Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. I'd never be good enough.

Author's note: Hey, more people are recieving alerts per chapter than reviewing. Makes me sad. Please review!! This is my favorite chapter. Thanks a million!

Thanks to my wonderful beta reader Poohdog! You are amazing!

Bella POV

I ran to Alice's room and grabbed my sweat jacket off the floor. Alice jumped when I came in. Jasper was holding her in his arms. A deep sadness covered her features. I didn't want to see them. The pain was starting to leak out and I wanted to be alone when it came. Edward didn't tell me. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

"I need keys," I demanded, putting out my shaking hand. My truck was at home since Alice had given me a ride to her house.

"Bella… please." Her beautiful voice was tormented. Jasper held her tighter as she spoke to me and he felt my pain. "Just stay here."

"Please… I just need keys to any vehicle. Please!" I was yelling as the tears started to come. I bit my lip, mentally trying to hold them back.

"The keys to the Volvo are on the coffee table downstairs. It's going to rain. Please don't go." Her voice was pleading, begging me to stay.

"Bella, please," Jasper added, sounding just as upset.

I couldn't speak. I put on the jacket and ran downstairs. Emmett stood in the hallway with Rosalie beside him. The torment in their eyes almost overwhelmed me. I couldn't stop. I ran past them and down the stairs to the living room. It was a miracle that I didn't trip. Like Alice said, the keys were on the coffee table. I wished it didn't have to be his car because the scent of him would eat at my insides, sending my heart crazy. I dashed outside and saw it parked in the driveway where he had left it. Stepping inside, I calmed myself down enough to turn the car on, checking to make sure he wasn't hiding in the backseat. The drive felt longer than usual. Tears flowed now, but they were silent. The ripping sound inside my chest threatened to get out, but I wouldn't let it. Not now.

The beach at La Push looked exactly the same as I remembered it. I turned off the Volvo and ran for the Tree, our tree, Jacob and me. The rain clouds above me were heavy with rain about to fall. I fell to the ground, tangling myself in the roots with my hands clutching Edward's keys. They smelled like him.

Pain filled my heart.

I could barely breathe as the sobs ripped from my chest. Rain dripped down on me as it started to sprinkle. I didn't care. At that moment… all I wanted was him. It felt like such irrelevant thoughts to be thinking of him. He wouldn't come back now.

I don't know how long I lay in the sand, weeping. Then I saw it; a lone figure walking down the shoreline. Was it him?

No. He's never coming back.

The words stung at my very existence.

I was wrong and right. It wasn't him. My heart ached as I went into a new round of crying. He was all I wanted at that moment. The person kept walking closer to me and I finally recognized him through my tears. It was Seth Clearwater. He looked uncomfortable, but at ease in some way. Sam probably coached him and told him to relax, to try to calm me.

"Hi."

His boyish voice was soft and I barely heard it. My sobs lessened as I stared at him. I blinked at him through the pouring rain.

"Edward called me."

"I can't…" my voice was harsh. I watched as he sat down in the sand not far from me.

"He told me what happened… and what's wrong."

Words couldn't pierce the emotions I was experiencing. I wished, not yearned for him. It took me almost five minutes before I could speak again. Jacob. His name sent more tears down my cheeks, but I remained silent. Seth tried to smile at me, but failed.

"Have you heard from him?" I whispered.

"No."

The answer was simple, but it dug the knife deeper into my heart.

"The pack has agreed to talk this over… in light of the new circumstances regarding… you. Sam wants to talk to us tonight about what will happen after your wedding. Everyone feels for you, even Paul, which is shocking."

"He'll know then."

"Yes, Jacob will hear us. I'm so sorry Bella. But I don't think even this will bring him back."

Seth is so young. He couldn't possibly understand everything, but then again he heard everything Jacob had thought about me. He knew our love better than me. The flood of tears began again. Seth got up and came closer to me, awkwardly hugging me. His warm skin brought back all the happy and sad memories. I couldn't handle them. I returned his hug for a moment and then pushed him back, returning to my motionless place on the sand.

"Please just go. Edward will call you when I'm home safe."

Seth nodded, feeling hurt, but oddly understanding why I couldn't touch him. Jacob was always too warm and so was Seth. It was a werewolf thing. He began to walk away from me and my sobs returned with full force. Edward had no choice now. If he didn't… I would die.

Time passed like grains of sand in an hourglass with a small hole that didn't allow more than one to pass through at a time. Edward couldn't come here to get me and neither could any of the other Cullens. Charlie didn't know I was here. I had to return. Every inch of my skin tingled as I stood up and started to walk down the beach, back to the Volvo. The keys were still clutched in my fist, stabbing into the skin, but not drawing blood. I drove home, imagining the time I punched Jacob. It made me laugh, a sad sound in contrast to my normal laughter. Driving down the winding road leading to their house, I felt my stomach drop in fear. Edward would come now. I knew it. My eyes looked up and saw him standing before me, looking so sad that it almost broke the remains of my heart. He waited in the rain for me. I stepped out of the Volvo and I froze. Anger filled my senses.

"You should have let me die!" I screamed, marching towards him.

Edward flinched at my words, but stayed as still as stone.

"I should have let you die! I hurt him and he'll never come back! I hate you! I hate you and everyone else! I hate him! I hate Jacob and his stupid feelings. Why couldn't you let me die? Then I wouldn't have to suffer."

He didn't speak as I ranted in fury.

"I hate you!! I hate Charlie! And I hate Alice! And I hate… myself." The realization hit me all at once and I feel to my knees.

Edward slowly approached me as I cried. I tried to push him back as he wrapped his arms around me. I didn't want to feel his cold arms. The rain had soaked me, reminding me that I was sick and it only made me feel worse. I didn't want anyone to touch me.

"Please don't touch me. No Edward! Don't touch me!! Edward, no!! NO!"

I couldn't shake him. I caved, tucking myself into his arms as I wept for myself, for Jacob, for Charlie, for Edward, for Alice, and for everyone else I loved.

"You're all I want," Edward whispered, his velvet voice compelling me to listen. "I'm sorry Bella. Please don't hate me, though you have every right. Don't hate him. Don't hate Jacob. I love you, Isabella."

I nodded, unable to say the words I wanted to. He understood. All I could do was weep and thrash about in his arms. My words mumbled on.

"I really don't hate you… I'm so sorry. I don't hate anyone. Not Alice or Jasper or Emmett or Charlie or Esme or Carlisle. I don't hate you, Edward. But I'm so scared. I can't even describe it completely. It's like my heart is breaking because I'm breaking Charlie's heart. Renee doesn't even know! I'm so frightened."

The others of his family came onto the porch, watching us silently as the rain poured down harder. Alice and Jasper were wrapped in each other's arms as she sobbed tearlessly. Even Rosalie appeared to be affected by this for she held Emmett's hand and a frown was on her beautiful face. Emmett looked sad, his eyes losing his happy outlook. Carlisle and Esme stared down at the ground as they listened to our soft exchange.

The exhaustion hit me as I whispered to him. "I forgive you for not telling me. I guess I've taken on your view of overreaction. I love you Edward."

"I love you too."

Edward lifted me to my feet and spun me around. Then he brought his face close to mine, pausing slightly before closing the distance and putting his cold lips to mine. My tears mingled with the water on my face. I pulled away, giving him a half smile.

"Hey Alice… where are those crackers? I'm kinda hungry," I requested, smiling up at my future family.

She laughed and dashed out into the rain, hugging me. Jasper stayed on the porch observing. I was about the laugh at him, but a cough erupted from my chest. Edward gave me a concerned look and carried me inside to get me warmed up. Glancing behind me, I saw Alice pull Jasper into the rain and kiss him. I lay my head on Edward's shoulder, feeling slightly calm about the entire situation, even though I shouldn't and I knew that I being taken care of by Jasper.

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Emma