Hello lovely readers. Massive apologies for the huge lapse in chapter updates. Every day I want to write more and publish more, but time continues to be my enemy. Thank you so much for all your fab comments and for wanting to keep updated to this story – it means a huge amount! Please keep reading … please keep reviewing … and please keep demanding more! It makes me want to write so much more when you do!

Setting: after the "Great Storm", the day of Tegan's death. I'm convinced there was a massive Chax event that didn't happen at the end of that episode! (As I say, I didn't have chance to finish it properly before now, hence why it's so late in comparison to when the episode was aired) But plenty more Chax on the way

NC-17 – Reader beware!

Ch.4 - Then don't trust them

Charlie

I can't sleep. Not after today. In fact, I was contemplating getting up when I am startled by something outside. I look towards the window, expectantly, and wait. Nothing. I turn over, with a sigh and plant my head deep into my pillow. I open my eyes again, frustrated. I can still hear her voice. See her face. How many times have I been in that situation, and never thought twice about it later that day. I'm rarely awake like this. And yet, I know exactly why I am tonight.

My phone vibrates. Glad of the distraction, I reach over and squint, my eyes adjusting to the light. Brax. Are you awake? I hit reply. But in my hand, it starts to vibrate again, this time his name springs up on the screen.

"Brax." I answer, leaning up on one arm. He doesn't say anything, but I know he can hear me. I can hear him, I know he's there. "Are you okay?" I know he's not. I knew he wasn't 'okay' in the hospital earlier. It was the first time I had ever seen him so distraught, and yet clinging to every shred of strength he had left.

"Nah. Nah, I'm not." I search for words.

"Where are you..?"

"Erm, out. Just…out, the beach."

Brax

I turn back down the road, walking away again. I grit my teeth. Crane my neck up at the star-less sky. I hold the phone away from my mouth and let out a groan of frustration. I twist on the spot. I wipe my hand across my burning eyes.

"...aren't you at home?" I catch, as I put the phone against my ear. Composed again.

"I dunno. I just…I can't be there." I say.

"Brax…" I hear her sigh, she hears my pain. Somewhere inside me, that annoys and pleases me all at once. More confusion. "You need to get some rest." She tells me. "Give yourself some time."

"Yeah…yeah you're right." There's a long pause. She doesn't speak. I can't speak. I stand still in the middle of the road, letting the dark, the quiet, the pain engulf me.

"Brax, I am really sorry." She whispers. I swallow.

"Charlie…Charlie, I'm outside…"

Charlie

"What are you doing here?" I whisper, opening the door a little wider. He smirks. Shakes his head and looks at the ground. I think he might walk away at that.

"She's dead." He says. Pure honestly laid out in front of us – for a change. When he looks up, I can see his eyes glistening. He looks away, having been caught out. He sniffs. "She's dead." He smirks again. "And all I can think about,"

"Brax…" I sigh, seeing his pain for real now.

"All I can think about, is what I did."

"Brax." I say again, pleading that he doesn't go on.

"To you, Charlie."

"Don't beat yourself up. Not over this." His eyes stare at me, grind holes in my heart. "Brax, you said it yourself it was an accident today, and before…" the words get choked in my throat, seeing him like this. So vulnerable. So lost. So needing something. Forgiveness?

"I don't want you to-to just excuse it." He says, spitting the words out. I stare back at him, his sudden aggression surprising me.

"Then why are you here?" I ask, without thinking.

Brax

I can't answer her. I can't think straight. All I can think about, is her though.

"Yeah listen." I manage, having recomposed myself. I tap the doorway and turn away, ready to leave.

"Brax." She reaches out. "Brax, don't go." I turn back to her. And for the first time since I stormed her night, I notice the bright blue of her silk nightgown. It's not tied closed, but instead wavers in the breeze. I look up at her face, her soft eyes, her skin bare from make up. I swallow. "Not…not like this. Not, tonight." She whispers.

She holds out her hand. I stare at it for a moment, lost between leaving and staying. Isn't this why I came here? Reluctantly, I let her slide her fingers between mine. Her touch is more gentle than I can remember right now. In the silence, her hand draws me closer, in through the open door, one centimeter at a time.

Charlie

Our eyes are locked in a trance. I slide my hand up his bare hot arm, and hold his elbow. It's like I'm remembering. His hand pulls my waist to him in a circular motion, his fingers squeezing my hip bone, holding me tight in one grasp. He leans in through the doorway. I push the door closed silently behind him and slowly look up. The tips of our noses brush together, we're that close. It would take only one of us to move the slightest bit closer, but for a moment longer, we both hold back; anxious, like neither of us remember what that world is like anymore.

In the pitch dark, his lips begin to click open a little wider, nervously. His nose nuzzles upwards to draw mine open too. I open my mouth wide against the air between us. His bottom lip is far back in my mouth before our lips begin close around each other silently. I hear him breath out and swallow deeply as I close my mouth around his large lip. I groan silently. I can feel his tongue warm against the roof of my mouth. He pushes it forward and slides it down the length of my tongue steadily.

Brax

I'm at home. Completely at peace. Right here. I lift my hand to the side of her face. I stroke my fingers down her cheek, so close to where our mouths touch that I can feel the heat and the movement of our tongues beneath the skin.

But I stop. I still my lips and my tongue. Slowly, I draw back. With my mouth still open, I move it, wet and warm, from side to side over hers, rubbing our agape lips over one another. They slide easily across hers. Her lips continue kissing my open mouth for a second longer. And then she lets me just graze our mouths together, and lets me watch her face as I do. I sigh. Overcome with something that I just cannot control, I move my mouth across her cheek, kiss it and then sink into the warm sweet curve of her neck. I press my lips there first and then tilt my head and rest my forehead against her neck, burying it deep.

Charlie

I am frozen to the spot, totally in shock as he stills, hiding in my neck. Sensing no breakdown and yet also no re-composure, I lift my hand up and place it on his neck. I hold him there. I swallow down the agony of seeing him like this. I open and close my fingers against the back of his head. Comfort? It must be. And yet, I continue to hold back any possible sign of what witnessing his emotional collapse is doing to me. I swallow down the quiver in my voice, the tremble in my heart, and I hold him.

He's arched into me. Slowly he crawls deeper somehow, and wraps me into a tight embrace. He's so strong that his tight arms lift me off the ground slightly. I let him. I close my arms around his back, stroke his broad shoulders and, wait to see if he does what I so want him to next.

Brax

As realization of where I am, what I've just let myself do, sweeps over me, I recover myself. I didn't come here for this. Then again, not being with her is also tearing me apart. We break apart, awkwardly and almost as quickly as I found myself against her. Her arms gently break away from around me, I lean back slightly. But as soon as we do, her hand finds the side of my face, and traces a path under my eye. Her palm slides against my neck, and she pulls me in again for another kiss. As we break away after every single kiss, she studies my face and sees right down inside me today. Like no barrier that's usually there, is left.

And as if she can read that I wont make the first move, that I can't, she takes my hand in hers and draws it close to her chest. She places it between her breasts, slightly higher than the rim of her nightdress, so it covers her bare skin. She presses her hand down on the back of mine and then leaves it there.

Charlie

It was all it took. I'm not going to kid myself into believing that I didn't know that his hand would eagerly slip down under the front of my nightdress and round my breast in a matter of seconds. That his cold fingers would pinch at my nipple for only a teasing second before he whipped his hand out my top to fling his one arm around me. That in one moment, he would have me hinged in his bent arm, feet off the floor, his face completely buried against my neck, carrying me back towards my room.

Back in my room, we're breathless with eagerness. I fight his grasp to be released, and pull my nightdress over my head. He tears his shirt over his head, his hair ruffled when he reappears. He plants his hand awkwardly on my neck, and then runs his fingers down quickly over my breast, and then across my chest to the other side. It's rough and uncomfortable between us, which is strange and unexpected. Usually it just flows. Tonight, it's different.

Brax

I unbuckle my jeans. She reaches out and holds the backs of my hands as I undo them. I can feel myself getting uncomfortably tight already. I leave them open for her, my attention caught by her tiny waist, by the thin line of her panties against her dark tanned skin. I let the tip of my finger slip beneath the waistband and run my hand all the way around. I watch as she leans up on her tiptoes, intrigued. But I pull my hand back and instead push my trousers down over my hips. They drop to the floor between us.

She smooth's her hands up and over my chest, her fingers catch my nipples, and pause on my pecks. I push down my boxers, and stand up again. And then we're right back there; in a place where it all feels completely new again.

Charlie

Maybe it's me. Maybe it's just how I am feeling today. But even so, I feel nervous because of it. Like I don't know what to do next. Like I can't remember how we work. How our bodies are usually in unison, like clockwork at this point. He places one random hand on my upper arm, and pulls me in to kiss me again. We both tilt our heads, and our lips sink softly together in the middle. I feel his tongue jut out against my top lip. He tastes raw and sharp. And yet still so familiar to me.

I swallow against his lips, and walk closer, into his naked body. I can feel him hard against my skin. The only thing between us, is the barrier of my panties. But as our kiss deepens, and his hand squeezes my bum tightly, his other tears down the material over my backside, and down my legs, as he lifts me with one firm hand.

Brax

I'm shaking, and I don't want to know why. The tighter I grip her, the more my insides tremble. Every time I feel her tongue slide against my lips though, I feel myself grow harder, I get hotter. They're reverse roles, fighting against one another. I can't do anything, but roll her back onto her bed, and climb over her. She looks expectantly up at me, as if she's waiting for me to reassure her, to tell her everything she wants to hear. But I've never been that guy. I'm not him. Is that why all this is so hard? I close the gap between us, physically forcing the questions away, closing the thoughts that continue to flood my mind as she blinks up at me, by kissing her roughly. I plant my lips down on hers over and over, twisting above her. Her hand reaches round and holds my back, strokes it gently. It's too soft. I reach back, grabbing her wrist. I lift it above her head, and place the other one to meet it. I clasp both wrists tightly in my fingers, pinching.

Her eyes don't leave mine. I stare down at her for a long moment, our eyes flicking from one to the other. Then I kiss her passionately again. I don't want any moment to linger. I don't trust it right now.

Charlie

My heart pounds with his every move. He's unnerving me. It's a whole new vulnerability to him that I didn't know existed. It's so raw. He's clutching at the remains of control. But more than ever, I can see through his strength and power today, as it slowly fizzles away. I see past the bold bravado and the impulsiveness. I can see the need and the desperation for this, us, right here, today. And so, I give in.

I open my legs and he slips between them. As if it was all the encouragement he needed, he slides two fingers quickly inside me. He pushes back and forth inside me stiffly. But even the force and the motion of him inside me - the every thought that it was him, his fingers, his warmth - makes me close my eyes, bite down on my lip and arch my back. A twist of ecstasy escapes me, and I shudder. He draws his fingers back absently at this, and trembling as he lifts himself over me, finds his way between my legs. He looks down between our bodies, but grips my hands tighter above my head as he moves carefully between me, and finally pushes up inside me. At that moment, when I am jolted, and thinking about his weight above me, his size inside me, I shudder and tighten around him uncontrollably for a second. But I also notice that his eyes close sharply. His head bows down against my chest, and his fingers fall loose from around mine. I fling my arms around his back and hold him tight.

Brax

For a long time I'm so lost, and locked so tightly inside her, that I just cant move. For a long time I can't bring myself to even lift my head. But gradually, as I sink deeper inside her, and begin to notice the gentle circular motion of her hips beginning beneath me, I swallow down all the emotion that has burst to the forefront and allow myself to lean in and nuzzle her soft neck. I kiss her, I can taste her on my lips, which is more comfort than I could ask for today.

I move down to kiss her bare chest. I kiss the smooth rise of the inside of her breast that bulges under my tongue. I lick her skin with the thick of my tongue, tasting her, before moving over to cover her rose coloured nipple with my whole mouth. I suck her deep, my lips wet and warm. She moans lightly. I begin to push my tongue back and forth over her nipple. She arches her back again, with another moan. Her fingers slide into my hair, and so, taking the hint, I kiss a neat path up her neck and swallow her mouth.

Charlie

I can't help but suck his tongue passionately and deeply into my mouth. I eagerly kiss him desperate to feel him to move inside me again. I urge him on, and he responds. He pushes his arms down by our side and supports his own weigh as he arches above and away from me. The shift is sudden and I am reminded of his size between my legs. I gasp. Instinctively, I pull up me knees, and he shifts again. This time, his eyes bang closed, control slipping away again.

I reach round and taking advantage, pull him from the buttocks deeper inside me. One of his arms buckles. In response, he thrusts up inside me automatically, and then repeats this action with intent.

Brax

I draw her legs around me, sliding my hands up her tense thighs. She clasps her ankles behind my back. I pull myself deeper inside her, before reaching round and grasping her petite bum in my hands. I slide one hand a little higher, and still inside her, lift her slowly off the bed.

"Brax…" she manages to gasp. I lean up on my knees and slide her down over my length again. Carefully, I push one leg back and stand up tall. As I do, her legs tighten instinctively around me. She clings to me for support. I hold her back, my hands splayed across it. I turn and find the wall closest, and walk into it, pressing her back flat against it.

Now positioned, I pull my chest from hers, watching and guiding her as I let her slip lower down over me. At the same time, I push her up against her. With nowhere to avoid me, she has no control and slips further down around me. I hear her breath catch in her throat. With my hands, I position her body towards mine, a better angle, and directing myself towards the wall, I push far inside her again.

Charlie

There's something more erotic about him having me like this. A thought that makes me even more weak. I clutch at his back, physically trapped. But at the same time, I pull him deeper inside me with my feet.

I can feel his whole body clenching every time he drives into me. Every muscle in a tight knot as he supports me. He rides into me again. The friction as he pries me open, is so intense. But it has blended into an unknown passion. As he grinds his body further into me, pushing the air from my lungs, he begins to groan, grunt, with every beat, every pulse. It's so hot. And it's so raw. It's so right.

Brax

I steal a brief moment, and massage her small breast in my hand. I rotate my hips in a similar fashion. As I support her weight, and ride against her, I can feel my knees trembling with the strain. Unable to get exactly where I want to go, I close my arms around her tiny back and lean away from the wall. I swing us round to the bed and with little thought, throw us down into the duvet. But Charlie springs back from up from the mattress, and spins me over. With little effort plants herself down over me. Not realizing how much I was missing out on, I glide much deeper inside her warm opening and jerk uncontrollably up inside her as I do. She holds herself down purposely over me, as I writhe beneath her. I catch her smile as I do.

Taking her hips in my hands I hold her down as I try to thrust up inside her again. But instead, she has absolute control and at an aggravating pace, slowly draws a huge circle over me with her hips. The pressure she uses to lean down on me, the wriggle of her hips, the twinge of her thigh muscles – and I am gasping and groaning for air.

Charlie

I knew I had him at my mercy from the second I felt him slip deeper inside me, widen me further. The ecstasy of having him this far inside me, but feel this comfortable at the same time was clearly driving him mad, and has me driving on for more.

His eyes are closed, but I know his senses are going wild with fury. I tense my thighs rhythmically, knowing that this changes things, knowing that this adds another level of pressure for him. I see the lines in his face tense. His lips quiver. His tongue darts out to wet his lips. I hold back the urge to lean down and slip mine in his mouth. I run my tongue over my dry lips. I tense my legs over and over again, begin to roll my hips anti-clockwise, and then start round again. He holds me tighter with his hands, digging with his fingers. He adjusts his leg to stop it trembling, but I just press down harder, and he has no control again.

Brax

I reach round with my hand, and press my fingers into the small of her back, trying to urge her down over me. She resists. With all my strength, I lift my knees and Charlie slips forward on me slightly. I take the opportunity and knock her to the side. Before she, or I, can think, I can plough into her from above again. I pull up her knees up. For a moment I slip my arm under her knee and hold it there beside us as I ride up inside her and press down repetitively, urging her on. When I let her free, I slide down and she sighs as I kiss her mouth. Her arms hold my neck, my face and then slide up and she lies them above her head, crossed at the wrist.

I smile. She smiles. And for the first time, there is a moment. I reach up and in my hands take her wrists in mine and, still grinning at each other, hold her arms above her head.

Charlie

He thrusts into me wildly, even he has no control over his movements now. I writhe beneath him, trapped in one position, my arms held tightly above me head in his gasp, my legs plastered outwards, with his heavy warm weight between them. I close my eyes, and bury my face against his soft shoulder as he slides closer down over me. His movements are faster, stronger, but his body is heavier; spent. I nuzzle his warm skin, let my wet lips taste his familiar body. I hold my mouth open, my breath tight in my throat, as he plunges inside me once, twice more before he slows.

His body stills. I still beneath him. For a moment, he is quiet and then with a roll of his hips he exhales with a winding groan. His whole body clenches above me, around me, as he spills deep inside me. He pushes lightly into me, but this urges him on and he stills again, emptying himself further. Warmth spreads between us, I close me legs around him and pull him gently deeper, prolonging his enjoyment. His fingers, once again, fall limps around mine. I stoke them gently above our heads, as he gradually relaxes and his head falls to my shoulder.

Brax

I can't speak. So I slide off her very slightly, to relieve her of my weight. Her legs hold me on her though. I look up at her face from her shoulder, my mind hazy, my eyes foggy, my body so heavy. I place my hand from above our heads on her cheek, and turn her head towards mine. Saying nothing, giving nothing away, I lean up and open my mouth fully around hers. I find her tongue and slide mine against it. She doesn't retaliate, but she doesn't pull away. I twist my mouth over hers the other way. I take a breath, and plunge my tongue into the dark hole of her mouth again. I break away, but only to kiss her chin, then the dark space underneath her chin, the point of her collar bone and the crook of her neck. I kiss the dip in her shoulder and the freckle on her arm. I kiss the join of her arm, nipping my tongue over the rippled skin.

My breathing slowing now, my breath back, my eyes are so heavy. I close them even before I lie my head on her shoulder and chest again.

Charlie

Before long, his body is so heavy and his breathing so slow, that I know he is asleep. My fingers that automatically found their way to his broad shoulder, and lightly stroked out lines back and forth, stills. I look down at him sleeping. So quiet, so calm. He's lying half over me still, almost in exactly the same position he was in when he was inside me. I revel in that thought for a moment - of what I'd just done, what I'd let him do, what we'd just done. Together. The longing, the excruciating waiting and questioning whether it should ever happen again is over…again.

For now though, I'm not going to question it. Not going to analyse whether I can actually take the waiting again. For now, I'm just going to watch him so like this. So relaxed. So comfortable. And let myself believe for a second, let myself remember, that this is what he needed today, what he wanted. What he came looking for. What I hope, he can and will keep looking for.