SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPDATE. I GOT DISTRACTED BY "ONE NIGHT", WHICH IS A GOOD 7,000+ WORDS, SO I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT. I JUST HAD TO WRITE IT, IT WOULDN'T GET OUT OF MY HEAD TILL I WAS DONE.
I DON'T OWN ONCE UPON A TIME.
"Hi, Henry." Archie chirped, opening the door to his office widely, a huge smile plastered to his face. He really did love the kid.
"Hi, Archie." Henry smiled a real smile. Archie was his friend.
"Emma." The man nodded his greeting.
"Hi." Suddenly, she was nervous. She never had liked psychologists' offices, or any kind of doctor offices, for that matter. She kept reminding herself that Archie's only interest would be in Henry, not her.
"Why don't we sit down." He suggested, adjusting his glasses as he led mother and son into the room. Emma and Henry took a seat on the couch next to each other. As Archie eased himself into the leather chair, he mentally took note of how different Henry was; the light in the boy's eyes only showed up sometimes, and he was definitely subdued. He almost wondered if it was the same Henry he had known for eleven years. "Would you like it to be just you and me? If that's alright with your mom, of course."
"Whatever he wants." Emma replied, looking over to Henry.
"I want just me and Archie." He mumbled.
"Okay." She said quietly, not taking any offense. "I'll go… do stuff. Be back in an hour?"
"I'd say so." Archie smiled warmly. "Would you give my regards to your parents?"
"Uh… yeah." It took her a moment to realize who he was talking about. Her parents: Snow White and Prince Charming. Right. "I'll be back soon, Henry."
Once she closed the door, Archie turned his attention back to Henry.
"So, what's been bothering you?" On the phone, Emma had briefly explained that the poor kid was, as she had put it 'severely traumatized by the crazy bitch and her ass ugly sidekick', so Archie had a little bit of an idea as to what was going on.
"My mom thinks I have PTSD." Henry stated. "And I think she's right."
"Oh." He put on his best 'I had no idea' face. "Is that… do you think that's a good thing or a bad thing?"
"It explains a lot." He said slowly. "And I guess… I mean, I'm okay with having it, cause Mom did, too, and she's fine now." Archie made a mental note to somehow figure out of Emma was okay, considering her past was being brought up by this.
"I heard a little bit about what happened from Ruby. I can't even imagine how scary it must have been, to be stuck in Neverland for a month, especially after everything else you've been through." At that, Henry only shrugged.
"I knew they were coming for me." He mumbled. "My family always finds each other."
"Okay… let me ask you this: do you feel safe right now?"
"What do you mean?" Of course he felt safe with his family, even Regina.
"Do you feel like Greg and Tamara are going to take you again?"
"Logically, I understand that they can't. The shadows got them. But I don't think my head believes that. I heard my mom and Snow talking, and she mentioned something about 'panic attacks'."
"Do you think you get them?"
"Sometimes, I get really scared for no reason, and I start shaking and I feel like I can't breathe or focus on anything except the fear."
"That would be a panic attack, my friend." Archie said quietly, making a note in his notebook. "Would you feel comfortable talking about what happened in Neverland?"
"No." Henry shook his head ferociously. "I don't wanna think about it."
"Alright. We can talk about something else, then."
"Like what?"
"Well, how about you tell me funny stories about Operation Cobra?" At the suggestion, Henry's eyes lit up once again.
Emma drove aimlessly around Storybrooke until she was back at the apartment. She figured with the fifteen minutes she had before she'd have to leave to grab Henry, she could have a snack. Just as she lifted the tinfoil to swipe another brownie (she had sneaked two in before she took Henry to Archie's), Snow batted her hand away.
"Hey!" The blonde exclaimed, jumping back in surprise. "When'd you get here?"
"A few seconds ago." Snow replied coolly. "If you want something to eat, have some fruit or a granola bar."
"You know," Emma said over her shoulder as she opened the fridge to find the raspberries, "I ate like that for twenty eight years, and I'm just fine."
"It's not good for you." The brunette said, fixing her with a stern look. "And this is what mothers do, bug their children about eating right." Not able to think of a good response to that, Emma simply stuck her tongue out before popping a raspberry into her mouth. "So, Henry kicked you out."
"Yeah." The blonde sighed, shrugging off her coat before sitting on a stool. "But I get it. If I had to bear my soul to someone, I wouldn't want an audience."
"I suppose so." Snow put a finger on her chin in thought, then turned back to the other woman. "Emma, how are you doing?"
"Me?" She scoffed. "I'm fine. Or, I will be once Henry's okay." The brunette sent her an 'I don't believe you, but whatever you say look'. At Emma's silence, she ducked her head down to meet her gaze.
"Emma." She said firmly. "You know you can tell me anything, right?" The blonde silently cursed Snow's warm, inviting eyes.
"I had a panic attack earlier." She mumbled so quietly, Snow almost missed it. But she didn't. She was used to the blonde mumbling things she either: wasn't particularly proud of or didn't want to talk about but secretly did want to. "Talking to David, I sort of recounted what happened to me, and…" She sighed. "I've thought about it before, in more detail than I went into with him, but I freaked out. I can't figure out why."
"Well, thinking about it and actually saying the words are two different things." Snow said. "Subconsciously when you're thinking about it, you can block certain parts of the memories and you can control just how much you think about it… but when you say words, your brain functions differently. You can't block it out as much."
"Since when did you become a neuroscientist?"
"You and me aren't that different, Emma." The brunette said quietly, almost lost in thought. "You may have hair color that is more similar to his, but your personality's all mine."
Emma munched on another raspberry, watching her mother closely. She had to admit, she was a little curious as to where the conversation was going. Snow took the blonde's silence as permission to continue.
"I know what it's like to shut yourself away from every emotion because you think it's better that way, especially after going through multiple traumas. If you choose not to feel anything, you don't have to feel the fear." Snow paused, looking up from her mug of hot chocolate to make sure Emma was still listening and hadn't shut down. Satisfied that her daughter was okay with the conversation, she continued, taking Emma's hand. "I know it's hard for you to admit to being afraid, or anything other than 'fine'. And in the past, I also know you've been taken advantage of or hurt because you were vulnerable. But your father and I, and Henry, we're not like those people. Obviously Henry's PTSD is affecting you, and we are all here for you, Emma. Always."
"I know." She said, her voice subdued by the tears pricking at the back of her eyes. "It's just so hard, after so long of… having this… this..." There were times, such as now, that she cursed her lack of eloquence.
"Tough exterior?" Snow helpfully supplied. Offering her a small smile, Emma said,
"Yeah. It's hard to let that go. It's almost like… like it's a part of me, and it isn't so much a fear of being vulnerable as it is just a… I hate to be, you know? I resent it. I'm not making any sense, I know, but you've kinda learned my language, haven't you?"
"I have." She chuckled. "I know what you mean." Sensing Emma was done with the conversation (and knowing the blonde was fighting tears), she turned to the stove to pour her daughter a mug of their favorite beverage, giving Emma time to regain her composure. While Snow had simply added a pinch of cinnamon straight into the liquid, she puts and extra-large squirt of whipped cream onto Emma's before heaping on a generous amount of cinnamon.
"What's the difference between this and a brownie?" Emma deadpanned, but the slight redness of her eyes took away some of the effect.
"There isn't much." Snow shrugged, then took a sip of her own. "But I think you deserve it."
"Oh?" Emma raised an eyebrow. "And what did I do to deserve it?"
"You opened up to me, you let your walls down a little. I want you to know how much that means to me." Snow explained. Emma rolled her eyes.
"So you're bribing me with sugar?"
"If that's what it takes, yes." With another eye roll, the blonde slid off the stool.
"I have to go pick up Henry." She said, throwing on her coat. "While I'm out, want me to bring home lasagna for dinner?"
"Do you ever stop thinking about food?" Snow quipped.
"Do you want me to bring home dinner or not?"
"I have nothing to do for the next few hours, so I figured I'd make something. Is homemade pizza alright with you?"
"Anything except Chimera is alright with me." With that, Emma left.
After pacing in the hallway for a few minutes, the wooden door opened, revealing Archie and Henry.
"Hey, Kid." She smiled, resisting the urge to ruffle his hair.
"Hi."
"Emma, can I talk to you for a minute?" Archie asked.
"Sure." She shrugged and followed him into the office. Henry shut the door for them. While Archie chose to sit in his designated chair, Emma chose to stand. This didn't go unnoticed by Archie.
"I do think you're right. He has PTSD." He said slowly, choosing his words carefully.
"Not a surprise." She crossed her arms, not at all comfortable being in a shrink's office. "What's the game plan?"
"Behavioral Cognitive Therapy will be helpful, I think." Archie started, "and I think until that starts to work its magic, perhaps putting Henry on something to relax him, to take the edge off."
"Getting him to be able to sleep through the night without nightmares would be good." She nodded. "He's… always scared, I can see that."
"My thoughts exactly." Archie wrote something on his prescription pad. "I just would like to get a little bit of family history… does anyone in your family have or have had PTSD?" Sure, he already knew from Henry that she had had it, but she could have been telling just a tiny little white lie to help him, though the boy had explained that Emma promised to never lie to him again. But it was also a way for Archie to help Emma in the process, even if she wasn't aware that her PTSD could act up again.
"Well, considering my family consists of Regina and Gold, among others, I wouldn't know. We don't exactly have heart to hearts on a regular basis."
"I meant Mary Margaret and David, or you. The chances of one developing PTSD can be increased due to inheritance." Archie explained and Emma sighed.
"I don't know about Mary Margaret. I've read Henry's book, but it… look, I don't know, I don't think so, but then again, the damn woman's always at me about being guarded but she's only a little bit better than me." The blonde ranted. "And David? I don't think so. Can anyone ever be too optimistic? Like is there a condition for that?"
"Emma." Archie cut her off. "What about you? Did your or do you have PTSD?"
"Yes!" She nearly yelled, so engulfed in her irritation, she didn't realize she was talking to sweet, kind Archie. "Sorry, I just… sorry." She sunk down into the chair Henry had previously been occupying.
"It's okay." He smiled reassuringly, knowing she got her temperament from her mother. "Did Snow –sorry Mary Margaret– ever tell you about the time she drank a potion to forget David?"
"She didn't tell me, but Henry mentioned something about it." She seemed a little calmer.
"She'd always been moody, rather irritated, sassy…I could go on." A smile grew on his face at the thought of his friend. "But after she took love away from her life for good, she became dark, and, as one of the dwarves put it… maybe it was Happy? There's so many of them. Anyway, she was mean."
"I know. She didn't let me have a brownie earlier." She quipped.
"My point is that if your mother of all people can get very, very angry, then anyone can. So don't feel bad."
"She can be a real bitch when she wants to be." Emma said, thinking back to the numerous conversations Snow and Mulan had had that almost had them killing each other. "The most helpful thing I learned while we were trapped in the Enchanted Forest was to never provoke her. She's a lot more badass than she looks."
"I'm guessing you learned that the hard way?"
"Well, if you count almost being eaten by an ogre the hard way, then yeah, I did. She shot the thing in the eye."
"How are you, after that? In general, I mean. Being sucked through a portal must have been a little shocking, to say the least."
"I'm not here to talk about me, okay? You wanna talk about Henry, that's fine, but I'm off limits." Emma crossed her arms again.
"To be completely honest, Emma, I'm worried about you. You had PTSD in the past, and it could very well manifest itself again. I can already tell you're closing off again, which means you're feeling something you don't want to feel, and my guess is that it's that anxiety."
"I'm. Fine." She fought the urge to pick up the tissue box that was on the table next to her and hurl it at his head. Instead, she stormed out, and when she insisted on getting ice cream, Henry didn't complain. Part of him was always a little bit happy when she was in a bad mood, because that almost always meant a bunch of junk food.
Archie knew one thing: Emma Swan was most definitely not okay.