Chapter Four: Day by Day
Kate Beckett awoke and whimpered, finding the space next to her empty, still warm but empty. She had slept a solid eight hours after snuggling up to Castle. She stretched and winced when she did. Her ankle and wrist were still very sore but the analgesic cream, skin lotion and essential oils that Martha had been rubbing into her skin had eased the pain of her bruises to a remarkable extent The bruises were still livid against her creamy skin but they would fade in time leaving her with no physical scars. The mental scars were another matter altogether. She knew that she would need a therapist to deal with those.
The loving support she was receiving from the Castle family was providing a solid emotional base to work from. She was glad that she had turned to Castle rather than her father or Lanie. As close as she was with Lanie, she was another woman. Kate need a strong yet gentle male figure in her life to counter the male image Josh left behind. Her dad was strong, she knew that. After all, he was able to battle back from alcoholism. But he was her father. She was wise enough to know that part of the strength she needed was sexual. A man whose sexuality included a gentleness and concern for her needs, her timing that would erase Josh's sexual brutality and sadism. Her father couldn't give her that.
Every sense in her body told her that when the time was right, when she was ready to give as much as she received Richard Castle would be there, waiting for her. She lay there for a few minutes not wanting to get up. The bed, with its' linen sheets and thick comforter was just so sinfully comfortable that she wanted to remain as long as she could. Her bladder though, had other ideas. She painfully lifted herself out of bed and grabbing her crutches slowly made her way to the bathroom. Finished with the commode Kate decided to take a shower, thankful that Castle's huge stall had a built in bench. She found bottles of her favorite shampoo and body wash along with a brand new loofa on a shelf. She was amazed, how did this family manage to anticipate her every need?
When she got out of the shower, she found a soft, warmed towel waiting for her as well as a fresh set of underwear laid out. This is every woman's fantasy. She thought. I've never been so pampered in my life! She slipped on the robe that was also laid out for her and carefully did her make-up. Alexis knocked then entered the bathroom.
She smiled at Kate, those blue eyes of her so much like her father's. "Kate, please let me brush your hair, your wrist must still be sore." Kate could barely answer for the lump in her throat. The last time anyone had done this for her it was her mother. Her eyes were misty as she said, "Yes, please Alexis." She relaxed as Alexis brushed her hair and then lightly sprayed it.
"Kate, later today I'm having a manicurist and a pedicurist come in to my nails, I want them to do yours too." Kate looked at Alexis in shock, her eyes wide and eyebrows raised.
"Alexis, that costs a lot of money I can't let you spend that on me." Kate said.
Alexis had learned how to do "Puppy-dog eyes when she was very young and had perfected it. "Kate, please let me do this. It's always been something I wanted to do with my mother. Just have our nails painted and talk. She'd never take the time. We'd go to a salon and she'd spend the whole time chatting with the stylist or reading a movie magazine. I'd really appreciate it if you would." Stated that way there was no way Kate could resist her. She hugged Alexis and said, "Okay Alexis I'll do it on one condition, make that two conditions. You chase your dad away on some extended errand and we do it early enough that I can order some cheese cake just for you and me without spoiling our dinner." Alexis almost bubbled with excitement at Kate's response.
Kate went into the bedroom and got out a fire red blouse and black jeans. Putting them on, she added a pair of ballet flats and exited the bedroom to find Castle lying breakfast on the table, consisting of skirt steak, fried eggs, hash browns, fruit and coffee. Kate smirked at Castle. "Are you trying to make me fat Castle, so no other guy will look at me?" Castle recoiled in mock horror. "I'm just trying to get you healthy Kate, there's no way any red-blooded man would not look at you." She sobered instantly, reached out and touched castle's hand, smiling softly. "Thank you Castle, I really am grateful you take such good care of me." I'm more than grateful Rick, I love you and someday I am going to prove it to you beyond all doubt. I only hope that you won't give up on me and that you'll love me like I love you, love me forever. She prayed that her thoughts weren't displayed on her face, it was much too soon.
Castle turned away and started the coffee machine. He didn't want Kate to see the emotions playing on his face either. She hadn't paid attention to the table until now and she noticed that it was only set for two people. There was a vase containing a single rose in front of each plate, a white rose in front of Alexis' plate and a lavender rose in front of hers. She couldn't hide the disappointment in her voice as she said, "You're not joining us Rick?" He was still busying himself with the coffee machine, turned away from her. "No, I already ate. I woke up hungry and I have some things to do." Kate may have been injured but there was nothing wrong with her detective skills. She knew very well that Castle wasn't being truthful with her and it hurt.
It hurt but she accepted it without making too much out of it. After all, she hadn't been truthful with him either. If she had been, she would never have been with Josh and wouldn't be in this position now. Castle poured himself a fresh cup of coffee and went into his office.
Shrugging off the hurt, Kate savored each bite of her delicious breakfast. God I hope that I can heal enough to give myself to Castle and take him for mine before he gives up on me, on us. He hasn't told me that he loves me but every action of his tells me that he does. It would be so easy to get used to this, this family dynamic to be part of it. But what if I mess it up and I lose what we already have as friends and partners? I'm so afraid of that possibility.
Kate finished her breakfast then helped Alexis clean up. When they finished, Alexis said, "Kate I'm going to my room to study, do you need anything before I go? Kate smiled at Alexis. "No Alexis I'm fine. I think that I'll read a little." Kate read for about an hour before she decided that she needed to talk to Castle. She got up and hobbled over to his office and knocked on the door. Castle opened the door. "What's going on Kate?" He asked. She entered the office and sat on the small couch he had in there. She put her head on one side and said, "Can we talk, Castle?" Castle frowned a little. "What about, Kate?"
"Secrets Castle, I want to talk about secrets. You know all of my secrets Castle, yet you've kept a big secret from me. I don't know how you've kept it so long, especially around Javi. I'm talking about the fact that you pretend to be a klutz and yet you were a Navy Seal, an officer no less!" Castle didn't seem to be the least bit fazed, he just looked a little curious.
He got a quizzical look on his face and said, not even trying to deny it. "How did you find out?"
She blushed. "I'm sorry Castle, I snooped. When you told me to make myself at home, I wanted to see what your wardrobe was like. When I saw the curtained off area my curiosity got the better of me. I saw your uniforms. Please don't be mad at me, at least not too mad."
Castle reached out and took her hand. Smiling he said, "I'm not mad Kate, I figured that sooner or later you would find them. Yes I was a Navy SEAL. SEAL team five to be exact. But that was a long time ago." Kate rolled her eyes and pursed her lips.
"You're still not telling me something, Castle I can feel it. You just said was a SEAL, Javi keeps telling me that elite soldiers are never was. Like "once a Marine always a Marine, or "Once a Ranger always a Ranger." Castle sighed and looked at her very intensely, pondering. Finally he said, "Okay Kate, you've put your trust in me, I'll put mine in you but it must go no further than Esposito and Ryan. My mother, Alexis and the mayor are the only people outside the navy that know this. Yes I am a Navy SEAL, just no longer an active one. I am a Commander in the Naval Reserve."
"That's all I can tell you Kate. All the rest of what you know about me is still true. Who I am and what I feel have not changed." A small feeling of alarm passed through Kate and she shivered. "You couldn't be deployed could you, if the middle- east should heat up again?" she asked. Castle wanted to reassure her but he wouldn't lie. "There's always the chance of that but with my assignment it's highly unlikely, less than a ten per cent chance."
Kate was still unhappy about the situation. Tears were gathering in her eyes, they came all too easily lately. "You've kept us in the dark all this time Castle, No one in the precinct knew. Why not, don't you trust us?"
Castle sighed. He really didn't want to hurt this woman more than she already was and the feeling of not being trusted was hurting her. "Kate, Captain Montgomery knows. As for the rest of you, it's a matter of need to know. Some areas of my assignment involve matters of national security. You have to know that I trust you Kate, because I'm way out on a limb here, telling you as much as I have." Suddenly, a realization hit Kate, one that excited and dismayed her at the same time. She looked straight into his deep blue eyes. She didn't even catch the Freudian slip at the start of her question. "When you left me last summer you weren't with Gina all summer were you?"
Castle didn't miss the" left me" but decided to let it ride for the time being. "No Kate, I wasn't with her after that first week. I thought it could be a new start but Gina and I were the same people we always were and nothing physical happened between us. She started nagging me before we ever got to the Hamptons. I sent her home as soon as I got one chapter done."
Kate's anger was bubbling very close to the surface both with Castle and herself. If they'd only been honest with each other she'd have never got together with Josh. She managed to mostly control the anger but one question slipped out, her tone sharp when she asked it.
"Why didn't you call me after Gina left? At least to find out how I was? But no calls all summer long."
"Kate, I thought you were with Demming and I couldn't call, I just couldn't."
Still holding the eye to eye contact, Kate said, "You weren't really writing all summer were you?" Castle's face got a very serious look on it. "Don't go there Kate, I can't answer that question."
A slight smile touched her lips. "You just did, Rick but I'll be a good girl and not ask any more questions along that line."
Castle smiled at her and said, "Thank you Kate. There's something else we need to discuss. You need to find a therapist. You've had nightmares two nights in a row, which is understandable after what you've been through but you need your sleep, a refreshing sleep not a troubled one. I think that I can get my friend Angela to recommend one."
Kate couldn't help it the words came out just a little snippy. "Are you sure that she would want to?" Castle raised an eyebrow at that.
"Why wouldn't she?"
Kate immediately realized her mistake. "Oh I just meant that she's a GP. She probably doesn't have that much contact with mental health issues." Like I would try to help my competition if I were her. Just because you think of her as a sibling doesn't mean she thinks of you that way. "I think that the women's shelter might have referrals to therapists more experienced in this field."
Castle nodded. "You're probably right Kate. It doesn't matter how you do it as long as you do."
Kate decided to tease Castle a little. "So you really want me to see a therapist for my nightmares. Are you tired of sleeping with me already? Gee, Castle that's hard on a girl's ego." She laughed as Castle tried to find a graceful response to that one. Kate was trying to use Castle's favorite method of deflecting dangerous feelings with humor. It wasn't so much that she feared dealing with the trauma issues; she was a tough minded woman. What scared her was revealing and dealing with the issues that put her in that situation in the first place.
She let Castle off the hook. "You don't need to try and find an answer for that Castle, I was just teasing you. But it doesn't mean I don't want a cuddle buddy. Castle, I'll call in a few minutes but could you do a big favor for me? Alexis and I would like to have some girl time this afternoon. It would be great if you could get us some lunch from Remy's and go have some fun on your own. I know that it's a lot to ask, this is your home, after all."
Castle had a huge smile on his face. "Kate, I don't mind at all. In fact I love the idea. Alexis needs something like this since her mother can't be bothered to act like a mother." Kate had a smile that almost matched Castle's. "It was Alexis' idea Castle but I need something like this too."
Castle vacated his office so Kate could use it to make her calls. It took her about thirty minutes to complete the calls and make her first appointment. When she came out Castle said, "Kate come here a minute." She sat down on the couch and Castle said, "Kate, there are some aps out that allow someone to track a phone's location by its' GPS even if the phone is turned off. They're illegal unless the user is the parent of a minor or law enforcement but there's not a lot of effort put into enforcement. What I'd like to do is take your phone and give it to Captain Montgomery to put in his safe. Before I do that, I'll get you a prepaid phone and have a friend of mine clone your contacts into it. There's no way to trace a burner without the phone number. That bastard Davidson is not going to have anyway to track you."
Kate agreed to this without arguing as it made a lot of sense. Castle took her phone and left, going first to his friend who owned an electronics store specializing in security operations. He cloned Beckett's contacts and aps into the secure smart phone. There was no way to track it.
Castle paid him then went to the precinct and gave Beckett's original phone to Captain Montgomery, explaining the situation to him. Montgomery agreed to secure Beckett's phone in his safe. Castle then checked on the status of the restraining order and found out that Davidson had not been served yet as he was out of town.
Castle went to Remy's and ordered cheeseburgers, fries and shakes for Alexis and Kate and a double bacon chili-cheeseburger, a large order of onion rings with chipotle dipping sauce for himself. Castle returned to the loft. Alexis and Kate were sitting on the sofa talking so Castle went into the kitchen and plated the food, set the food on the table and got a beer out of the refrigerator for himself. He called the ladies to come to lunch.
Kate took one look at Castle's burger and blanched. "You're not eating that thing are you Castle? My God, it's disgusting; it's a heart attack on a plate. Followed by onion rings? Castle, you have a minor daughter here, suicide is not an option!"
"Now you're exaggerating Kate. This burger perfection has all the food groups. Angus lean beef for protein, artisan bun, cheese for dairy, tomatoes and onions for vegetables what else could you want?"
Kate rolled her eyes. "And 35,000 calories. I don't know what else you'd want except a gallon of Pepto-Bismol!" Oh how I wish I had the right to tell you to take care of yourself, keep yourself safe for me. Alexis copied Kate's eye roll and looked at her father in a very disappointed way.
"Well Dad, I agree with Kate but you're going to eat it anyway so at least share. I want some of those onion rings and I'm sure that Kate does too."
Kate smirked and said, "With all these fries, I only want two onion rings, these two." Kate reached out and snagged the two largest and juiciest rings on the plate, giving one to Alexis. Alexis grabbed the next two largest and passed one back to Kate. Castle still had half a dozen large onion rings left. Castle couldn't let the chance for a little mock histrionics pass by.
He dropped his face into his hands and said, "Oh cruel fate, my own daughter turning against me, all the women in my life ganging up on me." Martha has walked through the door just moments earlier just in time to overhear the conversation. She exchanged looks with Alexis and Kate then said, "That's right Richard, we are so you had better get used to it. And it's fortunate for you that I don't like onion rings or chili-burgers." Alexis and Kate both burst into laughter at Martha's comment. Alexis said, "Please join us Grams, You can have some of my fries and part of my burger. Dad went overboard and got half pounders. It's too much for me."
Kate said, "That goes the same for me, Martha there's plenty here for all three of us." Martha smiled and said, "Please get me a plate Richard. My rather boring day just became delightful.
.Castle finished his meal long before the ladies did as they were busy chatting, completely ignoring him. Castle grunted something as he left the loft. He decided to ride his new Harley. The women never even noticed as he got his helmet, jacket and gloves out of the closet. Alexis invited Martha to join them for the afternoon. The three of them spent that afternoon enjoying the manicures, pedicures and cheesecake. But they enjoyed the time together most of all.
Castle spent that night sleeping with Kate snuggled against him, which required a very cold shower in the morning. Kate's first therapy appointment was the following day and the next two nights followed the previous pattern. By the third night Castle just hel her till she fell asleep then retreated to the guest room but it was enough that Kate slept through the night without a nightmare.
The therapist saw Kate three times a week and three weeks passed with Kate making some progress every day. It wasn't easy, often very hard sometimes she lashed out at Castle but he took it in stride, never lashing back. In those three weeks, Kate and Alexis formed a very close bond. More than friends, very much like a mother-daughter relationship. Also by the end of the three weeks she knew, without a doubt that she was thoroughly in love with Castle. She couldn't tell him yet, she wasn't ready and she wouldn't tell him until she was able to be intimate with him. It was coming slowly because the mental trauma was far worse than the physical. Her bruises were gone or mostly so and her ankle was healed enough that she could walk on it without a cane but she still had to be careful. It was coming slowly but she knew it would come because her dreams were mostly about Castle and they were becoming slightly erotic.