So I finally got around to writing this little piece of awesome! It took me awhile to write up, but I think you'll love it!
Warnings: Lots of sex between two men. Affair. Cheating. If you see something else that you want a warning for just tell me and I'll add it!
Special thanks to kendra42 for reading over this and correcting all of my mistakes!
If you want to be kept up to date with new redos on stories or want to know more about stories I'm going to be starting soon please follow me at Facebook under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing.
When Saturday rolled around Buzz found himself sitting in his car outside Carlton's home. The clock read 5:30 so he knew he still had a while before they were supposed to meet up. Maybe by the time it was seven he would stop feeling as if he was going to throw up. That was the last thing that he needed Carlton to see him do.
It wasn't that he was concerned about his reasons. He still wanted nothing more than to have a real and true relationship with the older man. It might not work out for them in the end, but the idea of being with him was worth all the pain that possibly wouldn't even come to either of them.
No, the thing that had his stomach in knots was the idea that this could be the end. If he couldn't convince Carlton that their relationship was a good idea then it was over before it started. He couldn't let that happen. If only it was actually that simple a fix. A part of him wondered if it would be worth it if it was.
Things hadn't been easy in his life, but it had never truly been difficult either. Looking back on his life he realized he never truly had to work for the things that he wanted. At least he never had to work to the bone or sacrifice things that he had for things that he wanted. He had lead a fairly easy life. That was a good thing.
Until he ran into someone like Carlton. He had worked for everything he had. Something that had lead him to question when things started to go smoothly. It frustrated Buzz to no end, but it also made the man want Carlton more. He was everything that Buzz had come to respect and want in his life when he couldn't be it.
And that was something he was not. It wasn't a bad thing really. He had lead a different life than Carlton had. That was okay with him. He just wasn't sure that it was okay with the older man. It was as if he would never be able to see Buzz as anything more than a child no matter how hard he tried to break that thought process.
Maybe that was how he'd get the other man to take him seriously. He just had to start acting like he was an adult. That would be easy. Except he thought that he already acted like one. He had to do something though. There had to be someway to get the man to see him for who he was and not for who he thought he was.
Sighing the Officer let his head fall forward onto the steering wheel. It made no sense that he would feel this strongly about Carlton this early in their relationship. Which was a laughable thought. They weren't in a relationship. They were… They weren't much of anything just yet. He wanted them to be though.
A knock on the window caused Buzz to jerk up. He looked over and saw Carlton staring at him with a cocked eyebrow. Feeling his face flush the younger man climbed out of the car refusing to meet the blue eyes. They quietly made their way into the house and stopped in the living room. Carlton moved around the room before stopping in front of the Officer and handing him a glass.
Taking the drink Buzz fell onto the couch and downed it. A low chuckle slipped from the older man's lips as he sat down as well. Calmly he handed the man his own drink watching as he downed that one as well. It was a sight to see the man look so flustered. It would have been amusing if Carlton wasn't just as nervous.
"I'm sorry," Buzz started to speak.
"Shh," Carlton responded shaking his head, "I know what you were doing."
Buzz looked at the older man letting his eyes rake over his body for the first time. He sounded so calm and he looked the same, but now that he was truly looking he saw the slight shake in his body. It looked like the Detective was just as nervous as he was. That thought calmed him down a lot more than he thought it would.
The idea that Carlton was… What was he doing? The older man was so hard to read sometimes and now that he was trying to hide something it was as if things had just gotten worse. He didn't want Buzz to figure out how he was truly feeling about what was going on. All that did was fill Buzz with more hope. He might be able to do this.
"I like you, Carlton," Buzz whispered staring at the empty glass.
"You don't know me," the Detective easily protested.
"I know you're the most loyal man I've ever met. I know you work as hard as you can because having to inform a person that their loved one is dead breaks your heart. I know you keep candy in your desk for children that come in. I know there's three different stuffed animals in the trunk of your car along with a blanket.
"I know that you spend so much time getting paperwork perfect because the idea of a criminal getting off on a technicality would kill you. I know that you try your hardest to get the toughest, most gruesome cases not because you don't have faith in anyone else, but because you don't want them to have the nightmares you have."
Finally looking up Buzz found blue eyes staring at him in shock. He wasn't entirely sure what drove him to say everything he said, but he couldn't bring himself to regret it. Especially not when a calloused hand reached up to cup his cheek. It was just so wonderful to him. At least he hoped it was.
"I see you, Carlton," Buzz said before swallowing roughly, "I see you for everything that you are and everything you want to be. I just… I have to know if you see the me that no one else bothers to look at."
Slowly the hand fell away from the younger man's face and Carlton stood up. A sense of despair filled him as his mind whirled trying to figure out what was going on. Was it possible that he just spilled his heart out to a person that would throw it away? No, there was no chance that the older man was that kind of person. Right?
Feeling as if his heart was beating out of his chest Buzz stood up and moved so he was toe to toe with the Detective. For a moment the man refused to make eye contact. Then he looked up. When those blue eyes locked on his it felt as if someone had just punched him in the stomach. Someone his age should not be able to look that vulnerable and surprised at the same time.
Buzz found himself fighting every voice in his head that wanted him to pull the other man into a hug and kiss that look away. It wasn't going to help anyone if they fell into bed right then. No, he had to wait until they were both on the same page in what they wanted from their relationship before they got to that again. No matter how much they wanted it.
"I can't answer that," Carlton muttered after a pregnant pause.
"W-What?" Buzz questioned both hurt and confused.
"You have to understand, I have done everything in my power to make sure I don't notice you. I… I've noticed you since you first started at the precinct and I was drawn to you. The last thing I could do was let those thoughts come to the surface. They had to be hidden far away in the back of my mind where I don't look. It was the best for everyone."
Letting the words wash over him Buzz realized just how repressed the other man had forced himself to be. Buzz had no idea what had forced the other man to react as harshly as he did but he knew that it was something that had to be fixed. He wasn't going to allow someone as wonderful as Carlton to live his life in a shell.
"It's not what you wanted though," Buzz prompted gently, "Was it?"
"Of course it wasn't," Carlton practically sneered, "I had no choice."
"You do now. I'm giving you the choice. I know what I'm getting into with you. You know I do. All you need to do is figure out what you're getting into with me."
"If I start trying to answer that I might never stop."
Smiling gently Buzz bent down and pressed their lips together. He knew that it wasn't as if Carlton was just going to be completely open with him just like he knew that there was going to be a lot of fighting. He was willing to put up with that though. Carlton needed someone that was willing to see him for everything he was.
It was an odd thought, but now that he was thinking it Buzz couldn't believe that he was so blind. All this time he had thought that Carlton was trying to protect him, but that wasn't right. He was trying to protect himself and he didn't even see it. He had been painted as the bad guy so often in his life that he actually believed it.
That made almost no sense in the Officer's mind. Of course he understood that the other man was a hard person to read and that he put off a wave that said to leave him alone, but he was still good. How was it possible that no one else bothered to even try to look? Didn't they see everything that the man could be if someone cared?
Pulling away from the kiss Buzz ran a hand through his black hair. He was going to show Carlton everything that he could be. Everything they could be if the other man decided that he wanted to try something together. They could work together so well. Or that's what Buzz chose to believe. It was what he had to believe.
"I think that this could be good for both of us," Buzz offered with a smile, "A chance for me to get to know who I am and for you to get to know yourself again."
"You make it sound so easy," Carlton shook his head, "Like nothing else even matters."
"I'm not delusional. I know that there's a lot of things that could go wrong. I get that this… Whatever this is… Could end horribly for both of us. This could be the worst idea I've ever had, but I'm willing to try. Are you?"
Blue eyes stared up at the younger man looking overwhelmed. His tongue darted out to run over his lower lip as the eyes slowly traveled over Buzz's body. The younger man stood there knowing that this was it. Either he'd finally have what he wanted or he'd have to walk away without knowing what could have been.
"You've really thought this through," Carlton chuckled shaking his head, "Haven't you?"
"I have," Buzz nodded with a smile, "I know that it's a bit insane, but I want this."
"And you're willing to deal with the fallout when it comes?"
"Yes, Carlton, I've been thinking of this since the first time we kissed. You really need to get to know me like I know you."
Nodding his head the Head Detective took a few steps away. Buzz watched as the older man began to pace the room. One word. Just one little word and everything would fall into place with them. His nails dug into his palms as he thought about what could happen between them. No, he had to slow down so he didn't scare the man away.
"I can't..." Carlton started.
"Stop thinking about everything that could go wrong," Buzz practically pleaded, "Because if you focus on the bad that's the only thing you'll get. You'll ruin everything that could happen. Let yourself be happy for once without expecting the worst."
Laughing softly to himself Carlton ran a hand through his hair before falling onto the couch. Buzz sat on the edge of the coffee table facing the man that could soon be his lover. As much as he knew that the other man needed to think about what was happening he also knew that the last thing that would help either of them was him over-thinking everything.
With a gentle hand Buzz gripped the back of Carlton's neck and pulled him in close. He didn't try to place a kiss on the man's lips knowing that he had to be the one to do that. All he could do was offer the man everything that he could. Hope that Carlton wasn't going to throw away everything he was offering just because he was afraid.
Before Buzz could understand what was happening strong hands gripped his shoulders tightly and drug him forward. Straddling the older mans lap he let himself get lost in the feeling of Carlton underneath him. Though this time he knew that it wasn't him that was going to be in control of what they did.
Their moves held a frantic edge as they stripped each other. It had been so long since their first night. Though the only thing Buzz could think was that Carlton had it just as bad as he did. He was being driven out of his mind with want and lust. It was amazing to know he was doing that to the Detective as well.
Nails ran down the Officer's sweat slicked back as Carlton ravished his mouth. Gasping the taller man broke away from the kiss trying to catch his breath. That didn't seem to matter to the other man when his lips attached to Buzz's throat. Tossing his head back he threaded a hand through the black hair holding him tightly against him.
"Carlton," Buzz groaned trying to grind against the other man, "Please."
"Please what?" he whispered his tongue darting out to run over Buzz's Adam's apple, "You'll have to be specific or I might just..."
Instead of finishing his sentence Carlton simply pulled away. The Officer stared at the other man in poorly veiled arousal as a dark smirk took over his lips. Oh, it was not fair that the Detective could go from zero to sixty so quickly. Though Buzz couldn't help the shiver that ran down his spine thinking about how sexy the other man looked.
"Don't stop," Buzz pleaded his hips rocking on their own accord.
"Why not?" Carlton teased his fingertips gently dancing over his lovers abs, "Desperate is a good look on you."
Licking his lips the younger man took hold of Carlton's shoulders to balance himself before he began to rock his hips. For a moment both men stared into the others eyes wanting to see what the other would do. Calmly Carlton let himself relax against the couch the smirk never leaving his lips. He looked so damn good Buzz found that he didn't want to fight it.
Grinding down harder Buzz caught himself looking down at their laps. His mouth fell open in a silent gasp at the sight of their cocks begging for attention. Things had happened so quickly the first time he hadn't had the chance to take in everything that was Carlton. Now that he had the chance he wasn't going to pass up on the ability to explore every inch of the beautiful body.
One of his hands let go of the broad shoulders and traveled down his chest. A soft sound of appreciation slipped from his lips feeling the thick chest hair. Bending down Buzz pressed a gentle kiss to a nipple before feeling it pebble under his lips. He couldn't help himself but flick his tongue out to taste the flesh. Carlton didn't seem to mind based off the growl that rumbled through his body.
"Buzz," Carlton spoke carding a hand through the younger man's thick hair.
Climbing off of the man's lap Buzz slipped onto his knees. He heard Carlton suck in a breath as he nuzzled against the hard cock. Not being able to hold back anymore the Officer took the erection in his mouth. A moan slipped from his throat finally being able to taste his lover. It was one of the most addicting things that he had ever tasted and he knew that he'd never be able to get enough.
Lacking all the finesse that he normally had Buzz took as much of Carlton as he could. He needed to feel the older mans cum spill down his throat. To hear those sounds come from the man that he had been dreaming of. To feel those hands in his hair holding him in place as Carlton finally burst. To climb back in his lap and share that flavor with him.
Buzz's hand traveled to his own lap taking hold of his cock as he got lost in his fantasy. His hand was rough as he jerked off needing to push himself over the edge. A small part of him wanted to take it slow and savor finally getting the other man, but the thrill and the want were too powerful to ignore. They had the future to slow down and explore. Now was about lust.
Gasps and moans echoed through the room as Carlton was pulled closer and closer to completion. His hips gently rocked forward letting him know that the younger man had enough skill to not choke on him. There was so much that they were going to learn about the other. Neither of them could wait to finally give in to what they had wanted.
"Fuck, Buzz!" Carlton growled, his body going rigid as he spilled into the waiting mouth.
Swallowing as much as he could Buzz pulled back and let himself go. He threw his head back his mouth falling open as he spilled between them. Falling back on his knees the younger man tried to catch his breath as he watched the older man do the same. They sat there in silence before Carlton finally reached out to pull Buzz onto the couch and press a soft kiss to his lips.
A large smile came to Buzz's lips when he broke away from the kiss. Making himself smaller than he was he curled against the older man burying his head into his shoulder. He could feel Carlton hesitate before wrapping an arm around him. Buzz felt his heart speed up feeling lips press gently against the top of his head. He was so happy to know he had gotten past the other man's defenses.
"Carlton," Buzz whispered loving how the weight of his name felt on his tongue.
"Yes?" the older man questioned tensing slightly.
"Are you going to start freaking out again? I really don't want that to become something you do after every time we do this."
Sighing softly Carlton pulled Buzz away from him and moved them around so they were face to face. Blue eyes stared into brown before the younger man once again was pulled into a kiss. Letting his eyes slide shut Buzz cradled the back of Carlton's head letting his lover erase the thoughts from his mind. For the first time it was just a simple, innocent kiss.
"I'm not running away this time," Carlton muttered against his lips.
"Good," Buzz grinned standing up, "Come on."
Carlton let himself be pulled up and lead through his house. The couple was silent as they climbed into the older man's bed and faced each other. Buzz could see the question that was racing in Carlton's head and was worried that they'd have to continue trying to figure out everything that he truly didn't want to think about anymore. He just wanted to enjoy being held in the strong arms.
"Next Saturday," Carlton suddenly said.
"What?" Buzz asked confused.
"I'm not going to have this only be about sex. If we're doing this then we have to go on dates as well. Next Saturday I'll make dinner."
"We're not going out?"
"No. We can try later, but right now we'll stay in."
Nodding his head Buzz rested his head on Carlton's chest and shut his eyes. He knew that it was only the beginning and that they still had a lot of things that they had to figure out, but they finally had gotten to this point and he wasn't going to look back. Making waves was not something he liked to do, but he was ready. He'd deal with whatever came in his future. He had to.