Two Sides Of A Story.
Elphaba had kept herself hidden in the deepest, darkest, depths of despair for as long as she considered possible and was becoming aware of the fact that the library would soon be closing and she would have to move on, perhaps return to her room to face Galinda once more. She had been there for hours and burrowed her head in the first book she came across, hoping to escape the memory of what had just happened. Still no matter how she concentrated on the words all that came to her mind was three distinct words, 'green mean machine' scribbled in Galinda's neatest handwriting. She simply could not concentrate, the words blurred into each other as tears clouded her vision. She forced herself to remain in control of them, knowing the damage allowing herself to cry would cause to her already unsightly green skin. Then what would they write about her? What would Galinda have to say if she had burnt red markings on top of everything else? She didn't need to feed them any more ammunition.
Elphaba cursed herself for allowing the students of Shiz to get to her. She was so used to this treatment she should have been ready to accept it as a usual occurrence but she had been wounded deeply, strangely. This had always been her way of life, providing the joke, being stared at, suffering hurtful abuse yet nothing she had endured before had ever made her feel like this. This was somehow different. She felt open, nursing a raw wound in her very heart yet she had no reason for this pain, she couldn't account for it no matter how she tried. This time hadn't been that different from all the others; she had always been the victim of cruelty from others yet this had hit at her very core.
She looked at the time on the library clock, ten minutes until closing. It would be well past dusk outside. She had kept herself tucked away for as long as possible and it felt good to be away from prying eyes, good to be absent from the crowd but she knew she would have to return to the buzzing outside world of Shiz now. Elphaba had made this part of the library her own, down in the dark basement where the oldest books were kept which nobody else showed a great interest in. She could hide away from all Shiz and read to her hearts content without being disturbed. She knew Galinda had never entered the library and wasn't likely to any time soon as it wasn't exactly her scene so she felt free there, it was her haven and she didn't feel hopefully confident leaving it now. Still she gathered together the books she had been pretending to study and collected them up under her arm.
Elphaba took a deep breath. She was going to have to face her roommate at some point in the future, she knew there was no escaping that, so she considered now was as good a time as any. Yet something rooted her to the spot. She wasn't ready for this. Her fury had calmed itself over the hours that had passed but as she remembered Galinda, a vision in pale blue giggling uncontrollably behind her book a rage built up inside her again. Elphaba didn't know what to do; this was impossible. So she did the only thing that she knew, she found herself whispering Galinda's name. Just once and slowly and although she couldn't explain it, somehow it eased her a little. Elphaba shook herself, this was ridiculous, here she was hiding away in the basement of the library, publicly humiliated thanks to Galinda and what was she doing about it? Whispering her roommate's name. She couldn't account for it.
Elphaba found she had to sit back down. She closed her eyes and there she was. She saw Galinda right in front of her; those piercing blue eyes, those rosy cheeks and her winning smile. This was too much. How could someone so beautiful be so ugly inside? Elphaba made a sharp observation to herself that beauty could only ever be skin deep and that although she often wished to be different herself she wouldn't wish for beauty over kindness. This was becoming a strain for Elphaba to think about so late at night. She stood up again and began to make her way back through the library and into the courtyard at Shiz.
As she passed the few students out late at night making their way back home she heard a few whispers and giggles and chose to step up her pace. She looked at a Gillikinese couple kissing behind a tree and half expected to find Galinda out canoodling with some boy or other but there was no sign of the blonde beauty. She knew the time had come to face Galinda but secretly hoped if she was lucky Galinda might now be sleeping and she could enter their room unnoticed and avoid conversation until the morning.
Elphaba sighed as she heard someone call after her and laugh. Why had Galinda done this to her? This hadn't been part of the agreement. She swallowed down her rage again. She didn't want a heated conversation with Galinda now, she didn't want a fight and she certainly didn't want an apology. No, she just wanted to be left alone, forgotten about, abandoned. Elphaba knew left to her own devices, she could study, achieve her grades and avoid any more incidents but while Galinda was still in her life she felt those wishes would be destroyed. Galinda apparently couldn't just leave her alone, she had broken their agreement and Elphaba wasn't prepared to forgive her. She had lost everything at Shiz, the hope of making even one friend, the ability to stay in the shadows and be avoided, she had even lost her sister, all for that silly girl Galinda. What had she been thinking? Elphaba couldn't even explain it, she had been used and stupidly so but why had she agreed. Why had she suggested it? Elphaba felt a surge of anger move swiftly through her from her toes up her body, settling itself in her head, she felt the leaves on the ground begin to swirl and the lamps begin to flash. She couldn't do this now, her father would never forgive her and he wasn't likely to be best pleased anyway.
Elphaba ran her fingers through her hair and over her face and took in deep breaths to steady herself. She didn't ever want to see Galinda again, she didn't want to have to look her in the eye. Perhaps she could go to Madame Morrible, explain the situation to her and be moved, anywhere would be better than staying with Galinda. Yet something held her back from going right there and then. Morrible would never agree, she had her own agenda which Elphaba hadn't had time to give much though to yet but it was clear she had them down as an unlikely, but inseparable couple.
She carried her thoughts all the way along to their room where she stopped, unsure of what to do next. This was her room as much as Galinda's yet she felt like the intruder, the one who didn't belong. Entering the room would mean facing Galinda again and despite the time that had lapsed since the original hurt the wound was still raw. She didn't want Galinda to see the hurt she had caused, she wouldn't give her that satisfaction yet she had to sleep somewhere. She was tempted to turn around and go find a bench outside but knew that would be dangerous with the weather being so unpredictable so she drew herself up tall and prepared herself. It was now or never and at that very moment now seemed the better on the options.
Galinda had not been herself that afternoon, she had been ill at ease and desperately wracked with feelings she couldn't put a name to. She had allowed Boq to escort her back to the room, fearing her knees would buckle if she attempted the walk alone, and there she had waited nervously for Elphaba to return. However Galinda soon came to realise Elphaba was not coming back yet and she had been forced to lie down, her head throbbing and her stomach churning. Galinda couldn't explain it but she felt physically sick and emotionally drained, all from a small joke that had been executed, unfortunately, to perfection.
At home Galinda knew she would have servants to look after her if she ever got into such a state, they would bring her medicine and know what to do but here she was alone, alone and sick. She did the only thing she know how to do and that was lie down but even then the room began to spin and she had to sit back up. Galinda wished she was back in the lap of luxury in Pertha Hills instead of here, in this terrible mess.
Galinda tried to drift off but sleep would not find her. Until recently she had been a very good sleeper but since being forced together with Elphaba that had changed. She always felt like she had to keep one eye on the green girl, even when she was supposed to be sleeping, just in case she decided to try out her magical talents that everyone spoke about in terror and slight admiration. Now it wasn't just fear that kept her awake, something else was eating away at her and a fever was beginning to take her.
Galinda could not escape that look, every time she closed her eyes she saw it, utter dejection and abject misery, written all over Elphaba's face. Galinda shuddered at the sight of it, no longer fearing the green skin but focusing on the look of torment and fearing that more. What was this feeling? Galinda felt sure she could pin point it but she wasn't ready to face what it meant, still she recognised that at some point she would have to. Could she really, for the first time in her life be suffering from the effects of guilt? There was no other word for it, she was. Galinda was feeling guilty. She hoped it would be a minor feeling that would go away but as the hours passed and she began to shiver and shake unconsciously, she realised it was here to stay and she had to speak to Elphaba, she had to explain, even if Elphaba didn't want to hear it. Galinda was never going to be at ease again until she had been given an opportunity to explain, perhaps even to apologise.
Galinda got up to rinse her face, which was beaded with sweat and looked at herself closely in the mirror. She looked terrible and was glad at that moment that she was totally alone, she could never let the students of Shiz see her in such an alarming way. The colour from her cheeks had drained totally and her eyes seemed dim. No matter how she cooled her face the sweat remained although she felt cold, so very cold. Galinda considered she must be coming down with something as her stomach lurched again. She ran herself a glass of water and took a small sip, immediately regretting it as she found the toilet and promptly threw up. Galinda attempted to hold her hair back as she found herself to be more sick than she had expected, convulsing uncontrollably and sweating more profusely. Eventually when Galinda considered there could be no ore inside her to come out she made her way back to her bed and huddled herself in the covers and her favourite pink blanket. She knew that she should really take her pale blue dress off but she simply didn't have the energy to do anything. She allowed herself to be propped up by her headboard and she shut her eyes, hoping for peace.
Elphaba swam back into her mind. It was almost unbearable and she couldn't understand it. She didn't care about Elphaba one bit yet she felt incredibly guilty about the pain she had caused, the pain she had seen etched across her green face. Galinda turned around and threw her face into her pillow crying for all she was worth. This had been a terrible start at Shiz. She had fainted twice and now was imprisoned in her room with some terrible illness. She hadn't met a boy she particularly liked and the damn green girl haunted her. This was too much to bear. This wasn't the first time she had cried since being at Shiz but it was the hardest crying she had done, but was it all self-pity? Something was telling her there was more to this, this wasn't just about her. The tears were not just about her, dare she say it? The tears were in part at least for the green girl and what she had to be going through. What she had put her through, as supposed Galinda the Good. Galinda had publicly destroyed Elphaba and been there to witness it and to laugh. Why had she laughed? Looking back it wasn't even funny. It had been childish and pathetic and she was only sorry she had realised it too late. Okay so here and Elphaba were never going to be best friends but still Elphaba had done a lot for her since their arrival at Shiz and how had she repaid her? Galinda had betrayed her, destroyed her, she considered if the same thing had happened to her she would never recover and she had major advantages over her roommate such as not being green. Galinda felt her stomach lurch again and only just made it to the toilet in time where she found herself throwing up again.
An hour later Galinda had managed to compose herself a little. She still felt terrible and was clearly running a fever but she had made some decisions in her aching head. She knew her friends wouldn't think twice about her outburst in class and would simply assume she had been taken faint again so she didn't have that to worry about but she found herself caring less and less about their opinions anyway. Had she really just thought that? She found herself a little disbelieving but like it or not her main priority now had to be speaking to Elphaba, apologising. She was under no illusions, she knew Elphaba would be harsh and probably impossible to talk to but she had to at least make an attempt, even in her weakened state. After all she didn't want friendship from the green girl, just forgiveness so she could return to some semblance of normality.
Galinda sat waiting and waiting for Elphaba's return. Waiting was the worst part of it she considered, when Elphaba was there she would have to speak but thinking about what to say was a killer. Gradually she was feeling sicker and sicker too which didn't help but before she let the fever take full hold she had to speak to Elphaba.
Eventually the footsteps she had been waiting so desperately for made themselves heard outside the door. Galinda felt her heart flutter and her stomach drop, this was not the time to get sick again she thought and swallowed hard, determined to do what she had to before she was too ill to. She sat further up in bed and wiped a bead of sweat from her face with her pale hand. She took a deep breath and watched carefully as the door handle began to turn. This was it, time to make amends, time although Galinda didn't yet know it, to change things forever.