Chapter Four

"The great advantage of living in a family is that early lesson of life's essential unfairness."

- Nancy Mitford

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"Neji, honey, why are you bleeding?" Neji's grandma asked, worried, as she spotted Neji's bruised and bloody knuckles.

Neji, who had been trying to escape to the bathroom to wash his hands before he started dinner, stopped in the middle of the hallway, face unreadable. "Gym class," he responded. "We were playing basketball, and I ended up falling and scraping my hands. Whoops," he said, his voice casual. He threw in a smile at the end, making the lie amazingly convincing.

His grandma smiled, the concern now gone from her face, and said, "Oh, okay. Well make sure you put a band aid on it!" before walking into the living room.

Neji gave her a last smile, and then walked into the bathroom. He turned on the water in the sink and washed his bloody hands, wincing at the stinging pain. His knuckles were scraped pretty badly, so, like his grandma said, he put a band aid on each hand. As he looked into the mirror, he saw the content expression on his face; He felt satisfied. The blood was worth it for relieving himself of all the anger inside of him, about to burst like a pipe. As he walked out of the bathroom, he could feel his muscles inside him completely relaxed. He felt like lying down, so he walked into his bedroom and spread out on the bed.

The room was dark and, although it was early, Neji almost felt tired. He could hear his father walk into the room to say goodnight to him, so Neji replied, "Goodnight, dad…" before drifting off into a slight slumber. When he woke up there were tears on his face.

In the morning Neji felt uneasy. As he showered, got dressed, and went to school, he felt uneasy. The uneasiness built up and transformed into anger. During English class, he raised his hand and asked if he could be excused. His teacher let him go, and Neji left the classroom and walked into the boys' bathroom, locking himself in a stall. He leaned against the stall door. He suddenly fell to a crouch, holding his head in his hands. He bit his tongue, his lips, until they started to bleed a little. He held himself tightly and felt his arms, legs, and back shake with effort. His eyes were squeezed shut. He grinded his teeth. He pulled at his hair. He was fighting against the anger. A few minutes later, he was fine. He flushed the toilet to make his visit seem normal, slowly washed his hands, and walked out. These kinds of visits to the bathroom were normal for Neji, and they had started back when he was a freshman. Over the years they had become more frequent, increasing from once a month, to a few times a month, to once a week, until now, in his senior year, when he was visiting the bathroom almost every day, but still nobody noticed. In truth, no one had ever mentioned any strange behavior from Neji. Perhaps, to his peers and his teachers, he was only a nice little trophy for the school, his grades held up on a pedestal for the rest of the students to look up to.

As Neji walked out of the bathroom, he saw Hinata stumbling down the hall on her crutches that yesterday she had reprimanded herself for not being able to use. Neji's breath caught, and he hesitated before running after her. She heard the footsteps behind her and turned around slightly, looking scared, but her features softened when she saw who it was.

"Good morning, Neji," she said cheerily. However, as she said this, one of her crutches fell out of her grasp, and she nearly tumbled to the floor. Neji considered trying to catch her, but stayed where he was. Hinata regained her footing, and stood up again, an embarrassed smile on her face. "Whoops…"

"Are you okay?" Neji asked. Hinata nodded, but Neji rasied an eyebrow at her. "I guess you haven't mastered the crutches yet."

Hinata's cheeks flushed. "The problem seems to be with my ankle, not the crutches. I'm going to the nurse now, she's going to check on it," she explained.

"Oh," Neji said. "I hope it's alright."

That made Hinata smile. "I'm sure it is," she said, "I probably just don't know how to walk on it correctly. I'll be fine." But as soon as she said this, she winced with pain.

Neji felt something inside him that he could only trace back to the way he thought about his grandma… concern?

Neji and Hinata said goodbye to each other, and he walked back to class while Hinata continued to the nurse. When he got back to English class, the lesson was nearly over, and he had a hard time paying attention. Neji felt relief when the bell rang, announcing the end of class, and hurried out of the door. It was lunch time now, and Neji was looking forward to being outside of the claustrophobic walls of school, at least for 45 minutes. As he left the classroom, he felt a hand pull him back a little.

"Hey, Neji," Tenten said. "Do you want to have lunch together today?"

"Oh… sure," Neji answered.

Tenten seemed happy. "Let's go outside," she suggested, and the two headed out of the school. They found an empty picnic table and sat on top of it, feet resting on the seats. They started eating, making small talk about school and friends. Neji liked being outside, despite the cold of the mid-February wind. Tenten, on the other hand, was shivering. She pulled her sweater tighter around her, and moved in a little closer to Neji.

"Hey, Neji…" she started, "What do you think of me?" she asked.

Neji didn't look at her, but stared straight. "You're my friend," he said.

"We've known each other for a while now… and we've messed around before," she said, cheeks turning pink. "I really like being your friend, but I was wondering if you'd be interesting in… taking it to the next level?"

Neji felt a little uncomfortable, and still didn't look at her. Tenten was on his right side, his blind side, so he couldn't even see her out of the corner of his vision. He felt blinded from her entirely; even at that moment, he seemed to be forgetting what she looked like, but still he didn't check to see. "Well…" he started, "I'm really not a relationship kind of person."

"Oh…" Tenten said. "Okay. That's alright, then."

Neji tried to block out the pain from her voice. He changed the subject, which she seemed grateful for, to their English homework. He felt a little guilty, but her words did not surprise Neji; He supposed he had always known how she felt. At least his response had been truthful; He had not been in a relationship for quite some time now. He couldn't even remember the last time he had been interested in a girl.

Neji and Tenten's lunch eventually ended, and Neji walked back inside to go to his locker before his afternoon classes. He couldn't help but keep an eye out for a certain silver-eyed girl everywhere he went. He found it hard to concentrate in his classes again, and chose to stare out the window instead. Tenten, who would usually at this point ask him if he was alright, stayed silent. That made Neji feel guilty and uncomfortable, and when class ended, he walked out quickly without stopping. He felt discouraged when he walked through the halls, and, again, didn't see Hinata anywhere.

He decided to check the nurse's office. When he walked in, it was empty aside from the nurse sitting at her desk. He looked around the room once more to be sure, then turned back to walk out.

"Hey…" the nurse said. "Are you looking for Hinata Hyuuga?" she asked him.

He was surprised. "Um… yes," he replied. "How did you know?"

"You look just like her. Like twins," she said, staring at him. "Anyway… Hinata left a while ago," she told him. "She was admitted into the hospital."

Neji's eyes widened. "The hospital?" he exclaimed.

She nodded sympathetically. "There was something wrong with her ankle. Sorry."

Neji's mouth hung open, and he hurriedly thanked the nurse and ran out of the office. As he exited the school, he stared wide-eyed at the floor, wondering what to do. He didn't have Hinata's phone number or any other way of getting into contact with her, and, if there was a serious problem with her leg, she might not be at school tomorrow. He didn't want to wait; he wanted to find out now that she was okay.

"Neji, you want to play football with us?" one of his friends asked him. He took a look at Neji's face and added, "Hey, man, what happened? You alright?"

Neji looked up at him. "My sister is in the hospital," he answered solemnly.

"Oh, shit, I'm sorry. I didn't even know you had a sister."

Neji hurried off to take the bus back home. As soon as it was his stop, he quickly got off the bus, annoying people along the way that he had pushed, and entered his apartment building. He pressed the button on the elevator for the garage, where his car would be waiting, but then he stopped himself. I have to check on grandma, he thought. Neji felt immediately shamed that he almost passed through his own house without even thinking about her, and took the elevator upstairs instead.

"Grandma?" he called into the apartment as he opened the door. He let out a huge breath of relief when she answered him. He checked on her, and went into the kitchen to make a snack for her. He felt guilty as he told her he was going out, and would be home in time for dinner.

"I love you, honey," she said to him as he turned the door handle.

He stopped and slowly turned back around. Love… he thought. How can I even be sure that I love grandma, if I've never loved anyone else before, and I can't ever bring myself to love a girl or a friend? In spite of his thoughts, he repeated the words back to her.

Neji was impatient as the elevator moved at an annoyingly slow pace downstairs to the garage. He got into his car and started driving toward the hospital. He realized that he was on the same path he had been on just a few nights ago, except this time it was his own decision. His irritation increased as he was slowed down by the cars around him, growing higher with every red light or truck that went in front of him.

When he finally parked outside of the hospital, he hurried out of the car and into the hospital lobby. It looked exactly the same, and the lady behind the desk recognized him, and told him where Hinata's room was.

"You should hurry, visiting hours end soon," she told him.

Neji, yet again, waited impatiently as the elevator stopped slowly on each floor before finally opening on the 6th. He found Hinata's room and when he walked in, she was talking to a doctor. He looked up and frowned at Neji, saying, "Visiting hours are almost over," sternly.

"Um, I'll just be a second," he told him. The doctor left, leaving Hinata and Neji alone. She was sitting up in the hospital bed, which was right next to the window, wearing white pajamas.

"Neji," Hinata said, smiling hugely. "How'd you know I was here?"

"Oh, um…," Neji stuttered. What was he supposed to say? "I heard around school that you had to come here, and I was passing by to pick up something for my grandma, so I thought I'd say hi."

"That's so thoughtful," Hinata said, beaming.

"Yeah…" Neji mumbled. "So, what happened? Why are you here?"

Hinata's smile faded a little. "It turns out there was more to my ankle than just a sprain; it was actually broken. And since I've been walking on it these past few days, it hurts a lot now, so I'm going to rest here for a few days I think."

Neji nodded, trying not to appear too concerned, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"Do you want to sit down?" Hinata asked him, gesturing to the free space on her bed.

Neji hesitated before walking over and sitting at the end of the white hospital bed. Hinata was looking at him shyly, cheeks seemingly permanently pink, and wouldn't quite give him eye contact. He wondered if looking at his blind eye upset her. "How did your mom react?" he asked her.

Hinata did not miss the way he said "your mom", as though she was not her son, too. "She was kind of upset," she admitted.

"Did she yell at you?" he asked, remembering the way their mom had screamed at him whenever he did anything she deemed wrong.

Hinata shook her head. "No. She never yells at me."

Neji stiffened. He was surprised that he could still feel his childhood jealousy towards her.

"We don't really talk that much, to be honest," Hinata admitted. "We only talk when we're studying together. She stopped by here a few hours ago to talk to the doctor, and she just gave me a look like she was upset. But she didn't say anything." All of a sudden, Hinata got a dreamy look in her eye, and she stared out the window. "I was born in this hospital," she said.

"I was born here, too," Neji said, "It never occurred to me."

"I thought of in the elevator coming up this morning. I was back here to get my tonsils out, though. Didn't you ever get your tonsils out?"

"No, they never bothered me."

Hinata sat in her bed with her hands folded in her lap, and continued to gaze out the window. "Look at all those people down there. They look so small, almost like ants. Do you ever get the feeling that's all we are? Just ants?"

Neji paused. "Sometimes," he said.

"I told that to mom once."

"What did she say?"

"Nothing. I told you, she never talks to me unless we're studying together. But a few days later, she told me something. She said that humans have one mission in life; to take what God hands us with and shut up."

"Do you believe that?"

Hinata shrugged. "I've never said that to anyone before," she said softly. "I was always wondering who I would tell it to. If my parents had been in town that night, and you had never picked me up from the hospital, I would still be wondering."

Neji stared. Soon visiting hours were over, and they had to say goodbye. When Neji stood up to leave, he hesitated, and could see Hinata doing the same. Neji almost considered giving her a quick hug or kissing her cheek goodbye, like most friends or family did, but stayed where he was.

"I'll come visit you tomorrow," he told her.

"Okay," she replied, smiling.

He waved to her and walked out of the room. He got in his car and drove home.

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