Author's Note: So. This is where things start to go crazy. The true madness ensues, and Albus' sanity really does start to become lost. If you don't want to read this, or you don't like the ending here, then you can check out the alternate ending, a happy ending, I wrote. It was actually the original ending, but I wasn't happy with it. I wanted something more dramatic, something that fit in with the rest of the story. That's how "Sanity Lost" happened in the first place. I wanted someone to lose his or her mind. So, I'm going to post it separately from this story. It'll probably be titled something like "Sanity Lost: Alternate Ending" because I'm so original and everything :P
I really need to start writing things that are less depressing.
His hands were shaking, and he didn't like it. He couldn't control himself, couldn't think, couldn't anything.
He dug into his trunk and took the vial out, smashing it into the wall.
Shaking, he was shaking.
Was it the drugs?
Yes.
Was it something else, too?
Yes.
Albus pushed himself to his feet and out of the dormitories. He needed something. He needed to make the empty, bad feelings go away.
He felt sick, but there was nothing in his stomach to throw up.
So he jumped.
The water was freezing, and it felt like needles covered every inch of his submerged body. The numbness came, a different, pleasant kind of numb. The kind that came from sensation. He was suddenly very thankful for the Black Lake.
He was walking toward the shore. The cold air had nothing on the cold water, but it was uncomfortable nonetheless, and he could not stop shaking.
Shaking.
Shaking.
And he was in the dorm. Everyone was asleep. Not Scorpius. Scorpius sat up in his bed expressionless. He looked up when Albus shut the door.
Albus fell to his knees.
"I'm sorry," he whimpered.
Helping him to his feet, Scorpius led Albus to the shower room and lifted the soaking wet shirt over his head and dropped it on the floor. Next, he helped the boy with his zipper – his hands were too numb and blue to be of any use – and pushed him into a stream of hot water. The heat on his cold skin made Albus shiver.
After it was done, Scorpius took a towel to Albus, still expressionless. Albus was warm now, but he still felt cold. The water had forced the biting chill deeper inside of him.
Scorpius started with his hair, then his torso, then the rest of his body. He looked away as Albus slipped off his soaking wet boxers and turned back once he had a fresh pair on. Scorpius found him pajama bottoms, then led him to his own bed, the one by the window.
"Don't leave," Albus whispered, and the Slytherin allowed himself to be pulled into the bed next to him.
"I won't," Scorpius whispered in return. Albus pulled himself as close to Scorpius as he possibly could, hoping to feel the boy's warmth, to make the cold go away, far away.
"Thanks for helping me," Albus murmured, eyes drifting closed as he tucked his head into the other boy's chest.
"Thanks for letting me." He felt the blonde boy smile.
When Albus Potter woke up alone, he knew it was too good to be true. He could never fall asleep with the man he loved, for the fates weren't ones to pull favors for the undeserving, and undeserving he was.
The problem was that he could not remember what was real and what was not.
His hands were shaking again, and suddenly he wasn't sure whether he was having a nightmare or not.
Crawling out of bed, he changed quickly and went to the Great Hall for breakfast.
When he saw Scorpius, his stomach dropped. A bruise covered half of his face.
"I'm so sorry," Albus blurted. Seeing the bruise that he caused made him so sick, it hurt to breathe.
"For what?" Scorpius asked.
"For hitting you." Albus looked at his hands.
"What are you talking about?" Scorpius questioned.
Albus looked up again.
The bruise was gone. Scorpius' face was back to its original beauty.
"I…" Albus whispered, then stood. "I don't feel well."
"Al, wait!"
Albus ran from the Great Hall, barely noticing the whispers that followed him.
Albus didn't leave the dorm again until dinnertime. He wasn't hungry, but he wanted to see the world again. Just to make sure.
Oh, the strange dreams he'd been having.
He ran into Scorpius on his way down the stairs.
"Hey," Scorpius said, putting his arms out and steadying Albus by his waist. "You should be in bed. Madam Pomphrey said you have to rest a few more days."
Confusion and something else clouded his mind. "No, I'm fine."
Scorpius shook his head. "No, now come back to bed with me."
"But it's dinnertime."
Pausing, Scorpius turned to face Albus. "Didn't you check the clock? It's past midnight."
"I…"
"Come on," Scorpius said. "It's been cold lately, so I'll lay with you tonight."
"Thank you…" Albus whispered.
"Don't tell anyone I'm a softie, but I'll do anything for my boyfriend when he's sick." Scorpius grinned.
"I'm not sick."
"You are," Scorpius whispered, leaning close and running his fingers through Albus' hair. "Sick in the head…"
His kiss burned.
He hid in the library.
"Albus?" Lily called. "What's wrong?"
Albus shivered. Cold, he was always cold.
Lily placed and hand on his shoulder.
"Don't touch me."
She withdrew her hand quickly, face stricken.
"I don't understand."
"You aren't real, Lily," Albus said.
Lily stood. "What are you saying?"
Albus cackled.
"I'm going to find help," Lily said. "Chris, watch him!"
Chris. When had he gotten here? He stepped forward as Lily disappeared between the bookshelves.
Chris leaned in and whispered, "I'll keep you safe."
Then he reached inside Albus, closed his fist around his stomach, and twisted.
"Albus," Lily called. "Focus."
Albus blinked. "Yeah, Lily?"
"Albus, what's wrong?"
Albus' eyebrows drew together. Something wasn't right.
"I'm unwell."
"I don't understand, Albus."
"I said I don't feel well."
It was like she couldn't hear him. Couldn't tell he what he was saying, that he was even speaking.
"I'm going to find help," Lily said. "Chris, watch him!"
Chris stepped forward, and Albus lurched away.
Not twice. His stomach already hurt too much.
"You said we're celebrating," Scorpius said. "What, exactly, do we have to celebrate? Besides the fact that we have a two-foot-long essay due in DADA."
Albus just knocked back his drink and took Scorpius'. It was a taste he used to hate, but now tolerated.
A slow, sure poison. A tonic to end misery. End suffering.
Author's Note Two: I'm sorry if this seems confusing and all-over-the-place, but that's kind of the point. You know. "Sanity Lost" and all.