Turn That Frown Upside Down
or
Duck Soup and High Cotton
Part One
Kiba was the first to arrive at the Village Hidden in Fuck Yous. Or as he'd taken to calling it in his mind, The Sneaky Finger. Strangely enough, the training ground was shaped like a fist giving the middle finger to the sky.
The designer really hated those goddamn sky ninja.
Akamaru barked and began sniffing around and wandering the streets, Kiba would call him when the whole team had shown up, and TG42 was theirs in the day time for teh forseeable future. Anko-sensei had mentioned that she had to book it for night training, but ANBU and other nin didn't use these training grounds during the day most of the time.
Akamaru started the rather long process of laying out a scent map for him and Kiba. It would take several weeks to have a comprehensive personal map of the streets and even longer to map the insides of what facilities Akamaru could sneak into.
Ninja dog, ninja tactics.
He was still rubbing up against certain things and pissing on others. A Ninja dog was still a dog after all.
His little floppy ears twitched at the warning whistle from Kiba. One of the new immediate pack members had showed up so Akamaru should start making his way back.
Shino nodded to his new teammate in greeting and adjusted his glasses.
"No sign of Naruto yet," Kiba offered, "Akamaru is familiarizing himself with the Sneaky Finger."
The Inuzaka thumbed back over his shoulder.
"A wise choice. Why do I say that? Because I have also started using my partners to do the same."
Kiba gave the Aburame a crooked smile before turning and squatting in front of the new arrival Akamaru. The began converseing in pack tones and terms.
It was just a series of growls, whines, barks, and whimpers to outsiders, but Kiba had a sneaking suspicion that Naruto understood it like a full Inuzaka member. Akamaru had a mouth on him, and the blonde had snickered at a few of his quips.
"Hey guys!"
Shino and Kiba adjusted their position to greet the final genin member of the squad. However, things were a bit different. So different that Shino's glasses began to slide down his nose and Kiba just left his mouth hanging open.
That was definitely Naruto.
His hair was definitely not blonde, but the deep, vibrant red of the main Uzumaki clan house.
And there was no orange! NONE! Well, none was visible.
Kiba considered falling to his knees and loudly praising the Inu-kami that had blessed the Inuzaka generations ago, but decided that a private offering later would suffice.
Naruto was wearing a slightly loose dark blue shirt under a strange blue and black vest. It had one large strap going over his left shoulder that came down and made up most of the front of his vest and a smaller strap going over his right shoulder. There was a single large pouch on the bottom right on the front and the entire left side was dedicated to horizontal scroll pockets that grew in size as they descended. His pants were black and taped off around his calf and he wore black shinobi sandals. His usual weapon pouches had been replaced with dark grey versions.
"You like?" Naruto asked, noticing his teammates giving his new outfit a once over, "This is apparently the standard genin uniform from Uzushiogakure. Apparently, since the Senju and Uzumaki were such great friends Konoha has a huge stash of Uzu style armor and weapons! It even has the clan seal!"
He spun around and thumbed at the white swirl that sat in between his shoulder blades.
Then Naruto lit up.
"Oh! And apparently Hokage-jiji sealed my hair a different color when I was really little to keep the Damiyo from going ape shit."
He rubbed the back of his head in true Naruto style.
"Hokage-jiji said the Damiyo, civilians, and non-ninja militaries that're not Fire or Uzu really, really don't like Uzumaki."
Not that the citizens of Konoha like him very much, but a little more hate never hurt anyone. Except Uzushio.
"That's right, Gaki number one! And that's what we're countin' on. A little bit of fear factor from your families."
All three genin spun and crouched in defensive stances, startled by the voice not five feet from them. But their eyes couldn't find anyone.
"Up."
They looked up and saw their sensei, clad in all of her scanty glory, standing with her arms crossed and a smirk on her face. But what really surprised them was that she was standing horizontally on the wall of the building right above them in such a position that her shadow wouldn't have been noticed by any of them.
She had been a special jonin for a long time and had been jonin worthy for a few years. She was good.
Her smirk turned into a full blown grin and she dropped into the middle of them.
"So, show me what you got."
Shino removed the scrolls from an inner pocket sown into the inside hem of his coat and the three boys began regaling her with their plan to snatch the most treasured possession of one Hatake Kakashi.
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Phase one:
The target, codenamed Crow-bringer, according to information, stood at the memorial stone for more than a few hours a day. Both in the morning and in the evening. But their strike would happen in the morning.
It was as he left that he would begin reading his literature.
He also left the memorial stone by almost the same path every morning, the deviation occurring three blocks into Konoha from the memorial graveyard. Two blocks in is where they would strike, the foot traffic was heaviest there. Naruto bunshin would bled into the crowd henged as random people, herding civilians away usuing sneaky tactics and becoming the crowd around him.
A ground level trap would be remotely triggered, spraying most of the area before the intersection with kunai and shuriken that would be launched a foot off the ground on a ground-parallel trajectory.
Shinobi of his level would instinctively avoid weapons and traps they triggered with the least amount of effort possible. Well, they avoided anything they could with the least amount of effort possible.
Crow-bringer would jump.
Then a barrage of cream pies would be thrown, courtesy of more Naruto bunshin, at the target. The target would see them and recognize the prank. He would most likely avoid all the pies by twisting his body into the purposeful gap left in the pies throwing pattern.
The gap would only be wide enough for him to turn sideways and would likely leave cream on the very front of his vest. This would force him to raise his literature high. Initiating Phase Two.
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Phase Two:
A hidden Kiba would launch his faithful ninken, hopped up on Inuzaka clan ninken stimulants, at the priority object, codenamed Folio. Akamaru would snatch Folio from his grasp. Crow-bringer would be unwilling to allow Folio to be damaged and so would not hesitate to let go.
Akamaru would tear down the street and duck into an alleyway with a hole in the bottom fence where he would drop Folio and pickup the mock up Folio. Shino would be waiting near by.
Shino would henge his partners into the common fly and have them swarm over Folio, making it appear to be a piece of organic refuse. After Crow-bringer passed Folio and chased after Akamaru, Shino would have his partners bring Folio to him, completeing their secondary objective.
Akamaru would hopefully make it to the Inuzaka Boneyard. On the edge of the Boneyard a prepared hole would be dug. Akamaru would drop the fake Folio into the hole and bury "Folio." Then he would bail. Starting Phase Three.
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Phase Three:
Phase Three was the actualy 'assassination.'
Upon unearthing the "Folio," Crow-bringer would trigger the final trap.
A series of paint bombs to stand in for actual explosives.
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Contingency:
Should Akamaru be apprehended, he would be swapped, via Kawarmi, with a Naruto bunshin henged into the ninken covered in paint tags. This should allow for the assassination to take place, but with civillian casualties, something that was to avoided as much as possible as outlined by mission parameters.
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Anko cackled gleefully before setting the boys to todays light training. Which consisted of a series of runnning battles in TG42 for the morning, in which she took them apart over and over again. Before each reset Anko would tear through their techniques, tactics, and procedures (TTPs).
"If the mission is blown, go nuts! Kill and destroy as much as possible in order to distract the forces pursuing you. If they're stationed at rear points most of them are genin or chunin with a few jonin restricted to light duty. Their orders are mostly LNO (Law and Order) and patrols. And most likely will only chase you out of the immediate area anyways."
"Naruto! You can literally create a fucking army at the drop of a hat! Fucking do it!"
"Shino! Fuck off! Aburame are crazy fucking good with Kikaichu Bunshin and Kawarmi, fuck damnit! Leave some scattered through out the fucking town!"
"Mutt! Akamaru! Aren't Inuzaka supposed to be the fucking fastest things that actually stay grounded without the use of jutsu?! Pick up the fucking pace!"
"YOU'RE A GODDAMNED TEAM! FUCKING ACT LIKE IT!"
After a brief twenty minute lunch break she set them to the tree climbing excercise.
"You can fucking do this, you can run on roofs, along walls, upside fucking down. Even fucking faster! Chakra control can do so many fucking things! You should see some of the higher exercises with practical applications."
It would also increase her non-Jinchuriki student's capacities. She would have to set Naruto to more control oriented tasks as homework along with his recent fuinjutsu and ninjutsu practice. The Hokage had given a few ninjutsu scrolls as a graduation gift. He was tight-lipped about most of them at the moment, citing not working on them yet.
But the Ninpo: Hari Jizo and the Ninpo: Ranjishigami were the ones he was working on at the moment and the ones he discussed. Anko surmised they were also the only non-elemental jutsu the boy had. The Uzumaki had been the single largest concentration of Wind users outside of Suna after all. And by far the largest concentration of Wind users in a clan. Most non-weapon aided techniques could be attributed to them.
Which begs the question, how did Suna get their sandy mitts on most of them? Why trade, of course! My wind jutsu for yours!
"I'm working on growing my hair at the moment, but it'll get easier as my hair grows naturally," Naruto provided, "Since I won't have to use as much chakra to get it to grow fast."
"So you're gonna have a sissy-girl's hair? That's a laugh!" Kiba ribbed his teammate.
He was rewarded with a dick slap before they stopped training as a team before dinner.
"Uzumaki men traditionally had long hair, asshole!"
Anko was so psyched for tomorrow. She would observe from one of the Barrier Team's side rooms.
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A/N: A bit longer than the last chapter. And laying down most of what happens next chapter, but don't be discouraged! It'll be live with interactions and shiz instead of just a plan.
As always, please review!
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