7/19/07

What Dreams May Come

They had five nights together. On the morning after the first night, Nooj

went into Luca to report to Crusader headquarters and gather what he would need to move into LeBlanc's home for his remaining time in the city. While there, he met Aquelev for a drink at The Drop, a quiet bar not far from the center of town. The proprietor, an attractive female named RyRy, made sure her customers enjoyed both privacy and excellent service.

"Just what are you up to?" the Al Bhed asked, wiping foam off his upper lip. They had downed a couple of refreshing beverages and Nooj had explained his errand. "You've never lived with one of your women before."

Nooj who was drinking wine, lifted his glass in a mocking salute. "It's comfortable there; the food's good and I'm bored sitting around headquarters waiting for the commanders to decide what to do with me. I can check in from my new digs and when they make up their minds, I can get there fast enough."

Aquelev looked out of the corner of his eye. "You sure that's the reason? ... Don't hit me!" He laughingly raised his palms in a defensive gesture. "I know you're a one-woman-at-a-time man but you don't usually ... Isn't this kind of sudden? You've only seen her twice."

"All right, all right. We enjoy each other. She's ... she's... We suit each other." Nooj flushed and closed his lips firmly.

"Always the gentleman." Aquelev laid a calming hand on his friend's sleeve. "You don't have to explain. If it makes you happy, do it."

The younger man nodded and took a healthy swallow of his drink. "It's a little more than that. I like her, quite a lot. She's beautiful and agreeable and brave and I can relax around her."

"My friend, that's all you really need. Enjoy your good fortune. She's a smart one too. You could do a lot worse."

"I know. We talk about more things than you might think. She listens and understands. When you introduced us I thought she was just ... you know, a party animal like all the others. But she's not." He sounded surprised. "Warriors don't make plans for the future but if things were different..."

"Don't pretend. I know what you are and have never stopped hoping you would grow past it. If LeBlanc can give you the incentive to make some changes, I'm all for it. Hell, I'd move you into her place myself."

Nooj laughed a little wildly. "Don't go imagining things. I'm still me. This is just a sort of time out when I can stop being so much me. She's comfortable to be around; that's all."

"As you say." Aquelev smiled with a certain smugness and tapped his stein against the other's glass. "Well, here's to a long and pleasant holiday from reality. May it become more real than the real real."

"I think you are just the slightest bit drunk." Nooj raised a finger to summon the barmaid for refills.

-X-

They had five nights together. LeBlanc stretched out on her bed the morning after the third night. He had said he loved her. That made everything different. He was a Warrior and subject to being called to battle at any moment. But once Sin was defeated again and another Calm was in place, he could settle into the powerful role of a senior commander in the peacetime army. As a ranking officer in the Crusaders, he would be secure and influencial. What a team they could make! He could steer business her way and she could entertain his chiefs and charm them into helping his career. In their pillow talk, she had learned they agreed on most things and could compromise on the few differences. He loved her and that made anything possible. When the Calm came, she would suggest they take vows together. She was sure he wouldn't refuse. He was the perfect partner for her in every way. What fun they would have, with her dominating the commercial world as he was about to dominate the military one. With a controlling interest in two areas of importance on Spira - they would be unstoppable, a juggernaut. She hugged herself and smiled. All that and the nights as well. She let her thoughts drift into the memory of what they had done during the past few hours before the dawn had come. She giggled.

-X-

They had five nights together. On the evening before the fourth night, they sat before the wide windows and watched the sun set over Luca. The tall towers reared in shimmering gold above the darkness which crept across the city, creating a spectacle of great beauty.

"I've never been so happy." LeBlanc curled up against him on the couch.

"Things going well with the business?" He nuzzled her, blowing into her hair.

"Yes, that too. Aquelev came by while you were out today and placed a huge order for all sorts of materiel."

"I'm not surprised. There's been some rumours that a big operation is coming."

She sprang away from his enclosing arm. "An operation? Will you have to go?"

He pulled her back down to his side. "Don't know yet. I may. But don't get upset. This sort of thing generally doesn't last long. We go out, do what we're told to do, try to keep our troops safe - then we come back and wait for the next alarm. Maybe this time, we've finally figured out how to kill Sin without sacrificing a Summoner. Wouldn't that be worth doing?"

"Better a Summoner than you." She snuffled and wiped her eyes.

Nooj laughed softly. "Not to worry. Haven't you heard I'm indestructible? Now tell me how Aquelev's coming along and how the rest of your day went. This is the most beautiful and peaceful time of the day. Let's not waste it." He pressed her head against his shoulder.

-X-

They had five nights together. That was all. LeBlanc had expected at least seven and had hoped for more. Under his attentions, she had become calmer, more confident and at ease, less prone to nervous chatter and was flourishing - both in her business dealings and in her private life. She was more content than ever before in her life and she could feel the stillness and satisfaction in him as well.

Then, on the fifth night, when they lay coiled together on the wide bed, Nooj said bluntly, "I'm needed for that major offensive I mentioned a day or so ago. My love, I'm sorry, but I have to leave in the morning."

"No!" she gasped. "It's too soon. I won't let you go! You can't!" She burst into a torrent of tears, clutching him to her as if her will alone could forestall the inevitable. "No! You can't!"

He gently trapped her hands in his and kissed the writhing fingers. "I must. I'm a Warrior, you knew that from the first. I go where I'm told when I'm told to go."

"Why didn't you tell me before?" She struggled to free herself. "You could've warned me."

"I just learned I was going this afternoon. I thought we'd have one more bout of pleasure before we talked about these things. Love, I didn't want to spoil things tonight of all nights."

"When will you come back? How long will it take?" Her tone had become petulant like that of a child disappointed by an indulgent parent. His soothing words were having their usual effect.

"I don't know, probably not long but war doesn't keep to a schedule. I promise I'll come back as soon as I can. I don't want to be away from you; you know that perfectly well. Now, let's not ruin these last hours. Come here and let me love you." He gathered here into his embrace and kissed her temple tenderly.

-X-

In the morning, he was gone. She had followed him down to the street and kissed him there in front of the amused on-lookers then linked her fingers with his until contact was broken and he was gone, swaggering away like the Warrior he was.

Life continued although it was dull and flavourless to LeBlanc. She sought the familiar savour in her business and in the round of parties to which she was bidden every night. But the money was meaningless and the galas boring. She found herself always looking for a tall figure with elaborate hair and no other man existed for her.

A week passed, then another. She did not hear from him. He had warned her he would be away from means of communication most of the time and would send word when he could. Little news came from the battle front at all. There would be a spurt of dispatches reporting the sighting of Sin and the efforts to trap the monster and defeat it and then long stretches of ominous quiet. Waiting was the only option and it was maddening.

LeBlanc never forgot the moment when she heard the news. The time and the place were burned into her memory. She was just coming down the stairs to dinner when Logos burst through the front door, bringing with him the sound of confused voices and a blast of overheated air.

"Madam! Madam! He's hurt!" There could only be one "he".

She reeled and had to catch the newel post to prevent falling the last few steps. At first, her mind would not process the words. Nooj hurt, how? Not dead, not dead - hurt. What did it mean? Slowly, she let herself slide down, sinking to crouch on the stairs, leaning against the railings. Her head was still spinning and her eyes were focused on nothing.

"Ormi! Get your fat ass in here!" Logos ran across the room to his stricken leader. "Madam! Boss! Are you all right!" He bent over the trembling woman. "He's alive! They're bringing him to Luca! He'll be here; he's alive."

LeBlanc looked up in Logos' worried eyes. "Where is he? What are you saying?"

He knelt before her, wanting to help but afraid to touch her. "I just heard he was wounded. I don't know anything else. They said they were bringing him here to the hospital."

"Here?" Her eyes were puzzled. It was as though words conveyed no meaning to her mind.

"To Luca. Here to the big hospital. It's the best one on Spira."

"What's going on?" Ormi rushed into the room with surprising speed for one of his size and shape.

"Captain Nooj's been hurt and they're bringing him here." Logos snapped at his friend.

"Here? To this house?" The short, stout man was surprised.

"No. Not here, you idiot. To Luca, to the hospital."

"Oh. Are we supposed to do anything?"

"Help Madam up and get her to the couch. It's been a shock for her."

"OK. Ma'am, here - lean on me." He put his sturdy shoulder to her side and pulled her arm over it so that he could support her to a more suitable resting place. "There you go. I'll go get some water."

"No. Bring me a brandy, some of that stuff from Kilika. And one of you fools go down to the hospital and find out if he's there yet. Ask everybody you can find everything you can think of. See if he can come here to recuperate." Her voice rose to a shriek. "Oh for Yevon's sake, find out what happened, how badly he's wounded. Find out everything. I have to know!"

Logos immediately snapped to attention, saluted and hastened out the door. Ormi made way to the dining room to fetch brandy and some fruit. Fruit was always useful. LeBlanc lay back on the couch, her forearm over her eyes, nightmare images of her lover torn and bleeding filling her mental vision.

-X-

LeBlanc presented herself at the office of the hospital governer early the next morning. The information Logos and Ormi had been able to gather had been scant and unsatisfactory. Yes, Nooj had been admitted to the establishment and, yes, he was still alive. However, no further details about his injuries or current condition were available. There was an unprecedented secrecy being maintained - one which frightened the woman. So she had come to see for herself what was going on.

"LeBlanc! How good to see you." Giffen rose from his throne-like chair behind the wide, shining expanse of his desk and advanced to greet her with both hands outstretched. "I've been meaning to call on you to thank you for your generosity to this establishment."

She smiled. "I'm happy to help with your good work. You make Luca a better city to live in for all of us."

"What can I do for you today?" He led her to the couch near the windows and sat down beside her.

LeBlanc lowered her head, coquettishly, and dimpled. "I've come to ask a favour. I hear you have a very special patient here - the Crusader Captain Nooj." She blushed prettily. "He and I have a - relationship..." She looked up from under her fluttering lashes.

"Dear lady! I had no idea," Giffen expostulated. "Accept my best wishes and my sympathy for his injuries."

"Well, now that you understand how it is, what can you tell me about him? And may I see him"

"I'm afraid we're under a 'no visitors' order. But I can tell you he's alive and we expect him to stay that way." He patted her hand paternally.

"But how badly was he hurt? When will he be discharged from here? Can he recuperate at my hotel? I can bring in whatever equipment and people he'll need. No problems. I can set up a sort of mini-hospital on my third floor and do almost anything you can do here. Will you let me do that?"

"It's much too soon to talk about that, my dear." He kept vigorously patting her hand. "His injuries are extensive and we're going to need some time to get him to the point where we know just what has to be done for the best outcome."

"Tell me what happened to him. I need to know how badly he's hurt. Stop trying to put me off like this. I'm not a child; I can hear the truth. Please, I have to know." She pulled back her hand and clenched it into a fist in her lap. Tears began leaking from her eyes, whether tears of distress or anger was impossible to discern. "I have to know. Is he still Nooj? Let me see him!"

The governor sat silently for a long while. "Very well, I'll bend the rules for you because of your relationship with him. You can see him but you can't go into the room. He's heavily sedated and wouldn't know you were there anyway."

"But I can see him?"

Giffen nodded. "You can look through the window into the room where he's resting. Will that do?"

She wiped the back of her hand across her eyes and smiled tremulously. "You're so kind to a poor frightened woman. I knew I could count on your friendship and courtesy."

The Comprehensive Treatment Section (CTS) was the pride of the Lucan Central Hospital. It consisted of a dozen wedge-shaped private rooms ranged around a central nursing station where specially trained professionals kept careful watch over the most seriously ill or injured patients from all over Spira.

Wide glassed-in windows opening into each room provided an overall view so that any change could be instantly noted and the read-outs on the various monitoring devices could be seen without entering the room itself. Physical Healers and Senior White Mages moved briskly about the area, each trailed by a retinue of students and assistants.

Giffen gently steered LeBlanc through the organized chaos to a position on the far left side of the entrance. "He's in here. I can let you stay here for ten minutes at the most. Civilians aren't usually allowed on this floor."

She walked as close to the window as she could. Nooj was lying on a narrow bed, slightly turned away from the opening. His eyes were closed and his face was swollen and marked with dark bruises and fiery scrapes and burns. There were bandages on his temple and beneath his right eye. Still he was recognizable even though his skin was sallow and greenish against the white of the pillow. As she continued to look hungrily, it seemed as though he was both familiar and a stranger. The driving vitality, the lively intelligence which defined him was absent. In its place she saw a slackness, an emptiness which was alien to her. Then she realized his thick mane was gone, replaced by a ragged fringe of hair which barely covered his ears.

"What happened to his hair?" She did not know why it seemed important to know the answer to that question. There was so much else to ask about.

"Part of it was burned off and some we cut so we could treat his wounds."

She examined him more carefully. There was something wrong about the way his body lay under the white sheet. His left side was oddly flat. She pointed and tried to form a query.

The governor put a supportive arm around her shoulders. "Be strong, dear LeBlanc. His left arm is gone from the shoulder and most of his left leg was taken as well. It's not as bad as it seems. He's alive and strong and we can do something to help. That's what we're working on right now. We don't want to wake him up until we can tell him what's going to happen."

"No. No. That can't be true. That didn't happen. How will he manage with only one arm and one leg? You have to be mistaken. What really happened?" She choked out the words with a gagging sound.

"He was holding off the monster while his unit ran for their lives and Sin caught him in a blast and ... well, that's what did it. He's lucky to be alive, you know. Most men would have been dead before they hit the ground. He's a strong one with a strong heart."

"I have to go to him. He's going to need me. He can't do for himself without both arms and legs. I have to see if it's true and help him. Let me stay with him." She clung to the man's shirt and begged.

"We have to keep him in a sterile atmosphere while the wounds are open and unhealed. I know you don't want to make things worse. I promise as soon as it's safe for him, I'll send you word and you can be with him as much as you want." Giffen stroked her back and spoke into her hair.

"Will you tell me what you decide to do? Will you keep me informed about how he's doing? What are you planning?"

"We're thinking about a lot of alternatives. The Al Bhed have some ideas and some new approaches to this sort of thing. He's a hero and we're going to do our best for him; we owe him. Right now, nothing's decided but I'll make sure you're not left in the dark. You have my word. Come now, we have to go." He turned her toward the exit.

"Just one more moment." LeBlanc looked over her shoulder and tried to memorize the way he looked. He was alive. He was alive. Past that, nothing else mattered.

-X-

That night LeBlanc threw herself onto the bed which seemed so empty without him and wept. Her mind's eye saw him as she had last seen him, helpless and unaware on the narrow cot with the sheet drawn up to his chin.

Suddenly she sat upright, startled. Had Giffen lied to her? Was he truly alive? She forced her memory to recreate the picture in more detail. Had she, herself, seen his chest rise and fall with his breathing? Did his eyes move beneath the closed lids? Then reason reasserted itself. There would be no point in keeping a corpse in one of those rooms in such high demand with all those complicated and expensive devices keeping tabs on every system. It was foolish to indulge in such fancies.

Then she pictured him as he had been, lying on this bed at her side. His large gentle hands exploring her body, tracing the flow of her curves. She stroked her breasts and between her legs with her own hands, imagining they were his but it was no use. She ached for him physically but even more for the assurance of his low voice, telling her she was beautiful and that he loved her. She wept past her supply of tears, mourning what he had been and what they had been together.

She wanted to get up and scream at the indifferent fate which had done this to them after so short a time of happiness. Only five days. The unfairness of their loss was not bearable. Her fists clenched until her nails cut into her soft palms and she bled like a stigmatist. Only pain could relieve pain as she silently railed against the images assaulting her in the darkness. She fell into sudden sleeps as exhaustion overwhelmed her, only to be wakened by dreams in which he appeared, torn apart and shambling, a lurching corpse.

She repeated incessantly the mantra "He still lives". And yet the nightmares rode her until the windows began to show the first traces of light. Only then did she finally drop over the precipice of sleep like one who walks willingly off a cliff into nothingness. When Logos came with her morning tea to rouse her, he found her half off the bed, her tear-smeared face turned to the wall and quietly slipped away again.

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