"No. Bones. Absolutely not. I'm not letting just anyone teach my girl to drive!" Booth said, banging the palm of his hand on the dining table.
"Dad. It's Drivers Ed. Everyone is learning to drive at school!" Christine argued.
"Booth, she's sixteen years old, and learning to drive is part of the curriculum" Brennan tried to reason with her husband.
"Have you done background checks on this person? Do they have any driving infractions? Have they been in trouble with the law? Do they have children? How do I know they don't access child porn at night while they sit in their sad little apartment, eating cold cuts and drinking Bud?" Booth said, his forehead furrowed.
"Booth that's ridiculous" Brennan said leaning back in her chair.
"If you have your way I will be the only one at school that doesn't get their license. In fact, I bet you'd be happy if I was still living at home and having you drive me everywhere when I'm twenty five!" Christine stood up. "I'm going to my room" She stormed off leaving Booth and Brennan sitting at the table staring at each other across the table.
"That's OK Dad. I'll be happy to have you teach me to drive. Then I'll drive her around as long as she pays me gas money" Hank smirked, his dark brown eyes sparkling. He leaned back in his seat and ran his hand through his dark wavy hair as he laughed. "She so dramatic." Then he leaned forwards and banged a hand on the table " Damn! I should have had my camera here. That would have made a great scene for my home movie" he said, picking up his fork and digging into the apple pie sitting in front of him. "Great pie Mom" he said, his mouth full.
"Hank don't speak with your mouth full" Brennan tilted her head in the direction of her twelve year old son. He was growing up quickly. Tall for his age, solidly built. He looked so much like Booth, and of course he had inherited his father's quick wit, which often infuriated her. He was incredibly talented, with a strong singing voice, and a natural dance ability, as well as being athletic. It had disappointed Booth that he was more interested in the performing arts than in sports. But he had learned pretty quickly that his children were both independent and sure of themselves. They knew what they wanted, and wouldn't let anyone or anything get in the way of achieving it. Not even their parents.
"Sorry" Hank replied, his mouth, again, full of pie. "But you know she always provides the best material" he said, referring to the home movie he was making about his family. "Oh! Did I tell you? We have auditions for the new production of Footloose this week! "
Booth looked at his son "Footloose? Isn't that with Kevin Bacon?" he asked looking at Brennan who shrugged.
"Bacon? Who's that?" Hank said, frowning at his father. "It's a movie about a guy who moves to a small town" he began to say, when his father cut him off.
"and the town doesn't allow dancing. And the city boy arranges a dance. Yeah! With Kevin Bacon!" Booth said, then started snapping his fingers and singing "Now I gotta get loose, footloose. Kick off your Sunday blues, Jeez, Louise, pull me off of my knees. Jack, get that, come on before we crack, Blues, your blues, everybody got footloose"
Hank stared at him, his mouth lightly open "For a start, you don't even know the right words, secondly, Dad, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but." Hank shook his head "Dad, you really can not sing!"
"Hank! That's not very nice!" Brennan said, but secretly agreeing with her son. It was no secret that Booth was tone deaf.
"Mom. I'm sorry, but he can't. It literally hurts my ears. In fact, can you look and make sure they're not bleeding? And it's sacrilege to hear him butchering the lyrics of the main theme of the movie!" Hank said, then shovelled another spoonful of pie into his mouth. "Just saying. And I still don't know who that Bacon guy is. The lead role of Ren is played by Kenny Wormald and Julianne Howe plays Ariel."
Booth's head started shaking "No! The original movie. Which I have to say is the best version, has Kevin Bacon as Ren and Lori Singer as Ariel" he said.
Hank sat and stared at his father "So there's an old fashioned version? Is it in black and white?" he asked. "Do you have it on blue ray?"
Booth put his fork down on the table "No! Why do you always assume that every movie I've ever watched is black and white? I'm not that old!" Booth retorted, slightly offended.
"What role are you trying out for?" Brennan asked, redirecting the subject.
"Oh I'm going to audition for Willard. But it's a given. I've already got the role" he said grinning. "He's interesting and his character is quite underrated. Plus you need to be able to dance well to be able to dance so badly, you know?"
Brennan frowned "Why aren't you auditioning for the lead?" she asked.
"Because Ren is just too much of a pretty boy." Hank said, grinning.
"Excuse me? Have you all forgotten about my driver's license issues?" Christine had walked back into the room, disappointed to see that they had moved on from her problem.
Brennan looked up and smiled "Of course not sweetheart. We were just hearing about Hanks audition."
"Oh right." she said, her hand held out in Hank's direction " Because the all singing, all dancing version of Dad is more important than your daughter being trapped in her home because she can't drive!" Christine's dramatic outburst made Booth smirk and smother a chuckle as she flopped into a chair.
"This is why I need to keep my camera close by!" Hank said to his mother, his hand held out in Christine's direction.
"Don't worry. You're not going to be trapped." Booth said, emphasising the last word with airquotes. "I'm going to teach you to drive" he announced.
"What?" Brennan said, her eyes wide.
"Have you got life insurance?" Hank said.
"No! Oh you have got to be kidding. Mom?" Christine was horrified.
"Oh no. You're not going to get your mother to run interference for you. If you want to learn to drive, then I'm the perfect, and only, person who's qualified to teach you." he said leaning back in his seat, his hands clasped behind his head.
Hank chuckled as he cut himself another slice of pie "Oh this is gonna be gold! Can I come. I want to record it"
"NO!" Christie shrieked.
"No" Booth said, frowning at his son.
"For educational purposes only of course. You know. She can watch and see at what point during her reverse parking your veins begin to bulge and saliva starts spraying from your mouth." Hank said, grinning at his sister as he demolished a third slice of pie.
"Hank, dear. I'm fairly certain that you've just ingested your weekly allowance of dessert" Brennan said, pulling the pie dish out of his reach.
Brennan noticed that Booth and Christine were engulfed in one of their daily staring matches. Christine may look like her, but she was all Booth when it came to her personality and willpower. They sat opposite each other, eyes locked. One set dark brown, intense, determined. The other set light blue/grey, equally determined, like flint.
"Ten bucks Dad chokes" Hank whispered to his mother, making her chuckle.
"Hank" Booth said, his voice wavering as he felt himself crumbling.
Then, to everyone's surprise, Christine dropped her gaze and said "Fine. But I don't want to learn in the SUV. Can I learn in Mom's car?"
"It's safer in my car" he said.
"But its so big. And I'm scared I won't be able to park in it." She batted her eyelashes at her father.
Booth didn't like Brennan's new car. It was low and sleek and shiny and worst of all. It was fast. And he didn't want Christine getting a taste of that.
"Non negotiable" he said simply, and shrugged "My car or no license".
"Booth" Brennan started to speak.
"Not this time Bones. She wants to learn to drive. She might as well learn in a large, safe car. Then she'll be able to handle pretty much anything. No offence, but, I've driven with you." he said, then grinned.
"What does that mean?" Brennan answered, offended by his comment. "I'm a very good driver. Christine, you've driven with me. You know I'm a good driver."
"Well I've driven with you Mom and I've only held on for dear life every other time" Hank chimed in.
Booth and Hank both chuckled loudly at that. Brennan tried to keep a straight face, but watching the two men in her life, so alike, laughing together made it hard. Their dark eyes, shining, their wide mouths with large straight square teeth turning up exactly the same. Their cheeks dimpling the same way. She ended up conceding and allowed the corners of her mouth to turn up.
"Well I'm so pleased you all find this so hilarious" Christine huffed.
Hank leaned towards her and poked her in the ribs "Come on sis. Take a chill pill. Listen, you could do far worse than having Dad as a driving instructor. Besides" he leaned in close to her ear "Don't forget he's been in heaps of car chases and really knows how to handle that car." he winked.
Christine took a deep breath and tilted her head to one side, contemplating her parents who were discussing her mother's driving ability.
"I accept" Christine finally said.
Booth stopped talking with Brennan and turned his head "Huh?" he mumbled.
"I accept your offer of driving lessons. In your car. But you'll have to write a note to school that I'm not doing Driver's Ed because you don't consider them capable of teaching me." She said tilting her chin up. "Oh! And you need to let them know that I will be leaving school on those afternoons. There's no point me being there on my own when everyone else in my class is at driving lessons." her mouth dimpled on the corners.
Booth exhaled "Fine. But if that's the case, I'll be picking you up and you'll be doing your homework at my office until it's time for me to finish. We'll do your driving lessons on weekends."
"That's great! I'll be able to film her lessons then!" Hank asked.
"You're not" Booth said.
"Don't even think about it Hank" Christine said.
Hank huffed and folded his arms "I'm never going to get any good footage for my movie" he muttered.
"Right. Seatbelt on. Check the mirrors. Hands at two and ten. Check the mirrors again"
"Dad, I haven't even turned on the car yet!" Christine said, turning and staring at her father.
"Don't look at me! You need to be concentrating." Booth told her off. "Now, check the mirrors"
"Dad! I did that already. Three times. We're still in the driveway!" Christine was beginning to understand why Hank had been laughing when he had told her to enjoy her lesson and then laughed so hard he had tears rolling down his face. She took a deep breath "alright. I've checked the rear view and the side mirrors. Three times. Can I start the car now"
Booth nodded "OK. Press the ignition button."
The car engine roared into life and Christine smiled as she felt the vibration in the steering wheel.
"Foot on the brake. Shift into reverse" he said.
Christine let out a slight shriek as she felt the car jerk as she moved the stick to the reverse position.
"Now gently." Booth said.
Christine released pressure on the clutch sending the car backwards down the drive.
"Brake! Brake!" he yelled.
Christine braked a little too hard, sending both their heads forwards.
Booth reached over and shifted the gear stick to Park. "OK. OK. I think that's enough for today"
"DAD! I haven't even gotten out the drive yet!" Christine yelled back. "Can't you reverse it out of the drive and then all I have to do is drive forwards?" she asked.
Booth sat for a moment, wondering what the hell he had let himself in for. "OK. Fine. We'll try that." he said and double checked that the car was in Park and that the handbrake was engaged.
Christine rolled her eyes and unbuckled her seatbelt as he pulled open the drivers door.
Once the car was on the street, Booth and Christine switched places again and Booth began going through his list of instructions again, making Christine cringe. She almost wished she had just not worried about learning to drive. Almost.
"Right. Mirrors? Release the handbrake. Foot on the brake. Shift to Drive. Slowly." Booth said.
The car jerked slightly.
"Slowly!" he repeated as Christine released the pressure on the brake pedal.
"Now move your foot to the accelerator and very, very gently press. Gently!" he said.
Christine's hands were sweating as they gripped the steering wheel. She wasn't stressed about the car moving, but about her father shrieking at her every minute.
"Gently!" he repeated.
"Dad! Please!" Christine said. She pressed the ball of her foot onto the accelerator and the car started to roll forwards. She smiled as the car moved slightly faster down the street.
"OK. OK, good. Now you are going to have to turn at the end. So you need to start slowing down now" Booth said.
"Dad, the corner is a quarter of a mile away" she said.
"Don't talk. You'll get distracted. Just start decelerating" he said.
Christine did as she was told and started allowing the car to slow down. It was barely crawling along now.
"Dad. I'm pretty sure I could walk to the corner faster" she said sarcastically.
"You'd prefer walking to driving? That's OK with me!" Booth said smugly.
"Dad" Christine said.
Booth suddenly became aware that they were almost at the corner. "OK, you need to stop when we get to the corner. Indicator on now. Brake. Brake. Brake. Check your mirrors. Slower. Mirrors"
Christine bit down on her bottom lip as the car literally crawled to the corner, then jerked as she pressed on the brake, bringing the car to a complete stop.
"Great job!" Booth said as he moved the shift stick into the Park position and unbuckled his seatbelt.
"What are you doing?" Christine asked as he got out of the car. "What's going on?"
He pulled open the door and nodded at her. "Lesson over! You did great baby. Now come on. Hop out. I'll drive home" he said.
Christine's mouth dropped open. "But we only drove to the corner. How is that it? I don't understand!" she said as she unbuckled her seatbelt.
"And you did really good. Next lesson we'll tackle the corner." He said patting her on the back as she got out of the car "Don't want to overdo it first lesson" he added.
"We drove approximately one quarter of a mile Dad. How is that all I'm allowed to do?" Christine asked, frustration in her voice.
Booth looked at his daughter as she stood on the footpath "Baby, driving is dangerous. You just drove for the first time. Let's not get cocky" he said.
Christine blinked her eyes several times, then she shook her head "You've got to be kidding me" she said, then turned and started walking towards home.
"Don't you want a lift?" Booth called after her.
Christine didn't bother replying. She was muttering to herself as she walked along, her feet stomping into the sidewalk. Why did I agree to this. I'll be the laughing stock of everyone. I really need to talk to Mom.
Her father's car suddenly pulled up beside her as she walked.
"You did really good baby! I promise we'll go further next lesson!" Booth called through the window.
Christine refused to look at him. She was so embarrassed.
Booth pulled away and turned into their drive, just ahead of her. She looked up to see Hank standing there with his movie camera.
"Turn that off Hank!" she yelled, covering her face with her hand.
"Our young driver has returned home on foot. She looks extremely unhappy, and has reacted aggressively to our presence. Perhaps the older male has angered her. Let's watch her and see how she reacts to him" Hank was speaking in a low voice as he filmed her.
Booth walked towards her, his arms held out wide "Here she is! My young driver!" he said smiling widely.
Christine stopped walking and stared at him for a moment, then stormed straight past him, her face like thunder. "Mom!" she yelled out as she walked through the front door.
Hank had followed her with the camera, until she entered the house, then turned and filmed his father follow Christine into the house "Christine, are you going to tell your mother how well you did?" he said as he followed her.
"Seems like that went well !" Hank said smiling as he lowered the camera.