Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. They belong to One Tree Hill/The CW. All song lyrics and titles belong to their respective owners.

A/N: Thank you for the reviews, everyone!

Chapter Four: I Don't Mind, I Don't Care, As Long As You're Here

The only bad thing about staying up until odd hours of the night, hunched over a drawing pad with smudged fingers was of course the morning after. Ripley had a sore neck that gave an annoying twinge whenever she tilted her head to the side and she was fond of tilting her head to the side. But sitting there in the quad humming idly and doodling stick people during her study period helped her to not think about it.

She was supposed to be writing songs but she felt a little burnt out on it really. Besides the band hadn't performed in a while because Eric had cut his finger and apparently it hurt for him to pluck at the guitar strings. Everyone suggested a pik but he claimed they didn't feel right—that he liked the vibrations on his bare hands. He was being a weirdo but he was their weirdo so they allowed it.

School was particularly boring for Ripley even though she was a good student. It wasn't that she didn't feel challenged or anything, she just hated it. She did her work because she basically had to—same reason she showed up of course—but she'd never been someone who enjoyed school. A trait she shared with her siblings. In a way she felt like she could be doing better things than sitting in a classroom for most of the day staring at a chalkboard. She could be using that time to learn new things.

She kinda wanted to learn to play the drums.

Maybe after graduation.

So far her plans for after high school consisted of sleeping late and helping out at her mom's bakery. She'd entertained the notion of maybe going to Europe once but it was just a written down thought in her journal. Go to Amsterdam and smoke some real weed; that sort of thing.

Chuckling at her thoughts, she sat her notebook to the side and stretched her arms high over her head. Her neck protested the movement and she huffed, slouching back against the picnic table she was currently sitting on. It was a really nice day—still warm—but she preferred the winter months. Soon it would be time for Thanksgiving and Christmas and honestly she couldn't wait. She was a slim person but she could put away food like a man her father's size. It was a running joke that she used steal food from Meadow when they were little but she never actually did.

Except once and it was a Twinkie. A big ass pink Twinkie.

Running a hand through her golden locks, she fiddled with the charm on her necklace and watched as Rachel began to make her way over. Dinner with her was nice and they'd made plans to do it again. Whether they actually did remained to be seen. Ripley had a feeling Rachel wasn't into the whole family/togetherness thing. Then again not many people her age were these days and that was fair. A lot of their parents weren't around anyway. Haley's parents were gone, Peyton's dad was in California and Brooke's parents were in Miami or whatever. While Nathan's mom and dad were actually around he probably wished they weren't considering how plastered his mother was said to be all of the time, and how fake his father seemed. Apparently the only good parental figure besides hers was Lucas' mom, Karen.

"Hey." She said with a big smile. "Aren't you supposed to be in class?"

Ripley shrugged. "Study period and I have nothing to study. So I came out here to mess around."

Rachel nodded. "Sounds good to me." She dropped her bag and plopped down on the bench. "So are you going to the awards dinner thing?"

The blonde stifled a yawn with her hand. "Yup. My dad usually gets tickets because he's on some board or whatever and he's asked me to go since my mom and sister really don't give a crap about basketball."

Rachel chuckled softly. "Well I was thinking maybe we could go dress shopping together if you're into that…"

Ripley tilted her head to the side and winced but replied, "Okay. I do have permission to get something sparkly and nice. You're not going with Brooke though?"

"Great! And, no. She's actually putting the banquet together so she's not gonna have time." Rachel said happily. "What's up with your neck?"

"Oh I was up sketching and now it's all screwed." She made a face. "It happens sometimes. Nothing a hot towel won't cure when I get home. Or some of that old man cream my dad pretends he doesn't have."

The redhead motioned for her to turn around. "Let me rub it for you. I've been told I'm pretty good with my hands."

Ripley held in a snort but did as she was asked, pulling her hair over one shoulder. "Don't paralyze me."

Rachel hit her lightly and then started to massage her neck, her long slender fingers coaxing tight muscles to yield. "I had fun with your family…"

"They liked you too." Ripley smiled as her body relaxed. "My mom wants you to know you are welcomed back anytime you want."

Dragging her thumbs in a circular motion, Rachel bit her bottom lip. "I don't want to impose or wear out my welcome. I don't really get invited to many sit down dinners. By girls or guys."

Lowering her head, Ripley stared at her black sneakers. She could feel the twinge slowly being lulled away. "I doubt that will happen here. My parents dig you and, I mean, friends have dinner at each others' houses."

"I keep forgetting we're friends."

"Why? You're friends with Brooke."

"Yeah but Brooke and I started out hating each other. It's what I'm used to. But you—you're all nice or whatever."

"Would you rather I called you a whore?"

"No! C'mon you know what I mean. This is new to me. I know it sounds stupid but after all of my surgeries and shit I stopped having friends that were girls. The only reason Brooke is friends with me is because she thinks she is prettier than me."

Ripley laughed out a low mmm. "So you think that I must not think that..?"

Rachel smirked and her hands drifted from the other girl's neck to her shoulders. "No you think it too but you're blonde so it's expected." Pause. "Seriously though, I just don't wanna… After what you did for me in the bathroom I don't wanna turn you into an enemy."

The blonde glanced at her before smiling. I get the feeling Rachel is never this honest, not even with herself. "No worries, Gatina. I'll never have a boyfriend for you to steal so we're okay."

"Oh shut up!" Rachel rolled her eyes but her tone was playful. "Keep talking like that and I will paralyze you."

Ripley patted her knee in a placating gesture that made them both grin. It wasn't hard to get the vibe that Rachel was probably lonely. Naturally Brooke had other things to do and on her mind so she wasn't around as much. It was just a little odd that the redhead wasn't out with some guy like she would have been in the past. Maybe she was maturing though.

Or maybe she's been through all of the guys. Man that was bitchy to think.

"What's going on here?"

Jerked from her thoughts, Ripley lifted her head to see her ex girlfriend standing over her with her arms crossed over her gray t-shirt. She was a petite female with long cold black hair, piercing dark brown eyes and smooth olive toned skin. There was a point in time when Ripley found her to be the most beautiful girl she'd ever seen. When her types were just developing she was quite sure that Ella Cortez was everything she was looking. Smart, funny, artistic and kind—utterly perfect.

Until she wasn't anymore.

"Ella. I didn't see you come up." Ripley arched a brow. "How are things?"

Ella frowned deeply. "That's all you have to say to me? How are things?"

Oh god. "Is there something else I should be saying to you?"

Ella snorted. "Well for one you could explain why you apparently broke up with me for a whore."

"Hey!" Rachel shouted. "Who the hell are you?"

"Ella, Rachel and I aren't dating." Ripley replied, slightly embarrassed. "And Rachel this is my ex, Ella."

"If you're not dating why is she molesting you in public?" The other girl inquired snottily. "Seriously, Rip, this is the best you could do? When you said you wanted something different I assumed you meant possibly not as focused on academics as I was. Not some slut who should have a mattress strapped to her back."

Rachel stood abruptly. "I'm going to kick your ass!"

What is happening right now? Quickly extracting herself from the bench, Ripley put herself between the two girls. "Look Ella you don't know Rachel okay so you shouldn't be so mean. She's a nice person and we're justhanging out together." Wetting her lips, she met her gaze. "And even if we weren't it's not really any of your business."

Ella balked, clearly shocked. "None of my business? We dated for two years! We were talking about going to the same school and—and then—"

"No. You were talking about us going to the same school and living together. I made it clear that was thinking way too far into the future for me. I don't know where I'm gonna be next summer let alone four years from now." Ripley interrupted. "We wanted different things and there is nothing wrong with that. It's all part of growing up."

"So now you want her?" Ella sneered. "Good luck getting those germs off you." With a flick of her hair she turned and stomped away, disappearing back into the school.

Ripley watched her go and shook her head; and my neck hurts again. Perfect. "I'm sorry about that. She used to be normal."

Rachel huffed. "Somehow I don't believe that."

"School started to get to her. Things used to be mellow and then we got more work to do and her parents really want her to besomething. Next thing you know she's planning her entire life and mine as well." A beat. "So I broke it off."

"Looks like you did the right thing." Picking up her bag and yanking out the Maxim she'd promised, she handed it to Ripley. "Here ya go. I'll meet you at the mall tonight at about seven. Later."

Ripley nodded and slouched back to her seat, smoothing a hand across her forehead before flipping through the glossy pages. Rachel looked amazing—naturally—and it took a brave person to be half naked on the cover of a magazine. She had a feeling the interview was going to be quite interesting.

Ella would never do anything like this.

It was bad to say but Ella's behavior wasn't exactly unexpected. She'd taken the break up pretty hard but mostly because it had thrown off her plan . The one where they both go to Stanford or something and live together for a few years before getting married and adopting two Chinese babies. Sure she wanted a life and a family but she was eighteenand that stuff just seemed so far away.

It wasn't weird for seniors to be thinking about the rest of their lives but she just wasn't that in depth with it. If she went to college then that was fine and if she didn't, she'd find something else to do. Her parents would love and support whatever decision she made. Ella couldn't say the same and it put how she reacted to certain situations into perspective. She probably thinks we'll get back together after graduation.

Before Mr. and Mrs. Cortez decided they wanted their little girl to be a doctor or a lawyer, things were pretty regular in their relationship. Ripley could remember when they would just hang out in her tree house or troll the mall for a couple of hours. Swimming at the docks in the summer and snowman building in the winter; they had the most normal lives. And then their relationship moved to the next level—sex—which also turned out to be pretty damned awesome. Ripley did things with Ella she'd only see online. And yeah a part of her still loved her even now but it would have been stupid to lead her on or promise something she couldn't deliver on. Ella would find another girlfriend, probably in college and get the life she wanted.

For that to happen to Ripley she first had to figure out what it was she actually wanted.

"Believe it or not, was that Ella I saw storming off?" Glenda asked as she walked over, black painted lips curled into a smile. "Please don't tell me I missed some awesome drama."

Ripley pushed her gently. "Ella thinks I'm dating Rachel."

Glenda laughed. "And lemme guess, she was not happy about it?"

The blonde pretended to be surprised. "How did you know?"

Her best friend shrugged. "I'm just that good. And you have been spending a lot of time with the man eater lately."

Oy. "As friends."

The other girl stared at her. "Since when did you guys become friends though? We used to talk about people like her."

"It just happened." Ripley's stomach growled and she reached in her pocket for change to hit up the vending machines. "Can we talk about something else?"

"Ooh touchy." Glenda knew when to back off however. "Let's go get something to eat and I can tell you what horrible names my mom called me last night."

The blonde's expression softened and she slipped an arm around her friend's shoulders. "I'll buy."

My dad looks like James Bond in his suit.

Sitting at their round table in the lavishly decorated banquet hall, Ripley had to admit that she really liked functions where she could dress up and stuff. With her long blonde hair curled and pinned behind her head and her mother's diamond earrings on, she sort of felt like a princess. It hadn't taken her a long time to find her dress when she and Rachel went shopping. While the redhead decided on a beautiful low cut dark blue flowy gown with beige straps, she opted for a black ruffled neck two piece with a sparkly silver bottom that matched the designs on the top.

Most people didn't realize it was a two piece however and that's what she liked about it. She'd almost gotten something more hippie but Rachel insisted she get this instead and after trying it on, she agreed.

The room was already filled with people, old and young in their party best. Well except for Haley who looked a little frazzled if anything in her sleek orangey dress. It was probably her hair. Brooke was wearing black with some type of circle print on the skirt part and Mouth's date Gigi was wearing a pretty metallic blue. The guys were in simple suits and ties, and for some reason Skillz was missing.

"Karen looks gorgeous." Mr. Sinclair said idly. "Not as gorgeous as my little girl but you know."

Ripley grinned. "She does look really pretty. I love that shade of purple." Scratching her nails over her tiny tote, she sighed. God I want a pizza. "Do they serve food at this thing?"

He nodded. "Yeah. After the awards are given out which should be soon." Pause. "Ripley, can I ask you something?"

Serious voice. "Of course daddy."

Her father smirked but soldiered on. "Are you and Rachel a couple?"

Ripley made a face. "No. Why does everyone keep asking me that? She's straight you know."

He took a sip of his champagne. "Perhaps. You just seem to have a good time with her. Anyway your mother wanted to know and told me to ask you."

Uh huh. "Well no we're just friends. Honestly she—she comes off as this terrible person but I think that's just a defense thing." Her eyes drifted to table five where Rachel sat with the celebrities of Tree Hill and a black guy named Derek that she'd discovered was Peyton's real brother. "And she doesn't have a lot of friends. Real ones."

Mr. Sinclair sighed deeply and kissed her temple. "You know you take that after your mother. She's always trying to help hurt birds and lost causes."

"Rachel didn't break her wing on my windshield."

"True. But that doesn't mean she's not hurt in some other way. Nothing wrong with wanting to help, Rip. I love that you have such a big heart."

"Yeah yeah." Ripley licked her lips and ignored when he chuckled. "I'm gonna get some punch."

Getting up, she carefully maneuvered around the people sitting down and made her way over to the refreshments table. Peyton in her v-neck suede hunter green dress was currently pouring herself and her brother a cup. When she noticed Ripley she poured her one as well and handed it over with a small smile.

"Thanks." Ripley said taking it. It was blue. "You look nice."

"You too." Peyton replied. "I love your dress. I never think I can pull off a two piece."

"I wasn't sure I could either but I like it." She giggled softly. "So um, your brother is a Marine?"

Peyton nodded slowly. "Yeah. He had to be all flashy and wear his uniform."

Ripley snickered. "My dad was in the Marines."

That got Derek's attention. "Oh really? I should go over and say hello."

Heh. "He'd like that."

Excusing himself, Derek strolled over to where her father sat and Ripley idly sipped her punch which was in fact kool-aid. She wasn't the nosy type but it was obvious there was tension at table five. "You okay?"

Peyton smiled a little at being so easy to read. "Is it that obvious?"

"Not really. I mean I just sort of get the impression that there is a little cloud over you table." The other blonde mused. "And I would be lying if I said I didn't know some of what's been going on. People talk of course."

"Yeah. No I—I'm okay." She pressed her lips together. "Just gotta get through tonight and then tomorrow and the next day."

I know that feeling all too well. "You know I thought it was awesome how you stripped down after someone defaced your locker. It was bad ass."

Peyton blushed slightly. "I'm surprised I didn't get expelled or something. But I was tired of the bullshit. So what if I was gay? I don't understand why people have to be such bigots about it."

Ripley didn't understand it either but she had a few inklings. If they weren't in the closet themselves they clearly were misinformed and had too much hate in their hearts. Racists and homophobes were two groups of people she had no patience or tolerance for. There were more but so far she'd only encountered assholes taunting her about her sexual preference. When she got an archaic boss who thought she couldn't work as well as a man she'd add it to the list.

She'd probably have a long list before she died.

After watching Lucas present his brother with the MVP award, the food was served and everyone just sort of migrated around after eating. Ripley found that the fancy chicken with its little leaf didn't fill her up at all and figured she would have no trouble convincing her father to snag a pizza on their way home.

Fifteen minutes later after a few more awards were given out Principle Turner was giving the lifetime achievement award to the basketball coach Whitey Durham. The crowd gave the husky ball man a standing ovation; he was so well loved by the community. Ripley knew her dad and the others were all thinking the same thing—who would take over when he retired at the end of the season?

Whitey ambled up to the podium and shook hands with the Principle before waving for everyone to sit down. "You do realize we have one more game to play?" People chuckled and he continued. "Let me tell you, this award means an awful lot to me. I might have given a lifetime to this team, but the players, the players have given me so much more. You know, basketball was my first love. And, as most of you in here realize, you don't forget your first love. My only regret is that I can't share this wonderful moment with the other love of my life, my late wife, Camilla."

Exhaling deeply, he rubbed a hand across his mouth. "Camilla was the only person who ever fully understood me. Being with her made everything else seem less important. The moment I met her, I knew that I was looking at my future." As he teared up, others did the same and Ripley glanced to her father knowing that he was probably thinking about her mom right now. "And I knew no person could ever come between us. I know Camilla would have liked this group of boys. I want to thank them, and I want to thank all of you, for allowing me to spend a lifetime with my first love. Thank you."

Erupting into applauds again, the blonde watched as Whitey took his seat and wiped at his wet eyes. She chewed on the inside of her cheek and wondered if she would ever find a love like that. Not many people did to be honest and some of those that managed let it slip through their fingers. But she was well adjusted and open so she figured that one day she'd meet the girl that would shine brighter than all the others. And maybe they'd be to each other what her parents were. What Whitey and his wife were.

"Tree Hill is never gonna have another coach like him." Her father replied. "He was so dedicated to the work and you could tell he really enjoyed it."

"Maybe you could do it." She suggested.

"Nah." He wiped his mouth with a napkin. "I doubt I would have the time but it's a nice idea. I think I'll wait until you or Meadow have kids and then maybe teach little league."

"You'll be waiting a long time if Meadow marries Patrick." She teased and he laughed. "You ready to go? I'm kinda starving."

Mr. Sinclair glanced to his watch. "Yeah just let me congratulate Whitey first and then we can head out."

He pushed his chair back and stood, pulling out hers before heading over to the Raven's coach. Ripley frowned at the stickiness on her hands and hummed as she strolled into the ladies room and up to the sinks. She drowned her fingers in liquid soap and turned on the hot water, scrubbing away the sauce and dessert from their meal. At least I got to dress up all pretty.

Suddenly someone in one of the stalls retched before emptying their stomach. Throwing up was gross but Ripley had long decided that if she had to vomit to feel better, then bring it on. Usually after doing so she would feel a little better especially if she had a stomach virus. Though thankfully she only got sick if her father got sick and he wasn't that prone to germs. Every once and a while he got a cold, and then proceeded to turn into a five year old so that her mother would wait on him.

More nasty urgs sounded and the girl (since it was the ladies' room) groaned before flushing the toilet. A few minutes later she emerged into the open, looking pale and sullen, grabbing a paper towel to pat at her mouth.

"Please tell me that's not from anything they served tonight."

Rachel shook her head slowly. "No I—I'v been getting sick off and on for a while now."

Ripley dried her hands. "You should go to the doctor."

Ducking down to check and make sure they were alone, Rachel wet her lips. "I think I might be pregnant."

The blonde blinked, her blue eyes stretching twice their size. Immediately she wondered who the father was and when had it happened but she pushed those thoughts aside for now. "Um wh—why do you think that? I mean are you like late or whatever?"

"I haven't been regular for a while because of the weight loss but I—I've been having morning sickness. I'm good at hiding it or throwing it off as a hangover but…" She swallowed hard, her lashes becoming wet. "God, what if I am? What the fuck am I gonna do? I'd have to get rid of it before anyone found out. My parents would kill me if they found out! This could ruin my whole life!"

Whoa. This is getting a little too after school special for me. Then again is it really that different from talking Glenda down from matricide when her mom pisses her off? "Hey calm down. You don't know for sure so there is no reason to freak out. And if you are there are like, ya know, things you can do. Not like this is the dark ages where you'd be taken to a nunnery for the next nine months."

Rachel leaned against the counter. "This is karma for all of the bad shit I keep doing. Next I'm probably gonna get like herpes or full blown AIDS."

Ripley squeezed her shoulder. "You're not gonna get AIDS." Pause. "Though you should tell Brooke maybe for moral support."

The redhead wiped at her soft cheeks. "No, no way. Wh—when I thought she was pregnant I was horrible to her. I told her she'd be a terrible mother and kept—kept pushing abortion on her. Plus sometimes she has a big mouth so she might tell." Next she was facing her friend. "You've gotta help me. I know I don't deserve it—you're way too good to be my friend—I—"

This is a one sided friendship. "Look go home, get some ginger ale or something and I'll come by later with a pregnancy test. Then you can know for sure."

Rachel hugged her tightly. "Thank you so much! I won't forget this I promise."

We'll see.

When she met her dad outside at his truck, Ripley requested that he stop at the drug store before heading to the pizza place. "You feeling bad?" He inquired. "Or is this female stuff?"

She laughed. "Uh I'm going over to Rachel's after we eat and she asked if I could bring her something."

He arched a brow. "Your nose is twitching, Rip. What's up?"

Grumbling, she toed off her heels. Ever since she was a little kid she had this tell that gave away whenever she had big news. Big maybe not good news like when she lost her hamster (he was later found safe and sound in a cabinet) or when she took her bike apart to make a rocket. "If I tell you, you can't tell anyone. Not even mom."

"Okay but this better not be drug related."

"It's not."

"What is it then?"

"I need to buy Rachel a pregnancy test."

Jeffery looked at her and remained quiet until pulling into the parking lot of the Rite-Aid. "I know we tease Meadow a lot because of her Clean Teen boyfriend but that wasn't really a challenge thrown to you."

"Ha. Ha." She deadpanned. "I don't know what is going on with her because we haven't been friends that long but it's like she doesn't have anyone else. And she doesn't wanna tell Brooke."

"Jesus." He whispered. "I like Rachel—what I gleamed from dinner at least—but she sounds like trouble. She looks like trouble. Still I know you'd do the same thing for Glenda if she asked so go on. Could you at least make it clear to Mr. Glaston that it's not for you though?"

Chuckling, she kissed his cheek with a big muah and hopped out of the vehicle. "I'll tell him it's for mom!"

Brooke hadn't made it home yet and Rachel was very glad because she didn't need her roommate asking her why she'd scrubbed herself nearly raw in the shower or why she'd drank almost half a carton of orange juice. She loved Brooke—she'd never tell her—but she did and she was entering into tutoring for her sake, but she just didn't feel like answering any questions right now. She felt bad enough as it was.

Stupid and pathetic and with a now constant reminder of that fucken asshole. The thought of him having left something inside of her almost made her want to throw up again. Almost made her want to punch herself in to the stomach or fall down the stairs just to get rid of it. God it was like a parasite feeding off of her, stealing her life force away. Contaminating her with its evilness. With him.

She hated him. If it were possible to kill him and get away with it she would. She should try anyway, not like she had anything worth living for. No one that would miss her if she went to jail for the rest of her life.

"Look, I will tutor you on three conditions. The first one is that you have to work around my schedule. I'm working a ton of hours right now, and I really don't care if it disrupts your social life. The second is, if you miss one session, it's over. Got it?"

"Got it. What's the third condition?"

"No matter how nice I seem, you have to remember that I can't stand you."

From Haley's lips to everyone's ears.

Ding! Dong!

Smoothing down her long pretty hair, she walked to the front door and opened it. "Hey. I—I didn't think you'd really come."

Ripley, dressed in pajama bottoms and a hoodie jiggled the brown paper bag in her hand. "I'm here and I brought your test. How are you feeling?"

She shrugged and let her in. "Honestly? Petrified." She took the bag and reached inside, looking at the test. "Guess I should—should go and um do my thing. C'mon."

When upstairs, Rachel fled into the bathroom and stared at the test for a good five minutes before forcing herself to complete the directions. Then she washed her hands and began to pace in front of the mirror. "Hey Ripley, can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Voiced the blonde as she surveyed the clothes in her friend's closet.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" She asked slowly. "I—we hardly know each other and I wasn't exactly good to you. I used you to be more popular with guys and I said something hurtful. Yet here you are, sticking by me for some strange reason. I'm toxic."

"I've met worse." Ripley responded. "And you did apologize."

"Yeah but if—if you knew half of the shit I've done…" Trailing off, she looked at her reflection. You're a filthy, stupid waste of space. You don't even deserve to be on this planet. "I tried to kill myself once."

"Why?" Ripley asked gently. "Because of your weight?"

"Yeah." Opening the bathroom door, she flopped down onto her bed. "After is actually when my mom suggested the surgeries. I took a handful of her sleeping pills and had to have my stomach pumped. My parents were like, what were you thinking? Do you know what people would have said if you succeeded?"

The blonde sat down beside her. "Don't take this the wrong way but your parents seem like bitches."

Rachel laughed but agreed. "They are. I think they love me but…they love their independence more. Sometimes I think it would've been better to just have never been born." Shivering she placed a hand to her stomach. "Brooke would have been a great mom. I'm the one who'd screw up some kid even worse than I'm screwed up. I've never loved anything—no that's a lie. I loved Cooper and he left. Treated me like every other guy."

Ripley reached up and tucked red strands back. "Rachel, if you hate the way people see you why don't you just change? Stop with the guys and the smart comments. Just be you."

Tears made tracks down her cheeks. "I—I don't know who I am anymore. God why am I telling you all of this? Brooke doesn't even know this."

The blonde embraced her for a sideways hug. "I have one of those faces." Pause. "I think it's been five minutes. You…want me to look?"

"Please?"

Ripley went into the bathroom and read the back of the box, and then checked the white stick. She ran both hands through her silky golden hair before replying, "It's positive."

Crumbling like wet dirt, Rachel sunk to the floor and started to openly cry great rocking sobs that shook her from her head to her toes. A little voice kept saying over and over in her mind that this is what you get. This is what you get for being such a slut. And it was right. Everything that was happening she'd brought it all onto herself.

She didn't pull away when Ripley hugged her even though she felt like she should. That it was all fake and tomorrow she'd be the laughing stock of Tree Hill; stupid knocked up whore that probably had no idea who her baby daddy was.

Ripley shifted and gently drew the other girl into her across her lap, rubbing her back soothingly. "Shh it's okay. Everything is going to be okay."

No. It'll never be okay again. "I—what am I—I gonna d—do?"

Her friend tilted her head to the side. "Well you could have it or give it up for adoption or abort it."

She sniffled, her fingers dug into the carpet. "Do you think it would be awful to not have it?"

"I'm pro choice and this is your decision. Obviously it's not an easy one to make."

"What would you do?"

"I dunno. I might be shocked considering I don't sleep with guys but it depends on the situation."

"You'd keep it. You—you'd keep it and love it and it would grow up weird and smart just like you."

"Ya know we don't have to repeat the mistakes of our parents."

"But their mistakes are all I know. N—no I think it's better if I get an abortion."

Ripley nodded. "Okay sweetie."

Sitting up, Rachel grabbed a tissue from the box on her bedside table and dabbed at her eyes. "Thanks for not preaching at me." Biting her bottom lip, she leaned into Ripley's space to kiss her.

Ripley jerked away. "Whoa, what are you going?"

"I—" She looked lost. "I just wanna do something for you since you're being so nice to me."

The blonde scratched at her neck. "I'm being nice because we're friends, not because I'm hitting on you. If you wanna give me something, you could let me borrow your clothes."

Rachel gulped in air. Even the lesbian doesn't want you. No one really does. You're unlovable. "Is it—is it cause I'm a whore? Is that why you don't want me?"

Ripley frowned. "What? No. You're not a whore. I'm just—I'm not gonna take something from you. That's the problem; guys have been taking and taking from you for so long that you think that's all you're worth. And it's bullshit. So look, if you want me to go with you to the clinic then I will and not cause I'm trying to get in your pants but cause I wanna. No one should be scared, alone and pregnant."

"Okay." The redhead said softly. "Thank you."

It was selfish but she was steadily starting to regard her relationship with Ripley as hers. Brooke and the others didn't know about it yet, not how deep it was getting anyway, and she liked that. It didn't say wonderful things about her but she was used to that by now.