Update: The superscript mentioned in the author's note didn't translate well here, so I've put the numbers in parentheses instead until I can find a better solution.
Author's note: As I write this, I can already see that this chapter is running long. I'm going to have to break it into at least two smaller parts, and possibly a third. There's quite a bit of story here, and the chapters that follow the date may very well depend upon having explained things properly. I'd rather take the time necessary to put all of the information out now than risk having a confusing story later. The good news is that it at least hopefully won't take as long to produce these next several chapters as they have already been started in some capacity.
There are more songs than usual for the next several chapters, so I'm going to try something new to streamline the process of making references to them. I've numbered them with superscript and listed the numbers and their corresponding songs below. I'm hoping that this will be an effective way of listing songs with particular importance to the story for anyone that's curious about them without taking anyone away from the story that simply wants to read on.
1. "Complicated" by Heavens to Betsy
2. "Everything is Borrowed" by The Streets
3. "Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way" by The Streets
4. "When I'm Thinking About You" by The Sundays
Angela's hand trembled slightly as she gently touched two of her fingernails together. She closed her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief as they separated without incident. She closely inspected the shimmering crimson polish on them and smiled at the flawless finish. After gently tapping them together several more times and feeling satisfied that they were finally dry, she closed her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. With the last coat finally having dried, she was officially done preparing. She had been meticulously examining every last detail as she readied herself. Realizing that there was nothing left to do but wait, she found herself suddenly growing restless, and her hands shook with anticipation. When she started feeling a knot tighten in her stomach, she started walking around the bedroom, picking up clothes and haphazardly throwing them back into suitcases simply for something to do.
"You look like you're doubting yourself again."
Angela jumped as she looked up at the television screen, startled to hear Mei's voice. In her determination to focus on managing every last detail of her appearance, she had almost forgotten the conversation she was having. "Pardon me, Mei. I suppose you are right. I was just trying to keep busy. Besides, I would hate for Fareeha to see my bedroom in such a state."
The corners of Mei's mouth turned upward into a mischievous smile. "Are you planning on inviting her in to see it?"
Angela could only stand there smiling sheepishly, completely incapable of finding the words to deny the assumption. "Well...I was not planning on it, exactly...not that I would be opposed..." She smiled in spite of her embarrassment as she looked down at the dress in her hands.
Mei's eyes went wide. As she was only intending to tease Angela to lighten the mood, she wasn't expecting to have made an accurate guess. She suddenly squealed, causing Angela to jump again. "Sorry, sorry! It's just so exciting!" Angela smiled again, although a little weakly. Sensing her returning doubt, Mei's mind raced for something to say to keep her thoughts positive. "You know, it really sounds as though she's just as nervous about this as you are. I'm having a hard time imagining that she's not feeling just as confused inside as you do."
Angela wrestled with the thought. It seemed to be too good to be true, and she couldn't shake the feeling that she was setting herself up for disappointment. She assumed that her thoughts must have come through in her expression when she heard Mei clear her throat loudly and, when she looked back at the screen, saw that she was being stared at with a stern expression. She couldn't help smiling. Brought out of her unpleasant thoughts, she found herself able to examine the situation objectively. After having done so, she couldn't deny that, as was most often the case, Mei's analysis was flawless.
Seeing the smile slowly returning to Angela's face, Mei pressed on. "That being the case, how about just making sure she knows that you're leaving the door open for her? Let her know she's welcome and leave it up to her to walk through it. That will prove your doubts wrong and show you that she has the same feelings. It seems as if that's what has gotten you this far."
"But...what if she chooses not to?" As much as she had been trying to not consider this possibility today, she couldn't stop herself from asking.
"I suggested it because I'm certain that she will. It will be up to you as much as her, though. If she really is struggling as much as you are, you're going to have to help each other."
"Yes...yes, of course." Angela's smile faded suddenly, and her brow furrowed.
"What is it?"
"I cannot help feeling as though I have forgotten something."
Mei rushed to dispel Angela's newest doubt. "You've called the restaurant, you've made reservations and you even managed to set up that little surprise. Stop worrying! You're ready!" When Angela's look of concentration didn't change, Mei's expression suddenly became very serious. "You are ready."
Angela looked up when she heard the change in Mei's tone, and she couldn't help smiling back at her. "As always, you are right. I am simply worrying."
"Of course you are! Please, try to relax and enjoy the evening." Mei looked over her shoulder at a clock on the wall. "Oh, it's almost time! Go, take a moment to calm yourself. You don't want to look as though you're not happy to see her, and she'll be there at any moment now. She's never late."
Angela closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Yes, of course. Thank you, Mei...for everything."
Mei smiled brightly. "Think nothing of it. Now go, and have a good time!" As she was disconnecting from the call, her face suddenly turned unusually angry as she pressed the button for the laboratory's intercom. "Alright, you perverts! Get in here and get back to work! Kuài diǎn!"
Angela laughed, once again thankful for all Mei had done for her. She didn't even want to think where her thoughts may have taken her had she not been able to share them with someone. Coming to terms with the past was of particular concern. She had been holding it in for so long, she hadn't realized how heavily it had been weighing on her. Once she was forced to be honest with herself, she realized that, as much as she wanted this evening, she was afraid of it. She was afraid of the hurt that came with rejection. It was a natural thought, but not a natural reaction. Earlier, Mei spent nearly fifteen minutes trying to calm her down enough to keep her hands from shaking so she could put on her makeup. After she'd finished telling her story, however, it became clear to the both of them that she wasn't holding in any small amount of hurt. The damage done was catastrophic, and the situation was never quite resolved. It made for a hurdle that was difficult for Angela to clear. Difficult, but not impossible, as Mei reminded her. After finally talking about it after all this time, she felt silly and even a little guilty for thinking such things now where Fareeha was concerned. She chose Fareeha because she was different. Even if she had somehow misinterpreted the signals and the interest wasn't mutual, Fareeha would never hurt her. More than that, she wouldn't rest until she made things right. That was her way, and it was one of the things that made her special.
Angela intended to sit for a moment to begin attempting to calm down, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Her mind had shifted from the past to the future, and the evening ahead was replacing her doubt and fear with excitement. She fidgeted nervously and, seeing that she had put away all of the scattered clothing without even realizing it, she started pacing the bedroom floor for something to do. Just as she was about to groan in frustration, the music playing over the suite's speakers changed to a new song. It was then that Angela realized what it was she was trying to remember to do earlier. She ran to the bedside table and picked up one of the suite's tablets, then started feverishly scrolling through the list of songs that had recently played in search of one in particular that she'd heard while she was changing. She had only caught a few words of it, but she was certain that Fareeha would appreciate hearing it. More than that, it seemed appropriate for the both of them. Finally finding the song, she started bouncing in place in her excitement. She finally felt ready, certain that she had done all that she could do. Her thoughts drifted back to her daydream in which she walked out of her bedroom to meet an anxious Fareeha that was waiting for her and a promised surprise. She prepared the song to play, then glanced down at the shimmering crimson polish on her fingernails and remembered her thoughts of taking some small part of that daydream into the evening ahead. It does not have to be the whole fantasy, after all. We can take this one step at a time. She forced herself into the armchair and started slowly taking deep breaths. Even if her intent wasn't to seduce, she certainly wanted to impress, and that would be hard enough to do without looking as nervous as she felt. After a moment, she felt the tension starting to drain from her body and her mind starting to clear. She still felt as though her stomach was tied in a knot, but unlike earlier when she found herself deflecting requests to appear elsewhere tonight, the sensation wasn't entirely unpleasant. She looked up at the clock. "Seven twenty four." Fareeha was certainly never late, so Angela was sure that she wouldn't have to wait much longer. She started imagining Fareeha's expression when she saw her, and the knot in her stomach began to loosen.
Damn it all. Seven twenty four.
Fareeha sat at the edge of her seat inside of the transport and impatiently checked her watch again, and a small holographic display sprang up from the face as she turned her wrist. The entrance to Angela's hotel was in sight, but their progress had suddenly slowed to a crawl as they approached. Film crews were surrounding the entrance to the hotel, and a number of spectators was slowly approaching them. Many of them were blocking the street as they crossed. Members of the hotel's staff were desperately trying to maintain a buffer area between the growing crowd and the reporters, and others were trying to keep the reporters out of the hotel. A gentleman in a suit was pulling the hotel's doors closed just as a man with a microphone was trying to slip inside unnoticed. Fareeha groaned loudly. It wasn't hard to guess what had happened as she looked out and recognized most of them as the ones that were outside of the bridal salon earlier as she was leaving. As the transport lifted off to head for her hotel, she had seen several of them making their way inside of the salon. Unlike at the hotel now, Stefano was all too happy to allow them in. She ground her teeth as she looked for a clear path and, seeing none, she began lowering her window. She was determined to find a way through, one way or the other. Doubting that she would be able to convince the driver to ram anyone that impeded them, she prepared to take matters into her own hands.
From the front seat, the driver heard the window lowering and, in a panic, hit a switch to override the rear window controls and raised it again. He looked ahead in terror as Fareeha turned her gaze toward him. "A—apologies, madame, but I have strict instructions from Miss Oxton to not allow you to open any windows or doors until we arrive at the front of the hotel."
Fareeha looked incensed as she heard the door lock just as her hand reached the handle. Just as she was about to argue, he cautiously turned and handed her the transport's phone with a trembling hand. A message from Lena was clearly displayed. Don't let her open the windows or get out until you get to the front doors. At best, she'll make a mess of her hair. Make sure you lock the boot, while you're at it. If there's anything sharp or heavy in there, I can guarantee you it'll be a problem. Try to keep her calm.
"How did she even know?" Fareeha shouted at the phone in frustration as she handed it back to the driver. He was clearly thinking about how to perform the final task in the message, but a glance at Fareeha's expression seemed to make him think better of it and decide that he had done his part.
Fareeha reached out to the topcoat that she'd carried with her out of her hotel room and started to put it on. There wouldn't be a moment to lose when they finally arrived, and having felt the sudden drop in the temperature of the early spring evening, she was certain she would need it. Feeling a lump in the small of her back, she reached behind her and pulled out a small black evening bag that had been tucked away inside of the coat. Inside it was, amongst several small essentials, her phone. Her irritation with Lena instantly vanished when she realized that she'd left without thinking of any of this. Lena must have realized that her mind would be elsewhere by now. Deciding that the best use of her time would be following Lena's instructions and remaining calm, she used the phone to start streaming music to the transport's speakers. Since childhood, she was never good at explaining exactly what she was feeling, but music proved to be an easy way to sort out her thoughts. Now that her mind was a little clearer than it had been a moment earlier, she was remembering the importance of the evening ahead and that any measure of success she may have depended upon her ability to stay focused on the task at hand. She quickly scrolled through the playlists and, finding one that seemed like a close fit for her mood, she scrolled through it until she found a song that seemed as though it would suit her. (1) She pressed play and leaned back into the soft leather, closing her eyes and focusing on the sound. The quiet yet somewhat harsh sound of an electric guitar coupled with a slow drum beat triggered an emotion unexpectedly quickly, and when she heard the words, it became apparent what some small part of her mind was trying to say. Beyond the annoyance with their agonizingly slow pace and the thought of being late, she realized that, for all of her determination, she couldn't quite shake her fear. Coming to terms with her feelings and overcoming them were proving to be two very different things.
"W—we are about to stop, madame."
Fareeha looked up at the sound of the driver's voice and saw that in the short time the song had been playing, hotel employees had seen the transport approaching and had managed to clear a path for it. Just in time. She picked up her phone again and stopped the song. No matter how appropriate, it wasn't conducive to establishing a mental state appropriate for what she was about to do. She summoned her determination as the driver came to a stop and quickly stepped out. She inhaled deeply as her door opened and, as she stepped out, she once again put all of her focus into the night ahead of her rather than the past behind her. It's time to move forward.
The driver escorted her to the front door of the hotel, once again pushing aside reporters and declining to comment on Fareeha's behalf. The job was much simpler than it had been earlier that day, however, as most of the people in the crowd seemed to be at a loss for words. Several stammered prepared questions, and others seemed to be looking to their notes to remember what they'd intended to ask. Most simply stared as the two passed, as though they had completely forgotten why they were there. Though she didn't understand the sudden calm, Fareeha was grateful for the relatively easy passage. The doors opened wide as she approached, and two employees held them open for her as the hotel manager approached. He stared for a moment before seeming to come to his senses.
"Miss Amari, welcome! Please, right this way." He escorted her to the elevators, walking unusually quickly. Fareeha was too grateful to ask why as she glanced at her watch again. Damn it...seven twenty eight. A thought suddenly came to mind, and she considered the situation for a moment before realizing that this must also be Lena's doing. She struggled to repress the smile that she felt forming in favor of remaining focused on what was to come. As they reached the elevators, the manager quickly turned and held out a hand, pointing her toward the open doors. No sooner than she had walked inside, the manager said quickly to the elevator operator, "suite level, Samuel. No stops." Fareeha bowed her head slightly in thanks as the door closed, then took a moment to attempt to collect her thoughts. After having worried so much about how long things were taking, things were suddenly moving too quickly for her. The world seemed to be moving past her in a blur. She blinked, and the elevator had stopped and the doors were opening. The operator was saying something to her as she stepped out, but she could barely hear him. She blinked again, and she was standing in front of a wide oak door and staring at a doorbell and an intercom speaker. She looked down at her watch again. Seven thirty. There was no more time for her to prepare herself. She reached out to touch the doorbell without thinking, as though her body was being operated by desire alone. Her earlier words to herself echoed in her mind. It's time to move forward.
She pressed a fingertip to the button and heard violins playing from the speaker. In the midst of her bewilderment, Fareeha couldn't help smiling at the unmistakable sound of Vivaldi's concerto. The Four Seasons? This could only be Angela's doing. Her smile didn't hold long as the seconds passed and she found herself wondering what was taking so long. Her heart hammered progressively harder until the violins faded and she heard a voice that seemed to make it stop completely.
"Y—yes? Fareeha, is that you?" She heard a nervous giggle come through the speaker. "O—of course it is. Please, come in and have a seat. I will be out shortly." Fareeha heard the door's lock click and saw it start to swing open. After swallowing hard and waiting a moment for her heart to catch up to her, she stepped through the doorway into Angela's suite.
She forced herself to restrain a gasp as she walked into the suite. It was larger than her entire home. She stepped carefully across the wooden floor to maintain her balance as she looked around the room in wide-eyed wonder. The room was filled with Victorian furniture, and expensive artwork was hanging on nearly every wall. A plush sofa and set of end tables sat in the center of the living space on a large and ornately decorated area rug. Two matching armchairs were placed near the windows with a small table between them. A coffee table in front of the sofa held a fruit basket, several medical journals and a worn copy of The Velveteen Rabbit. Each window was covered by lace window treatments and framed by satin curtains. In a corner, she saw a tea trolley holding a silver tea set. To one side was an attached kitchen, and on the opposite wall behind the sofa was a door and a fainting couch. Fareeha could only assume the door led to a separate bedroom. The entire room was decorated with shades of beige and gold, creating a stark contrast with the dark wood of the floor, the tables and the trim on the sofa and chairs. Worry started to take root in her mind again as she took off her coat and hung it and her evening bag on a wooden coat rack near the door. Angela always seemed so comfortable when she came to visit her that she never gave the matter any consideration before, but now that she found herself surrounded by opulence, she couldn't help wondering if Angela was just being polite this whole time. Looking around her, it was clear that Angela's tastes were far more refined than she had ever realized. Now that she thought about it, she had never even seen Angela's home before. She had visited Zürich on numerous occasions in the past, but no matter what plans they made, they always ended up falling asleep in Fareeha's hotel room after a long day out. She always believed that it was what Angela wanted, but now that she found herself surrounded by such luxury, Fareeha couldn't help doubting herself. The mere thought that Angela would spend so much money on a suite when she had a home in Zürich was enough to make her uneasy. Just as she was starting to reconsider her decision to follow through with this evening from the beginning to see if she'd made a mistake in her reasoning, she heard a curious sound coming from the suite's speakers that she couldn't place. After a few seconds, she found herself smiling as realization dawned on her. The seemingly random sounds suddenly came together into a song that she knew all too well. (2) She felt as though she had been rescued from her own thoughts as the lyrics jogged her memory of what was most important to her just now. She sighed, frustrated with her own indecisiveness. It simply wasn't like her, and now was no time to pick up the habit. I have to keep moving forward. She walked to the sofa and intended to sit down, but suddenly feeling too nervous to sit still, she began slowly pacing the floor. She smiled to herself, suddenly feeling anxious to see Angela again.
In the next room, Angela measured her breathing and counted the seconds. She didn't know how long would be appropriate to build anticipation; although she had long ago lost count of how many times she dreamed of an opportunity like this, she had never considered working out the timing before now. Getting it just right suddenly seemed like a much more daunting task than it did in her daydreams. It had to be long enough to build anticipation, but not so long as to have Fareeha finding herself growing bored. She had thought quickly as she pressed the button on the suite's tablet to unlock and open the front door. Finally settling on the midpoint of the song she had started, she stood in front of the mirror and examined herself one last time while she listened to the song play and waited for her cue. No matter how carefully she examined herself, there was nothing more to do. Not a hair was out of place, and there wasn't as much as a loose thread to be cut. With nothing else to occupy her mind, she walked to the door and waited as calmly as she could manage. Her future was on the other side of the door, nearly close enough to reach out and touch. The waiting was driving her mad. She struggled to remember the details of her plan and wondered how the tables had turned. As she reached out to the tablet to see how much more time was left until her cue, an unusual sound coming from the other side of the door caught her attention. It could only be Fareeha, but she couldn't quite place the source of the sound. It sounded like a light tapping on the hardwood floor, regularly occurring roughly once a second. It sounded like she was pacing. Angela smiled at the thought that her plan was working, but she couldn't imagine trainers or Fareeha's favorite hiking boots making that kind of a sound. Anxiety replaced with curiosity, she put the tablet down and reached out for the door handle as she heard her cue approaching. She turned the doorknob to get her attention and, sure enough, the sound stopped. Smiling and taking a deep breath, she slowly opened the door.
In an instant, Angela's plan unraveled. When she walked through the door, all thoughts were pushed from her mind. All plans to entice lay abandoned in the recesses of her mind as she struggled to process the sight in front of her. She couldn't see, hear or even call to mind anything else. In that moment, there was only Fareeha, the radiant beauty that made all else in the world pale in significance. She struggled to force her eyes to take in the sight properly, but it was like a picture that refused to come into focus. Intoxicated by what she was witnessing, she closed her eyes to clear her mind. I must be dreaming...or going mad. When she opened them, the vision had yet to fade away or even change in the slightest. If anything, the effect was more intense, as though some part of her hungered for the sight in its absence.
Fareeha stood in front of Angela, having stopped in mid-stride and turned slightly toward the door. She was covered by a black silk crepe de chine dress that held close to her body and drew the eye to her lean, athletic frame. The tea length dress gave her a modest appearance, but a single slit on one side starting at her thigh gave an enticing glimpse of her long, toned legs. The silk wrapped around her body moved with her, giving only the most subtle suggestion of what lay underneath and causing Angela's imagination to race out of her control. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she recalled the noise that sparked her curiosity earlier when she heard it again as Fareeha turned to face her fully. Her eyes were drawn to the floor and saw simple black mid-heel pumps, the underside decorated with a golden satin finish. Her mind racing to the point of making her feel faint, Angela looked back up the dress, her eyes stopping at the low cut bodice that, to her frustration, was cut just barely high enough to keep her cleavage concealed. The top of the bodice connected to a lace yoke that covered her arms and her shoulders, the neckline sweeping just below her collarbone. A small golden pendant dangled from a golden chain around her neck. The lace pattern was a simple floral design and showed much of the smooth mocha skin underneath. Angela searched for the scars with which she had become so familiar after having treated her injuries so many times, but the pattern of the lace made them all but entirely invisible. She couldn't even find the seams from Fareeha's prosthetics, though she could just barely make out the well-defined muscles in her arms. As her eyes traveled down toward her hands, she saw that they ended in a beautiful manicure, her colorless nails shaped naturally and buffed to a shimmering finish. On one wrist she wore a simple gold watch, and on the other she was wearing a bracelet that appeared to be made of intricately woven golden threads. She looked up to meet Fareeha's gaze only to see that she had turned away, looking embarrassed. The soft shade of red that started to show itself on her cheeks brought Angela's attention to the subtle presence of the makeup she was wearing. It looked so natural, it was all but impossible to notice it without looking at her directly. A nude gloss perfectly matching her skin caught the light and drew the eye to her lips. A dark, smoke-colored eyeshadow increased the intensity of her piercing brown eyes and the effect of her sharp gaze. In the light of the slowly setting sun, flecks of gold in her eyes made themselves apparent against the dark backdrop. Her glossy raven black hair was parted at one side and tucked behind one ear, showing a small golden teardrop earring dangling from it. Her hair cascaded down the sides of her face in flawless sheets and rested on her shoulders.
Some small part of Angela's mind was screaming at her that she was being rude by staring, but she couldn't bring herself to pay it any heed. Everything about what she was seeing pulled her in and refused to let her go. The details were all subtle, and yet their combined effect was bewildering. Fareeha's appearance was equally elegant and alluring. The simple yet flawlessly implemented decorations made for the appearance of an intimidating beauty, powerful and dangerous yet enticing enough to drive one to risk drawing closer in spite of their fear. Everything about her was confirmation of what Angela already knew. In an instant, one could take the most brief glance and see what Angela always saw. Not Pharah or Security Chief Amari, but Fareeha, the strongest and most beautiful woman in the world that could drive one to madness with desire.
"I—I like...your dress."
Angela felt as though she had just been awakened from a dream. It was only the sound of Fareeha's voice that managed to bring her back to her senses, and only just. No matter how many times she blinked or how hard she tried to refocus, nothing seemed to fully wake her. She stepped forward slowly, only barely aware that her body was moving her closer to Fareeha. As she drew closer, Angela could detect a fragrance that she couldn't quite place. She was reminded of Earl Grey tea and what seemed like the most subtle suggestion of jasmine, and at the same time she was certain that she detected the scent of leather and something that made her think of the clean rubber of new tires. For a brief moment between slow steps, her mind was taken back to the first time she'd ever treated Fareeha's wounds in a makeshift infirmary in a garage as she worked tirelessly to repair and upgrade her armor. Just as with everything else she was wearing, the fragrance made even the most subtle aspects of what made Fareeha who she was shine for all to witness. As she came within an arm's length, she reached out to touch her face, as though to convince herself that she was dreaming. As her hand brushed against Fareeha's smooth skin, she could feel it tremble beneath her fingertips. Finally, a thought broke through to Angela's conscious mind. Is she...nervous? Just as she was beginning to wonder if she was making Fareeha uncomfortable, it became apparent that she wasn't pulling away. Quite the contrary, in fact; she had closed her eyes and seemed to be leaning into the palm of Angela's hand. The conversation with Mei about opening the door for Fareeha was brought back to mind, and Angela realized that no measure of fear or past hurt could conveniently explain away what she was seeing and feeling. She is here because she chose to come. She is willingly welcoming my touch. No matter how slim it may be, she was certain that she had a chance.
Fareeha's eyes slowly opened, and the world around her gradually came back into focus. Angela stood in front of her, looking into her eyes with her face showing an emotion she couldn't quite place. It was gentle and kind, but at the same time it suggested something that she was surprised to find herself hoping was desire. As Angela withdrew her hand, Fareeha felt her heart ache with want. Her muddled thoughts began to clear, and the events of the moment before came rushing back to her. She could clearly remember the look of astonishment on Angela's face when she saw her. Fareeha wasn't at all accustomed to drawing as much attention to herself as she had today, but this moment felt like something entirely removed from anything that had taken place earlier. It filled her with embarrassment to feel someone focusing on her, but when she found herself occupying Angela's attention, she felt a different kind of embarrassment. She wanted more. Despite how hard she struggled to ignore her thoughts and feelings, she was now incapable of denying that, more than anything, she wanted Angela to see her and nothing else. She wanted to be the center of Angela's world. As she watched Angela still looking at her in an awed silence, she could almost convince herself that she was. The thought was enough to send her mind reeling again. As she slowly became aware of the seconds passing in silence, she attempted to force herself to come back to her senses. She struggled for words, but every time she opened her mouth, the words failed to form. Just as she was becoming frustrated with herself, Angela smiled kindly at her and placed a fingertip to her lips as she shook her head.
"It is alright, love. Do not rush. We have time."
Her frustration was washed away in an instant as Angela reached out to lead her to the sofa. After having been pulled along from one place to another all afternoon, she braced herself for the now familiar sensation of a hand wrapping around her wrist. Her breath caught in her throat when Angela's palm touched her own. It was as though electricity were running through her hand and coursing through her entire body. She felt that she was floating more than walking as she felt slender fingers lacing themselves between her own. She lowered herself onto the sofa, and Angela sat down just next to her, close enough for their hips to touch. Still holding her hand, Angela leaned in, resting her head against Fareeha's lace covered shoulder and resting a free hand on the silk covering her knee.
"This is nice." Fareeha was startled by the sound of her own voice, not entirely certain why she had voiced her thoughts. She wondered if her mind had finally caught up to her command to find something to say to break the silence. Having decided to do her best to ensure that the evening went well through carefully measured actions, she found herself fearing the reaction to the words she never had a chance to consider before saying them.
"Agreed."
Before she could stop herself, Fareeha breathed a sigh of relief. As she inhaled, a sweet scent tickled her nose. She struggled to not shamelessly inhale the way Anaïs had as she breathed in again. It was a fragrance that she instantly recognized. She had long ago bought the same perfume, and kept the bottle hidden away in a drawer in her home to remind herself of the way it smelled when they had spent too much time apart. As heavily as she relied on it, the star-shaped bottle couldn't hope to compare to the scent coming from Angela's skin. A floral fragrance mingled with caramel and chocolate, momentarily sending Fareeha's thoughts back to the vacations they'd spent together during which she hoped more than anything for a moment like this. Before she realized it, her eyes had drifted down to the beauty next to her. She was again as wonderstruck as she had been when the bedroom door first opened.
Angela was dressed in a black charmeuse dress that immediately drew Fareeha's eyes toward it as it caught the light. The shimmering black fabric of the backless triangle-cut bodice and thin shoulder straps revealed flawless ivory skin. The juxtaposition of the colors led Fareeha to focus on Angela's delicate skin, her mind wandering and her imagination speculating as to what lay beneath the fabric. The bodice met a skirt that held close to the body and stretched to just above the knee. As the fabric caught the light, it highlighted the alluring curves of Angela's hips and slender thighs. Simple black high heeled sandals with a single strap across her toes and another around her ankles served to add to Fareeha's growing frustration with seeing only enough material to be deemed absolutely essential. It drove her to want to see more. Angela turned her gaze upward to meet Fareeha's, smiling with and looking into her eyes with a dreamlike expression. Though she wanted to turn away before she could be caught staring, Fareeha couldn't stop herself from trying to take in the sight in front of her. She felt as though she was attempting to remember a wonderful dream, noting details to call to mind later. She looked into Angela's eyes, a brilliant blue set against shimmering taupe eyeshadow. Diamond earrings dangled from her ears, and her golden hair was pulled back into an elaborately wrapped chignon, exposing the nape of her neck. Fareeha marveled at the fact that something so seemingly insignificant could excite her so much now that she was able to see it clearly. In fact, now that she was thinking about it, everything about Angela's appearance seemed to serve no other purpose than to excite her, sparking desire that she wasn't aware that she was capable of experiencing. She often felt such things when she thought about Angela, but a sensation that felt similar to a sense of responsibility always caused her to push the thought aside before it could blossom into anything as intense as what she was feeling now.
As Fareeha reluctantly began to once again deny herself, a thought came to mind that caused her heart to race. Could she have done this just for me? The possibility was presented by a thought too hopeful to be believed, but the more she thought about it, the more likely it seemed. The woman she was seeing in front of her was nearly the complete opposite of the Angela she knew, always dressed modestly and covered as much as the weather allowed. In spite of her habits and her wish to not set herself up for disappointment, she could find no other explanation. The thought that Angela might be waiting for her to merely accept what she secretly desired was nearly too much for her to comprehend. Her shimmering crimson lips suddenly dominated Fareeha's attention and, for a brief moment, she could think of nothing outside of pressing her own to them. When she heard Angela's voice, she was violently torn from her train of thought with a jolt, suddenly acutely aware of what she had nearly started to do.
"What is on your mind, love?" Like her expression, Angela's voice suggested that she wasn't completely lucid, but rather partially trapped in a pleasant daze.
"I was just admiring your dress." Fareeha found herself once again voicing her thoughts before she could stop the words, but she was surprised to see that it wasn't quite as distressing as the first time.
"Thank you...and I am sorry that I did not thank you sooner. My mind was elsewhere."
"Don't worry about it, Angela. To be honest, I didn't notice. My thoughts were also pleasantly occupied." Remembering the sensation of Angela's hand caressing her cheek earlier, Fareeha found herself glad for the first time that she couldn't seem to stop herself from speaking despite the warmth she felt spreading across her face. Her conscious mind slowly regaining its strength, she remembered that the point of coming here was to move forward, and being honest with both Angela and herself seemed to be a reasonable place to begin. She was a long way from feeling comfortable with the idea, but no matter how difficult it was, the most important thing to her at the moment was that she was finally taking those first steps.
They sat in silence for a short while, each of them attempting to return to their senses as the minutes passed, marked only by the ending of one song playing over the suite's speakers and the beginning of another. Thinking clearly again, Fareeha felt nervousness beginning to well up inside of her as she began wondering what else the evening may have in store for her. Things were going well, but it wasn't because of any effort on her part. She was no stranger to success, but it only ever came as a result of hard work and planning. There was a small measure of luck to thank, but only on occasion. Trusting her fate entirely to luck was unthinkable, but that seemed to be the nature of her course at the moment. It made her uncomfortable to think that an evening with this much importance was being decided by something no more predictable than the flip of a coin, but no amount of cold, logical analysis did anything to suggest a proper course of action. As she noted the feeling of nervousness building into panic, her thoughts were interrupted by the beginning of another song. (3) A simple but strong bass beat accented by several notes played on a piano took her thoughts to when she first added the song to the list she was preparing to send to Angela. She had been imagining a scene not entirely unlike the one in which she currently found herself, the two of them sitting together for no purpose other than enjoying each other's company. Angela, who had been absentmindedly running a fingertip over the back of Fareeha's hand, noticed the look of concentration and couldn't resist her curiosity.
"A penny for your thoughts, love?"
"It's nothing, really." Fareeha lamented the loss of her ability to effortlessly speak her mind in the wake of her return to attempting to consider her situation logically. Angela gave her best imitation of a scowl and, in spite of her concerns, she found herself laughing as she amended her response. She felt relieved to have been taken away from her thoughts. "I was just thinking of when I chose this song for the list I sent you. I was actually thinking of you when I chose it. I was imagining a setting like this...hoping, really." Though she had come to terms with the importance of being honest with herself, she hadn't intended to add the last couple of words. When she saw the smile she received in return, though, she couldn't quite bring herself to regret it. Angela seemed to be thinking about something and, after a few seconds, she let go of Fareeha's hand and quickly stood and crossed the room before disappearing into the bedroom. Fareeha looked down at her hand and frowned. It suddenly felt cold and empty, and something inside of her felt as if it were withering. Angela returned shortly with the suite's tablet in hand and sat down next to Angela again, rapidly scrolling through the list of songs. Smiling as she stopped, she pressed a fingertip to the screen and placed the tablet in Fareeha's lap before taking her hand again. Fareeha smiled as she felt their palms touch, momentarily overwhelmed by the sensation. It was a strange thought for her, but after the sudden feeling of loss, she felt complete. It wasn't until she heard the song playing over the speakers reach its conclusion and the next one begin that she remembered to wonder why Angela had left. She instantly recognized the song without even looking at the tablet when a guitar began to slowly play, (4) and she looked to Angela in surprise.
"You had a song that made you think of me. Now it is my turn."
Fareeha listened to the lyrics and found herself unable to contain a smile. She couldn't help noting that once again, luck seemed to be guiding her when conscious effort failed her. She hadn't even realized how many of the songs she'd sent to Angela followed this theme before now. Though she still couldn't bring herself to trust the evening to nothing more than good fortune, she was still feeling grateful for how well things were going. She smiled and rested her cheek on the top of Angela's head as she rested her own on Fareeha's shoulder. For the first time, she thought of how much depended on the outcome of the evening without apprehension. Her calm was short-lived, however, coming to a sudden end when she heard a chime interrupt the music. Angela suddenly looked at a small watch on her wrist.
"Eight fifteen. We should head to the restaurant now. Our reservation is for eight thirty."
Fareeha's heart began to pick up its pace when she realized that it was time to take the next step. Angela released her hand to stand, and Fareeha slowly followed. Angela handed her coat and evening bag to her, and then retrieved her own small clutch and a black wool cloak that she wrapped around her shoulders. Fareeha glanced down at her hand and felt the same cold emptiness in her palm, but it didn't trouble her nearly as much as before. That's the reason I'm moving forward, after all. There will be no need to worry when these moments end if I know that there will always be another. As they walked out of the suite's door and into the hall toward the elevator, she once again felt as though she was floating as Angela took her arm.