The Last Beginning - Part 4
3 Molioris, 9:31
All good things must come to an end. Our guests, seemingly having arrived so soon, have begun to depart. The Dalish were the first to leave, not surprisingly, but Laryna has promised to return to court as her clan's travels will it. She trusts our new rulers; perhaps this will lead to good things for both the elves and the humans of Ferelden.
Arl Eamon and his wife have decided to remain here at court. Eamon claims he had thoughts of this nature soon after the end of the Blight, but he returned to Redcliffe to help ensure that his lands were in good condition before making his next move. He has officially turned over his lands to his brother Teagan. With his only son, Connor, recently becoming an acolyte mage and thus officially invalidating his birthright, I certainly cannot blame the arl for this decision.
His move does not come without a bit of scandal, however. A bit shy of a month previous to now, in a ceremony that was hurried into being and accompanied by much tittering among the lords of the Bannorn, Teagan married a girl from Redcliffe village named Kaitlyn. Most did not protest too loudly, for at the time Teagan was simply the bann of a small little-known bannorn, one who's brother was clearly in a position of strength and trust with Ferelden's newly crowned king. Raising the girl from being simply a bann's wife to an arlessa caused much more of a stir, but they were mutterings of discontent and not outright grievances. Teagan is a fine man, and even Elissa admitted to me in confidence that if she had not already fallen so wholly for Alistair before meeting him, she would have probably have broached a more formal arrangement with Teagan after the fighting was done. I can't help wondering if there is more going on with this match than meets the eye, but perhaps my old suspicious nerves are taking grip of me again.
As an interesting aside, Elissa knows of this girl, which I had no inkling of until she arrived with the Redcliffe entourage. She near about lept into Elissa's outstretched arms upon their reunion, the reason for this over exuberance clearly not obvious to the casual observer. As it turns out, Elissa had worked with this girl while preparing for the Battle of Redcliffe, securing Kaitlyn's family heirloom sword for her efforts. The compensation Kaitlyn received from her was enough to open up a successful foundry in Denerim. As it turns out, this foundry was then hired by Teagan to craft the upgraded equipment for Redcliffe's soldiers, using funds which were provided by the Wardens to the arling so that they could prepare for the upcoming campaign against the Darkspawn horde. I always find it interesting how our kindnesses in life sometimes come back to us a thousand fold. Situations like this make me question whether or not the Maker truly has turned his eye from us, even if he only blinks at us now and again.
There is talk around court about the royal couple making a grand tour of Ferelden. There are many official reasons given: so that the royal couple can meet with banns and arls that were unable to attend the wedding, so that the true damages of the Blight can be surveyed, so that the common folk can get a glimpse of their new rulers. All I know is that such a tour would complicate my plans. I will need to speak with Alistair and Elissa, and make them understand that such a tour will need to be delayed until either a quickening occurs, or we decide to stop this treatment. Between the three of us, a single shield could be maintained while traveling. But this two-pronged operation we find ourselves embroiled in right now would be troublesome.
Maker's Breath, did we not just circle Ferelden at least a dozen times in the past year? At least this time, if things proceed happily, I can insist that a carriage be procured for our Queen. Convincing her of the necessity of riding within, however, will be far more of a challenge.
6 Molioris, 9:31
We have come to an understanding about this Royal Circuit, as people here at court are calling it. Either we wait until we are certain Elissa is with child, and are sure we can move onto the next state of treatment without major concerns, or… if we reach Matrinalis without result, we will need to stop. We mages cannot carry on like this forever. In addition, such a procession will take months to circle Ferelden. Late summer is the latest that such an endeavor can safely being if the plan is to return to Denerim by the onset of winter.
I did not broach the subject of carriage travel with Elissa yet… it is a battle for another day, when and if it becomes relevant. No need to besiege that castle yet, for that will only give her time to build up her defenses and garner support. Maker knows tasks like that are what she was born for.
9 Molioris, 9:31
After the chaos of the past month, the palace halls seem oddly silent. The normal noises of a functioning castle cannot hold a candle to the cacophony and bustle of one preparing for a once in a lifetime royal gathering.
Irving and the others from the Circle left this morning. He stated that he would seriously consider joining me here at court, once he was able to set his affairs in order and appoint his chosen successor as First Enchanter. He offered me the position yet again, and yet again I refused. I suggested that I may be able to convince the royal entourage to visit the Circle during the forecoming Circuit. Alistair and I have had several preliminary talks about his wishes to improve the lot of mages in Ferelden, so a stop at the Circle could have a political motivation as well. We could collect Irving at that time, if he is willing to accompany me. I hope he agrees for his own reasons, and not out of concern for me and my chosen burdens.
Leboarh and I are doing well enough, I suppose, under the constant strain. I am sleeping a lot more than I used to, but that appears to be the only side effect. Petra, however, is holding up as only the young can, for which I thank the Maker. Without her, there is no way we two could have a chance of maintaining both shields.
Sadly, I have noticed no change in Elissa's condition. I am honestly not sure how quickly I would know, were a quickening to occur... detecting life's first glimmers are something beyond the skills of even the most trained healers. I will do a more in-depth investigation after Elissa's first missed moon blood.
15 Molioris, 9:31
Our first month of treatments have proven unsuccessful. Elissa informed me today that her moon blood came again. The poor child. I assured her that we certainly have not failed yet… but this still hurts her deeply. There are few things sadder than watching a proud warrior queen weep. We shall continue, and pray that Andraste rewards our vigilance. However, since Andraste favors those who put their efforts behind their hearts, I must expound upon my efforts to find help in moving Elissa's condition along.
21 Molioris, 9:31
I have been researching more traditional fertility treatments, in the hopes of augmenting Elissa's reproductive capabilities. Unfortunately, many of the "treatments" I'm finding are much more in the realm of superstition and foly than true herbalism. In separating the wheat from the chaf, I have been able to determine that a tea made from red clover, nettle, and elfroot could possibly have some effect. It will certainly not harm her, even if it does not help her.
In addition, I intend to pen letters to several of the other healers I know around Ferelden. It may not hurt to send a request for aid to the Circle in Orlais. The home of the Chantry, Orlais has always drawn more spirit healers to its borders than other nations. Perhaps there will be one there that could provide some helpful insight.
12 Ferventis, 9:31
Another month has passed, with no viable results. I try to refrain from probing my powers into Elissa's womb, in order to keep things inside as un-touched as possible. Many things can go wrong with a quickening, and I do not want to be the cause of more variables. My interventions are invariably causing them already. But, after having done this for two months now, I have begun to get an inkling of how Elissa's ebbs and flows cycle. Elissa seemed surprised, when she came to tell me the news, and I explained as much to her. Perhaps if this happened again next month, I can at least give her the privacy of her grief.
She still drinks the tea made from the herbs I provide her at every meal, but I fear for how long Leboarh and I can manage under the strain. Even Petra is starting to show wear on her sharp youthful edges. The sooner we can aid along a quickening, the sooner we can take another step closer to the end of our task.
29 Ferventis, 9:31
Messages travel so much faster in the warmer months, with more travelers on the road and more hours of daylight. For that I am grateful. I received word from a mage in Orlais, by the name of Odelle. Aside from an herbal concoction quite similar to the one I've already deduced, she offered two interesting bits of advice.
The first was that she had once helped an Orlesian noble lady with a similar issue. When applied in small, controlled doses, she had found that the same healing magic that helped internal injuries heal properly could be used to stimulate the quickening glands. The spell was applied using a different technique, however. Normally, this magic is applied at the injured ends of the endangered flesh or organ. The magics then seek one another out to create a bond which then allows the flesh to heal naturally. She recommends filling both quickening glands with such magic. The difficult part is that there is no definite wound to cast the spell on. The entire quickening gland needs to be penetrated with the magic, not just the edge or a surface. The spell needs to be cast daily over the beginning half of the woman's moon cycle.
The second item was more of an aside, but it immediately brought back memories of when I traveled with the Wardens. Odelle states to make sure that Elissa is eating heartily at her meals. In her experience, "woman of lesser means" as she delicately puts it, can encounter problems when trying to conceive. I couldn't help but snicker to myself at first glance, for as we learned on our journeys one of the lesser-known effects of the taint is an increased appetite. But when I thought more seriously about it, I realized that perhaps this information may mean more to Elissa's circumstance than just a chuckle to myself. I met our Queen after she became a Grey Warden, but in my experience she has always been a woman of solid sinew and muscle, and very little extra flesh. If the taint is somehow absorbing some of the nourishment that her food provides, there would be very little left to build up significant enough reserves. I shall speak with Elissa and the head cook about this first thing tomorrow.
1 Solis, 9:31
It is too late in her cycle for the spell to have any benefit this time, but nevertheless I made my first attempt using Odelle's healing technique on Elissa. More as a trial run than anything, so that I can be familiar with it before its need comes into its time. I must say, compared to the efforts needed to repel the taint, this spell requires little effort. Steady concentration on the healer's sight to aim it effectively, but no worse than healing any other invisible injury.
I will continue this on a daily basis, at the end of Leborah's shield-shift. If events show a quickening this month, I will stop. If not, the treatment and the routine will be in place. We have but one more month before the Royal Circuit begins, and our stamina reserves are depleting. Let us hope that this technique will make a positive difference.
9 Solis, 9:31
Another month's effort comes to naught. Though, perhaps I should not be so self-defeating. I have learned much in the last three months. Aside from being exhausted all the time, I am much more familiar with the spells and techniques. If nothing less, this document has resulted from my efforts, and its knowledge may aid those who come after me. I only wish I could do more.
17 Solis, 9:31
The first properly timed week of the new treatments has gone well. It is too soon to know whether or not they are actually helping matters, however. Elissa still drinks the fertility tea, though she grows quite tired of it. I have added peppermint, and sometimes chamomile, to the mixture. These additives do not add to the tea's effectiveness, they are purely for adding flavor and variety.
28 Solis, 9:31
It has been over two weeks since Elissa's last moon blood, so I am stopping Odette's procedure. Given that the Royal Circuit is scheduled to leave in mid-Matrinalis, I fear this morning may be the last time I visit this part of the treatment. I do not want to make more promises that I have already made… perhaps, after the Circuit returns to Denerim… but that is months in the future. I am surprised on a daily basis that I am still here writing these words. I wonder how long my guardian spirit will keep me here, while I also wonder how aware it is of events going on around me. Does it know that I am on a quest to create life? Does it feel my love for Alistair and Elissa? Or do the musings of when my own death will arrive amuse it, and it keeps me alive out of a sick sense of perversion? No. That cannot be it. I have not once felt the slightest speck of maliciousness from this spirit. All I can do is continue forward, and be thankful for every day wherein I open my eyes to the next sunrise.
31 Solis, 9:31
Something feels… different. If the taint were a living thing, I would say it was hungry. It pushes on the shield more than before, prying its defenses for weakness. The doting old grandmother in me wants to take this change as a positive sign, but its implications worry me. The taint is clearly seeking something. If its efforts keep up like this, presuming that which I dare not yet hope for is true... no. I shall not speak of it yet, let alone put word to paper. It is far too soon.
2 Matrinalis, 9:31
Elissa is complaining of headaches, and has been retiring to bed earlier than usual. And the taint continues its relentless clawing on the shield. I dare not say anything to anyone besides Leborah at this point, but I am cautiously optimistic. My fellow mage does agree with my assessment that the shield's structure has been being tested more than before. Or perhaps we are just tired and losing focus. Perhaps our labors are coming to an abrupt, unsuccessful end.
10 Matrinalis, 9:31
Elissa finally requested that I probe her womb with my healer's gift, since she expected her moons blood several days past. Unfortunately, not even my sight is strong enough to see the child of a quickening so soon after its conception. I boldly took the opportunity, however, to breach the idea of riding in a carriage while on the Royal Circuit. She took such a suggestion with about the amount of venom I expected. I shall speak to Alistair as well in private, since the Circuit is scheduled to leave 10 days hence. Preparations must start as soon as possible if we need to procure a carriage.
12 Matrinalis, 9:31
I must remember to employ Alistair more often, in matters of coercing the fiery Elissa to conform to matters of her own good. I did not tell him why I wanted Elissa traveling by carriage and not on horseback, but he already suspected. When I asked how he proposed to ensure Elissa's compliance, he tells me, "You say that like I'm going to give her a choice." I realize that statement sounds harsh in black and white, without his biting tone and giant mabari-pup grin on his face. Elissa's well-being has clearly become his duty, more than usual that is. She knows first hand how inflexible he can be in matters of duty.
15 Matrinalis, 9:31
I have never seen someone to be so happy to wake up and immediately thrust her face in a chamber pot, nor a doting husband so willing to hold back her hair while she does so. While I still cannot confirm matters with my healer's sight, colloquial wisdom of such ancient tradition does not often lie in these matters. Granted, there is no guarantee at this very early stage that the quickening will not extinguish itself through no fault of anyone. Or from complications of the taint. Or by the will of the Maker. And given all the magic, both of live and of death, which have surrounded this conception… nothing is assured. Even if the child lives for the next nine months, we still have no guarantees that it will not be born a… no. To speak of such a think is to invite it into existence.
It is hard to tell those so young and in love that they must keep their greatest secret from everyone, especially on the eve of entertaining all the nobles of Ferelden for weeks on end. They have both promised, however unwillingly, to wait these first three months before sharing the news. Oh, I fully expect that it will leak out somewhere along our travels. I can't imagine Elissa not telling her brother Fergus, and I have a feeling Alistair told Eamon even before we had our conversation. He has had his own trials and tribulations in such matters, so I trust Eamon is smart enough to keep his mouth closed. I will check with him before we leave for the Circuit, just to make sure.
All that being said, after my shift is completed here I will be heading to the Chantry to give thanks to the Maker and Andraste. His gaze has fallen upon us, and we are in Andraste's hands now. I will need Her strength over the next nine months, if all goes well.