a fish body after my human leg got crushed. That was seven years ago."

"Okayyyyy. Want me to throw it back?"

"No, no, leave it. I have a plan with it." So, Steve left the body with Klaus and went off. Klaus picked up the fish body.

"Let's see if you're right about tonight's storm." The fish said to himself.

Thunder boomed from outside.

"Man!" Stan observed, looking out the window. "That's one heck of a storm out there!" He closed the curtain. Klaus then woke up by some thunder.

"What was that?" He wanted to know. Hayley came over to the bowl.

"It's only thunder." She told him.

"Yeah," Roger added. "No need to be scared." Klaus glared at him.

"I'm not scared; I'm not a dog or a little kid, and I know angels aren't playing bowling. I was just startled by the noise is all."

"Well, it's really raining cats and dogs out there." Stan said.

"I hope it's not storming tomorrow night." Francine put in. "So kids can go Trick-o-Treating."

"Yeah." Roger added sarcastically. "Kids without candy. That'll be tragic!"

"I saw lighting." Steve put in. Klaus' eyes grew wide. He looked at Steve.

"Lightning?" He wanted to know. Steve looked at him.

"Yes; lightning." Klaus looked around frantically.

"Where's my cup; where's my cup? I must go out there before it's too late!" Francine was confused.

"Late?" She questioned. "Late for what? Surely, you don't mean outside. You heard what Stan said; it's raining cats and dogs! It's not safe out there!" Klaus glared at Francine.

"Just help me find my cup woman!"

"Here!" Hayley said, coming in with the cup in her hand. She handed it to the fish. The fish grabbed it.

"Danke, Hayley!" He got into his cup. "Now, help me to the floor." Hayley put Klaus to the floor. Klaus inched to the door. Stan's eyes grew huge.

"You're seriously not going out there in this weather!" He said.

"That's exactly why I'm going out there."

"Why are you so determined on going out in a thunder storm? You're like Benjamin Franklin and his kite experiment."

"And why are you taking that dead fish with you?" Roger asked. "You're not thinking of making it come to life like in Frankenstein, are you?" Klaus smiled mischievously.

"You'll see." And with that, he inched his way out of the door. Francine was about to stop him when Stan put a hand on her.

"Don't." He said to her. "If Klaus wants to be insane and go out in this storm, let him be." Francine sighed.

"Let's see if this really works." Klaus said to himself. He held up the fish above his head. "Okay lightning; we're ready for you! Come und do your best!" Lightning flashed from all around, but not at the target. "Come here darn lightning; come and get us!"

"Stan?" Francine asked her husband, looking at Klaus from under the curtain from the window. "I'm worried, he's still out there." She dropped the curtains and looked at him. "Are you sure I can't…"

"I'm sure." Was Stan's only response. Francine sighed again. Roger came down the stairs with a kite shaped like a dragon.

"If you want something done right, you got to do it yourself." He said. Steve looked at it and gasped.

"Hey!" He cried. "That's my kite!" He went to the alien who was at the door. "What are you going to do with it?" Roger looked at him.

"The fish needs something to attract the lightning." He told him. "And this kite is the only thing I could find." He went out the door and into the rain. Steve's eyes widened, realizing what was about to happen.

"Wait, NOOOOO!" He was about to run out when Stan held him back. Steve kicked and screamed.

"It's for the best, son." He said to him.

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

"KLAUS, KLAUS!" Roger shouted over the wind. The sleeping fish awoke with a start. He looked at Roger. "KLAUS!"

"What do you want?" The fish questioned. He noticed the kite. "What are you doing with Steve's kite?" The alien grabbed the dead fish. Klaus fought with him, trying to keep it for himself. "Hey; what are you doing?!" Roger snatched the dead fish out of Klaus' fins. Roger looked at Klaus. He started tying the dead fish to the strings of the kite.

"I'm doing you a favor fish." He stated, "You'll never get to your goal at this rate, so as much as I dread it; I'm helping you." Klaus got angry with him.

"I don't need your help! I was doing just fine before you showed up!"

"No you weren't. If you kept doing what you were doing, you won't get very far. You need something to attract the lightning; this is a guarantee." Klaus tried to grab it out of the alien's hands.

"Give it to me, Roger." Roger kept it to himself.

"Nope!"

"GIVE IT TO ME ROGER!" Roger shook his head.

"Uh-uh." Klaus was on the alien now, trying to reach for it.

"GIVE IT!"

Klaus was about to grab it when he saw the lightening strike the kite. He jumped down to the ground.

"THIS IS IT!" Roger cheered. He looked at Klaus. "Fish, prepare to thank me." He then screamed as he got electrocuted. They heard a muffled, "NOOOOOOO!' from Steve in the window. When it was done, he fainted, dropping the dead fish and the now destroyed kite.

"You're right, Roger." Klaus said. "I did need help after all. Danke!" Francine and Stan came outside, picked up the fish and dragged the unconscious alien inside. Klaus had grabbed the dead fish.

When they got inside, Steve was crying as his sister held him close. Stan closed the door.

"Baba gave me that kite for my seventh birthday." Steve sobbed. "And now it's gone, it's all gone!" He cried and cried as his sister smoothed his hair. Stan put an arm on him.

"Son," He began. "You're fourteen; it's time to let your childhood go."

"Did I do it?" Klaus asked himself. He looked at the dead fish body. "Is it alive?"

Suddenly, the fish body stood up on it's own and did a loud groaning sound, going over to the Smiths. They screamed and all hid behind the couch. Klaus laughed evilly, throwing his fins above him.

"IT'S LIVING!" He cackled. "IT'S LIVING!" He looked at his family who were giving him puzzled looks. "What? I'm said 'It's living', instead of the cliché 'It's alive', so the readers won't expect it." The fish zombie also grew fifty feet. Klaus looked at it. "Und it's very big."

"Klaus!" Hayley said. "You can't give life to a dead fish! You got to get rid of it!"

"Don't worry," Klaus assured her. "I know what happened in Frankenstein. I won't let that happen. I'll take care of it und won't let it out of my sight. I promise."

It was Halloween night. Steve was in his Captain America costume. An orange bucket was in the corner, filled with candy for the trick or treaters. Klaus was puzzled as he looked at Steve.

"You're going trick or treating?" He wanted to know. Steve looked at him.

"Yeah." He answered. "What about it?"

"Aren't you getting a little old?"

"Yeah I guess. Dad says this will be my last year."

"You know what's weird?"

"What?"

"You were fourteen last year….and the year before…and the year before! It's like the Simpsons, Pokémon and other shows where the characters don't age."

"Yeah, that is weird! We had five Christmases and we all don't seem to be growing much." He thought about this. Francine then came with a camera.

"Is my boy ready for his last night as a trick or treater?"

"Is it, mom?" Steve asked. "Is it really?" Francine looked at her son with a confused look.

"What do you mean?"

"Never mind; just take my picture so I can meet up with my friends." Francine still was puzzled, but took her shots anyway as Steve posed for each of them. Roger then came up. Steve looked at him.

"Roger, what're you doing?" He asked.

"Going trick or treating with you. If this is going to be my boy's last night going, I want to be there."

"But you're not wearing a costume! People will recognize you and report you." Roger looked annoyed.

"Do I really need to explain it? Oh what the heck, I'll explain it. Everybody is in costume, so they'll think I'm in a costume. I'm Scott-free. It's the perfect disguise."

"If you say so. Okay, you can come. But if you steal any of my candy, I'll know."

"Relax, I won't steal them, I might steal one though, or two, or the whole stash." Steve glared down at the alien.

"Okay, okay," He defended himself. "You can have all your candy. I might take Snot's though." They then left.

"Have fun!" Francine called to them. "Be home by nine! Don't forget Steve, it's a school night!"

"Alright," Klaus spoke. "Are you ready to scare the trick or treaters, monster?" He looked by his side and his eyes widened. His 'monster' wasn't there. He looked all around. "Monster? Monster?" He looked at Francine. "Francine? Did you see Monster anywhere?" Francine shrugged.

"Don't ask me." She responded. "I only give candy to the trick or treaters."

"And you're naming it 'monster'?" Stan wanted to know, coming to his wife's side. Klaus looked at him and nodded.

"Stupid name I know, but I couldn't come up with anything better."

"Why not 'Klaus Jr.' or 'Klausinstein's Monster?'"

"Hmmm, I haven't even thought of those, but it's too late. If I change it, I might get confused und call it 'monster,' so 'monster' it stays."

"Whatever you say, fish. Whatever you say." He then left.

Marie, who was only nine, skipped away from the Smith house with her candy. She was Snow White, and with her were her two best friends, a Cinderella, and a Belle.

"Okay girls, let's go meet up with Cindy and go home!" They went off.

Suddenly, Marie heard something in the bushes.

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what? The Cinderella wanted to know.

"I didn't hear anything." The Belle admitted. Marie shook her head.

"I guess it was nothing." They continued on home. Suddenly, Marie heard it again. She and her friends stopped.

"There it is again!" She said.

"Yeah!" The Cinderella added. "I heard it too."

"Me too." The Belle added.

Suddenly, Klaus' monster hopped out of the bushes. The girls screamed and dropped their buckets of candy. The fish made its grunting sounds, going towards them like a zombie. Marie giggled.

"It's just a fish." She told her friends. "Just a giant fish."

"I wonder what it's doing here." The Cinderella said. "And what it's doing on land, instead of in water."

"Maybe it's lost." The Belle suggested. Marie bent down to the zombiefield fish.

"Is it true?" She asked. "Are you lost? Well, don't you worry. We'll help you find your family. I just have to tell my sister that we'll have to delay on going home. I'm sure she and my parents will understand that I'm doing it for a good reason." The fish came closer to her. Marie smiled. "That's it. I won't hurt you. You have nothing to worry about. You'll be back to the ones you love in no time." The fish growled at her and lunged at her. She screamed. Her friends' eyes widened.

"MARIE!" They yelled.

Teenaged Cindy, who looked 16 and was dressed as Pippi Longstocking, just hung up her cellphone. She went to get her sister and her friends and gasped when she saw their dead bodies.

"Mom's going to kill me." She said. And with that, she called the police on her cellphone.

When Roger, Steve and his friends had left a house, they saw the dead bodies of children, and some adults everywhere on the sidewalks.

"What happened here?" Steve asked out loud. Barry, who was dressed as Iron Man, hid behind Toshi, who was dressed as Spiderman.

"I don't know!" Berry said. "But something scary; something we kids weren't supposed to be seeing; I want to go home!" The fish then went to them.

'What is a fish doing out of his bowl?"" Snot asked, dressed as Thor.

"Hey!" Roger piped up. "Isn't that fish's monster?" Steve's eyes then widened, recognizing who the fish was.

"Oh my gosh!" He turned to his friends. "RUN GUYS!" His friends nodded and they all ran. The fish chased after them.

"MOM, DAD!" Steve yelled at the top of his lungs when he was on the front lawn. Francine saw her son and smiled. Stan just frowned, looking at his watch.

"Did you enjoy trick-or-treating?" She asked.

"You're late, son." Stan said. "It's ten past nine; you got some explaining to do young man."

"Not now, guys; Klaus' monster wants to kill us!" Francine and Stan's eyes widened as they saw the fish chasing after their son and the alien.

"KLAUS!" Francine shouted. Klaus then scooted in. He smiled when he saw his monster.

"There you are!" He spoke. "I've been looking for you everywhere! You shouldn't make daddy worry like that."

"Your monster wants to kill us, Klaus!" Roger told him. Klaus looked mad. He glared at his monster.

"Bad monster! You were supposed to scare, not kill! Murdering people isn't right" The monster came closer.

"Do something, Klaus!" Steve told the fish.

"Okay!" The fish said back. "I'm thinking!"

"Well, think faster before it's too late!" Klaus looked at Steve's shield.

"Throw your shield at it." Klaus told Steve. "It'll knock it out and we'll think about this." Steve looked at the fish.

"What?! Are you crazy? What if he catches it and bends it! I already had to give up something; I can't give up on another one! There's nothing you can say that…"

"Just do it, son!" Stan ordered him. Steve sighed and threw his shield at the monster, like a Frisbee. The shield whacked the monster out cold. The family sighed in relief.

"Well, glad that's over." Francine said.

"Yep!" Stan said. "Now, let's watch a little TV." He picked up the remote and sat on the couch.

"I'll do the laundry." Francine said. She looked at Klaus. "Klaus, get rid of your monster."

"Ja, I will." Klaus promised. "Just let me see what Stan's watching. If it's interesting, I'll do it later. If it's boring, I'll do it now. It just depends on the program."

"Okay, as long as you do it." And with that, she went off.

"Trick-or-treat tragedy!" Greg, dressed as a bunny, on the TV said. "Little Marie was the first to be slaughtered out of sixty seven trick-or-treaters and forty adults."

"Sad!" Klaus said. "And to think they all had so much to live for! They'll all be remembered forever. Who ever did this I hope they get the death penalty!"

"And who killed these innocent children and their parents?" Greg continued. "A fish." The family's eyes widened and their jaws dropped. They all looked at Klaus with narrowed eyes. Klaus laughed nervously.

"What?" He faked. "Maybe it was a different fish." Then footage of Klaus' monster came on screen.

"It was this fish, a rather large fish." Greg said. "A zombie fish. How this all could be possible, besides this being a little like Frankenstein and Frankenweenie is beyond me. And what makes this ironic is, Marie is almost like Maria, the little girl that died in the 1931 classic. " The footage then changed to a crying woman who was Marie's mom. Her husband was comforting her while trying to restrain his own tears.

"Marie was trick-or-treating with her friends, who also got killed." Marie's mom stated. "Her sister was watching her. She was just in 3rd grade. How could this happen? She was my baby and had so much to live for!" The footage went back to Greg.

"If you're a parent of these poor children," Greg continued. "Let me tell you I am very sorry for all of your losses. If my partner and I ever lost Libby, we…" He then realized something. His eyes grew big. "Oh my gosh! Terry took Libby trick-or-treating!" He began sobbing. "Terry, he was my loving partner, and Libby, sweet little Libby was a sweet, little butterfly! Why?! Why must it be this way!" He cried and cried. Terry, who was a Fireman, then came in, carrying Libby, who was dressed as a butterfly. Greg looked up. "Terry? Libby?"

"In the flesh!" Terry said. Greg hugged them both.

"Terry, Libby; I thought I lost you two!" Terry was confused.

"Greg?" He asked. "What're talking about? I told you that I was going to take Libby trick-or-treating."

"I'll tell you later." Stan turned off the TV.

"Oh mien gosh!" Klaus said. "What have I done?" He then began crying. "What have I done?"

"You let your monster run amok on a night where kids are on the street." Roger told him, "That is what you did. And your monster killed some of them and their parents, and because you are responsible, you're to blame. "

"It's my fault!" Klaus sobbed. "It's all my fault! Why didn't I keep a close enough eye on him, why?" He cried and cried. He looked at Stan. "What should I do?" Stan shrugged.

"Don't look at me." He said. "This isn't my problem. You're on your own on this one fish."

"Ja, but, your son gave me the dead fish."

"Don't drag my son into this!" Steve got mad and went up to the fish's bowl.

"That's right!" He argued. "Don't drag me into this! I didn't go into that freak storm and made a dead fish come to life. That was all you; I'm completely innocent!"

"And I'm innocent too!" Roger added. "All I did was help your dead fish come to life. If I'd known that your monster would go on a murderous rampage, I wouldn't have done it! In fact, I should have left you die out there!"

"Fine, fine, it's all my fault." Klaus then sighed. "I know; I must kill my monster." He looked at his fish monster and gasped. His fish monster was gone. "Where's my fish monster?" They then heard Francine scream.

"FRANCINE!" Stan cried.

"MOM!" Steve and Hayley cried also. They all ran to where they heard the scream. They then gasped. Francine was lying dead in the laundry room. Blood was everywhere.

"Francine." Stan said softly and started to cry. Steve burst into tears. A tear strolled down Hayley's face. Stan turned sharply to Klaus.

"YOU!" The CIA agent erupted. "You did this! You bought that monster to life and because of its existence, my wife is now dead!"

"Stan." Klaus started. "I-I'm so sorry. Truly, I am. This wasn't supposed to happen, none of it. I'll kill my monster right away."

"I want you to leave."

"What? But Stan, I…"

"LEAVE ME, MY KIDS AND ALIEN ALONE! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR STUPID FISH FACE EVER AGAIN!" Klaus sighed in defeat.

"Fine; I'll go." He scooted out. "Come on monster, monster?" He looked up when he heard screams. "Monster!" He turned around and gasped. Stan, Roger, Steve, and Hayley were dead. Klaus' monster had killed them all. Their bodies covered in blood.

"Oh gosh!" Klaus breathed. "Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh!" He began to cry, He then got serious. "I got to kill my monster!" He looked around and noticed his monster broke down the door. He scooted after it. "Oh no, not again."

"COME BACK!" He called to his monster. "You killed your last person!"

"That's the monster!" Shouted Marie's father, pointing to it. He and his wife were surrounded by police, news reporters, and other citizens "There's the monster that killed our daughter!"

"And my son!" Added another man.

"And mine!" Another put in.

"LET'S GET IT!" Everyone shouted at once. They then ran after the monster, turning from an angry crowd to an angry mob. Klaus gulped as he saw them.

"Klaus," He spoke to himself. "How are you going to explain this?" He hopped onto a police car as it sped off.

"Of course this is our destination." Klaus said to himself as they stopped at an old mill. "This is a Frankenstein-like story after all. I should've seen this coming." Police got out with their guns and headed towards the building, Klaus hopped off and went after his monster. The angry mob was there as well.

"I don't know what you're doing here," Klaus said to his monster when he met his monster inside the mill on the bottom floor. A lit candle was in the middle of the room. "Und I don't know why a lit candle is in the middle of the floor like this. But, don't do this! Come with me before you wreak another life!" The monster looked at Klaus and went towards him, making zombie noises. "That's it; come to daddy." The monster accidently knocked over the lit candle and a fire was started. The monster went crazy at the sight. Klaus went closer.

"No, no, it's all right." Klaus reassured him. "Don't fret; I'll get you out of here. We'll flee to safety, away so nobody can hurt you. Sounds good?" The monster went closer and closer, picked up Klaus and hugged him.

"Dada!" It managed to say.

"Everything will be all right; just you wait and see." The monster hugged him tight. "Okay, hug time over." But the monster hugged him tighter. The fish's eyes widened and screamed. "YOU'RE HURTING ME; YOU'RE HURTING ME!"

The monster stopped and looked at his master, but it was too late. Klaus was dead.

"Hmmmmm?" The monster questioned, wondering why his master just went limp. There was a bang on the door.

"OPEN UP!" An officer shouted from the outside. "We know you're in there." The monster carried the body of his master upstairs. The door banged again. "We're coming in 3, 2, 1!" The police then broke the door down.

Startled by the sudden noise, the monster dropped Klaus out of the window. It watched as the body fell on a sail.

The monster was about to go get its master's body when he heard footsteps approaching.

"You're under arrest!" An officer called. The monster looked around, thinking quickly. It then jumped over a fallen piece of the ceiling and out of a window, shattering the glass, as the policemen came. The officers then saw the monster run off into the night.

"KLAUS!" Francine shouted at him, snapping the fish out of his extended fantasy. Klaus sighed in relief and scooted back into the house.

"Did you have an extended fantasy to what may have happened if you went on with your plan, fish?" Stan asked. "I had one of those with Barack Obama."

"Ja!" Klaus answered. "Und it was terrible, just plain terrible! So many deaths, including you guys."

"You died in my extended fantasy too. One of Barack's bodyguards shot you in mid air." Klaus looked at the CIA agent.

"What?" Stan defended himself.

"Nothing, but like I said, it was an extended fantasy. None of it's true."

"You want to talk about it?" Roger questioned. Klaus looked at him.

"Okay, so I went outside und…."

"I'm bored!" Klaus looked at him. "What? I asked if you wanted to talk about it. I didn't say I wouldn't ignore you." He went out with Steve. Klaus shrugged and asked Stan to take him upstairs, witch Stan did. Klaus had the dead fish in his fins.

Klaus went to the bathroom and threw the fish body into the toilet. He jumped onto the lid and flushed. He then watched as the body spiraled all the way down. He, again sighed in relief, and went off.