-1Homer

"it's not typical that I see you here," Moe says as he gives Reverend lovejoy a beer.

"just thought I might need a drink, I never thought my daughter would be in jail,"

"oh yeah, you will never believe you has been to jail," I say sipping my beer. It's warm on my tongue like a hot dog. Mmm hot dog…. I wonder if they actually use dogs in hot dogs, I mean I'm fine with eating a dog and all but only if I know for sure that it died in a painful way.

"your boy was with her when she got caught, is he dealing or something?"

"Bart dealing?" I say with a laugh. If Bart was dealing then I wouldn't have to work so hard to get the family at the just below poverty line.

"well where did she get the weed from?"

"it's a small, poor town, everybody deals now and then," Moe says as he pulls out a pipe and smokes some weed.

"what are you getting on your high horse for anyways? It's not a sin to smoke weed, your daughter was probably just escaping your tight religious grip," I say taking another sip of my beer. Reverend Lovejoy gave me a harsh stare before looking pathetically at his beer.

"maybe your right, I just don't understand where I went wrong,"

"Next time don't buy Mexican condoms, see sperm like tacho flavoured holes, that's where you went wrong"

"right…." Tim says as he drinks his beer.

"well, at least your daughters are hoodlums, I can't say the same about your son,"

"hey, hey Bart has some flaws but he isn't a hoodlum,"

"he is the most infamous person in this town,"

"no your daughter is!!!"

"Well to be honest, both of them are," Moe says but everyone in the bar knows Bart has slowly started to change.

"At least Bart is changing," Reverend Lovejoy says as he bursts into tears. I don't know what to do, I slowly move my hand towards him. I am so reluctant to do it, but I do it… I grab his beer and skull it before patting him on the back.

"don't worry, the bible one day will give you some answers," All though it hasn't actually given any yet.

Bart

The sun hits me sharp in the eye as I awake. It's an awfully sunny day but there is only thought in my mind. Only one thought ever in my mind.

"Lisa what do you want?"

"I want to know who stole my whiskey bottle," She says harshly, accusing me of a crime I have committed.

"Lisa, you shouldn't even be drinking, I mean don't you want to get into Harvard or something,"

"those dreams are long gone, I mean how the hell is dad going to afford that anyways?" She says as she sits down on my chair.

"you know what's special about today?"

"no," I reply getting out of bed.

"Today is the day Jessica is getting out," I look at my calendar, there it is circled in bright red, the day Jessica is getting out.

"your right," I say as I make my bed.

"well aren't you going to go see her?"

"Lisa… there is something…. Uhhh you know when Jessica was smoking marijuana I was with her… and I had some too,"

"yeah I kind of already figured that out,"

"you did?"

"Well my I.Q is only 175 after all,"

"I thought it was 185,"

"well a few drinks plunged it," My own I.Q barely makes it too two digits. The day went by slowly, me and Lisa were awaiting Jessica's release. We were standing at the gates, waiting for her.

"Jessica!!" Me and Lisa say at the same time as Jessica walks out, a free person again.

"wow, even the air feels better out here,"

"Jessica, I kind of feel guilty…" I start but Jessica interferes.

"I already said don't worry about it,"

"Well it was cool too see you come out and all… but I got a date with Alex, well not really a date… just going to go to her private theatre."

"oh, well see ya," She says as I start to walk towards Alex's house. She was waiting for me in the underground chambers of her home.

"Hey Alex,"

"Hey, well what do you wanna watch?"

"you got the South Park movie?"

"yeah, it's some where," She says searching the S stack of D.V.Ds. After she finally finds it, we sit back and relax on personal recliners. I have never known any one as rich as Alex and I have never felt comfort like this recliner.

"You know it's weird, but I always wanted too have someone like Wendy… I mean Stan and Wendy are perfect together and having a relationship like that would be awesome," I say as I get a frown from Alex. She isn't really like Wendy, in fact she is the complete opposite. Other than being popular they have nothing in common.

"I just want to say that I'm so happy that I got you," I say after an awkward silence.

"Windows 98 is faster, it's nearly…" Boom! I love that part of the movie when Bill Gates get shot.

"I'm so happy that I got you too," Alex says, get off her recliner and joining me on mine.

Homer

"Well now that my daughter is out I guess I'll be seeing you guys less,"

"Awh don't say that, I'm starting to like you," I say watching the Rev skull another drink.

"you know what I really enjoy?" He says as the bar listens closely.

"God?" Barney asks.

"No way man, having a nice gentle fuck with my baby Helen, I rather fuck her then read another page of the God damn Bible." He is really drunk now, and who wouldn't be after the amount of beers he has had.

"yeah man, you wife is a totally babe, I mean if she didn't have grey hair and all," Moe said, he too had a bit too drink.

"What did you say?" The rev asked drinking another beer.

"I said I would fuck your wife, I bet she is as sluty as your daughter,"

"That's it buddy," The Rev punches Moe and Moe returns the favour. They start fighting it out because they are drunk. Alcohol really is the cause of all problems as well as all solutions. It makes you reveal your true self in a way, you would never have the guts to say something like that unless your drunk and Moe does actually think Helen is hot. Religious Babes… eww!! Well except that Maude Flanders, except that she is kind of dead… oh well I can be a necrophiliac. I mean I always wondered what it would be like fuck Marilyn Monroe.

"ok, Break it up!" I say after the fight is over and both lay on the ground bleeding.

"uhhh Barney, maybe you should call the ambulance,"

"uhhh screw that, I can get free beer when Moe is knocked out," I do it myself, the ambulance takes a while to get here. We had the number on speed dial, even though it's just faster to dial in 91... Uhh and what ever the last digit is. I walk home, after grabbing all the beer bottles that I could.

"Daddy, where's the car?"

"oh, uhhh I forgot,"

"HOMER!!!" Marge said but I was too drunk to really care. Jessica was sitting on the couch with Alex and Lisa while Maggie was pulling on my pants in a cute way.

"oh Jessica, your dad got into a fight?"

"you got to be joking, fighting is so last century you know. Plus isn't your dad like a church guy or something?" Alex asks as sips on her ice tea.

"my dad is a Reverend!" Jessica says a little annoyed.

"I can sense some rivalry between you too, I know how to solve your problem, here.. Have a beer,"

"HOMER!!" Marge says as she grabs the beers from me.

"What? It will calm them down,"

"no it won't,"

"worked for her dad… uhh scratch that,"

"Dad, it's okay, Alex and Jessica have made up,"

"oh, well in that case give me back my beer,"

"we don't have your beer,"

"oh…Hey Alex if your free tonight then you can meet me in the shed after dark…"

"HOMER!!!" Marge wasn't the only one that screamed that, Bart said it too.

"Fine, Fine.. How about you Jessica? Your daddy told me your very naughty," I say with short chuckle. Suddenly everything turns black, damn I didn't think I had enough to drink to pass out.