Chapter IV
Weak and Powerless
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I was always so careful with her. Always. It took time, but eventually I was able to grow used to her scent, although it still tugged viciously at the back of my vampire mind.
Still, at least I was able to be in the same room as her. It was a start, and a good one at that.
Until it happened.
I had dreaded it from the moment I met her. 'Oh God! What if she falls and bleeds?' I didn't think I had the strength in me to fight that ever-gnawing monster in my stomach. You know, the one that craves for human blood.
Excluding Carlisle, I had lived the longest vampire life of all of them, and yet I still felt as though I were the youngest… The difference between us is that I fed and nurtured my ailment for so long, before realizing, 'Wait. This isn't right,' and turning instead to the 'Vegetarian Option.'
I was the one that had preyed upon humans as though they were mere cattle. I was the only one out of all seven of us. I was the only one who had an addiction to break…and rehab is never fun.
So when she cut herself on that tiny piece of paper, the first thought through my head was how desperately ravenous I was…the second was of how powerless I was over my own urges…the third was of how that innocent little piece of paper was mocking me, saying, 'You're not strong enough, Jasper. You never were, and you never will be.'
My answer to such taunts is always, 'Maybe, but I'm trying anyway,' and that's enough for me.