"Just because you're better than me
Doesn't mean I'm lazy
Just because you're going forwards
Doesn't mean I'm going backwards" (To Have And To Have Not, Lars Frederiksen And The Bastards)
Sasuke admires and respects strength, regardless of whom it belongs to, young age and neglect turning his innate pride into the clear understanding that in order to become stronger he must learn from the strongest.
Fugaku never had time for him but he didn't mind: he wanted to be taught by Itachi.
That, too, happened rarely.
Sasuke never got to know what Itachi felt.
How hard it was to reject him every time, poking his forehead and making him wait, again, as always.
How much he would have enjoyed to teach him everything he knew, to see the pure perfect creature born after the war unravel before his eyes like a bird learning to fly.
How happy he was when he made it, correcting little mistakes, explaining his shortcuts for basic techniques, basking in his little brother's light of admiration and love,mirroring it within his heart, where no one could see it, so not to blind the child.
Itachi was sure that Sasuke would soar the highest skies one day, higher than him, higher than anyone else. Hawks fly higher than crows, unless they're tied to a chain.
He didn't want to be that chain.
Kakashi was stronger than most Uchiha clansmen. Sharing his affinity to lightning Sasuke trained under his guidance for years. He would have never learned chidori otherwise.
That was the past though. Now he must learn from someone else.
Shisui of the Body Flicker. The fastest shinobi, able to create clones from after images.
The one whose name was enough for enemies to retreat without fighting.
So above everyone else that his brother chose him.
Swallowing pride and jealousy, using the right amount of politeness required for the task, Sasuke asks his cousin to train him.
His manners are formal, his words are appropriate. His eyes are cold.
He was only warm with Itachi, before he threw him away.
Shisui can't help but notice the difference with the respectful manners Itachi had when he first trained him.
He is met with equal coldness. No formality, as expected from a superior in rank.
As expected from someone who is swallowing his own feelings to keep a promise to the one he loved and lost.
Shisui imagined that it would have been more awkward between them but he was wrong.
Sasuke is not as insightful on feelings as him and Itachi are.
He doesn't need to hide his annoyance at all; his cousin is not going to understand its real reason anyway.
"I'll train you. I owe it to your brother, after all. But," Shisui adds with a reproaching look that Sasuke knows all too well, "I'll stop training you if you can't keep up. Don't think that I'll treat you nicely because of who you are. I don't have time to waste on spoiled brats."
He doesn't mind the elder's high and mighty attitude. He expects nothing less.
Everyone in the clan consider him a living legend. Does his brother do the same?
Besides, news of his recent disciplinary problem must have reached him.
He got into a fight with Naruto as they were on a mission: Naruto was provoking him as usual but he was so full of blind burning anger that he couldn't control himself.
The client complained to the Hokage, as the shinobi who were supposed to protect him did the complete opposite, and reclaimed his money back.
Sasuke and Naruto were suspended for a few days.
The young Uchiha had never gotten into such childish trouble.
Luckily Itachi was on a mission, as Fugaku's livid look every time he crossed his path was more than enough.
His words don't offend the boy; he heard much worse, from the one he loved.
From the one he loves, but he can't say it, not even to himself.
Itachi is the one he needs to surpass. The one he needs to hate.
He doesn't consider himself a spoiled brat though. He has always trained harder than everyone he knows.
No matter how hard he trained he didn't achieve the same results as his brother.
Itachi is right about him.
He is worthless.
Maybe he is a spoiled brat too.
He would like to punch him in the face and change that annoyed expression into a pained one, but he gives up to even imagining of beating him up.
They haven't spent time together in years.
Usually his brother was with them but that time he had an important mission and his parents were meeting the clan elders.
He was sick, he had a slight fever and his leg hurt.
Shisui spent the whole day with him. He even cooked. Sasuke wasn't hungry but he ended up eating all his food; his cousin was a good cook indeed.
They stayed the whole afternoon in Sasuke's room, in case he needed rest. Outside, the sky was gray and a gentle drizzle was drawing patterns on the window.
"Did it hurt?"
Sasuke asked, gently touching Shisui's scar.
"Not that much," the elder replied.
"There are things that hurt more than physical pain..."
Like leaving his cousin, best friend and lover alone when the clan and the village were on the verge of war, piling a new suffering on his already burdened shoulders; like knowing that for Itachi he would never be the first one, he thought back then, but it only lasted a moment, because he reminded himself that they made it. That the clan was safe. That the village was safe. That Sasuke was safe. That Itachi could have some peace from that moment on. That both of them would. Together.
Until death would catch them, or they would have to do their duty.
As if Shisui would let Itachi die. As if he would lose him.
The confused looking child shook him out of his musings. He smiled and said:
"Ah, who am I kidding...yes, it hurt."
Sasuke smiled back, touching his broken leg. Being allowed to admit he was in pain made him feel better.
"It hurt like a bitch!"
The elder said laughing. When the boy started laughing as well he added:
"You didn't hear that word from me, kiddo, understood? I'm a hero, I can't be killed by your father!"
As the sky darkened, Sasuke's pain became stronger.
Not being able to do much, Shisui brought him a glass of fresh milk.
"Itachi will be back soon and he'll bring Tsunade. She's going to be the new Hokage but first she's going to heal you."
His brother insisted in waiting to heal Sasuke, just in case the danger wasn't really over and Danzo had previously taken countermeasures they hadn't accounted for. Besides, he only wanted the best medic for him.
Shisui distracted the child with countless stories, about the Senju Princess, the founders of Konoha, himself and Itachi. They would meet again soon, he thought.
They would be fine. The village, the clan, Sasuke were safe. He and Itachi were safe.
That was years ago; now Shisui knows what both brother feel for each other and what he feels for both.
Regret, for what he had with Itachi was the closest he could get to happiness and yet he let him go.
Sadness, because he lost Itachi forever.
Anger, because he lost Itachi to this boy.
Jealousy, because he never had him, because of this boy who's glaring at him, trying to sound polite.
Spoiled brat becomes a recurring taunt.
Training with Shisui is hard, even for Sasuke, who is used to a harsh treatment.
Being the best of his class and his peer shinobi was easy for someone who trained all the time at home, where his grades were compared to Itachi's.
And even when their grades were the same he still lost because his brother graduated earlier.
His father, Kakashi, every Uchiha adult used to say that his generation was weaker than theirs because of peace. What they all did during the war wasn't taught at the Academy. War was the toughest teacher.
Sasuke learned at an early age to dismiss his teachers' and class mates' praise and only strive to be acknowledged by the stronger ones, who in return made sure he got a taste of their old training.
Itachi was the only one who took the time to show him everything in detail, instead of just assuming he would catch up because he was an Uchiha.
Sasuke loved training with his brother. His explanations were easy, his corrections soft, never angry or humiliating.
Now he knows that his brother's caring attitude was a merciful lie, born from his sense of duty and Sasuke's weakness.
The elder saw him as hopeless, unworthy of being treated like stronger men, the boy once realizes, bandaging the results of a hard session.
Shisui is like everyone else.
No explanations. Sasuke must repeat what he does, if he makes a mistake he corrects him as they proceed.
Unlike Academy teachers and genin team leaders, who sometimes must hold back to allow his students to have a chance against them when training, Shisui uses his full abilities against Sasuke.
"You're no longer a genin and I don't have to explain you anything. You have to steal from me with your eyes if you want to learn."
He may be no longer a student but there are times when the young Uchiha feels like he never learned anything at all.
He was taught that lightning based jutsu are stronger than water based ones, but when his cousin uses one he defeats his Chidori anyway.
He's so fast that forming its seals is almost impossible, just like avoiding his blows, that seem to come from every direction all at once.
Shisui doesn't say it out loud but he finds training with him beneficial because there aren't many lightning users. When he'll be able to use his element, that is.
He doesn't concede any advantage. The real enemy wouldn't either. Or a rival.
If the brat weren't his most precious person he would tell him that his persistence is admirable, during those days where his dejection is more evident.
He would advise him to ask what he doesn't understand with a less annoyed tone, so that the boy wouldn't feel like failing a test when he does, soon stopping altogether.
He reprimands himself because he should honor the promise made to Itachi in a better way.
He reminds himself of the time when his cousin was excited to have a little brother and he was almost as happy as him. Yet nothing happens beside more teasing.
Shisui plays with his weaknesses – his pride, his sense of inferiority, his need to be acknowledged by the ones he holds in high esteem, his love for his brother – to elicit an emotional reaction and distract him.
It's another way to weaken an opponent, after all.
It's almost amusing, the way Sasuke keeps under control his otherwise rude mouth, not wanting to lose the chance to train with the strongest.
"You want to punch me, uh?"
He mocks him once, after they sparred.
Sasuke clenches his jaw. He is visibly exhausted.
They're both tired: Shisui doesn't hold back.
Even if he knows he's better than Sasuke he never lets his guard down, because the boy will get stronger and he already lost Itachi's heart to him.
"Go on then..." Shisui smugly points at the scar under his eye, "If you can. You won't be able to get close to this face for a long time, boy."
Sasuke takes off his shirt and wipes the sweat trickling down his face, neck and chest, his fists too tight around the garment, as if it were the other's neck.
"Maybe you'll never be..."
He adds, slightly tilting his head to avert the shirt thrown at him like a cannonball.
He can't disrespect him but he can't restrain himself completely either.
Even though he knows the elder may be right.
It's not unusual for him to come home battered and bruised, with a split lip or a black eye.
Sometimes limping heavily, favoring his side or his ribcage.
He could go to the hospital but then they would know that he's weak, that he can't keep up with training with the Body Flicker and he doesn't want that.
He can take injuries. He can take pain.
No one is worried about it: Shisui is the hero who saved the clan, together with Itachi. He protected Konoha many times. They all trust him.
Itachi is worried but he can't express it.
When they were children and he used to tend to his brother's injuries he would have never thought he would cause deeper and more painful wounds, that there would be nothing he could do except put a jar of salve in his room, to soothe all injuries but those ones.
Sasuke thinks the salve is from their mother.
Team 7 is disbanded. Sakura starts studying medicine with Tsunade. Naruto decides to follow his late father's footsteps and become Jiraiya's pupil.
Sasuke could enroll in the Police Force, the only career opportunity for his clan, during the dark years of discrimination. Now it's open to everyone but it's still almost entirely composed by Uchiha people, who, given freedom and choice, chose to protect the village from the inside, maintaining order and justice, fighting crimes committed by other shinobi. It's a noble task that they accept with honor now that they're no longer forced into it.
That fateful night the enthusiasm for having thwarted Danzo's vile plans was keeping the whole District awake.
Small groups of civilians, all deep in conversation, were cleaning up the streets.
Children didn't understand much; some helped the adult picking the remains of the events that could have ended them all, some played with their friends. As long as their parents could see them it was fine if they didn't go to sleep.
When Uchiha Fugaku and his squad brought the masked Uchiha at the Hokage's Building, someone in the village was already awake and informed of the news.
The Police Force could have dealt with the traitor without warning anyone.
Especially that night. Especially because it was one of them.
They had all the right to keep Konoha away from their issues, someone whispered as the clan leader marched onwards, impassive as always, not betraying any sign of animosity.
That night he, and by extension the Police Force, became a symbol of justice, duty and loyalty in the eyes of shinobi and civilians alike.
Working in the Police Force was Sasuke's childhood dream, just like working side by side with his brother, but he's not a child anymore and his dreams are over.
Itachi crushed them all.
Shisui doesn't ask why Sasuke wants to join his special jounin team.
He doesn't need to. The boy's look is enough.
Once again, as always, Sasuke's eyes say more than his forcibly polite request.
Hate, because Itachi chose him.
Admiration, for the same reason.
He doesn't care. Accepting is part of the promise he made to Itachi.
At his conditions: the boy is not going to be pampered and praised. His team is not Team 7.
As if Sasuke ever paid attention to their compliments.
If he doesn't want to be kicked out he must work hard and be humble.
He must be more like Itachi.
Even the missions are different, longer and better paid but more impersonal.
Sasuke never cared about that aspect, only to get the job done, yet he can't help but notice that clients treated three man cells much better. Be it endearment or curiosity for their young age, they worried when they were wounded and thanked them when it was over.
No one cares if a shinobi from his new team is injured, instead. No one thanks them, as they receive money for their work.
Shisui's special jounin team is larger, older and highly specialized. Seals, taijutsu, tracking, everyone has his unique strength in addition to Uchiha's bloodline abilities.
Sasuke is the youngest and less experienced member.
Qualified as Shisui's apprentice, he must stay beside him all the time and obey his orders.
And everyone else's, as they're all his superiors in rank, and they all tease him, escalating from Shisui's little cousin or Shisui's bastard son to Shisui's little sister and Shisui's girlfriend.
When his cousin finds the boy grappling with a higher ranked comrade, he grabs him by the hem of his shirt and pushes him outside of the locker room, shoving him against a wall, intimating that if he does that again he'll kick him out with no possibility of appeal.
"Adults relieve stress in many ways. One is joking, especially at the expense of spoiled brats like you."
There are other ways to relieve stress too.
Another one makes him think about Itachi, even though it never was a mere stress relief for them.
Even though if it weren't for that feisty brat the other would have loved him.
"If you can't behave around adults get out of my squad, kid."
He dismisses Sasuke for the day, not asking what ticked him off after he behaved more or less properly since he joined them.
He doesn't need to ask. He knows that his cousin tolerates insults and he knows what ticked him off.
He heard it himself.
"Not judging you guys but at least Leader could have brought in the team someone with a nice pair of tits instead of your skinny ass!"
"Oi, what does your brother say about you and Shisui being lovey-dovey all the time?"
"I bet that Itachi is ashamed of his little brother!"
That's why he threatens the whole squad.
Everyone who disrespects their future clan leader and Hokage again will be kicked out too.
Like Sasuke, he tolerates all insults but those against him.
When Sasuke was a child he liked Shisui's funny curls and big warm smile.
He used to play in the garden, waiting for his cousin and Itachi to come back.
He imagined them living exciting adventures, exploring or chasing after powerful creatures or anything that his mind came up with.
His mother used him to call them back so that he could spend a little time with them without being a burden.
When he arrived at their usual spot, they were training most of the time. Sasuke would stare at them in awe, daydreaming of being as strong as them one day.
Sometimes they were doing nothing, just laying on the grass and chatting.
In his childish mind that wasn't a grown-up thing; he was able to do that too.
He couldn't know that the boys discussed their common dream of achieving peace, voicing their worry about the tension rising in the clan and outside.
He couldn't understand that Itachi kept the bad things away from him, the purest creature, born after the war.
Thus he became jealous of Shisui.
Especially when he saw them kissing by the river.
The implications of that gesture weren't clear to him. He just interpreted it as another grown-up thing.
Nevertheless it felt strange, as if his brother was being taken away from him.
He returned to that feeling years later, hearing his friends talking about the person they were interested in.
For him there was no one like that. He only had eyes for Itachi.
He always had, one way or another.
When he understood what he really felt the memory of that kiss resurfaced, and with it the old jealousy.
This time he knew what it was and why it hurt so much, albeit not as much as hearing Itachi whispering in his ear that he did love Shisui, while he, he was just blood and duty.
He can't imagine that Itachi lied so that he would stop loving him, or at least replace a hopeless love that would only destroy him, with a productive hate that will make him grow.
He can't imagine what life for his brother and his cousin was, surrounded by war and death and blind people who even after surviving those horrors were only interested in gaining power.
Shisui and Itachi were on the same wavelength.
They had the same perspective on life. The same ideals.
They felt safe with each other. They could talk about everything. They could explore new things together.
Even their bodies.
Shisui offered Itachi relief and comfort without asking for commitment.
Shinobi's only commitment is to their duty.
To their village, to their missions, to their clan.
To protect the village from enemies. To carry out the mission the client paid them for.
To have sons and enlarge the clan.
Everything else, everything private is ephemeral.
Sasuke can't imagine that Shisui was truly, madly in love with his brother.
That Shisui's feelings for Itachi were the same Itachi had for him.
He doesn't know that they still are. For both.
That he has always been the most important one for Itachi.
He is not as insightful on people as his brother and cousin are.
He's not interested in their intricacies: if it were for him everyone should drop stupid formalities and state what they think.
He hates to observe an etiquette that forces him to respect old idiots whose strength is probably a myth they invented themselves.
He hates to be forced to greet Izumi when he sees her.
Even if he would still punch him until his smug look is gone, respecting Shisui doesn't feel as forced as everything else.
Shisui is really stronger than him. Maybe he is even stronger than Itachi.
Even though he can't imagine anyone being stronger than his perfect older brother.
They are both prodigies. They are both heroes.
Together they stopped their clan from carrying on a coup d'état.
Together they prevented Konoha from wiping the clan out.
He wonders if he'll ever reach their level.
Sometimes, when he accomplishes a good result and his cousin hums a distant approval, he thinks that he just need to push himself further.
Sometimes, after a hard day's training, where the elder effortlessly defeats him, under the impassive demeanor that shields the recess of his soul, he gives in to angry despair.
How can he even think about surpassing Shisui the Body Flicker?
Not only he changed their clan's ambition, not only they countered Konoha's plan, he also killed Danzo.
He also saved Itachi's life.
He also saved him.
A/N: Itasasu and Shiita are not going to be the main pairing in this fic, although I'm giving my best to describe them, both being very different and very important.
In this story (and in canon, in my opinion) Shisui is, for Itachi, a pillar of strength. Being a prodigy, being raised as such, always expected to be perfect and fulfill his purpose, which is the enpowerment of the clan, Itachi had only him to talk to. He didn't even need to talk because Shisui was aware of his state before he even voiced it. They shared the same ideals, it was natural that he felt lost when he died. Then, he said it himself, he started to isolate himself, not trusting anyone anymore, trying to save things only by himself.
I tried to describe this sort of background for them.
Sasuke is different. Itachi couldn't talk to him, he wanted to spare him from all the bad things, thus keeping him at a distance that was both safety and adoration...and to Sasuke something else, pure distance, not being able to understand what went on in Itachi's mind. Itachi was on a "higher" level compared to Sasuke, since he had more strength and knowledge. It wasn't to put him down but to protect him. Yet Sasuke felt the rift in a different way, becoming competitive and jealous.
Shisui wanted to protect Itachi too. But he didn't keep him from the truth. It would have been impossible since both were prodigies and shinobi, so he protected him as he could, when he could, as if Itachi were his little brother, but he also treated him like an equal.
In my story, Shisui survived the events, like every other Uchiha, so his personality is not limited to the sacrifice he made committing suicide. He evolves, he becomes more human, having feelings of love for Itachi, and feelings that aren't so selfless and perfect because the more one lives, the more things happen, the more occasions there are to act in a non-heroic way. In a more human way. Feeling jealous, for example. Or "hating" Sasuke, somehow, and taking it out on him when he comes training under him (oops, under him sounds like something else that, uhm, will happen.)
I really like my Shisui, next chapter you'll read exactly why.
I also wanted to write Itachi's turmoil in the days before the massacre, when everything else had failed and he could only save Sasuke. I write it completely detached from everyone, seeing them as ghosts already. Not literally, in case someone doesn't get it. The initial quote is explanatory enough.
I'm sorry if someone is disappointed because Itasasu or Shiita are not written as they want, in here. Blame my creativity, blame my interest for how environment influences characters, blame my interest for rare pairings. ShisuixSasuke is only interesting to me I guess.
Who knows, someone will like it as well. It worked for MinatoxItachi in the past...