There was a time we reached towards the rainbow,

we touched it when it was too low.

Chapter 4

Due to recent events things between Sirius and Remus had gotten a little awkward. Sirius didn't dare to bring up the topic of their kiss again and Remus was obviously pretending it never happened. They still slept in the same bed a few times but Remus wouldn't let Sirius as close to him as before.

Sirius was convinced that he had shocked his friend with that kiss. Why had he even kissed him? His brain must have switched off for a while. All he could say was that he had wanted to kiss Remus. But why, he didn't know. After all he wasn't gay. Or so he'd thought. Maybe he wasn't as straight as he'd always thought he was? But how did you find out if you were gay? You couldn't tell from one kiss… one very innocent kiss, in this case.

Sirius wished he could talk about it with someone… but there wasn't anyone. He couldn't talk about it with James, he'd probably think he was only joking or simply make fun of him, not taking it seriously. Remus was the one you could talk to about your problems. But he wasn't an option now.

Distraction came a few days later in the form of James' birthday. He was coming of age and after the last holidays he had brought back a bottle of Firewhiskey that no one was allowed to touch because it was reserved for the sole purpose of celebrating his seventeenth birthday.

The Marauders had waited in their dormitory until everyone else had gone to bed and then sneaked back down to the common room. Lily had joined them a little later, too. With the bottle being half empty, Peter had decided he'd had enough and went back to bed. A while after that, James and Lily had wandered off for a nightly stroll through the castle, protected by James' Invisibility Cloak.

Which left Remus and Sirius alone in the common room, as well as the leftover contents in the bottle of Firewhiskey. Neither of them was really drunk but they were tipsy enough to forget about the awkwardness between them.

Remus was sitting on one of the comfy sofas and Sirius on the floor, leaning his back against the sofa.

"They do realise there won't be anything left by the time they get back?" Sirius asked and took a swig of the whiskey.

Remus chuckled. "I think they have something else in mind right now." He grinned and took the bottle from Sirius.

"Huh?" Sirius seemed confused. "Oh… that you mean… yeah, probably."

They drank in silence for a while, passing the bottle back and forth between them. Then Sirius sighed. "Remus, I think we really need to talk."

"Now?" Remus asked. "Shouldn't we… like… do that tomorrow? When we're sober?"

"No, I don't think that's such a good idea. And as for me, I'm not that drunk." To be honest, Sirius felt that he probably wouldn't have the confidence to bring up that issue again once he was sober. But he wouldn't admit that. And when Remus stayed silent, he gathered up his courage and started talking.

"Look… I'm sorry I… did what I did the other day. I should have known that you wouldn't like it and well, I wasn't really thinking, I guess." He looked at Remus expectantly, wondering what he'd say to that.

"Yeah, that sounds pretty much like you… not thinking," Remus replied, "I know I was weird the last few days. I mean, I should have known that it wasn't a big deal." He shrugged his shoulders. When Sirius simply continued staring at him he added: "Right?"

Sirius got up from the floor and sat down next to Remus on the sofa. "I'm… well, actually I think it might be a big deal…"

Remus was confused. "What do you mean?"

Sirius was searching for the right words. "I didn't really think about it, well, kissing you. But that doesn't mean that I didn't want to do it."

Remus sighed. "Sirius, if that's supposed to be funny… well, it isn't. And I'm also not up for any experiments you want to try." He sounded angry and a little hurt.

"What? You think I…? You really think this is just some game for me? Only fun?" Sirius couldn't quite believe what he had just heard. "Remus… You know I wouldn't do that, I wouldn't want to hurt you!"

"Oh yes?" Remus voice sounded extremely bitter now. "Maybe you wouldn't do it on purpose… but you know you've done it before. Just a few months ago."

Sirius gasped. "Bringing that up is unfair and you know it."

"So bringing it up is unfair… and doing it wasn't? Sirius, I'm not your little play thing."

"I apologized, Remus. About a hundred times and I meant it. I know it was wrong. I know I abused your trust but I thought you had forgiven me? And what does that thing with Snivellus back then have to do with us now? It's not the same, for fuck's sake!"

Remus shook his head. "I was just saying that you haven't exactly made it easy for me to trust you this year." He got up and started pacing the room.

"I know!" Sirius all but shouted. "But I thought we were over that… Remus, really. You know I didn't mean to hurt you. I deeply regret what I did back then. If I could turn back time, you know I'd do things differently. But I can't and that's why you have to believe me." Sirius got up as well and walked over to Remus, stopping right in front of him.

"I promise," he said, taking both of Remus' hands in his own, "That I'll never hurt you again. Not willingly and I'll also try to use my brain more before saying or doing things that might hurt you."

Sirius didn't know what made him say that. Of course he meant it but he was just spilling out all his feelings. He was risking so much and he knew it. Still he couldn't keep it inside.

Remus locked eyes with Sirius. "Using your brain doesn't sound too much like you." The ghost of a smile was playing around his lips.

"I said I'll try. And…" Sirius took a deep breath. "And you know. I only kissed you because I wanted to. And because somehow I was hoping your reaction would be a little different…" With that said, he let go of the smaller boy's hands and sat down again.

Remus, though, remained rooted to the spot for a few moments. "How different?" he finally managed to ask.

Sirius closed his eyes. Did he really not understand? It wasn't that difficult, was it? "For one, I didn't want you to flee from me… and also… shit, this is difficult. Well maybe I thought you'd feel the same? That you might like kissing me?"

"Who told you I didn't?" The sentence lingered in the air between them as their gazes met again and Remus slowly walked over to where Sirius sat. "I never said I didn't want you to kiss me," he said in a calm voice as Sirius simply continued to stare at him, "Just… don't play with me, Sirius."

This time, Sirius was the surprised one as Remus leant in to kiss him. Their faces only inches apart as he whispered: "Promise me you're not playing with me."

Sirius just shook his head, unable to form a coherent sentence, and closed the distance between them. This was heaven and he didn't want to think at all. There would be time for more talking later, now was the time for kissing.

And kiss they did, a bit shyly at first but then soon deepening the kiss and only breaking apart for the sake of breathing. "I'm not playing with you, Remus," Sirius said between more kisses. "I want you. I don't know where this comes from… but I know I do."

He looked at Remus who was smiling at him. "Feeling's mutual," the other boy said.

For a lack of words, Sirius simply kissed him again. The undertone had changed. Until now, everything had been slow and tentative. But gradually their kisses grew more passionate, their tongues stroking each other, battling for dominance. Remus' hand in Sirius' neck, pulling him closer and Sirius complying to that, shifting over until he couldn't possibly be any closer without sitting on Remus' lap.

Sirius felt himself growing hard. He was embarassed only for a second before he realised that Remus' was very obviously equally turned on. He pushed the other boy backwards onto the sofa and shifted so he was above him.

"What… are you doing?" Remus asked, out of breath and also sounding a little uncertain.

"To be honest… I don't know." Sirius chuckled quietly. "The only thing I know is that we should do something about this." Underlining his last few words, he ground his hips against Remus', both of them moaning at the friction.

"Sirius… I don't know… I don't have a clue…" Remus started but was soon silenced by Sirius kissing him.

"Me neither." He smiled. "Don't be scared, this is just as new to me."

And during another passionate kiss… and some more, they simply opted for ending this the way they had just started. Because neither of them had been with another guy before and they didn't want to go too far on unknown territory. There was enough time to do that another time…

"Did both of us seriously come into our pants just now?" Remus said, amusement in his voice.

Sirius chuckled in response. "So what?"

They were still lying on the sofa, Sirius draped half-way over Remus because the piece of furniture had clearly not been designed for two people lying on it at the same time.

"You don't regret this, do you?" Sirius looked up at Remus, who smiled at him.

"No," he replied, "I don't know where this is taking us and that scares me a bit… but I don't regret it."

"Good." Sirius placed a chaste kiss on Remus' lips. "Cos I was hoping there was some more to come…"

Tbc…

A/N: That was a difficult one ._. I hope it was okay, though. Let me know what you think! Song lyrics from Private Line this time :)