A/N: Hey guys, my friend, the author of this fic, would like to apologize for the short chapters, but hopefully two chapters makes up for length!
---Sara's POV--
"See Mom you just don't understand! I love her! I'm in love with her! How can love ever be wrong?!" I plead with my mother.
"Honey, yes love is right! But....not all kinds of love, not this kind! This is ...it's sick. Baby, I love you but this is literally sick! I think you may just be having a tough time since Casey and you're emotionally attaching to your sister and maybe it's overwhelming and confusing you." My mother argued.
"You sick fuck you get your shit and you get the hell out of my house!" My step-dad demanded. This was easily 10 times worse than coming out as gay. I felt a knot in my chest. The biggest cry I could cry decided to stop right in my chest, it too afraid to come out and face this world as it was in this moment.
"Honey, don't yell at her, she needs help not aggression right now!"
"I don't give a shit what she needs, 'ain't no girl supposed to be doing what she was doing to her sister! It's not right! She's gay that ain't bad enough she gotta be sick in the head too!" Bruce carried on, further making is point and drawing out the cry that refused to hide any longer. I start to sob uncontrollably. Out the corner of my eye I can see Tegan making her way towards the door, bags in hand and she's reaching for the door and everything is in slow motion. I try to run after her but my feet are stuck to the ground. The whole room starts to spiral up and ----
I gasp as I wake up, drenched in a cold sweat. I officially need a shower in the worst way. I quietly get up from the couch, being sure not to wake Tegan. O shit. I think to myself as I recall the incident from last night.
As the warm water washes over me I try to process my dream. What was that about? Up to this point I've mostly feared what would happen to my career or what my friends would think about me if I pursued something with Tegan. I thought about the media, and the fans. I had never even considered my own fucking mother. After about 25 minutes of deep thought I think my skin has taken just about all the moisture it can handle and I step out of the shower.
I see Tegan's favorite button-up hanging in the closet, I throw it on; just to smell her, to feel close to her. She's 3 feet away in the bed, and yet, this is what I do to feel close to her when all it takes is about 5 steps to be close to her. Everyday I hold back from her I break my own heart and everyday I pretend to not love her I break hers. I've never wanted something so badly that I was intentionally keeping myself from having.
I grab Tegan's keys and head out the door, I need to really be alone with these thoughts.
On the way back from Starbucks I get approached by 3 young girls. I immediately notice the youngest one's 'Tegan & Sara' shirt as they come closer. Okay Sara, time to get over your shit for 10 minutes and be a normal human being...or at least whatever these girls are imagining you to be.
"Oh my God! You're Sara! Sara! It is you!" The oldest girl screeched at a record decimal.
"Yes, I'm...me. I'm just me, it's okay. How are you guys?" To this all three girls shout incoherent answers, not sure any of the answers were a state of being and therefore the appropriate response to "How are you guys?" but I took them all to mean that they were very happy. I never know how to be in situations like this. Meeting fans outside of shows, I can deal with. But when they randomly recognize me on the street and go crazy, it makes me so uncomfortable. It's nothing against them I'll just never get comfortable with being so important to people I don't know.
After signing random objects for the girls. I continue back to Tegan's. All the thoughts that drove me out of the apartment in the first place returned. When I get in the hallway leading to Tegan's door, my nostrils are overwhelmed with the pleasant smells of breakfast. I'm pretty excited. One grande cup of coffee from Starbucks; not as filling as you would hope. As soon as I walk through the door my instinct tells me to find her in the kitchen, grab her by the waist and give her a short sweet kiss on the lips as a greeting. Instead what I do is go sit in the living room and wait for her to come to me.
"I made breakfast! I really hope you weren't out eating or else....well I'd feel really dumb right now" she laughs nervously.
"Oh no I just went to Starbucks. Had a rough night that led to a rough morning. Anyway what's for breakfast?"
"A rough night? Yeah I had an....interesting one myself. Uh, right breakfast. I made French toast, turkey sausage patties, hash browns and sticky buns"
"Damn!" I say as I look at my watch, I hadn't realized how long I was gone, giving her all this time to cook this meal. "I was really gone 2 hours?!"
"Yes" Tegan said laughing. "I guess you were, but I just got up about an hour ago, in fact, I need to go shower but...help yourself" She turns away awkwardly. I'm actually relieved that we won't be sitting at a table eating together. If we were neither of us would talk and the room would be filled all these things we want to say, need to say-but can't.
I gobbled my food down faster than any human ever should. I turn on the tv to find nothing on so I pop in another Dexter DVD and lay on the couch. As I was just starting to doze off I get a text from Ted: "Welcome back buddy, not sure if I can make it to rehearsal, having car trouble, but Tegan has it set up for 4". Sweet that means I have two and a half hours to nap.
---Tegan's POV--
"Why do we have to rehearse the old shit, I mean stuff we play at every show?! I don't think even you can screw up 'Living Room' Tegan!" Sara argues. Every time she says things like this lately it kind of makes my heart flutter in a really cheesy way because I really think she's just going out of her way to not be affectionate towards me by being overly bitchy. Perhaps it's wishful thinking. Either way, I won't let her get away with it.
"Fuck you, you don't fuck up a lot but when you do it's always the old material and you know it. We only need to go over a few of those. Jesus, just do it!" We go over "Living Room", "So Jealous" and "City Girl" a couple times. After about an hour we move on to newer material. And about 2 hours after that I can't take any more and my fingers are killing me.
"So Sara, ready for an official welcome back celebration?!" Shaun asked in an unusually excited manner that makes everyone laugh.
"Well Shaun geez are you asking me on a date, you just seem extra excited, is it really all about me?" Sara says in a flirty tone, mocking him and even throwing him a flirty look and a shy, crooked smile, one so sexy it sent a chill up my spine. And suddenly I'm confronted with the problem at hand: While we're discussing band business or playing she's just Sara. As she has always been. But when the music stops it's back to reality and she's my sister who I love more than people would say I should, more than I love myself. I'm confronted with the possibility that I'm going to live the rest of my life with a hollow heart she refuses to fill. I'm forced to face her slightly distorted mirror image of my face and constantly be reminded that she's my sister. I hate her face. I hate it. I mean it's fucking beautiful. But I hate what it represents: blood relation, sisterhood. I can't run from that.
"Well are you guys gonna seal this with a kiss or-"
"Why? Would you be jealous?" Sara cuts me off, still smiling. My 'dear in headlights' expression must be a little telling cause she gives me a look that says: geez chill out, you're going to blow it
"Of course, everyone knows why Shaun's on Tegan's side of the stage!" Ted says, rescuing me in a way he will never know. So glad he could make it.
"Yeah! I mean Shaun's the total package...if only he didn't have a package" I say drawing a long bout of laughter from everyone "Hey, a girl can dream right?" I say and wink at Shaun.
About 15 minutes later we decide to all just go back to my place and take it from there. All this business with Sara really leaves me craving an escape, if only for a night. Ted's friend owns a bar in downtown Vancouver and apparently that's where we're going I have to admit to being too deep in thought to hear any of this. About 10 minutes before we're set to leave, in what at least seems like a last minute decision, Sara decides to stay behind. Well, if I did truly want to escape I suppose this worked out for the better.
As soon as we walk through the door I see Jade, a club promoter I used to date, behind the bar and that means not only will I get free drinks, but I might even get laid, and not by my sister! See Tegan, you just needed a little distraction. A few minutes later she makes her way over to me with a rum-n-coke in her hand and I immediately get the feeling this is going to be a good night.