AN: I know San is OOC, and I'm trying to keep her as IN character as possible but it's freakin hard! I like to have two people in any story I write have intelligent mutual conversations with each other. And with San I can't always do that because...well because she's Santana fuckin Lopez. But I am trying my best so bear with me.

DISCLAIM: I don't own Glee, obviously. If I did...I wouldn't have a total cast change for a new season. And be warned of total OOCness from mostly Santana.

I'm not a machine...I do make typing errors. Quite a bit actually.

I felt awful; I had for several days now. And I finally knew why. So I avoided people. I avoided Finn and my dads once they came back, even my brother. And I especially avoided Santana. She'd freak if she knew, I'm still freaking.

I can't do this.

All the doubts in my head are starting to wear me down and make want to just get it over with. But I can't do that.

So I fake a smile and step into Glee, feeling bad about seeing Santana brighten at seeing me and then frowning when I didn't look at her. I stand by the piano, Sean on the other side. We take out sheet music and I smile harder, it's forced and it hurts but at least I have something else to put my worry into.

"This…is the alto part." I feel all my problems start to swell again, but I bite back my tears.

"Yep. Tina is going to be doing the solo this week." Mr. Shue hands Tina her sheet music and she looks around worriedly.

I swallow my words. Pretty much everyone in here besides Martin, Sean, and Santana already think the worst of me. "Fine." I toss the paper down, I'll study it later. I ignore Santana's worried stare.

Sean watches me carefully, the choir room is silent. He leans closer and whispers to me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I snap. "I'm sure you'll do great Tina. Just make sure to practice more." I force a smile before glaring back down at the dark reflection of myself in the piano surface.

Why was life so mean to me? People already can't stand me so…why me?

I storm out. I can't help it. I can't deal with all my problems right now so I don't. I force them out of my head and away from myself. I don't need this.

R u ok?

Why?

Cuz u wer actin totally weird in Glee.

So?

…Cn u jus tell me if smthins up? I wanna b there 4 u.

Well you can't.

…Wat's tht suppose 2 mean?

I just need space Santana. Please.

…ok…I'm here if u need me.

Thank you.

NP.

I didn't mean to snap, but I just needed time to think, even though I didn't want to. I just needed space.

So I avoid people for the rest of the day, practice my sheet music at home, and dodge Santana's still worried texts.

The next day I sit in the bleachers with Martinez, he'd wandered over after about an hour of blank staring before Kurt got here. He didn't say anything, he just sat quietly. He was hunched over, elbows on his knees and his hands together, neck craned so he could watch clearly.

It was like a sign of silent stability, which I was thankful for, especially right now.

All my fears fade as Kurt turn on his music and prepares to kick.

I can feel my eyes widen as he dances.

Martinez even sits up as he kicks and it flies right down the middle into the goal. "Holy shit." He mumbles.

I actually chuckle and nod, even though he can't see it.

We smile for Kurt's small victory.

"Rach?" He finally asks softly.

"Yeah?"

"I know." He turns to look at me. He almost looks just like Santana. His unruly curling hair matted down by a slim golden colored band. "It's okay. I'm not gunna make you talk or anything. But I am if you want to. Sometimes you can't talk your family or the person you're with. So…if you just wanna talk. I'll just listen." He stands and hops down the bleachers.

I ignore Finn and Quinn. She watches me with a strange look and actually brushes Finn off to follow me. "Berry?"

"Here to tear me down another peg Quinn?" I open my locker.

"No, actually." She seems defensive. "I just noticed you were acting weird before. You never give up a solo."

"Don't act like you care Quinn. You've done it before, it's old." I reply, taking a book out and closing my locker.

"Beat it Fabray." I try not to gasp, it's Santana. After all my work to avoid her, I can't now.

"Watch it S. I'd hate to see you end up at the bottom of the pyramid."

"Don't threaten me Q." Santana sneers. "I'm really not in the mood to go all Hillside on you today."

I huff roll my eyes, turning to walk away. Santana follows. "What's with all the avoiding and dodging shit Rach? If this is about what happened with Mercedes I already apologized. So I don't get why you're flipping like this." I press my back into the cool brick of a slowly secluding hallway.

"Santana please,"

"Quit shutting me out. I keep trying to show you I can be a better person, and I think you believe me but then you act like I did something wrong. You gotta talk to me here." It was still sweet how she spoke cultured around me now. At first it was all just slang.

"I'm pregnant." I whisper.

She blinks, opens her mouth…shuts it, then blinks again. "What?"

"You heard me."

She blinks harder and glances around, the hall it empty, we missed class. "How…that's not…I didn't…I'm sorry." She closes her eyes and lets her head drop.

"I'm not sure when but…I am."

"But…we used a condom."

"They do break San. They're only like ninety-eight percent effective. If that." I answer.

"…Since when?" Her brow furrows…I try not to smile.

"Since always I guess. They aren't made of plastic or metal San, they break all the time."

"Shit." She rubs her head. "You have to go to the doctor."

My heart lurches. "…What?"

She seems to realize. "No! No, not that. I mean to get a check-up." She shakes her head. "You have to be healthy." She thinks she has to get a job. My dads will pay once I explain. "Your brother…oh God…you're dads." She groans and rubs her face with her hands. "Aye Dios!"

"Let me worry about my dads and Sean. It'll be fine." I hope. I was under the firm belief Sean would either beat Santana to a pulp, or never speak to me again. Chances are he'd never speak to me again, because he can't hit girls, he thinks cowards do that.

"Aye Dios." Santana mumbles again, she makes a face…it's peculiar…almost like this is expected, but how could it be when she started insisting we use them after the first three times?

"I probably can't get to Julliard now." I sigh.

"Yes you can. I don't care what it takes or what I have to do, you're the only one with talent in this cow town, I'm not going to let you stay here and snuff it out." Santana responds quickly.

I lean against her shoulder and she runs her fingers through my hair.

"We're gunna figure this out, you're Rachel Berry and I'm Santana fuckin Lopez." I giggle at her almost confidence. I would worry about the baby hearing but…it doesn't have any at this stage. I step back to look at her, she seems nervous but she smiles.

"What now?" I ask.

"Life goes on babe. We go to class, Glee, but now we go see doctors and get books cause…I don't know shit about kids." She scratched behind her ear.

I giggle. "I studied some stuff for health class."

"Badass." She smiles. "Come on, I'll take you home." She nods and holds out her hand. I'm usually totally against the idea of skipping, but today I think I deserve the off time.

I glance over her shoulder for a second and I see a blonde flash of hair spin around the corner. It was probably Britt looking for San.

There's a play…should I sign up for it?

Do u wnt 2?

…I don't know…I feel like I need a distraction.

So sign.

I didn't mean I need a distraction from you.

I no :]

:]

How's my lil mnstr?

Don't call it a monster San.

I waz calld that. Legnd has it tht wen I came out of my Mom I clld the nurse fat.

Lol you're awful.

U still luv me tho.

I do.

:]

I sign up for an audition; I stick a gold star behind my name. I can still be on Broadway; I've worked too hard to let it go because of a setback like this.

I shouldn't call it that, but it isn't a step forward.

I sing…and I sing my heart out. I ignore the worry in my heart about what I'll do. It's why I chose the song I did.

When Sandy says I got the part, something tells me he's jealous and a liar, he's pretending not to be impressed. So I smile and laugh in excitement just to get him going. He could never be as amazing as I am.

I would have jumped up and down but…I was worried that might do damage, however little.

Do you think I can still practice my ballet stretches?

4 nw yea, later…nah.

You're saying I'm going to get fat.

Lol I'm sayin ur preggo. Tht fine body ain't jus urs anymore babe.

…I know.

I never wanted to actually admit it out loud. Like maybe if I didn't say it, it wasn't the whole truth.

But it was…Santana was as blunt as Sean. And it was surprising to me, the warm tingle I got in my heart, when I had to finally admit it fully to myself.

I was going to be a mother, but I wanted to be a mom…a part of me wanted to keep it. But…I couldn't if Santana didn't want to.

Mr. Shue comes in after about ten minutes of stretching. He tried to make me feel like the bad guy, but I wouldn't let him.

"I didn't say I was quitting Glee, I'm simply doing something else where I can actually show my talent. But really it's not any different from what you did with your Boy Band."

"I didn't do it out of spite Rachel."

"I'm not doing this out of spite Mr. Schuester." I defend myself. "I'm happy for Tina, I am. But I'm dealing with too much right now for you to make me into some villain."

"Rachel,"

"I try to be a team player Mr. Shue, but just admit that you don't like me very much." He didn't.

"That isn't true Rachel. I'm your biggest," he sighs. "And sometimes your only fan besides Sean."

"That's hurtful and untrue." I snap, thinking of my dads, Santana, Martinez, and even Puck. "And I know I can be difficult to be around, I know that. But so is Sean and so is Martin and Puck. I'm not the only one. Quit picking me out. I'm not perfect." Even though Santana always made me feel like I was.

He blinks.

"I know I can act like I'm the sun and the moons, but I'm offended that you'd judge me on that rather than the fact that I actually have talent."

He tries to talk, but I'm not finished.

"I know it sounds horrible, but Sean and I are the best, we've worked the hardest, and we want it the most." We deserve to be the lead.

"Everyone knows that Rachel, and it scares them. Being a team player is all about taking one for the team, letting somebody else step in and have a chance in the spotlight, that's what this club is supposed to be about. They think you and Sean will pick up their weight, which isn't fair to either of you and we can't win that way."

I sigh and turn away from him, going to my cubby and getting my bag. "I get it, I really do. I hope Tina does really well." But my ego won't let me not, not have a lead.

"…Just come to rehearsal?"

I watch him for a moment, he feels as tired as I do. "I'll think about it." I turn and leave. I just want to sleep, I'm tired.

I'm in the parking lot, almost to my car, when I spot Santana and Martinez, they' standing near the school on the sidewalk. They're talking to a blonde man in camouflage pants and army boots who looks somehow familiar. He's holding a small boy's hand who has strawberry bronze hair.

Santana makes harsh hand movements; she's trying to stress something important.

"San?" I call.

She whips around. "Rachel, how long have you been there?"

"Less than a minute, why?"

She glances over at the blonde man before she looks back at me. "I'll drive you home."

"I brought my car."

"I'll drive. Martin, you wanna come or are you going home?" San asks as she walks closer. He follows quickly, waving at the man who smiles kindly and waves back.

Once we're in the car, martin in the back seat and Santana behind the wheel and myself in the passenger seat, I wait until we're on the road before I ask.

"Who was that man?"

She sighs. "That's Britt's older brother. He's in the army. That boy was his son Jace. His wife and his son look just alike, her name is Delilah."

"Okay?" I'm unsure where this is going.

"He was in the same place we were. Pregnant at sixteen." From Martin's silence he must already know about the situation…was that what he meant on the football field the other day? "After Jace was born he enlisted in the army and got in once he graduated high school."

"Santana, don't tell me you're joining the army." I was scared she'd say she would. But she chuckles and shakes her head.

"No, but…knowing other people have been where we are now…it just proves we can do this Rach." She smiles, eyes on the road still. "With your personality and my ability to lay down the law?" She pauses. "We gots this babe."

I smile.

"But I'll get a job; I'll sell movies or whatever." She looks at me once we stop at a red light. "Whatever it takes to take care of you." She tightens her hands on the wheel. "I'll do it. Whatever it takes to make sure you go to Julliard…I'll do it. I'll go with you to the doctor and help you buy clothes…I've seen dead-beats Rachel. I may be a badass Hispanic, but I'm not a loser." It was charming to see how intelligent she could speak when she wasn't around other kids in school.

"I know." I smile goofily, looking down as the car starts moving, my hands brush my hardened stomach. It wouldn't be easy, but I have Santana, and Sean, and Martinez.

"Shit." I hiss.

"What?" They ask at the same time.

I blink harder as I look up at the road. "…I still have to tell Sean."

I decide not to tell Sean right away. He's playing with the football team to help get people to join Glee and the hockey team.

He practiced hard…if I told him now…he'd only be distracted and worry. He has enough to deal with, especially with keeping Puck in line.

Martin said he'd have to try and keep him from strangling Santana when he found out.

But for now…I basked in the feeling that I'd be in the stands, cheering on not just my brother, but his best friend and my girlfriend. However un-secret about it we were.

But somehow…news gets out…and suddenly Quinn Fabray knows I'm pregnant.

And I find this out as I'm heading for my locker between classes when suddenly she's in my face not three inches back. "What's up man-hands?"

"Quinn, I'm not in the mood for your lame attempts at insults." I side step her. "They suck, and they make me want to send you to a proper speech class."

"Whose is it?" She's blunt, right to the point, and I know exactly what she's talking about. How could I not?

"I don't know what you're talking about." I brush her off again.

"That parasite in your stomach." She snaps softly. "Whose is it?"

"If you're implying you think its Finn, you're wrong."

She stands in front of me. "I know it's not his. He lasts three minutes, usually less. So who?"

"Why do you care?"

"Just answer me Berry."

"…I can't."

"Is it Puck's?"

I shake my head.

"Martin's?"

I look at her like she's grown three extra heads. She shrugs.

"I figured. So who?"

"I'm not telling you, it's none of your business. Leave me alone." I hiss as I side step her again and head down a hall way.

"Well let's call the Vatican; McKinley has the new Virgin Mary." Quinn calls, and before she can say more I drag her down the hall I was heading to class for. "Tell me who."

"Why does it matter?" I snap. "I can't tell you! It'd ruin their lives forever Quinn. Everyone knows you can't keep a secret."

"Like what they did to you doesn't ruin your life?"

"It doesn't, I still have a chance."

"You'd have to give the thing up for that."

"It's not a thing Quinn, it's a child. And I have every intention of keeping it with the other parent." I don't understand what her issue is. Was she jealous the news of my pregnancy would take away from her high school fame game?

She stares at me for a long hard moment before I turn and head to class, there's a roll of thunder, I look outside to see the swollen bellied clouds flash with lighting. They're dark gray and they look angry. I hurry to class.

I pass Santana in the hall who gives me a worried look and then glares down the hall at who I could only assume was Quinn.

R u ok?

Yes, why?

Wat did Q say 2 u?

She kept asking who the 'father' was.

…Did u tell her?

Of course not.

…I'm gunna take care of u Rach.

I know.

I think Quinn likes you.

Lol yeah right San.

…Hm…

I cheer with the other fans. I clap and shout and laugh. Santana keeps looking at me and grins a lot. I look back on the field, the game is starting. I can see Finn talking and Puck makes a face and says something.

He winces when Sean punches him in the shoulder and says something in his ear. Puck frowns and his mouth makes a tight line. They slam on their helmets and take their places.

Sean is number 21 and Martinez is number 1.

They lose for most of the game. And Santana keeps looking at me, which makes it easier for Quinn to find me and shoot a suspicious look at Santana. I shoot her a text and she rolls her eyes and turns away.

I don't know why they pretend to be friends.

But then I see Finn hold up a hand and circle it.

Single Ladies stars crackling through the speakers, I can't help but bring my hands to my face in surprise. I cover my grin as I see Sean and Martinez are taking it very serious and as a unit the whole team is actually pretty good.

Santana laughs out loud; her head goes back for a moment. And for a moment I wonder if the baby will look like her. It'd be adorable if it did. But I couldn't picture San as a baby; she seemed far too…adult rated to be a kid.

She turns and waves for me to come down, what's she doing?

I stand and make my way to the stairs, taking them one step at a time. Dad and daddy didn't come because, as much as they love us, they didn't want to see people laugh and point at Sean while he performed. But he needed somebody so…here I am. I stand behind the Cheerios, feet away.

She moves to pull me forward, coming back to take my hand and shooting her HBIC glare at all the curious eyes that look away nervously, besides Quinn. I watch as the team gets back into formation, Finn hikes the ball, and Martinez takes off down the field.

I never noticed how little Martin was. But he's thin and lean and his legs work like gears as he glances over his shoulder for the ball.

McKinley holds its breath as Finn throws the ball.

Martin stops and opens his arms, the ball lands snugly inside them and he runs the rest of the way, jumping over another player that dives for his legs.

This is McKinley's first touchdown since God-knows-when. The crowds cheer and chant and scream. And my excitement gets the best of me and I jump up and down before Santana stops me.

"The baby." She whispers into my ear. I nod, but I can't help my grin as I shout with the others.

Martinez waves at us as he jogs back to the team. He must feel so proud of himself; Sean smacks him on the back. Guys have a brunt way of showing pride in themselves and each other.

Santana pulls me back into her chest, I don't question it. Maybe this is her way of coming out to the school about us.

When Kurt kicks the ball, it's amazing, stellar almost. This is our first win in a very long time. Like maybe years. I want to cheer like before, but I just shout and clap and grin as I hear his father shouting with pride, louder than anybody else in the stands.

Santana pulls me away from the others. From all the screaming and cheering hordes of people that can actually shout with pride tonight.

"You're not cold or nuthin' right?"

I shake my head. "I'm actually quite snug, so I imagine the little seedling is comfy in their larval stage."

"Ew, don't make it sound like a science project Rach."

I giggle. "Well it kind of is isn't it?"

"I guess." She smirks and pulls me closer. "But it's our science project."

"Lame." I mumble against her lips.

"I know," she frowns. "I'm lacking in good comebacks lately, it freakin sucks."

"Shut up and kiss me." I grin.

"Badass." She kisses me, in front of everyone, but hardly anybody seems surprised, or maybe they didn't notice.

She pulls back for a second so we can breathe, and for a second I look over her shoulder to see Quinn walking away with slumped shoulders. Britt trailing after her, as well as a confused Finn Hudson.

It's the night after, Santana is next to me.

Sean's eyes are wide and glaring. It took all of ten minutes to tell him everything. But as I expected, when I got to, "I'm pregnant." He jumped up.

"What!" His voice goes so high it's almost a screech. "What did you do to my sister you little she-devil!" He snarls at Santana.

I step between them and push him back towards the kitchen. Martinez taking my place beside his sister.

"Rachel, I swear to God if this is some sick joke I will tell dad and I'll tell Auntie Muriel too! And you know how she is!"

"It's not a joke." I shush him. "It's real. You think I'd make a joke like this about my own life? I can show you the sonogram from when we go."

He takes a deep wavering breath. "…Are you keeping it?"

"You mean an abortion?" I ask fearfully.

"What?" He looked at me like I'd just asked if he was the pope. "No. I mean keeping it as in not giving it up for adoption."

"I can't…I don't know who the baby would go to and I think once I explain it to dad and daddy they'll be more than supportive. Santana wants to keep it." We'd talked about it several times before I went to sleep over this last week.

He sighs. "I don't like this situation, but you're my sister…guess that means I'm gunna be an uncle." He gives me a silly smile. "Alright, I'll help you out with paying the bills. I'm sure Santana can't pay them all."

I smile happily and drag him back into the room. I know he's shooting a hateful glare at San, but he'll get over it.

Later that night Santana gives me a small stuffed lion her mother bought her when she was six. "It meant a lot to me. I never had nightmares when I slept with it, and if I couldn't sleep all I had to do was hold it and I'd be dead to the world in like…five minutes. It's probably sucked up some of my badass-ness." She grins.

"Thank you. You are if nothing else a royal badass." I kiss the tip of her nose and she grins wider.

"Totes."

The next morning Martin meets me at my locker. His hair is pushed out of his face and held in place by another head band, leaving the ends of his hair free to flip and turn and curl whichever way they please.

He smiles as he pulls something out of his bag. "Our Papi gave me this when I was born." He holds up a little sheep. It's worn and it's once white wool has a dirt smudge or two and an eye looks like it's been re-patched but it's holding up well for its age. "I want my niece or nephew to have it when they're born. I used to cry without this." His soft accent makes him even more adorable than usual.

"Thank you Martin." I open my hand and he places it carefully, with all the tenderness one should treat a childhood toy with. "It means a lot that you and San are here for me." Especially my own brother.

"Hey Lopez," I groan internally, why now. I turn to look at Quinn. "Man-hands."

"Quit calling her that." Martin snaps.

"Hmm you know…I've been kind of nauseas in the morning."

"Must be a bug." I smile half-heartedly.

"Yeah maybe. Wow Berry, you look different. Have you been gaining weight or something?"

"We know you know about the pregnancy Barbie. Quit stepping out of line and leave Rachel alone. What did she ever do to you? Don't you think she has enough to deal with?" Martin makes a face at the cheerleader.

Quinn eyes me for a moment, my smile has dropped and now it's just a frown, she sighs softly and shrugs. "Whatever." She looks at me again before leaving.

Martin hums thoughtfully. "If I didn't know that Lucy Quinn better I'd say she had a crush on you." He scoffs. "But I do know her better so that's impossible." He looks at me with a smile. "Let's go to practice. I hear we're getting some new guys." He lets me go first.

Santana had mentioned it first, and now her brother was too. Maybe Quinn did like me, which sucked for her I suppose, because I felt no attraction in any way towards her. I mean yeah she's pretty but…come on, Santana Lopez is hot.

She smirks at me as I step into the room. She has all the right moves and she isn't afraid of what people think of her. She holds out her hand and I take it. It's now publically official; I think everyone must have known and was just too afraid of her to mention it.

I ignore Quinn's gaze as Mr. Shue comes in with Mike Chang, Matt Rutherford, and most shocking…Noah.

"Let's go Regionals." He grins, getting a round of applause from the rest of us.

Thing weren't looking so bad…not right now anyways.

We're practicing Tonight from West Side Story. I smile when Tina's called. She looks at me but I just nod for her to go ahead. I wrap my arms around Santana's and rest my head on her shoulder. Why over work myself?

Like San had told me on so many nights out, "Peoples gotta enjoy the little things."

So I stick on the play with Mr. Sandy. I take more practices with him; I already know all my lines for the background singing I'll be doing with Britt and Kurt.

It's extra time spent not worrying about all the little things and just enjoying my talent and letting it get used for something I actually like.

But…I do feel more alone.

For now…I think that's normal.