"PHANTOM!"

Once again, Elkay's piercing voice shredded Phantom's ears like some kind of simile. He was too tired to come up with clever literary devices. Oh! Like cheese! People shredded cheese, right?

"PHANTOM, YOU'RE IN BIG SHIT!"

He lifted his head.

"Why?"

She held up her phone.

"You insulted Carlotta over Twitter."

"So?"

"So," she emphasized, "This is a big deal. You fucked up, man. You fucked up big time."

Phantom gave a half-yawn half-shrug and slipped out of bed.

"Well, I wouldn't worry about it. You've said far worse things."

"Such as?"

"I dunno. There are so many examples, I can't think of one specifically."

"I've never offended anyone."

"Now, I know that's a lie, because I'm pretty sure you're a Nazi."

"That's a filthy, shitty, slanderous exaggeration of the truth! I don't want to kill all Jews. Just Joel Schumacher."

Phantom rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, that's such an endearing thing to say. You're a real gem. Anyway, as always, I wouldn't worry about it. Carlotta is a Prima Donna, and she has some sort of unfounded grudge against me."

"You killed her husband."

"Point being: I've done nothing wrong on Twitter. It's just a little humor."

"Yeah, well you need to learn to filter that, you autistic fuckface."

Phantom cringed.

"Did you just use autism as an insult? That's low, even for a Nazi."

Elkay snuffed.

"I'm not a Nazi, and I'm using it as a real adjective. You have autism."

Phantom shook his head, letting his dragon-ears flap.

"If this is about Ramin Karimloo's interpretation of me, I'd like to remind you that I'm on the Cudia side of the spectrum."

Elkay chuckled.

"Oh, you're on a spectrum, all right. I'm not just making things up, you know."

Phantom crossed his arms bitterly.

"How can you be sure that I have autism?"

"Because I do too."

He uncrossed his arms. Suddenly, he was at a loss for words.

"I . . . I never thought-"

"Yeah, I was shocked when I learned it, too. I used to think that I was weird because of my personality, but it's the autism that causes it. I was pretty upset about it until I realized that I liked being weird, no matter the reason. It's good to get diagnosed, but regardless of what labels you have, you'll always be yourself."

Phantom scratched his ear.

"That's . . . kind of nice. Are you sure I have it too?"

"Mhm. It's one of the quirks you inherited from me. The more obvious one . . . Well, we've been over that. Keep it covered, and nobody will pry."

"I don't even wear a mask anymore."

She scoffed.

"Well, yeah, because you're not deformed as a dragon. Maybe it's what you were always meant to be."

"An autistic dragon?"

"Mhm."

Phantom nodded loosely.

"Yeah . . . Okay. So what do autistic people do?"

"Same things as you did before, but now you know why. I would avoid conforming to stereotypes, because it makes the public look upon us with horror and pity, neither of which are desirable. That's why I don't watch Doctor Who."

"Are autistic people known for watching Doctor Who?"

"Yeah. That's why it's called the Tardis."

After a second, Phantom's face fell.

"Wow, you're even a dick to your own demographic . . ."