Hello everyone,

I'm really really sorry for not updating :( Everyone who sticked by: I'm so, so, so thankful! I've had quite a rough time: several people diagnosed with cancer around me. But it's looking good at the moment, so I'm really grateful for that.

Anyways, thank you if you still wanna read!

So, a few disclaimers: I don't own anything twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. Nor do I own Kane or their lyrics. Do check out this great band! They're Dutch, but really good!

I do own Solcelia, it's completely my own creation. It made so much more possible for me to think up a new country.

So enjoy this next chapter, some of my reviewers were dangerously close :)

Chapter 4

Damn those eyes,
They keep me torn inside.
She runs like a river through me,
Always you.

Eyes don't lie, words may try.
She comes like a mystery, flows through me,
And I swear it's true,
Always you...

Damn those eyes - Kane

First thing I saw on the web page was a huge picture of Edward, looking inhumanly handsome in a tuxedo, with a beautiful strawberry blonde woman to his side. Then I noticed the rest of the website. It was the site of a tabloid. I could only gasp for breath when I saw the header. I almost heard my heart shatter into a thousand pieces in my chest.

'Prince Edward still with the same girl?!'

Alice showed me the story, which consisted of more pictures. Each one was of him, escorting yet another girl. All with legs up to their armpits, perfect faces and their hair shining. There were also photographs of Edward looking absolutely wasted in dark night clubs and smoking pot with a couple of guys.

"Alice?" I just wanted Alice to tell me this was all nonsense and that this was just a joke by one of Edward's friends or something. Edward could not be a prince and I really didn't want to know who those girls were. Besides, this wasn't the Edward I knew. The one I knew didn't drink excessively and I couldn't imagine him doing anything illegal.

But I knew he could be. He had barely told me anything about himself, had loads of money and personnel that ran around for him. That girl was probably the princess of some other country he was arranged to marry. What was he doing here with me? My insides turned into ice. I was just some distraction for a while. A little holiday fling.

"Bella, honey? I'm sure there is some explanation. Edward must have had a reason for not telling you. And those pictures don't have to mean anything. He's not the person to cheat on anyone and I'm sure he wouldn't do such thing to you." Alice embraced me and her arm felt warm against my cold and rigid body.

"Yes, of course. He can do anything without having trouble with it. He thought: 'Oh, Bella, just a naïve little girl, I can screw around with, while I'm here.' I'm just a distraction…"

"Have you…?"

"No, of course not!" I said indignant.

"Okay. But Bella, I'm sure that Edward has never had that intention. You know, to hurt you… I'm by the way sure that for everything he does he has to take full responsibility. I don't think he can do anything without being reprimanded… He's a prince for God's sake! Why would he do something that gets him in trouble?"

"Alice, look at those pictures and read the story. He apparently is the prince Harry of Solcelia. That we don't see the photos in which he is naked, doesn't mean they're not existent." I felt tears flowing down my cheeks, but I didn't bother wiping them away. "Ali, I thought I met someone who was truthful and honest. Yes, he had some problems opening up and I understand why now, because he was pretending to be someone he was not." I got up and walked away.

"He was only…" I didn't hear the remainder of her sentence, because I was already in my own room and I didn't plan on leaving it anytime soon.

~WTW~

"I figure you found out, huh?" He whispered. I just stayed put, facing my pillow. Alice must have let him in. I heard his soft footsteps on the carpet, resounding in the otherwise quiet room.

"I'm so sorry for not telling you. I was actually going to tell you now." Yeah right, he could easily say that now.

"I know what you're thinking, but you have to believe me I was going to tell you, because I have to leave. I'm called home. Our prime-minister has been killed in a car accident and my country needs me." He took a deep breath. "Bella, in the past few days, I have found that I truly like you and if I didn't have to leave I would have done anything to get to know you better." He sighed. "If you hadn't found out I was the crown-prince of Solcelia, I wouldn't have told you very soon, I have to admit. I, for once, wanted to be a normal person. Not be the centre of attention and I would be treated like any other human being. This has never been possible in Solcelia. I was always the crown-prince, never 'just Edward'. I have done a lot of things wrong the previous years, but I hope to think you changed me. I hope we can stay in contact and that I can tell you everything about me, my family and my country soon. There is a lot you don't know yet. I will leave a card with my phone number on your desk."

I felt and heard him approach and then he kissed my hair. "Take care." Goosebumps appeared all over my body again, which made me even angrier than I had been. Angry because he could still affect me this much, while I didn't want him to.

With that goodbye he silently retreated and left. And all I did was cry. I couldn't say anything or call him back. My throat was incapable of producing sounds. If I had been able to, I wouldn't have known what to say, so there was no real difference.

The soft thud of the front door broke my heart again.

Two seconds later Alice knocked on the door and entered without waiting for an answer. "Are you okay?"

I didn't reply and looked in the darkness of my pillow. It was completely wet by the tears that kept flooding from my eyes.

"You know you can always talk to me, right?"

And Alice left too. I didn't deserve such a good friend.

~WTW~

That I didn't deserve her, showed in the next few weeks. I barely talked to her. I only did my studying, ate and helped Alice with the housekeeping. I was a zombie. I lived, but wasn't there. The biggest thing I had done was burning the business card he had left on my desk. There was no way I would contact him.

I had never thought one man could change me this much. In just a few days. This could not be healthy. It was as if Edward had crept in every gene of my DNA and my body needed him. It longed for him. I wasn't whole anymore without him.

I knew Alice was worried about my lifeless state. I saw the looks she shot at me and the way she treated me. She approached me with so much care and didn't react when I ignored the rest of the world. But she made sure there was always enough food in the fridge, left bars of chocolate on my desk and I often found a new fragrance of some expensive brand in the bathroom with a note 'for Bella' stuck to it.

After a few weeks I started to talk to Alice again. The conversations were about television programmes and college. No heavy or difficult subjects, just close to the surface. Alice didn't try to bring the subject to Edward, for which I appreciated her. I saw how Alice lit up when I first talked to her again. She was truly the best friend I could imagine myself. And I had been horrible to her.

One evening, two months later, we were together watching American Idol with lots of popcorn and cocktails Alice made. I was getting a little tipsy as I was not really used to holding any liquor. Alice had already fed me three drinks and it didn't look like this was coming to an end soon.

"Alice, what are you doing to me? I'm going to be a total disaster tomowow if you keep on making me dwink this." I already spoke with a bit of a double tongue.

"Whatever! It's Sunday tomorrow, we've got a whole day to wear out our hangover." Alice got even more energetic when she had had some alcohol. I wondered how on earth that was possible, but Alice always proved that everything I deemed impossible could be made true.

"Thank you, Ali. You've done so much for me over the last months. You've been there for me when I needed it. Thanks for being my friend after that ass let me down."

"He's not an ass and deep down you know it." I knew Alice was right, but I didn't want to give into it. I wasn't going to give into it.

"I just miss him so much." And before I knew it, I was crying on Alice's shoulder. "He became my everything in just three days. How is that even possible? It's like my world had shifted, he has become my centre." I sighed. "I can't believe he lied to me. I told him my biggest secret and he didn't even bother telling me who he really is."

"You don't know if he lied about everything."

"Alice, I know you want to make me feel good, but just… I have to move on and think about my studying and career. Can't you just make the world shift back again?"

"Bella…" Alice gave me a big hug and I felt her tears make my shirt wet. "I'm so sorry I can't. I really don't know how to help you and it's killing me. I'm so sorry…"

I'm never doing cocktails with Alice again, because I become one big blubbering mess. After a while my tears dried up on my cheeks and I slowly felt my eyelids dropping.

~WTW~

The next day I woke up and everything hurt. Sleeping on the couch, with way too much alcohol in my system was the ultimate recipe for the mother of hangovers. I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water and Tylenol. Within half an hour I started to feel better, but my head still pounded and my joints felt like they could use some oiling. I went to get a shower and while I was washing my hair, I thought about something that had been going through my head for more than a week now. I decided to put it to action as I knew it would ghost through my head until I had done it. I threw on some easy clothes, let Alice know that I was gone and left our dorm.

I was going to say goodbye to Edward for once and for all.

The first part was relatively easy. Have lunch at our meeting place.

I made my way to the cute restaurant. The weather was not as beautiful as it was that day. But the flowers looked just as bright and I saw what I hadn't seen the previous time I visited. 'The Royal Diner'. You have got to be kidding me…

I pushed the urge to sing 'Ironic', the song by Alanis Morissette aside and went in. It was less busy this time and I found a table in the back. At the table we met, there was now an older couple.

"Can I help you?" A lanky guy with lots of pimples came up to my table.

"Yes, I would like a diet coke and a mozzarella sandwich, please."

"It will be with you in a few moments, Miss." And he left.

I swallowed a couple of times. This was way harder than I thought it would be. You can do this, Bella! I had to get over Edward and this was the only way. Or at least, that's what I hoped.

The pimple-boy came back and placed my lunch in front of me. After thanking him, he left.

I tried to enjoy the sandwich but it wasn't easy. My taste buds had turned off for some reason – could have been yesterday's alcohol – and my throat wouldn't allow the minced food to pass. I took a large gulp of soda to flush the bread down my oesophagus.

I thought back to that fateful day. The older couple at the table were making the crossword in a newspaper. An exceptional ray of sunlight fell in just like that day and illuminated the table. I remembered Alice' black hair glistening in the light. The moment Edward sat on the chair next to me. His burning green eyes. The chills ran up and down my spine.

When I had managed to swallow about half the sandwich I gave up, drank the coke and asked for the receipt.

Now the more difficult part. I had to find my way back to the apartment building. I knew I got the first few turns right, because that was familiar territory, but when I entered the neighbourhood with huge buildings and towers every street seemed exactly the same. Just like every building seemed the same. I tried to ask people, but as I didn't know in which street I needed to be, I could only supply them with a description of the building. I got a lot of apologetic answers and even more weird looks.

After half an hour of wandering around, I had almost given up. I fell on a bench on the sideway, desperate. That was, until I looked up and saw that I had finally found the place I sought. I completely forgot any decorum and stomped in the air. I jumped up and ran across the street. When I walked in, I made a beeline for the elevators.

But I was halted halfway by the doorman.

"Excuse me, young lady, but may I ask where you are going?" The older man had a stern look on his face.

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck! Think of something, Bella!

"I'm a…" I stammered, but then I thought of a great story. "I'm so sorry, sir. I've lost a very precious earring of mine, an heirloom of my great-grandmother. I've been searching everywhere, but couldn't find it. Until I remembered, I came here with a friend around the time I lost it. I hoped to find it upstairs at the roof terrace…"

The strict look had disappeared mostly. "Okay, off you go, but if I hear you're causing trouble, I'll kick you out faster than you can say 'earring'."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I told him and the man smiled a bit. "Off you go," he muttered.

I ran to the elevators, before he could change his mind. I pressed the button for the roof and took a deep breath of air, just before the little box began moving. I felt my stomach turning and twisting, but managed to keep my lunch down in my stomach, where it belonged. When the doors opened, fresh air filled my nostrils and my insides returned to normal.

I stepped outside. The weather was by far not as nice as the last time I came here. The sky was packed with clouds and the wind a bit chilly. Yes, Phoenix does know of less beautiful days. The pillows on the various couches had been removed and the parasols were nowhere in sight.

I walked to the rail surrounding the terrace and stared at the city. My hangover was almost gone and my head had started to function as it should. I replayed my first visit to this place and immediately felt his hands on my hips, our legs touching when we sat and our hands gripping each other.

How had that man have made such an impact on me in just those few days? I barely knew him, but here I was, months later, still broken up about the guy. I knew I had to get myself over this, because I wouldn't be seeing Edward again in my life. He lived in Solcelia, being a prince and all, and I? I would be a great doctor in a not-too-big hospital, if it were up to me. Those two things did not go together, even if they had been in the same country.

My mother had always said there were more than enough fish in the sea and I had to start believing in it again. Edward had been the beautiful colourful fish that was the popular one of the clan. I had never been the girl to be in the front and be popular, anyways. I had to look for the nice and quiet guy, that may not be the one you notice first, but is just as good when gotten to know better.

I had wasted enough time mourning over Edward, I decided. It was time to focus on my studying again. Though, I had not stopped caring for college, I barely managed to pass my exams. And besides med school, I had to be a friend and daughter again. I hadn't told my parents about the Edward-incident, but they had of course noticed that something was wrong. When I dodged their questions about the subject, they had both stopped asking, but I heard the tone in their mails and calls.

I sighed and turned around. I took one last look at the beautiful place and said a silent goodbye. I would be a pity that I couldn't visit again. Only the last thing had to be conquered yet. The elevator. I took determined steps in its direction and waited for it to come. I took one last breath of air before getting in. The doors closed and so did my eyes. For one last time I admitted Edward Cullen in my life. My blood rushed, my heart pounded, my skin tingled and my stomach made a loop. But most importantly, my lips remembered the touch of his as if it were just minutes ago.

The elevator dinged, which brought me out of the heaven of the best kiss I ever had. I felt that my cheeks were wet by the tears that flooded from my eyes. I walked into the lobby and the doorman looked at me.

"You didn't find it?" he asked. I just shook my head and looked away quickly to escape his look of pity.

This would be the last time I cried over Prince Edward Cullen of Solcelia.

~WTW~

I met Alice at home and she noticed something was different, but didn't comment on it. We had Chinese take-out for dinner and relaxed together. In the next weeks I made sure to get my grades up, started to be a great friend again, made sure that my parents heard of me every once in a while and even tried dating. It was hardly a success as Alice made me go to blind dates with the biggest losers on campus, but I tried very hard – determined to forget Edward. I hadn't cried after that day in the elevator. Not about him, not about anything. Had my tears usually been easy to spill about nearly anything, my eyes were now dry. It was as if I was numb. I made myself ignore it and tried to be busy at all times, so that I could not think about things I didn't want to think about.

The rest of the year had passed just as any other year had. When college year came to an end, I finally admitted to myself that I had been stupid in ignoring what was happening in my head. But I also knew I would not do it any another way in the future…

Well, this hasn't been an easy chapter for me to write, but Bella just seemed to go her own way after a while. This Bella may come across as somewhat quiet and with low self-esteem, but she is stronger than she thinks of herself.

Anyway, thank you for reading! And please let me know what you think!

love, Liss