Ugly...she stared at her stomach. Her fat cheeks, that fat nose. The double chin...she was ugly. She was fat and ugly. After everything she had accomplished, she was ugly.

He'd seen her looking at herself. Jon had seen her staring at her reflection in a window, and the look she had on her face was not one a woman was supposed to have. Jon wanted to know what Petula was thinking, but...he didn't know what to say to her. She was just a woman, yes an attractive woman, but still a woman. Jon Good didn't do good by women. They were all the same to him.

Women...forbidden territories to explore one night at a time. But this one was different. How, he didn't know but he wanted to get to know Petula better. But he figured she didn't want to get to know him in return.

Petula looked away from the window, shaking her head but she turned and found Jon standing there. He was ready for his match, he would be entering through the crowd like he usually did but the area he was in was where she was head to leave the arena.

"Hi." She said walking by him.

"Off the clock, Tula?" Jon found himself calling her and the woman instantly stopped to look at him. "Sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"No, it's okay. Pet is the pet name my Dad gives me. And Stu likes to call me that as well. Tula sounds fine. Look...I..."

"Let's go out, just the two of us." Jon said. "I want to know you better but I don't want anyone else to bother us." Why was he doing this, Jon asked himself. "If you don't want to, that's okay, too."

"I would, Jon, really I would but I have to travel to the house show. My shift leaves on the staff bus in like twenty minutes and I need be there. I'm not doing anything after Monday's Raw show. Can we go then?" She asked, hoping she didn't freak him out.

"Sure, that'll be great. But can you answer one thing for me real quick?" He smiled a real smile, she could see the lines appear at the corner of his eyes. It made her wonder why he was smiling like that.

"Yeah, sure."

"You said you were born December of eighty-five. When?"

"December tenth, why?"

"The seventh for me." Jon smiled, liking the idea she was close to his age. For once he didn't feel like he was robbing the cradle.

She smiled at him. "I guess we have something in common. I got to go. See you on Monday."

It was later that night after the show, Jon was traveling to the next venue with Joe and Colby. Colby was texting his girlfriend Leigha, Joe was driving and that left Jon with his thoughts. She wouldn't want him, Jon mused silently as he stared through the windshield in front of him. Not with his problems.

She was attractive to him, and he didn't know why. Petula was interesting but he didn't understand anything about her. Other than how old she was, that she was a super genius in his mind but other than having some weight issues...he didn't know why she was attracted to her.

He had been a bad guy during his indy fed years. He even regretted making a comment about picking up ugly chicks at bars just to have sex with them. Yes, he appreciated the female variety in all their looks and sizes now, but...he still couldn't trust them. With conflicting interests in this one woman, Jon groaned.

"Something on your mind, Jon?" Joe asked.

"Nothing, Man. Just...shit going on up here." He tapped his head.

"It wouldn't happen to be about that little techie chick that isn't so little?" Colby asked, instantly regretting it.

Jon whirled around in the front passenger seat and hit the younger man in the head. Not hard enough to leave a mark, but hard enough to leave an impression.

"I'd say that would be a yes." Joe remarked as Jon turned back around in his seat. "Please don't kill him, Jon. I sort of need him as tag partner."

"Shit man. You don't even know her, barely." Colby clarified. "And from the way you were looking at her during the practice session before the show, you couldn't have been more obvious."

"I don't like her in that fucking way." Jon growled.

"If you don't, why are you getting pissy about it?"

Joe stepped in. "Come on guys, I don't want to have to choke one of you out. I swear this is getting annoying. Why can't you leave him alone, Colb?"

"I'm just that damn annoying, I guess." The man replied before fishing around for his dropped phone.

Finally, some quiet.

But Jon's mind is not a good neighborhood to be when it get's quiet.

The RC robot was her objective at the moment. It kept Petula's mind occupied until her phone rang.

"How is he doing, Ms. Ray?" Petula asked.

She listened to the person on the other end. Nervously she ran her tongue over her lower lip as she took off her glasses. It hurt to hear what the caretaker had to say, it hurt to know that she couldn't be there for him. She needed the money to care for him and this was the only way she knew how.

"Okay, Ms. Ray. Thank you for the update. Tell him I love him for me, please."

Worthless, she couldn't be there for her own father. No...she was worthless, as a daughter and as a human. Fat, ugly...worthless. Fat, Ugly, Worthless. That was her motto. That was all she ever was. That voice in her head was right. It sucked that the voice in her head was her own. It would be disturbing if it was some other voice.

The only thing that took her mind off of the pain of being a failure, was working on the RC robot. Maybe when everything had settled down it would be a good to find something she was more or less interested it. Not some superstar that wanted nothing to do with her, not this ugly, fat thing she was.

"He wouldn't want me." She mumbled, closing her eyes. "I wouldn't want me."

All her life she was a vibrant girl, smarter than the average person her age. She had a gift with electronics, lights and things like that. Actually that's what made her different from other people. She was autistic, she had Asperger's. Petula never admitted it to anyone because she knew that would make people look at her different. She didn't want to be different, she didn't want to act different so being shy and anti-social was the best that she could be. She learned to watch her mouth around people, but when the topic was on something she liked, it was fine.

The fact remained, she was never going to be enough. Not for herself or for others. Her thoughts haunted her everywhere she went, agreeing with the comments that she was ugly, fat, a failure. It just stacked up over time. Depression, anxiety...she nearly had a heart attack when Jon touched her as she walked away from the ladies' rest room. And with everything going on at once, it seemed like she was loosing control.

"Petula, what are you doing up?" Fiona asked, walking into the room.

"Working on my RC robot. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you."

"Honey, you didn't. So, how was the show?"

"I left before it started. Jon wanted to ask me out to dinner."

"Did you say yes?"

"I said no at first. But that's because I am busy this week. So I said yes for after Monday's show because I don't have to travel far for the Tuesday tapings." Petula said, putting down her screwdriver. "But what if he doesn't want me. I don't want to feel like a failure again."

"Honey, you're not a failure. You're just a little different, that's all. A super genius."

"I'm not if I'm stupid. I don't even know how to get thin." Petula really felt like she was going to cry. She hated herself that badly.

Fiona made the younger woman look at her. "Look, Petula, you're different, yes. But look at yourself. Who says you're ugly? Who says you're fat? I mean, that Englishman has taken a shine to you."

"Stu Bennett is just being nice. He stopped AJ from making fun of me."

"See, that's a true gentleman. I wish I could have married a gentleman, but I'm stuck with a man that does women's makeup for a living. He does makeup better than me and he isn't gay."

"There's nothing wrong with being gay."

"All the good men are gay, honey. But then again, a gay man is a woman's best friend. You can talk about guys and cloths at the same time."

"What if he likes the same guy as you do." Petula asked, making a reasonable question.

Fiona opened her mouth to answer, but snapped it shut. "I don't know, honestly I don't know."

"Sleep on it, give me the answer tomorrow. I promise I'll go to bed on time tonight. I just wanted to get my mind off of some things. Thanks for the talk." Petula said, turning back to her RC Robot.

Giving an exaggerated yawn, Fiona nodded. "Yeah, better get back to my husband. God forbids he wakes up without me next to him. Get to bed soon, Honey." Fiona was the only person that Petula ever really let touch her. Stu touched her, yes, but only because he thought it was okay. At least she didn't freak out then over being touched.

Well, not entirely the way I had wanted it to go. What do you think? I'm still working on My Pretty Beautiful and someone mentioned that I said Lucy instead of Petula, sorry about that.