Chapter Four

Finnick

Although I was given more lenience to decline clients, that didn't mean I could ignore all of them. The ones who weren't willing to pay higher prices, I could easily cut off but the ones who did…I had no choice but to comply. With the all-too-familiar mask on, I walked down the corridor of the 17th floor. Each step forward seemed to increase the weight on my feet. Each step forward made me want to take two backwards. I wanted to turn around—go back to my room, to my bed, to beautiful Arva who was still innocently sleeping on one side at this late hour.

"Odair," Melinda purred as she opened the door to her suite for me. This time, her hair was a shocking pink which had been intended to match the paler cotton candy shade of her skin. In fact, everything about her was pink and it took much effort to not cringe at the sight. When Melinda was in her yellow phase, I could still tolerate. Blue and purple too, but this pink—particularly the one of her hair—reminded me of the neon lights of a bar downtown that enjoyed including themes and "dancing" girls, and I found myself missing my spot next to Arva even more. Just having her in my arms would make everything infinitely better.

Widening my fake smile with ease, I entered the home of my present client and began working like usual. Usual. How disgusting it was to use that word here. How disgusting it was to lay in bed with a person other than the one I love; to repeatedly commit sins even though the worst ones were already in the past. My back hit the soft duvets of Melinda's bed and as she crawled on top of me in her best seductive manner, my yearning for Arva grew. Each time Melinda's skin came in contact with mine, I felt the increasing urge to rip it all out. I wanted to destroy all the traces that didn't belong to my love yet I couldn't, and I felt worthless. I felt terrible in every sense and for the first time in so long, I felt completely like the puppet displeased victors and tributes call me behind my back.

I wanted to shut the image of Melinda out of my view and conjure up Arva instead but the former might complain and that wouldn't be counted as appeasing President Snow's orders anymore. So, I forced my eyelids to stay open and my smile to never falter unless at the "right" moments. I couldn't do anything to help the situation because if I fought back, it would cost the life of my love ones and now, it would cost my only chance to be truly free.

To my immense relief, Arva was still peacefully slumbering away when I returned at the crack of dawn. In fact, nobody else had woken up yet in District Four's appointed apartment which made things even better. I slipped under the covers and gently brought my love close to me. It should be pleasant being by her side once more but instead, it was even harder to shake off the heavy feeling on my shoulders than when I was not by her side. I tried to shove it aside but it came back; stronger and harder to ignore. I watched Arva's steady rising and lowering chest movements. Here she was, in my arms, and unaware of my actions that betrayed her love and faith in me because I've no other choice—no, I did have a choice but it wasn't one that I wanted to risk taking. Not when the rebellion wasn't fully formed yet; not when I struck a deal with the devil himself.

'Only a few more weeks,' I reminded myself, unaware that I had tightened my hold on Arva until her eyes fluttered open.

"Morning…" she smiled sleepily at me.

"Morning," I smiled back before proceeding to plant a kiss onto her forehead. Hopefully, she wouldn't find anything off about me…I didn't want things to come out now.

Arva

Something was bothering Finnick. I could see it in his sea green eyes even though the direction of where the corners of his lips curled up to showed the opposite. He was keeping something from me again but as much as I wanted to know what it was, it wasn't my place to pry or to be hurt. We both still had our own secrets that we couldn't share with each other yet. Our relationship hadn't been built from trust at the beginning anyway. It would take a while before we could become completely open books to each other…so in the meantime, I pretended that I noticed nothing out of the norm; I bit my tongue even though burning curiosity threatened to spill out the words that formed the question. Instead, I decided to banish whatever that was occupying his thoughts, bringing him unease. I lifted myself and claimed his lips, catching Finnick's surprise a second before my eyelids dropped. Though, it wasn't long before his arms pulled me closer. I ran my hands over his toned abdomen, causing low groans to emit from his throat as our lips never left each other's for more than a few seconds.

Finnick was reluctant to release me when I finally made a move to pull away. His eyes were now an electric shade of sea green and I knew that my mission was a success. The worries in his mind had been temporary erased. I smiled and slipped away from the comfort of both his arms and the covers. His eyes lingered on me while I winced at the biting cold air that seemed to rush towards me in order to steal what remaining heat my body contained. Wrapping my arms together, I entered the connecting bathroom…only to be momentarily stunned by the sight of the District Seven male tribute in the mirror.

Neither of us made a move to communicate with each other. We stayed still, staring. Unlike the District Nine girl who held her severed head in her arms, the District Seven boy kept his right palm over his neck to keep his head joined to his body. His expression wasn't stoic like how it was before his death, it was un-accusing and gentle instead. At last, he made the first move; left hand reaching up towards the blood that seeped down from his neck. Smudging his fingers with the blood, he proceeded to convey his message onto the mirror in reverse writing.

'How was my family?'

Such an innocent question to be asked yet I had no answer to it. A lump formed in my throat as my gaze met his expecting ones. I could tell how much he cared for his family just by looking into them and the guilt that had buried itself dug its way back up to the surface.

"I'm sorry," I choked out with tears streaming down my cheeks. How could I tell him that I had been too engrossed with my own monsters that I hadn't spared even the tiniest glance at his family who should be mourning and devastated at their loss? How? But, the kindness in his eyes didn't vanish.

The District Seven boy gathered more blood onto his fingertips and wrote, 'It's alright.'

Only, those words didn't comfort me. They brought upon more tears and I wished that circumstances were difference instead. I wished that I didn't cut short innocent lives; I wished that I wasn't—

"Arva?"

Instantly, the District Seven boy vanished and I spun around just in time to see Finnick open the bathroom door which I had forgotten to lock. Seeing the vertical streaks of salty liquid on my cheeks resulted in the frown his mouth formed and my earlier mission of trying to vanquish his worries failed. Wordlessly, Finnick closed our distance and wrapped his arms around me. I didn't need to hear the words from his lips to know the question that was about to come forth.

"I'm fine," I tried to assure him; tried to pull away a little just so our eyes would lock. The tears had stopped but it was still obvious that he didn't believe me so I elaborated. "I saw another tribute, that's all—District Seven? He's too nice, which reminded me of you, and Cordi and Arlen."

At last, Finnick relaxed his hold. He shook his head at me and the corners of his mouth curled into a doleful smile before proceeding to remind me of the wise words that my dear Arlen once spoke.

"We're all human, love."