Once they got into the castle and to the corridor where they had to split to go to their separate chambers, Arthur stopped walking and turned to Merlin.
"Do you want to come to my chambers?" He asked the Warlock. Merlin didn't look at him and for a moment Arthur thought he was going to say no, however Merlin slowly nodded.
"Ok." Arthur smiled, "I'll just go get a jug of wine from the kitchen, I'll be up there in a minute."
Merlin nodded again, still silent, and started to walk in the direction of the Prince's chambers. Arthur watched him walk away for a moment, and then turned around and walked towards the kitchen. He just wanted to make sure Merlin was ok before he went back to his small, cold bedroom. Arthur was also quite enjoying chatting to him and he hoped it was helping his manservant in some way, no matter how small.
Arthur got the wine and then quickly made his way back up to his chambers, not wanting to keep Merlin waiting. He smiled as he opened the door to his chambers, but then he nearly dropped the jug of wine.
Merlin was sitting on the bed, his back against the centre of the headboard, and he was completely naked, with the bed cover over his hips and legs. He was twirling his hands around each other nervously, and his skin was so pale it nearly looked transparent. He didn't look up as Arthur came into the room, but the Prince hold a scared little noise come from his mouth.
"Merlin!" Arthur gasped, unsure of what to do. He shut the door behind him and placed the jug on the table.
"Merlin, what are you doing?" Arthur asked, shocked.
"Serving you." Merlin answered, still not looking up. His hands stilled and rested on his lap, and he licked his lips nervously.
"What?" Arthur asked, confused. He stayed by the table, not wanting to go near Merlin as he realised something was seriously wrong. What did Merlin think he was going to do?
"You said come to your chambers." Merlin replied, looking down at his hands, "I realised that what you...wanted to do."
"No!" Arthur said, shaking as he realised what Merlin was thinking. He struggled to breathe as he slowly walked over to the bed, shaking his head.
"No! Merlin, no." Arthur said, tears in his eyes.
How could Merlin think that? Was he really as bad as the people that had kidnapped him?
"No." Arthur breathed and tears fell from his eyes for the first time since he was a child. He kneeled down on the floor next to the bed, shaking his head as he hid it in his arms.
He was crying for Merlin and everything he went through, but he was also crying for himself. It felt selfish but Arthur now felt that there was no hope whatsoever for their relationship to develop now, and his heart ached because of it. If Merlin really did think that all Arthur wanted was so release his pleasures by using him, then there was no way that Merlin would be able to think of him as anything other than a monster.
"I see the way that you have begun to look at me." Arthur heard Merlin say, confusion and sadness in his voice, "I see the way that you want me now, ever since I've come back, I know you want my body."
"No." Arthur tried to tell him, looking up. Merlin was still looking down at his hands, which were rolling over each other again.
"It's not like that Merlin." Arthur told him. The tears were hot on his face, but he didn't care, "I want to ease your pain, not make it worse."
"Then what is with all the touches and you being so kind to me?" Merlin asked, his voice rising in anger, "You were never like that before."
I... I didn't realise before." Arthur told him.
"Realise what?" Merlin asked, his hands screwing into fists around the throw that covered him.
"How much I care about you" Arthur admitted, "Them three weeks were hell and I don't ever want to lose you again!" His voice was loud and determined as he looked straight at Merlin.
Merlin went silent, but his hands relaxed and he bowed his head. His hair, which had grown and was in desperate need of a cut, feel across his face slightly, hiding his eyes.
"Why would you allow yourself to go through this again?" Arthur asked, tears still running down in cheeks. He didn't bother to wipe them away as Merlin answered.
"I...thought...because, of what you said in the clearing, I...I thought you wanted payment." He told Arthur, "They...they always wanted...payment."
"Who?" Arthur asked, even though he already knew the answer. However, this was the first time Merlin had said anything about his experience during them three weeks to anyone, and the Prince thought that maybe it would be a good idea for Merlin to finally open up.
"Can I get dressed?" Merlin asked, nervously, finally looking up at Arthur.
"Oh!" Arthur said, feeling silly, "Yes, of course, I'll get your clothes."
He got up, wiping his cheek roughly on his sleeve, and gathered Merlin's clothes that were in a neat pile on the table. Arthur's hands were shaking as he picked them up. He felt hurt that Merlin would think such a thing of him, but in a way he understood it. It was what Merlin had become use to.
Arthur gave Merlin his clothes, before walking over to the dressing screen to give him so privacy. Arthur lent against the wall, running his hands through his hair. Seeing Merlin sitting on the bed like that, looking completely defeated and broken, had torn at Arthur's heart. He felt ashamed for making Merlin think that even though he was now safely back at Camelot, these treatments were still expected of him.
When Arthur heard the bed squeak as Merlin sat down on it again, he came out from behind the screen and looked at him. Merlin's skin was still very pale, and his washed out clothes made him look even more skinny and vulnerable. Arthur sat down on the bed with him, but right at the end so not to give Merlin any kind of negative hint. He couldn't believe that all the touches and hugs that Arthur had given to him to be kind and caring and what he thought Merlin needed, Merlin had interpreted as him trying to hurt him.
There was silence for a very long moment, but Arthur wanted Merlin to say the first word, so he waited. Merlin licked his lips nervously, making them dry and his hands twisted around and around. He didn't look at Arthur but out the window, at the night sky. It was a clear night and millions of stars could be seen, even from the bed.
Finally, Merlin spoke,
"They couldn't sell me." He said, his voice quiet. Arthur had to stern his ears to hear him.
"Word got out pretty quickly that you were searching for your manservant, so no one wanted to buy me because they knew that you would probably kill them." Merlin continued, "They all knew that I was your manservant as well, because apparently I was the only one that looked 'Camelot worthy', as were the words of one old man."
As he said this, Merlin ran his hands up and down his arms, as if he was cold. Arthur wanted to reach other and wrap the throw around his shoulders, but the Prince stayed still, listening intently.
"They...they got angry, so they whipped me." Merlin said, one hand subconsciously going to his left shoulder blade, where Arthur knew, from when he was helping Gaius nurse him, there was a thick, long cut that was already healing with a pink scar around the edge.
"I passed out from the pain, and when I woke there was one of them on top of me...touching me." Merlin said this while staring into the space in front of him, his eyes glossing over so he could close himself off and still be able to talk. It was like he was under a trance.
"I was still in a lot of pain...so I couldn't...couldn't do anything...it just happened. I think I passed out again because the next thing I remember is waking up in that dark castle, and I was bleeding everywhere. The same man came in the room a little while later with some food, but he wouldn't give it to me until I gave him some kind of payment."
Arthur shivered as he listened to this. He was semi-aware of the tears that still fell from his eyes, but he was too numb to wipe them away.
"I got scared though...when he touched me and...and my magic just kind of worked on its own." Merlin told him, "He got thrown across the room and part of the wall fell in, more men ran in and then got the whip out as they realised that I had hurt him...they soon realised that I was magic, so they kept me weak so I couldn't use it."
Arthur felt the sudden urge to grab his sword and hold the hilt tightly, as he normally does before a battle. He wanted these people to pay.
"Everything they gave me I had to give payment for, and they were rough." Merlin said, his tone empty of emotion, "I was bleeding a lot, and I felt so dirty...I still feel dirty, like their smell won't come off."
He shivered, and rubbed his arms again.
"You're not dirty." Arthur spoke up, his voice creaking. Merlin didn't look at him, but lowered his head.
"When I heard the alarms and people shouting that you were in the castle, there were three men in the room with me. They sometimes watched as one man did it, and then take turns." Merlin explained, "I knew there were too many men for you to fight single-handily, so my magic fought its way through my weakness to make the castle fall. The men went flying back and I...I thought they were dead. I think I might have passed out again but then I saw your face."
Merlin finally looked up to the crying, shaking Arthur. He looked confused as he looked at Arthur's face and reached a hand out to touch the Prince's wet cheek. Arthur's eyes fluttered shut for a split second at the feel of Merlin's fingertips against his skin.
"You've been crying?" Merlin said; a question more than a statement.
"I'm crying for you." Arthur replied and then took a deep breath, "Sorry, I should be more strong then this."
"I...I guess I should be flattered." Merlin said, "I've never seen you cry before."
"I can't ever remember being this sad before." Arthur answered honestly. Merlin's thumb gentle stroked underneath Arthur's eye, wiping some of the tears away. Arthur closed his eyes, leaning into the touch. He kept his hands on his lap though, not wanting to do anything to hurt Merlin.
"I thought of you." Merlin said quietly and Arthur opened his eyes again to meet piecing blue orbs staring back at him.
"And I dreamt of you often." Merlin whispered.
"I never stopped thinking of you." Arthur told him, his voice strong and sincere, "I knew I was going to find you."
Merlin smiled. A proper, genuine smile, that made Arthur's insides sore and more tears to form in his eyes at the sight of such a beautiful thing.
"I'm sorry." Merlin said, his hand still on Arthur's cheek. The smile left his face as he bowed his head, looking ashamed.
"Why are you sorry?" Arthur asked, confused. He wanted Merlin to lift his head. He wanted to cup Merlin's chin and gently lift it so they were looking at each other again, but fear kept his hands firmly in his lap.
"I...I just feel so dirty now." Merlin said, "I wanted to get married one day and have children but that won't happen now."
"Of course it will!" Arthur told him, even though a small part of him was breaking. Marriage. Children. You can do none of them things with another man.
"No one will want to touch me now." Merlin sighed, withdrawing his hand. Arthur went to grab it but stopped, his hand midway in the air. Merlin looked at his hand, a hurt look on his face.
"I want to touch you." Arthur told him, trying to reassure him.
"Just because you know what I'm worthy of now." Merlin said sourly, looking away.
"No!" Arthur said, angry now, "Do you really think that of me, Merlin? Am I really that evil?"
"No." Merlin admitted, "I'm just confused."
He sighed and kept looking away, refusing to look at Arthur.
"It's just before you didn't even look at me, and you just treated me like your servant, which is understandable because I am just your servant, but now you're hugging me and feeding me, and looking after me." Merlin explained, "I'm grateful, but confused."
"Even before you were kidnapped, I thought of you as a friend." Arthur told him, "You were and are the only person I can be myself around, but I have never had friends before so I guess I didn't know how to act, and evidently I treated you wrong."
Merlin turned back to Arthur. He looked tired and ill.
"I promise I would never do anything to you that you didn't want me to do." Arthur said, "I didn't promise the law change because I wanted...wanted you...to have some kind of payment." He said this, struggling to find the right words. It all sounded disgusting to him, not matter how it was said.
"I did it because I truly believe things have to change."
Merlin kept looking at him, as if he didn't want to believe him.
"I promise, from now on I will protect you and keep you safe." Arthur said. Merlin didn't say anything. He bit his lip, which was quivering slightly. He reached over slowly, taking Arthur's hand and bringing it to rest in his lap, between both his own hands.
"Thank you." Merlin mumbled.
"Do you believe me when I say that I'm not going to hurt you?" Arthur asked, needing to know if Merlin trusted him or not. Merlin nodded.
"I'm sorry for thinking that." He said, looking embarrassed now.
"It's fine." Arthur told him, "I understand that it must be hard to trust anyone at the moment."
Merlin nodded.
"I want to trust you though." He said, "It's not fair that I don't, and Gaius, I know it hurts him that I can't stand being in the same room as him for too long."
"Gaius understands, he wants to help you too." Arthur tried to reassure him.
"I know." Merlin sighed, tears prickling at the side of his eyes. There were deep circles under his eyes and Arthur knew that he was tired. It was nearly morning, as the sky reminded them by starting to turn a dark blue.
"You should go to bed." Arthur told him, "Do you want me to walk you down to your chambers?"
Merlin looked out of the window and a small chuckle escaped his lips.
"There doesn't seem much point, does there? In an hour the kitchen will open and breakfast will begin to get served."
"It's been a long night." Arthur commented, sighing. He felt the lack of sleep lagging on his shoulders.
"What were you talking about with the Dragon anyway?" The thought suddenly coming to him as he looked back at Merlin. The Warlock sighed again, long and tired.
"I was asking him to kill me."
Arthur's mouth fell open slightly and his heart dropped. His fears were confirmed. Merlin still thought he should be dead.
"What...what did he say?" Arthur asked, nervously.
"He refused." Merlin told him, looking at him, "He said that I still had much to do."
Arthur breathed a sigh of relief and he knew that Merlin saw him.
"I don't think I could live without you." Arthur told him truthfully, "Please don't die."
"You wouldn't live long without me anyway." Merlin told him, "I don't know how you ever coped without me in the first place."
Merlin said this with a hint of his old cheekiness in his voice. It changed the atmosphere around them completely. It became lighter, and gave Arthur hope. Maybe Merlin was getting better.
"Well, all the trouble seemed to come after you arrived." Arthur joked back. Merlin looked back at him, his eyes lighter then Arthur had seen in a while.
"I guess I'll stick around for you then." Merlin said, quietly. Arthur could have thrown himself across the bed to kiss him right then, but with his strong will he resisted. He smiled though.
Over the next couple of months, Merlin did start to get better. It was a slow process but everyone could see it. He started to talk to Gaius and Gwen again and his wounds healed quite well, even though where he had been shot in the shoulder hadn't healed properly because he hadn't got treatment quick enough. This left his shoulder stiff and sometimes sore. He seemed brighter and some of his and Arthur's mindless banter had returned.
Of course, Merlin was still not entirely back to his old self, as he probably never would be. Arthur sometimes caught him, when he was suppose to be doing some kind of chore, just staring off into space, as if he was in a completely different world.
Once he was sitting on a bench at the side of the field where the knights did their training. He was sharpening a sword, when he had just stopped in the middle of his tasks, and just seemed to stare at the blade. He hadn't noticed as one of the Knights lost hold of his sword during a duel, and it had gone flying towards Merlin. Arthur shouted his name but Merlin didn't look up; if he had he would have been able to dodge it in time. Luckily it had just been the hilt that had hit Merlin's foot, leaving it bruised but in one piece. Arthur had shouted very long at the Knight for it though.
Merlin did seem more comfortable around other people now, and had even begun to teach Thomas about the daily duties as a manservant. The young boy wasn't scared of him anymore, and the two got on famously.
It took Arthur six months to get Merlin out of Camelot though. He had been too nervous to attend any of the hunting trips and missions with Arthur and his Knights. Arthur knew he still had nightmares about what had happened, and often served breakfast with a tired and sad look on his face. He normally didn't perk up until Arthur started training.
However, it got the six month point and Arthur knew the Warlock had to go out of the kingdom at some point. He missed Merlin on the trips, and truth be told the Knights weren't half as interesting as his manservant.
They rode out together on a hunting trip. Arthur could feel Merlin's nervousness, even from where he was riding in front of him. Merlin was silent and jumping at every single sound.
"You're going to freak out your horse." Arthur laughed, as Merlin gave out a squeak as a squirrel ran across a branch above their heads, making a few leaves fell around them. Arthur slowed down so they were walking side by side and smiled at him.
"Don't worry, Merlin, I'll protect you." He said, grinning. Merlin snorted.
"Yeah, right, you can't walk out of your room without something going wrong." He told the Prince, a grin also on his face.
Arthur gave him a gentle shoved, trying not to let his ego get the better of him. If Arthur was truthful with himself, he would admit that it was quite humiliating to hear about how many times Merlin had saved him. Arthur was of course grateful, but to know what he thought was himself being heroic but was instead Merlin saving his arse, took a massive blow to his ego. Arthur was too proud though to admit this, and just made sure he kept a sharper head so he didn't need saving as often as he apparently used to be.
They got to a good hunting area and tethered their horses to at tree, before setting off to find some game. They were silent as they crept along the forest floor, before hiding behind a large log to wait for some prey. Merlin lent against the log, while Arthur peered over it, keeping a sharp eye out.
"I hate hunting." Merlin hissed at him, keeping his voice down, "Why did you drag me out here?"
Arthur chuckled, looking at him. Merlin didn't look angry, just bored.
"Because you have been cooped up in that castle for far too long." Arthur whispered back, "You need some fresh air to get the colour back in your cheeks."
"My cheeks are fine!" Merlin told him, his voice still low. Arthur raised his eyebrows, them both knowing that that wasn't true. Merlin was still extremely pale, as his shoulder gave him trouble daily and he still wasn't eating properly.
"Shut up Merlin, I'm trying to catch our dinner." Arthur sighed. He saw Merlin smile slightly as he turned back to the forest. He was just in time to see a small doe walk in between a few trees, before lowering her neck to graze, just in the right place for Arthur to aim a quick kill.
"She is so pretty though." Merlin sighed, looking at the deer. Arthur rolled his eyes.
"Don't get all sentimental on me, Merlin, you do want to eat tonight, don't you?"
Arthur heard Merlin sigh again, but the Prince ignored him as he placed an arrow on his bow, and aimed. The arrow flew from the sting and wood, and before the deer could even look up in fear, she had fallen, the bow killing her instantly.
Merlin huffed as Arthur smiled, standing up and cheering silently for himself.
"You would make a dreadful farmer." Arthur told Merlin, as they walked down to the animal, "You actually need to keep the animals and care for them before you kill them."
"It's a good thing I'm not planning on becoming a farmer then." Merlin told him, bending down to make sure the animal was dead. As always though, Arthur had prefect aim and they both lifted it up so they could take it back to where they were planning on camping for the night.
That evening, as they ate their meal, Arthur couldn't help but stare at Merlin, and the way the light from the fire shone off his skin, highlighting his cheekbones and lips. It looked so magical. He could see the gold threads flick through Merlin's blue orbs again, as the Warlock looked into the fire, looking like he was thinking deeply.
Arthur couldn't deny Merlin's beauty, and he knew that his feelings for his manservant hadn't gone away. Arthur stilled loved him dearly, and he didn't think these feelings were going away anytime soon.
"I better do the washing up then." Merlin said, breaking out of his trance, and turning to Arthur, a small smile on his lips.
"I can do it." Arthur said, going to stand up. He stood up at the same time as Merlin and as they had been sitting close to each other, they collided in midair and they went flying to the floor again, with Arthur landing on top of Merlin.
Arthur expected Merlin to yell in fear, as he normally did when someone touched him unexpectedly or got too close for his liking. However, Merlin just burst out laughing, making Arthur stare at him for a second before joining him in the laughter.
After they had caught their breath, Arthur smiled at Merlin before going to push himself off him. Merlin caught his arm though, keeping him place. Arthur looked down at him, confused, even though he was thoroughly enjoying lying on top of Merlin.
Merlin looked back, his eyes soft but curious.
"Merlin?" Arthur asked, looking at his lips for a split second. Merlin was biting his bottom lip gently, as if he was deep in thought again. When Arthur looked back at his eyes, Arthur realised that Merlin was also looking at his lips. Arthur licked them subconsciously and then felt Merlin's hand on his cheek.
Arthur didn't know what was happening, but slowly Merlin leant up, getting closer to Arthur. The Prince didn't know if he should move away but he couldn't resist it anymore. He met Merlin's lips and the world seemed to stop.
Merlin's lips were softer then he thought they would be and they tasted like apples and honey. The kiss itself only lasted a second or so, but to Arthur it seemed to last forever. He certainly wanted it to last forever. Was he dreaming? That's what it felt like; that this was all one very beautiful, incredible and unfair dream.
When Merlin leant back down, breaking the contact, he let out a sigh of content, and looked up at Arthur, who didn't know what to do or say. He didn't even know if he could speak anymore. It felt like Merlin had taken ability to think straight and talk away.
"I've wanted to do that for a long time." Merlin said, his voice just above a whisper.
"Re...really?" Arthur asked, stutter. He normally would have been embarrassed by this but at the moment he didn't care. All he cared about was Merlin who was looking up at him, his face glowing orange by the light of the fire.
"I'm sorry." Merlin said, suddenly looking away, "I shouldn't have-"
"No." Arthur cut him off, placing a hand against his cheek and stroking it gently, "I've wanted the same thing."
Merlin looked back at him, hope in his eyes.
"Really?" He asked. Arthur just smiled and lent back down. Their lips crushed together and this kiss was deeper, more desperate. Merlin's hands found their way to the back of Arthur's neck, pulling him down closer to him. Arthur ran his hands through Merlin's hair, letting the Warlock take the lead in the kiss.
He hadn't had much experience with kissing before. There had been a few girls that had caught his fancy when he was growing up, and he had kissed one or two of them, but nothing further. It wasn't proper to do more until you are married, but Arthur always thought he would be the dominate partner in any relationship, just because of his personality and the fact that he was a male. However, it felt natural to let Merlin led the kiss. The Prince didn't want to do anything that would scare Merlin and he certainly didn't want to pressure him into doing anything, so this way Merlin could stop the kiss and contact whenever he wanted.
They didn't stop kissing though; not until they needed to break for air. Arthur leant his forehead against Merlin's breathing deeply with his eyes closed so that he could just feel Merlin underneath him.
"How long?" Merlin asked, once he had regained his breath.
"Since you went missing." Arthur replied, nuzzling his nose against Merlin's hair, breathing in his scent, "I want crazy looking for you, I couldn't survive without you."
He felt Merlin's arms wrap around his waist, holding him tightly.
"How comes you didn't do anything?" Merlin asked. Arthur leant his head up and looked down at him. Merlin's eyes were going crazy with the gold threads, flying across his orbs like a million shooting stars in the blue sky. Arthur wanted to cry with how beautiful it was.
"With what you want through, and that night in my chambers...I didn't want to hurt you."
Merlin smiled sadly, looking into Arthur's eyes.
"How comes you didn't do anything?" Arthur asked, curiously. He had never realised Merlin's feelings. It seemed unbelievable and incredible.
"You're the Prince of Camelot." Merlin told him, "Even if you were the Princess of Camelot, I doubt I would be able to win your heart."
"You're wrong." Arthur told him, leaning down slightly to nuzzle their noses together, "You won my heart a long time ago."
Merlin smiled at him, and they kissed again, long and slow, and full of love.
That night they slept side by side, with Arthur hugging Merlin from behind. Arthur can't remember ever having such a wonderful sleep before. He wished it would never end, but unfortunately they had to go back to Camelot the next day.
Back in Camelot they had to hide their feelings for one another. They had to go on acting as if they were just the Prince and his manservant. It was annoying and frustrating, but Arthur and Merlin dealt with it. However, the secret moments that they shared in the Prince's chambers were worth all the longing looks and secrets. Just going to sleep and waking up thinking of Merlin was worth the distant they had to put up with during the day.
Merlin was still hesitant in his touches he shared with Arthur, and Arthur respected that. He realised that Merlin must find it hard after everything he's been through, and was patient with him.
However, that didn't prepare Arthur for the breakdowns that Merlin sometimes had. They were frightening and heart wrenching.
One night, after Thomas had been dismissed for the night, Merlin was still in the Prince's chambers, setting out Arthur's clothes for the next day. He had been quiet all day, and had even missed his meals. He had tried to busy himself with chores and Arthur had seen him hardly at all.
The blonde haired man had come up from behind Merlin, and had kissed his neck, where his scurf had fallen down slightly. Merlin instantly flinched and jumped away.
"It's only me." Arthur smiled, reassuring him. The smile disappeared though as he realised Merlin had started to cry.
"What's wrong?" Arthur asked gently, take a step towards him. Merlin backed away though, his face craved into a look of fear.
"You shouldn't touch me." Merlin said, his voice cracking, "I'm dirty."
Ignoring the feeling of his heart tearing, Arthur shook his head, a sad, gentle look on his face.
"No, you're not Merlin." He tried to reassure him.
"I am! I'm dirty!" Merlin yelled, his whole body shaking. He shook his head, his eyes closed. He backed up away from Arthur until he hit the wall behind him. He jumped as his back collided with the solid wall, tears pouring down his face. Arthur tried walking towards him, but Merlin just raised his hands in front of him, his palms facing Arthur as if to defend himself.
"Don't touch me." Merlin cried, "You shouldn't touch me, I'm dirty."
"You're not!" Arthur tried again, but Merlin just ran out of the room, leaving Arthur confused and with tears in his eyes. He gave Merlin half an hour to think, before slowly making his way down to his bedroom. Gaius wasn't there so Arthur just went straight to the bedroom.
Merlin was crawled up on his side, rocking with silent sobs. His eyes were open and back to their empty, trance like state. Arthur went to him and sat beside him on the bed. A quiet sob escaped Merlin's lips as Arthur sat down and he pushed himself up so he was sitting beside Arthur. The Prince just simply opened his arms and Merlin fell into them, fitting perfectly.
"I'm sorry." Merlin mumbled against Arthur's chest, his hand holding Arthur's red shirt in a tight fist.
"You have done nothing wrong." Arthur replied, leaning his head down so his cheek was against Merlin's hair. He rubbed Merlin's back in slow circles, rocking him backwards and forwards very gently.
Merlin said no more and slowly went to sleep against Arthur, his long day tiring him out.
Many similar incidents to this happened after this. This left Arthur wondering if Merlin really wanted to be with him, or if he was just doing it out of some kind of bizarre sense of duty. If being with him made him this scared and anxious, then why was Merlin doing it?
One night, they had fallen asleep together in Arthur's bed. He doesn't remember how that had happened. All he remembers was that one minute they were chatting and laughing together, and the next he was being awoken by someone screaming. He automatically grabbed his sword which was placed against the wall next to his bed, and he pointed it towards the source of the sound.
The screams got louder as Merlin saw the blade being pointed at him.
"No, please." He begged, as Arthur lowed the sword, realising the screams had come from Merlin, "Leave me alone, please, stop."
Merlin was curled up in a ball, covering his head. It was the exactly the same portion that Arthur had found him in when he had rescued him from the slave merchants.
"Merlin!" Arthur said, dropping his sword, and reaching out.
"No! No! Leave me alone!" Merlin cried, and then suddenly a light erupted around him and Arthur felt his arms and legs being pulled together, as if they were being bound together with thick rope.
"Merlin! It's me!" Arthur yelled, unable to move, "It's me! Stop it!"
The hold got tighter though and Arthur winced in pain.
"It's me! Merlin, Its Arthur!" Arthur told him, trying to struggle. It felt like his bones were going to break with the pressure.
Merlin finally looked up at him, his eyes wide, blue and wet.
"Arthur?" He asked, and then his eyes flashed gold and the invisible bounds were broken. Before Arthur could breathe a sigh of relief, Merlin jumped on top of him, crying into his neck.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
"It's ok." Arthur said, wincing as he moved his arms around to hug Merlin. As he did so he realised that there were angry red marks on his wrists.
"I had a nightmare." Merlin cried, "I thought that they were back to get me...I thought..."
"Shhh." Arthur whispered, kissing his hair, "Its fine, you're safe, I've got you."
"Save me." Merlin begged, his face hidden.
"I..." Arthur said, not knowing if Merlin was still dreaming or if he wanted saving from something else. Saving him these nightmares.
"I will." Arthur told him, "I promise, I'll save you."
They stayed silent for a while as Merlin slowly calmed back down. Arthur laid back down, with Merlin resting against his chest. Arthur stroked his raven hair gentle, kissing his forehead now and again.
"Thank you." Merlin whispered just as Arthur thought he had fallen asleep again.
"For what?" Arthur asked quietly, his voice a bare whisper as it was laced with exhaustion.
"You always know how to calm me down." Merlin told him, before leaning up on his elbows and looking at Arthur. Arthur smiled fondly at him, reaching out a hand and stroking a finger down his tear streaked cheek.
"How are your wrists?" Merlin asked, guiltily as he noticed the red burn marks.
"I'll survive." Arthur laughed, "Even though, these are going to be fun to hide."
"Sorry." Merlin mumbled, bowing his head. Arthur touched his finger to under Merlin's chin, lifting up his face so they were looking at each other again.
"Stop saying sorry." Arthur told him seriously. Merlin looked down, fiddling with Arthur's shirt. He looked deep in thought and like he was just about to cry again.
"What is on your mind?" Arthur asked, not wanting to see Merlin cry again.
"I keep hurting you with my magic." Merlin answered, his voice quivering, "I'm starting to think Uther is right."
"About what?" Arthur asked, looking up at him. He reached up to catch a tear that had began to fell from Merlin's eyes.
"That magic corrupts minds and makes every user evil." He answered.
"Why would you say something like that?" Arthur asked.
"Those men...I killed." Merlin told him, his head bowing and his eyes were hidden by his hair.
"You're not evil for killing these men, you were protecting yourself and me." Arthur told him, stocking his hair away from his eyes so Arthur could see Merlin's sapphire orbs.
"Kilgharrah told me that he killed the rest of the men...because if he hadn't, I would have seek revenge and killed them all myself." Merlin told him, "And seeking revenge would have...changed me."
"I don't believe that." Arthur told him, "And even if you had seek revenge, it wouldn't be your magic that would have made you evil, but what they had done to you."
Merlin looked at him, his eyes half closed. Arthur gently pulled him down so their foreheads were touching.
"Your magic is not evil, and neither are you."
"But...But I keep hurting you." Merlin said, closing his eyes as tears fell onto Arthur's cheek.
"You don't mean to." Arthur reassured him, "I nearly stabbed you earlier because I thought you were an intruder, it's just the same."
"You really don't think I'm evil?" Merlin asked.
"No, I do not." Arthur told him, pulling him down on top of him, so Merlin's head was resting on his chest, "I do not think you could have become evil, it's just not in you."
"But what if I did turn evil?" Merlin asked and Arthur could see that this was a real worry for him. Nearly all the sorcerers that Arthur had come across had been evil in some way, and Morgana had turned evil. Maybe Merlin was just looking at these people and seeing himself in them.
"I shall shake you of it." Arthur told him, "Because there is no way you can turn completely evil, you will always have good in you."
"Do you think Morgana still has good in her?" Merlin asked and Arthur's hand tightened around his shoulder slightly. It hurt him to think of Morgana's betrayal last year, but he couldn't stop thinking of her as his sister. They had been raised together for nearly their whole life and seeing what she had done to Camelot and his father was painful.
"I like to hope so." Arthur replied, "I...I want to forgive her one day."
Merlin grew quiet after that and after a while Arthur heard his breathing even out. Arthur kissed his hair and then fell asleep himself.
Sorry this took forever to update. I'm away in America at the moment and the internet connection has been rubbish, but now we have moved to a different place and it is a lot better so YAY!
I hope you like this chapter, and the characters aren't too much out of character. I like to think they're not but I' not sure. I'll update the next chapter as soon as possible. I don't know if I've already said this but the sequel I was thinking about doing is just going to be an extension of this story and will kind of start in the next chapter.
Please review.
Nuk