Ch 4
A/N: (Goldpiece) Due to the nature of this chapter, we have been asked by the Council Against Caveman Defamation to issue a public service announcement. (Siapom) Cavemen might not have had the technology that we do today, but that didn't make them uncultured brutes, right Dr. Brennan? (Dr. Temperance Brennan) That's right. The Neanderthal was as cultured as Homo Sapiens, and while most lived in family groups in caves for protection from the elements, that didn't mean that they had no respect for the other members of their family groups. They were skilled, showed a respect for the dead, and were quick learners, just like modern humans. (Goldpiece) Thank you Dr. Brennan. And with that, I hope you enjoy this next installment of 'Well, this is Awkward'. (Siapom) And pressing that little button at the bottom is always nice too. (Goldpiece) What she said.
Booth listened as the footsteps got closer to the bathroom. Damn, what do I do? He stood up and took a deep, resolving breath before flinging open the door. Brennan jumped back slightly as the door opened toward her.
"Bones!" He hadn't expected her to be right there. After her initial look of surprise, he noticed her peeking into the bathroom behind him.
"You did, uh..." she began, motioning toward the toilet.
"Huh?..OH! Right. 'Cause I was going to the bathroom, so I would want to do that." He turned around and flushed the toilet. When he turned back to face Brennan, she was giving him the funniest look. "What? I swear that I normally flush the toilet after each use."
With that, he turned his back to her and began to wash his hands. Might as well go through all the motions. He tried to fight the eye roll that was threatening, especially when he looked into the mirror and saw her smirk at him. Oh, now she's asking for it, he thought as he dried off his hands.
"What? Don't you wash your hands after you," he waved at the toilet, "you know."
She jerked her head to meet his gaze in the mirror. "What? Of course I do!"
"That's good to know, Bones. So, what brings you to my bathroom?" How do I do this? Angela might have specified. After all, I could get my ass kicked here!
"I, uh, that is..." she stuttered for a moment before grabbing both sides of his face and planting her lips onto his. No sparks be damned. Brennan could feel the kiss in her toes.
Booth wrapped his arms around her waist, partially to prevent him falling over, and partially to get a boost. As he broke his lips from hers, he flung her over his shoulder and in his best caveman voice said...
"Unnnga. Captain CAAAVVVEEEMAAAN! To the rescu – "
"Ouch!"
Booth stepped back and turned sideways. "Oh god, I'm sorry. Is your foot okay? I didn't think about the doorway. It looks kinda red. Do you need some ice?"
"Booth! Watch out for my…"
CRACK. A strangeld yelp escaped Temperance before she began seeing stars. Her head collided with the doorway as he turned, concentrating on her injured foot.
"Oh god, oh god, oh god, I'm so sorry!" He gently set her to the ground, catching her as her ankle buckled beneath her.
"How about I just take you on the bed. I mean to the bed!"
Brennan hobbled on one foot, holding Booth's arm with one hand while rubbing her head with the other. "That's fine. Either is fine, really, if it means you'll stop beating me up with the door frame."
Booth snickered, but only a moment before he forced himself to sober up. Her head and foot were hurt, damn it. He didn't need to be laughing at her as well. But then there was the comment, either. Maybe he could still try a little caveman something or other.
He set her down gently and worked his hands over her injured parts, making sure they were okay before he looked back at her face.
She was grinning broadly. "So, Captain whatever-it-was, is that really your idea of a rescue attempt? Because I have a few recommendations for your next attempt."
He leaned down to gently kiss her temple, wincing when he felt the beginnings of a bump. Speaking against her skin he answered, "Not really. And, it's Captain Caveman to you, woman."
She chuckled as she brought her hand up to run her fingers through his hair. As she moved her hand to the nape of his neck, he gasped and pulled away rubbing his neck. She started to ask what was wrong, but then saw the hairs stuck in the links of her bracelet.
"Oh, are you okay?" she asked, trying desperately to suppress a laugh. She shifted until she was sitting on her heels, trying to ascertain the pulled hair damage.
"Female quiet now," Booth spoke as he reached down and smacked her on the rear. She gasped and began to giggle in earnest. Sure that he'd made his point, Booth turned around to examine the sore spot on his neck in the mirror.
Damn that hurt. He rubbed his fingers over the red spot, hoping it would lessen the sting. It didn't.
Brennan, starting to feel neglected, decided that it was time to draw his attention back to the task at hand. After all, I'm the one who won't be able to stand on my own two feet in the morning. So, she reached over and gently curled her fingers around his butt, sliding one finger along the seam of his pants. Not expecting her to do that, Booth jumped about three feet and let out a high pitched yelp that had Brennan laughing in a second.
"Oh, you're going to pay for that!"
"Oh really? And just what do you intend to do about it, Caveman?"
Booth walked over to her, his hand resting on the button of his jeans. "Oh, I don't know. I'll think of something. But, right now, I have more important matters that we need to address."
"You do? And what might those matters entail?" Moving further onto the bed, she leaned back, intending to pose enticingly. But, she miscalculated and her hand slipped off the other side, causing her to squeal as her body smacked onto the bed.
Booth gasped, and watched in what seemed to be slow motion as Tempe flailed her arms and legs, trying desperately to stay on the small sliver of mattress holding her up. Alas, it was in vain. Her hipbone slipped off the bed, sending her crashing to the floor. Though he tried desperately to not laugh, the sound escaped as he jogged to her side to help her up. She was rubbing her hip and wincing at the tender flesh there.
"It's not funny, Booth." She glared as he only laughed harder. When his response was "I beg to differ," she slapped away his offered hand and attempted to stand on her own. Unfortunately, she'd forgotten about her injured ankle. It collapsed under her weight, and she grabbed for something to help keep her upright. What she caught was the top of Booth's unbuttoned pants. As she fell backward, she tugged on the pants, only to have the zipper slide down…
"AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH! OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!" Booth tried desperately to move, but the hairs caught in his zipper only pulled more because she had yet to let go of it. "Bones, for the love of all things holy, let go!"
"Booth, what in the hell is your problem? It's your fault that my ankle hurts!" She tugged on his pants for added emphasis.
He gasped and turned a rather sickly shade of red. "OwletgopleasedearGodletgoplease."
She dropped her hands from his pants. "Booth, what is wrong with you?"
"Hair." It came out as a squeak. Brennan looked at the zipper and saw two tiny hairs caught there. Her eyes widened with the realization of what that had to mean.
"I didn't think you'd be the type to go commander."
With watering eyes, Booth bent over and cupped his injured body protectively. He opened his mouth to correct her, but only a groan escaped.
"Booth?" She watched as he opened and closed his mouth uselessly. "Maybe you better sit down. She moved over to make room on the bed. "Here. Sit. Can I get you anything? Do you want some ice?"
His eyes opened wide in alarm.
"What? What's wrong?" He just shook his head in response. Very gingerly, he reached behind the zipper to hold himself still. Brennan reached over to help, but it only earned her a slap on the wrist and a glare.
"Maybe you could just keep your hands to yourself for a minute while I make sure the boys are still in working order?"
Brennan gaped. "Wouldn't that work better if I helped? I mean, unless you prefer that I just watch."
Booth opened his mouth, but couldn't think of a single thing to say.