A/N: Here is the next chapter... there are references to sexual abuse in this chapter and although it isn't explicit, I just wanted to warn everyone because it could be triggering. Also, I wrote the poem that Grissom reads in this chapter a long time ago and I thought it fit nicely with the situation so I added it in. Hope everyone enjoys and please review!

"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced."

--Unknown

Sara's silky brown hair followed her into the reception area of the San Francisco jailhouse.

"May I help you?" The woman at the counter asked her kindly.

"Yes, I'm here to visit my mother." She answered as she stepped forward.

"Her name?"

"Laura Sidle."

Sara fidgeted nervously as the woman typed the information into the computer, her eyes darting back and forth between the screen and keyboard.

"Your name?" The woman asked when she had located her mother in the system.

"Sara Sidle."

"May I see your I.D. please?"

Sara nodded and dug inside her bag for her wallet. After extracting it, it took a moment for her to sort through its contents. Finally she found her driver's license wedged between her CSI identification card and a gift card to Barnes and Nobles.

"You're a CSI?" The woman asked, staring at Sara's things.

Annoyed, Sara handed over her driver's license and stuffed everything back into her bag not bothering to reorganize her wallet.

"I was." She said shortly as the woman handed her back her I.D.

"Please sign in. Your escort will be here in a few minutes." The woman replied quickly, detecting the lack of enthusiasm Sara had for discussing her former career.

Sara nodded and filled in her name and phone number. She paused at the space for her address because at the moment, she had none. Having reached San Francisco the night previous, she was staying at a hotel downtown. Making a quick decision, she scribbled in the address to Grissom's townhouse trying to ignore the lump in her stomach that reminded her she was still pretending she hadn't left.

She was about to sit down when the door to her left opened and a young policeman stepped out of it.

"Sara Sidle?"

"Yes?"

"Follow me."

--

"Ecklie's been on me to finish the monthly stats, so I need a list of all the lab call-outs from dispatch as soon as you can."

"You'll have it by tomorrow." Brass replied, as he followed Grissom down the hallway.

"Thanks."

"So… you've been pulling a lot of doubles this week." He commented.

"It's about all I do." Grissom replied, avoiding the detective's gaze.

"Have you been in touch with Sara?"

"We've talked a little." He answered, deciding to skip over the fact that it had only been through phone messages.

"So where's she at?"

Grissom walked into his office and Brass followed him.

"She's in San Francisco, visiting her mother."

"No, I mean -- that's nice, but I meant where's she at emotionally? You know, with respect to the two of you."

Clearly ready for the conversation to be over Grissom turned and met Jim's eyes with a piercing glare.

"I can't speak for her."

"Then speak for yourself."

"I don't have time to talk about this, I'm really busy."

Before Brass could reply his colleague grabbed a folder and left, moving quickly down the hallway and out of sight. Brass sighed and stared after him, knowing that there was nothing he could say or do to help his heartbroken friend.

--

Sara shifted awkwardly in her chair as she stared across the table at her mother.

Laura Sidle had changed drastically since the last time Sara had seen her. Now in her early sixties, her long years spent in the jailhouse had left her face withered with wrinkles and her skin stretched tightly across her bones. Sara was also surprised to see familiar white scars lining both her forearms. Clearly she shared a similar need to self-punish.

"It's good to see you Sara." Her mom finally said, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"You too…" Her voice trailed off as she attempted to form the question she had come to ask.

"How have you been? Do have a family? Kids? Are you still a CSI?"

Sara lost her concentration with the wave of questions coming at her.

"I've been fine. No family, no kids…"

She paused.

"And I just quit my job as a CSI."

Her mother nodded.

"You're engaged though."

"Dammit!" Sara cursed under her breath.

"No, I'm not!" She said more loudly, wrenching the ring from her finger and stuffing it inside her coat pocket.

Her mother looked surprised but said nothing.

"Mom… why did you do it?" She finally asked, her lip trembling.

"Do what?"

"Why did you kill my father?"

A look of anger flashed across her face.

"I would think you would have figured it out by now."

"I have my guesses but I never heard it from you. We never talked about it." Sara replied softly.

Her mother sighed and wiped the tears that were building up on her eyelids.

"I did it for you."

--

Such brilliance... She thought she could never feel

Yet sad, she is still...

A part of her feels missing, yet she has just become whole...

But she's still searching, deep inside her soul...

So bittersweet... she laughs, she cries...

So disastrously beautiful... she smiles and sighs...

A change so wonderful, and yet it brings her pain...

Because this is the way of life and some things will never be the same...

"All right, Grissom. That's it for me. I'm out of here."

Grissom looked up from the poem he was reading trying to seem unfazed by the emotions it brought up for him.

"Have a nice day."

Nick nodded but didn't make a move to leave.

"Yes?" Grissom asked after several moments of silence.

"Yeah, I'm going over to Frank's to grab something to eat. I'll probably be there for at least an hour if you want to ... if you want to join me."

Grissom shook his head.

"You know, we don't have to talk about anything in particular. Just two guys having breakfast. I just don't think it's good for people to be alone too much."

"I'm sorry Nick, but I have work to do." He said firmly without looking up.

"Alright, alright… well invitation still stands if you change your mind."

He cast Grissom one last nervous glance before leaving.

--

Sara's car swerved in a angry motion as she headed back towards her hotel, her mother's words still ringing in her ears. She played the conversation over and over, hoping to repress the irrational guilt that seemed to overwhelm her.

"For me? Didn't you do it for yourself?"

"My life wasn't worth that much Sara."

"Well he was hitting you, not me!"

"Hitting was nothing compared to what he did to you!"

She pulled over to the side of the road as her body shook with sobs. The memories that she had shut out for so long were suddenly in the front of her mind pushing at her core, demanding entry and acceptance. She hadn't known that her mother had been aware of the hell her father had put her through. She hadn't a clue that her mother knew she had been sexually abused.

She had always assumed her mother murdered to protect herself, but now she knew that wasn't so. Though Sara's mind tried desperately to make her see that none of it was her fault, her heart could only feel guilt.

Her hands shook as she dug through her pocket to find the pack of cigarettes she had bought earlier, just in case she felt a need to calm her nerves. Instead she pulled out her engagement ring and as she slipped it back on her finger she suddenly felt comforted.

Taking out her phone she dialed a familiar number and tried to calm her breathing as she listened to it ring.

TBC…