A changing cloud of men hovered vaguely around Ash all day, but fortunately, the person they actually attached her to for the day was a real intern named Maria, an engineering student from University of Bremen. At the moment, the two of them were on their backs beneath a vehicle, reaching into its innards to connect leads to sensors. Wires snaked out from where they worked to a laptop on a stand beside the car.
As they worked, Maria made chitchat with her excellent, though somewhat accented, English. "So, Ash, where in the U.S. are you from?"
"A little town you wouldn't have heard of, called Tempest. In Massachusetts."
"Oh, Massachusetts, my favorite state!"
"No kidding? Why's that?"
"You have in Massachusetts the gay marriage, right?"
"Uh... yeah..." Ash had overheard stuff about that in the news lately.*
"You know, sometimes we Europeans think, oh, Americans, they are so conservative. But then you have in Massachusetts the gay marriage, and we do not have it here in Germany."
"Right... well, I think Tempest is more conservative than, you know, Boston or whatever."
Maria sighed wistfully. "I hope I get married someday. Not soon, because my girlfriend, she runs away with cheap Danish slut. But I think someday I find the right one, you know?"
Maria noticed Ash staring at her. "I am sorry. You do not have the problems with gay people, do you?"
"Uh? Me? Uh, no! No, of course not!" Embarrassed, Ash looked away and fumbled for a way to absolve herself. "I, uh, actually... I think I sort of... um, like girls, too."
"Ohhhhh?" Maria's voice became very warm and she touched Ash on the forearm. "It is so nice to know that! You know where to go to around Bremen? Clubs? Dancing?" She mimed dance moves with her arms.
"Ah, uh, no! I mean, I don't, um, go out or anything."
"No? You have girlfriend already maybe? I am sorry, I am not hitting on you - you are very cute but too young for me, I do not rob the, ummm, what is the word..."
"Cradle?"
"Right, I do not rob the cradle. But, you know, it is nice to have someone to show you around. I can show you all the good places for lesbians, where you want to go."
Ash was blushing so hard she was afraid solder would melt off the electronics in her hands. "No, really. I don't go out or anything. Or date. I..."
"Ohhhhh! I see! You are in the closet still, yes?"
"Uh... yeah, I guess you could put it that way."
"Then this is perfect. Tomorrow night is a mixer of the gay students' club at the university. There is no pressure, it is just a time for relax and chat with people."
Ash blinked. "I'm not a student, though."
"It is not a problem, non-students come all the time. You see, you are far from home, so you must take this opportunity, you don't get in trouble with anybody from your home, they never know you came. But you can meet people like you and talk to them. It is very important, Ash." Maria looked Ash seriously in the eye. "It is bad for you, Ash, to be hiding all alone. You have to talk to people who are like you. It made my life so much better when i did. You must come, yes?"
Ash had no idea how to answer.
~ x ~ x ~
- Same-sex marriage was legalized in Massachusetts in May 2004.
~ x ~ x ~
"McArthurs', this is Emily."
"Hey, Em!"
"Ash! Oh, good! Tell me all about it."
"It sucked. It was boring."
"Huh?"
"I'm kidding! It was fantastic. I worked with an intern named Maria all day. She was putting these vibration sensors all around the interiors of the cars and getting their readings into her computer. It's not exactly the sort of tuning work I'm used to doing, but it was still a nice way to see the insides of a lot of cars. And I got some more chances to talk to them about different things they're experimenting with, new piston materials and chassis configurations and... well, just lots of amazing stuff."
"So are you going to come home and give the XR4Ti a big high-tech Germanic makeover?"
"Well, that's the thing, it's all too high-tech to actually use. I mean, the parts I'd need don't exist on the market. I'd need my own laboratory to build them. Still, it was really cool to see."
"Gonna study your math harder so you can be an engineer?"
"Uuuunnhhh, math..."
"What? You can do it, you proved you can do it."
"Um. Yeah. It's just, studying math always makes think about that bet, and, uh... I feel bad."
"Oh. Um. I'm sorry. I didn't want it to be something you'd feel bad about."
"Actually... actually, that sort of brings me to the other thing..."
"What?"
"Well, I'm kind of going to this thing at Maria's university tomorrow night."
"Oh, cool! What sort of thing?"
"It's, um, an LGBT student mixer."
Beat.
"What?"
"Uh, you know, lesbian, gay..."
"No, I know that. I mean, how did... what did..."
"Maria invited me."
"Maria invited you?"
"We were talking, and somehow she mentioned being a lesbian, and..."
"She mentioned what? How old is she? What is she doing hitting on you?"
"She's not hitting on me. She specifically said that she wasn't."
"Oh, well, she said she wasn't. That completely proves it, then. She couldn't possibly be hitting on you if she said she wasn't."
"No, seriously. She just, um, wants to help me. You know. Figure out about being a lesbian."
"But you're not a lesbian!"
"Aren't I?" Ash's tone sharpened. "What am I, then? I'm a girl who likes girls. How is that not a lesbian?"
"You're a boy!"
"Right. On the inside. But there's this girl I like who'd go out with me, if I were a boy. But when I asked her, she explained that what's on the inside doesn't count, and that she can't date me because she's not a lesbian. So, then, how am I not a lesbian? Cripe, Emily, I have to be something!"
Em struggled to poke a hole in the logic, eventually only coming up with, "You didn't ask me out. You just kissed me."
Ash sighed. "Yeah. I know. I'm sorry. Anyway... I'm just saying, I want to go talk to people at this college thing."
"I thought you already tried that. With Missi."
"Missi... is Missi. When it didn't work out with Casper, did that mean you were swearing off guys forever?"
"You didn't just go on a date with her, you made out with her."
"Em, why does all this make you so jealous?"
"I am not jealous!"
"No, I - ok, hold on. Let's try ten seconds of silence."
"Huh?"
"I mean, just, no talking, either of us. Ten silent calm-down seconds, starting now. Go."
Confused, Emily waited.
Finally - was that only ten seconds? - Ash broke the silence. "OK. I'm asking why you're jealous, but not to tease you. I really need to understand. You're my best friend, Em, and I don't want to hurt your feelings, so I need to know why it bothers you so much."
When Em didn't answer, Ash went on. "I mean, I know exactly why I was jealous when you went out with Casper. It's because I wanted to be the one going out with you instead. But I don't know why you're jealous, now."
Emily finally stammered out, "It's... if you get involved with somebody, she'll take up your attention, and then I'll be... lonely. Same as when you were dating Missi."
"But this isn't like dating somebody, it's just one evening."
"It's a girl thing, Ash! Girls get jealous of their friends more easily than boys do."
"That's... all? Just... regular friendship jealousy?"
"Yes!"
The line was silent for a long moment before Ash took a deep breath, then said, "Okay. I believe you that girls get jealous of their friends. But, you know, girls end up dating people anyway, right? I mean, they do get over it."
"We're even closer than most girl friends, I think."
"Yeah. You're right. But still... I can't just be a nun, Emily. Or, at least, I need to talk to somebody about all this. I can talk to you about almost everything, but this is different. You liked boys before, and you still like them now, and it isn't something you have to worry about. And anyway, it's kind of a touchy subject between you and me... this conversation kind of proves that, huh?"
Emily gave a grudging, not-exactly-disagreeing grunt.
"So," Ash ventured, "I'll probably be out too late to call you tomorrow... call you the night after?"
"Right. Um, be careful and everything."
"Yeah, I won't get pregnant, promise."
Em snorted, but not cheerfully. "Goodnight, Ash."
"Goodnight, Em."
Emily hung up the phone, flopped onto her bed, and lay motionless. Somehow, that seemed the most frustrating conversation she'd ever had.
She bolted upright: the pictures! Ash had sent an email full of pictures of the car lab. Em had only skimmed them before, but...
She rushed to her computer and re-opened the mail. Flipping frantically past a dozen or so, she froze at a shot of a group of engineers. One of them jumped out: a young woman, probably college age.
That has to be her.
She flipped past a few more pictures to a clear shot of her - Maria, that's got to be Maria - standing in front of a half-disemboweled sedan. Emily stared.
Tall and slender, with a high ponytail of glossy black hair. No widow's peak. A pronounced but narrow, vaguely aristocratic nose. Effortlessly fashionable in a black turtleneck, tight jeans, and boots. A stance of ease and confidence. Everything about her breathed out maturity, sophistication.
Emily stared at the engineer and felt herself a silly little girl by comparison. I'm a child. She's a woman.
And she's coming for Ash.
Emily pulled her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms around them. Aloud, she squeaked, "I don't stand a chance!"