A/N: I´m so sorry that this is so late. I had a really bad situation with work and college. So I simply didn´t have enough time to do this. Sorry.. Oh! And thanks again to all who reviewed and of course to my beta. ( I´m totally helpless with my english...)

B/N: Don't worry! Beta Original-Botticella to the rescue with her English speaking ways, plot bunnies, and grammar corrections!

3. Memories

Incubus - Pardon Me

"Pardon me while I burst

Pardon me while I burst

A decade ago, I never thought I would be

At twenty-three on the verge of spontaneous combustion

Woe is me

But I guess that it comes with the territory

An ominous landscape of never-ending calamity

I need you to hear, I need you to see

That I have had all I can take

And exploding seems like a definite possibility to me."

We came to the basement of the Reactor. Where the Calamity - Jenova was being held. I broke the door to her chamber and went to her. Or rather, her presence.

"You said you could restore my memories.. How?"

// I can´t. You have to do it yourself.. Ask Vincent to inject you with my cells and mako.. Your memories should come back. //

"Vincent.. There´s vials of mako and Jenova-cells. Inject me with them. They should restore my memories." I said to Vincent. He looked at me like I was crazy.. But I couldn´t argue with that could I?

He came back in a moment and without saying anything went straight to work. He injected the substances into me. It was familiar feeling with the mako.. But the Jenova-cells. They were absolutely horrid. First the feeling of mako which was like ice in my veins, and then the cells came like fire. It was a familiar feeling alltogether. They destroyed and repaired at the same time. The pain was something absolutely horrid. I didn´t even notice Jenova and Vincent looking at me. I was screaming my lungs out. Then the blackness took everything.

"So pardon me while I burst into flames.

I've had enough of the world and its people's mindless games.

So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.

Pardon me, pardon me... They'll never be the same."

I was in a field of flowers. It was familiar somehow. And at the same time I didn´t recognize it.

"You came.. Everything is about to change and still you came." I heard a girl's voice saying.

"What? Who? How? Why?" I said panicking.

Aerith.. Cetra...Memories... Past...Future.. Protect.

"It´s the planet talking to you. That voice inside of your head.. I came here to help you. I´m not from your world. Not this world where you are now. I´m from the past, your past. You were sent to here to change the future. We want you to be happy. We want to give you rest. But that can´t happen until the world is safe. I will display all of your memories to you. Are you ready?" Aerith asked from me.

I didn´t have time to say yes or no. The memories came in flooding in my mind.

I was little some 10 years old or so. I was in front of town bar and people were bullying me. Mr. Lockheart particularly.

"Why didn´t you save her? Why did you tell her to come with you to Mount Nibel? She could have died and your are the cause of it all." He shouted at me.

He beat me until I was only bloodied heap in the floor. Then everybody left. My mother came and took me home...

I was leaving to Midgar.. The plane was here and all. I was ready. Nervous of course but ready still. I thought that the hellish time I had spent here would end when I reached Midgar and I could start again.

I was in boot camp and it was hellish. More hellish than Nibelheim had been. Instructors were nagging me because I was little and lightweight. The others bullied me because I just sucked.

But I managed..

I met Zack and Sephiroth and my life took more pleasant route.

We were happy. They were my only friends.

Though…

Sephiroth wasn´t my friend. he was my lover.

When the time came to take the SOLDIER exams, my whole world started to fall.

I had failed the SOLDIER exams. It took everything from me.

It was my dream and I didn´t pass it because I was too little.

Fuck little!

I was so depressed. Zack and Sephiroth tried to make me happier but they were too busy to actually care.

I knew they meant well. They were my dearest friends, and Sephiroth was the dearest of all to me. Not only did I fail the exams, I had failed them—I failed Sephiroth!

Then came the Nibelheim mission.

Everything went wrong. Sephiroth became mad and I had to kill him. It was all Zack had ever asked from me. And it was the hardest moment of my life—simply because I loved him.

For the love we gave each other—the exact love we fed each other with, it wasn't enough to save Sephiroth. It wasn't enough to save me. It wasn't enough to save Zack. It wasn't enough to save the village, it wasn´t enough to save the world from meteor and destruction.

His last words that I heard was "Don't test me!" Sephiroth, the man to whom I loved and had love me in return, had never spoken to me in such a tone. It didn't seem like it was him saying it to me.

Hojo. All the tests, pain and mako.. Everything just went away. Until I had mako poisoning and couldn´t do anything. All I could think of, is what a complete failure I am.

Zack saved me. We were on the run. Sitting on the truck.

"What are you going to do when we reach Midgar?"

Dying. The only person I had left who I cared for, my best friend was dying. In the rain. He gave me his sword and said that everything that was his was now mine. I should live. But how could I? Everything was my fault… All because I was a failure.

Pretending being Zack. Being a first class SOLDIER.. Everything just went...

AVALANCHE.. Barret, Tifa, Vincent, Nanaki, Aerith, Cid, Yuffie, Reeve.. All the people that wanted something from me.

Sephiroth came back and again I killed him... And myself at the same time.

GEOSTIGMA.. The disease. And Kadaj, Loz and Yazoo. Everything went to hell once again. I was used by Jenova and Gaia. Nothing was mine anymore.

My own soul was not my own.

Sephiroth came back a third time. And this time I died as well.

Gaia and Cetra saved me. They wanted the savior of the world should live to protect. Protect the lifestream.

All those years went by. All started to fade to darkness and grey.

I didn´t have anything left. I was already too old. All but Nanaki and Vincent were dead..

I decided to kill myself. I couldn´t take it anymore. There was nothing left. But then again I came up with a problem. I couldn´t kill myself. I couldn´t die, By any normal ways. But somehow I still managed to get rid of my life.

And then I was dead.. And everything continued like it should. But it couldn´t.

Gaia was destroyed by Sephiroth. And Sephiroth was destroyed by Jenova. And everything came to an end…

Until now.. I was living again.. Gaia was living again…

I was reincarnated. The whole world is now resurrected.

"Not two days ago, I was having a look in a book

And I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees.

I said, "I can relate,"

'Cause lately I've been thinking of combustication

As a welcome vacation from

The burdens of the planet Earth

Like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D

But thinking so much differently"

I woke up inside of the reactor. It felt like I had been out for mouths, but really only few minutes. To go through your whole life was very tiring. I was like I remembered. I was fucking world saver and too old for any body. I was now thank full of the Sephiroth transformation. It had given me more age and better muscular structure.

"Again.. It´s happening again.. I´m sorry." I whispered to no one particularly. I took first Tsurugi, lying beside me on the floor and without warning, pushed it into Jenova. I heard her deafening screams inside my mind. My ears were ringing.

"You can live inside of me. That´s what happened last time. It´s impossible for you to die. And I as well. It´s impossible us to find the promised land and get there. Come with me Jenova. " I said coldly. My face was stone cold. Without emotion all together. My mind wandered back to the AVALANCHE days. And the days spent in the laboratory.

I placed my hand to Jenova's and I slowly absorbed her power and spirit inside of me.

I quickly silenced her voice. I will not allow her to possess me like she did Sephiroth. To do so will sign my death wish. A green glow surround me—it quickly absorbed into my being—creating a barrier to house Jenova.

"This is my body! My mind! You are no more than an inkling in my being! A fathom spirit locked inside me with no freedom! You shall cause no harm to any blood relative or any other! Silence Jenova!"

And there was silence. The energy flowed in my Self. There was now calm. I turned to Vincent, who had a horrified expression—a hand on the holster of his gun. I smiled at him.

"Let's leave; there are too many memories here. What do you want to know? I promised to tell you everything." I said to Vincent while we were walking away from the reactor.

"How do you know me? Why don´t you fear me? Accusing me being a monster?" He asked with he's deep voice.

I smiled, how quizzical of you Vincent, you haven't changed at all, "I found you in my last life. So of course, I know you in this life. You were together with Cid."

"You were like a father to your son and to me—he still lives. It's a shame you believed Hojo in that regard."

"We never talked much, but we understood each other. The first time I found you, I didn´t fear you, I never saw any reason why I should. As for a monster? We are exactly the same. Minus Chaos and all.. But still. I have the same hate to Hojo that you have. He tortured and experimented on me for five years. You can guess how that went. After AVALANCHE we were too much the same. I didn´t grave any relationship and neither did you. Nobody could watch our scarred bodies without gasping. So we found each other. SOLDIERs have huge Libido.. So it´s no surprice." I explained to him.

His face was hard and scrunched up—as if he was concealing a great pain.

"However, after that things got worse. Your son, Sephiroth, didn't know about you or Lucrecia—he believed his mother was Jenova—a planetary parasite—that knowledge drove him insane. He tried to kill the planet twice. I had to kill him three times. You helped me kill him the second time. You loved him like a son, even though he tried to kill you and the planet."

Now there was no mistake in the somberness in his eyes.

"I should've taken Sephiroth." It was a bitter statement to himself.

"History hasn't repeated itself yet Vincent. Just keep that in mind."

We were out of the reactor. I had done what I had to do. Now only the last thing: Blowing up the reactor. We went to the near hill and I called Behemut, again like the last time. Only this time one thing was different. Jenova wouldn´t be destroyed, she was living inside of me. That helped in summoning because I could use her endless strength. The summoning and materia use was much easier than before. Maybe because my deeper connection to Gaia.

The reactor exploded quite nicely. I smiled, Reno would contemplate me if he were here. That was quite flashy, nicely done spiky..

"I need to go to Midgar in two weeks. Care to come with me?" I asked Vincent.

"I will come. I need to see my son. If you have lied to me about him.. I will murder you more cruelly than Hojo when I get my hands on him." He said venomously.

"I'm not worried then." I said.

We were going back home. Back to Sephiroth. The only problem was that I had absolutely no idea how to get in SOLDIER. The exams weren´t hard for me. The first test date was usually two weeks after the new cadets came in. I would take that and then.. I would be in. It wasn´t common for new cadets to take the exams but it wasn´t said that that couldn´t happen. It was just unusual. I knew that the instructors and sergeants would be amazed about me passing the exams like air, but I didn´t have the time to be there and study. I didn´t mind the thing that I was different. It was perfectly normal to me. And the thing was that I was now looking about twenty years old, with my muscles hard as stone an my face even harder. Then there were the scars. My left eyebrow had slight scar because of John. I was secretly happy about it. It made me feel like my old self again. Then there was the big one by Johns sword in my lower abdomen and back and from the last but not the least was the smaller one in my stomach.

xxx

"Pardon me while I burst into flames

I've had enough of the world and its people's mindless games

So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame

Pardon me, pardon me. They'll never be the same

Never be the same… yeah"

The first thing I did before I left was cut my damn hair. Sephiroth might be able to fight with his hair down, but not me. It just wasn´t my style. It was actually pretty sad to see it fall in locks to the floor. In a middle of it I took a little of it and sealed it into an envelope. I would take something with me to remember of Sephiroth. The hairs were silky to touch and were glittering golden.

It was time to leave. I had packed all my things. Including my SOLDIER uniform and my sword. The basic hygiene stuff and clothes. I knew that the army would provide the basic uniforms, but I needed something else if I wanted to go below the plate. I also took some money with me. Only 100 gils. It wasn´t much but it would have to be enough. The flight ticket was 70 gils so it would left me 30 gils and by that I could afford to go once below the plate. Then I remembered that I would have salary. Silly me of thinking money...

The only problem with this was where could I keep my sword and uniform. Then I thought about Vincent. I needed to meet him soon.

I was in front of the town bar. I went there to meet Vincent before we parted.

"I know that you can find your way to Midgar. Could you keep my sword and uniform for me?" I asked from him.

" Yes Cloud. I will contact you at some time. Preferably, after you have gone through boot camp." He said, took my sword and uniform and we parted ways. I went to the plane bounded for Midgar. I found my seat quickly and put my things under it. There weren´t many with me in the plane. A couple of announcements later we were off.

The trip to Midgar went nicely. Because of Mako and Jenova I didn´t feel any traveling sickness which I was grateful of. It was unfortunate for some of the passengers though, grunts and groans everywhere. I felt bad for the toilet—perhaps it will retire after all the use?

In Midgar, I went straight to the Shin-Ra recruit office and signed the basic papers of me being there and the contract of working with them. After that is two weeks lasting boot camp time. All the recruits were merry fuckers. "Man, it's going to be great!" and all that optimistic bull shit. The next morning however, was a big wake up call to them.

Sergeant Loski was a loud fucker, "Move you green pussies!" and "My husband's has more cock and balls than you pussies!" That was a wakeup call to all the homophobes. "I'll drill you like I drill my husband!" and if someone fell down they got: "If you don't get up I'll punch you in your cunt!"

When it came to me getting his vulgar mouth, it was, "You are the best pussy out of all of them! You got balls!"

And that compliment went straight to the higher-ups.

I knew that I shouldn´t shine but it was hard. I was ahead of them. In mind, skill and everything else. Including mako. Gast had informed Shin-Ra medics about my situation and I went to the labs to get my injections every week.

The bootcamp was easy piece to me. There were the exams to determine which Cadets we would come. S.P. Cadet was the highest. It was a SOLDIER preparation Cadet. Those were the elite of all Cadets. I made that part easily. I new the Shin-Ra protocol and code throw my heart. Then again I had the muscular to o the physical which I hadn´t last time when I tried this shit. Then to the written exam. It was only the basic code and some historics. Too easy to me, but not to the others.

After boot camp I made it to S. and it was easy to be there. That Saturday when our squad was formed and bunks made, I received a phone call.

"Strife here."

"Cloud, it's me." Of course it's you, right on time, "This line isn't tapped. Turk skills."

"You were always good at it."

"Where's my son?"

"First, are you lying down?" As in lying low.

"This isn't my first mission, cadet."

"I apologize. If you want to peek, the room is 1064 on the 63rd floor. Remember the building?"

"Yes, the M.E.O.H.C. building. And the doctor?" M.E.O.C.H. meant 'Military Executives and Officers Housing Complex.'

"Last I heard he is living in the basement number 5 in the S.M.R. building. You know he's a regular and a night owl. I know you want to be messy, but please don't." the S.M.R. was the acronym for 'Science and Medical Research.'

"... It will be clean, I assure you. Turks know how to make people have accidents."

"When do you what to meet up?"

"I want to see my son first before I kill that bastard. I'll call again in a week. If I don't call come to Seventh Heaven in sector 5 the day after at 1 o'clock."

"OK, bye."

"Bye."

After that, everyone thought I had a girlfriend. It was funny actually because Vincent and I had been sex partners before.

xxx

It was our first sword drill time and I was jumping all around because of that. I knew because my light frame they would misjudge my power and skill. Oh well. Even though I had good frame, but I was still little and lightweight. They thought that because I wasn´t part of the group I was somekind of outcast, or nerd or something. I had only one friend.. Reno. It was actually a great fun to see how different and same from the old Reno he was at the same time. I liked him. Now he held some respect to the superiors.. In front of them, but if they were asses then he would talk shit behind their back. It was naïve but what could you do?

"I´m Sergeant Ebony and I will be your instructor the whole time until you are in SOLDIER, or to the Special Ops, or whatever is in your military future. If you miss one class you will be suspended, miss two and you automatically failed; no exceptions unless you have a note from the labs, and good luck with that. You are elite but not that much of an elite. Only Cadet elite I´m afraid. I will call your name and you answer it the same as you were told to do in boot camp." Sergeant Ebony said and he picked up his clipboard.

"Abbot, Oreo!"

"Here sir!"

"Abney, Yves!"

"Here sir!"

"Adams, Gabriel!" No answer, "What a shame!"

"Bailey, Weis!"

"Here sir!"

"Eberly, Dean!"

"Here sir!"

"Lanham, Mathew!" No answer. "Too bad for that fucker."

"Sinclair, Reno!"

"Here sir!"

"Strife... Cloud?"

"Here sir" I answered. His face was all screwed. I knew he was thinking about something nasty to kick me out. But that would not happen. I was too well informed about everything, thanks to my memories.

"Today we will start with sword practice. I will call on someone to demonstrate. Strife!"

"Well, well, will you allow me to handle him?" Angel said inside me. I internally smiled. I willingly relinquished my bodily power to my other Self. My eyes turned a silver-blue and had the same cat-like slit similar to Sephiroth's. I knew that this would be some great fun. Since I had my memories back and Jenova inside of me I ha become somewhat predatory. Not defensive, no one would not dare to come close to me. I didn´t lash around, but people automatic thought so. It was some kind of animal instinct.

"Well, well.. Who´s here? Isn´t it little Strife boy... heh. Back to basics I assume? A lot has been said about you." He said smirking. He said it so quietly that no one else couldn´t hear him. It was fun also. I knew that everybody hated him in the class. And I knew that if Reno would hear, he would immediately tell to the higher ups.

I smirked back cruelly. Angel was thinking the cruelest way to do him harm, as demonstration of our power. It should be fun.

"So you didn´t get into SOLDIER.. How unfortunate. Well let´s get back to basics then. Want to have a sparring match?" I said quietly back to him. Still smiling cruelly.

"But sir, how do you know that Strife can fight? He looks like a girl, so obviously he fights like girl too." Some said smirking. I hadn´t paid any attention to the others. That wasn´t a mistake. I knew I could kill every single person from the room in a heartbeat.

Everybody including Ebony laughed at that.

"I can´t. However never under estimate your opponent. " Sergeant Ebony said still smirking. He was obviously waiting to hand my ass back to me like the old days in Nibelheim. Well that was not happening. I had developed some great advances and I knew that he would be no match to me.

He should heed his words more often. Angel wasn´t an angel in a fight. I knew it. He was more cruel and ruthless and he preferred katana and I preferred Big bad-ass swords. He wanted to humiliate his targets and make the death as painful and cruel as possible. He was more like angel of death than any other thing.

"Strife! Take your favored weapon from the cabin!" Sergeant shouted. I went to the cabin and I was taking a basic practicing sword when he shouted again.

"Not the practicing swords Strife! The next cabin on your left! You idiot!" He shouted.

There were various weapons, Katanas, Wakisasis, Tantos, Busters, basic military swords, everything anyone could have or want. I examined few katanas until I chose black hilted katana. It was the best one of the katanas that were able to me to choose from. It had razor sharp edge and it had a nice range. It was perfectly balanced.

"What the hell Strife? I thought you would choose a buster.. Well easier to me to beat you. 'Cuz I know that you are not familiar with that weapon." Sergeant shouted me again.

I wasn´t good or familiar with the katana. But Angel and Jenova certainly were. Angel complained a little about allowing my hair to be cut, but at least it didn't get in the way. If I wasn't careful, people would assume I was imitating Sephiroth. Unintentionally.

We went to the mats and Angel made couple practice swings with the katana—getting a feel for it. Ebony's basic military sword was already at fighting pose. He had changed his weapon. It was no use using replica if you couldn´t lift the real thing. That was his problem. People would have laughed him out of Shin-Ra if he´d do that. People broke from the line to get a better look, but we couldn´t care less. All that was inside of our minds was the fighting.

We also didn´t notice a few extra people coming in to the gym. Angeal, Genesis, Sephiroth and Zack to be precise. They crept closer but we didn´t pay any mind to them.

I went to Sephiroth's basic stance... and leapt to Ebony.

The fight began!

xxx

"Pardon me while I burst into flames

Pardon me... Pardon me... Pardon me

So pardon me while I burst into flames

I've had enough of the world and its people's mindless games"

Sephiroth's PoV

I watched as the cadet and sergeant charged each other. The Cadet somehow reminded me of someone... Who could he be? It started with a 'C.' Clo? Clow? Clue? Cloud? Yes that's right. Cloud. I heard whispers of an aspiring cadet and recruit named Cloud. Wonder if this is him. Cloud... Strife...? But where do I know him? Then I had a weird sense of déjà vu.

Sitting here, watching him. He seemed... different. A small image of Cloud using a buster sword was prevalent in my mind. Why was this Cloud having a katana? I watched anxiously. The sight of battle always invigorated me. I watched and analyzed closely. I noted whether he would pass to be a SOLDIER. It was very pleasing to see.

Something was amiss. In the back of my mind, a whisper of 'danger!' emitted. It wasn't the danger to myself, but danger to the Sergeant. The more the fight went on, the more the whisper became a shout. Sephiroth was switched on.

In a matter of seconds, two swords flew into the air and away from the holders. However, damage was done, the Sergeant went down with a large cut across the abdomen. Sephiroth blocked Cloud from reaching his sword. Zack took Sergeant away from the mat and went to nurture his wounds like a mother-hen. He didn´t like the Sergeant anymore than any of us. But it was his nature to tend anyone and everything.

Strife was different than in the daydream, his eyes were glittering little bit of silver. Same kind of eyes like mine. //I'm in here.// There was that voice, it was small and faint. The voice he so remembered and recognized, his mother. It emanated from Cloud. //That's right, I'm inside--// Then, without warning, the connection was severed.

Suspiciously I watched Cloud. Then, something strange happened, his stance changed, his eyes changed to an aqua blue and he came more focused about his situation. I sensed that he didn´t have the slightest of idea of what should he be doing.

Zack was finished curing the Sergeant with the materia and said, "Now cadets. This was the show we had always wanted to give. And with one of our third class SOLDIERs Strife here, everything went well. This is the power of SOLDIER."

"Class Dismissed!" Sergeant Ebony shouted. Everybody left including Ebony. Zack lend him over and had said something to him.

With my hearing I heard, "Where you kidding back there?"

And the reply? "No, I wasn't."

xxx

Cloud's PoV

"This wasn´t any kind of show. Why are you here?" I said to them, without addressing any of them by their rank. There was just no way that even third class could beat any of these men.

Insurbonation!

"Why are you here?" Sephiroth hissed, "I heard her! She has been silent for weeks now! I heard her just now! She came from you!" Sephiroth said to me. Everybody else was looking questionably towards us.

"Would you like to hear her?" I said unison with Angel. My eyes were blue and silver. Telling that we both were present. If they were pink also that would have signed that Jenova was also present, but not in control.

"I don´t think you can do that. You killed her, Angel." Sephiroth said.

"Yes.. We are both here. Actually we all are here. Would you like to see her? The creature that you called Mother so many times? The creature you believed was your Mother?" I said again in perfect unison. That last part had some of Jenova's voice.

It was damnation as well as possession. Abomination!

"What are you talking about? Who are you talking about? Angel? Last time I checked his name was Cloud Strife." Zack and Angeal said in unison. They looked each other and went silent.

"Yes that´s my name." I said. My eyes were blue and my body language was blank. Not predatory, but not defensive either. Then my body language changed to predatory, my eyes became catlike and silvery as did my hair.

"Yes.. And my name is Angel.... Rhapsodus."

Genesis went wide-eyed.

My Cloud-Self came back, I started to feel light headed, too much energy being used at the same time, "Sephiroth, I promise I won't fail you this time. You'll know the truth."

It all faded to nothingness.

xxx

"So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame

Pardon me, pardon me... They'll never be the same

Pardon me...

Never be the same... yeah."

A/N: So here is Chapter 3.. I hope you all like it. The next chap will be up in few weeks.. If I have enough time earlier. So thank you for reading.

B/N: Da Beta here! I have finished Beat-izing the chapter with grammar, spelling, and plot. And adding my own character, Sergeant Loski and his vulgar mouth. :P