Here's Chapter Four! Enjoy!
Whatever you recognize belongs to JK Rowling, not me.
Three days went by. Then a week. Never before had this much time passed without James asking me out. It was driving me insane. Every time I saw him, I waited, expecting him to ask me at any moment, but he never did. I even started making excuses to be closer to James, in the hope that he would ask me out, but to no avail.
By the time Wednesday rolled around, I was getting anxious. Nine whole days had passed without James asking me out.
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"So, James hasn't asked me out in a while," I say to Mary as we walk to Transfiguration. Obviously I'm desperate if I'm discussing my desire for James Potter to ask me out with Mary.
"I noticed. Maybe he's finally taken the hint."
"Maybe…" I say, and my heart sinks. What if this is actually the case? What if he's finally given up? What if he starts going out with someone else? Have I missed my chance?
Alice, a friend of ours, catches up with us, a smile lighting up her round face. She and Mary start talking animatedly to one another, leaving me to wallow in my own self-pity.
"Evans," I hear from behind me, and suddenly my dark mood turns light. Maybe now…
Mary smirks and says, "I guess I was wrong," and she and Alice continue on to Transfiguration while I hang back and wait for James.
James catches up with me, and we walk together down the corridor, toward Professor McGonagall's classroom.
"Professor Dumbledore wanted me to tell you that he wants to meet with us tonight. You know," he says, "Head meeting."
"Right," I say, and my excitement begins to mount, because it surely must be coming soon…
"Hey guys."
I have never hated Sirius Black more than I do right now.
Sirius joins us as we walk toward Transfiguration, completely ruining any chance there was of James asking me out now.
Fine, I think to myself. It's time to take matters into my own hands.
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I've never asked anyone out before. I don't exactly know how to do it. All those times that James asked me out, and I never once paid any attention to how the actual asking was executed. I regret that, now that I'm faced with performing this task myself.
James must really be confident with himself, because he never once looked nervous when he asked me out, either. All day, I try to get James on his own so that I could ask him out, only to chicken out at the last second. How did he do it all those times, without even breaking a sweat? For that matter, after being rejected so many times, how did he stay confident; how did he have the courage to ask me again? I've never really thought about all this before, and now that I do, I must say, I admire James for his courage.
I wish I had that courage.
Now, I find myself skulking down corridors, looking into any empty classroom, trying to find James. Pathetic, I know, but I'm on a mission. He's not in the Common Room, and he's not in his Dormitory (I asked Remus). He's also not in the Great Hall, the Library, and he's not outside. I don't know where else to go!
I sigh, and finally give up my search. I'll just go sit in the Common Room, and wait for him to come back. If anything, I can talk to him after the Head meeting tonight, but I don't know if I can wait that long; my nerves are driving me insane.
On the way back to Gryffindor Tower, I hear voices coming from an empty classroom. Two voices I know…
"Scourgify!" James yells as I push open the door of the classroom, pointing his wand at Severus. The scene before my eyes is familiar. Too familiar. This could have been two years ago, we could've been on the grounds by the lake. Hadn't James used this exact spell on Severus on that fateful day? And hadn't his bullying of Severus caused me to give up on James?
I thought he had changed, but it's obvious to me now that he hasn't. Now, I'm glad I didn't get the chance to ask him out; I'm glad I chickened out. James Potter is still the same arrogant, bullying, slime ball that he had always been. I'm just glad I found out before the damage was done.
"Lily?"
James spots me standing in the doorway, and lowers his wand. I catch James' eye, turn on the spot, and walk out the door without saying a word to him.
But he runs after me.
"Lily, wait, don't be mad, I can explain!"
"Just leave me alone, Potter," I say without turning around, so that James won't see the tears that I can't stop from spilling out.
"Evans. Hey, EVANS!" James yells from behind me, just as he had two years ago.
But just like on that day, I don't look back.
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I consider skipping the head meeting completely, just so I won't have to see James. I can't believe that I thought he had changed. How could I be so incredibly dim?
With a sigh, I vacate my bed, on which I had been laying for a number of hours, thinking about what I had seen.
The small part of me that still, stupidly, has feelings for James is still holding on.
He had said he could explain…
But could he? Could he really?
James arrives to the Head meeting before I do. All through the meeting he tries to catch my eye, but I won't look at him. I can't, or the that small part of me will prevail, and I can't let that happen.
However, I can't avoid him when our meeting is over, as we're walking toward the same place. As soon as we leave Dumbledore's office, I brace myself for James' pleads and excuses.
"Evans, listen," James says. I ignore him, and walk a bit faster.
He speeds up as well. "Listen," he repeats, "I know that the subject of Snivellus has always kind of been a sore spot for you, but you need to listen to me-"
"I don't need to listen to anything," I say, stopping in my tracks, and turning to face James. "You're just a bully! You've always tormented Severus, and for what reason? Why can't you just leave him alone?"
"He hexed me first! From behind too, he didn't even have the guts to look me in the eye and--"
"But why did you have to hex him back? Why did you stoop to his level? Why couldn't you be mature for once in your life and just walk away?"
"I--"
"I don't want to hear what you have to say, Potter. You need to grow up, okay? Do me a favor, don't sit near me in the Great Hall, don't get Black to be partners with Mary so I'll be forced to be your partner in class, and stop asking me out. Just leave me alone."
James' shoulders, usually raised in confidence, sag. "Fine," he says, his voice flat, "I'll leave you alone. I'm sorry that I upset you, and I'm sorry that I bug you so much. It won't happen again, I promise."
And with that, James turns and walks away, leaving me standing in the deserted corridor, completely stunned. That was not what I was expecting.
As I watch James walk away, apparently defeated, I am filled with emotion. That little part of me has finally succeeded.
What the hell did I just do?
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There it is! I hope you enjoyed it!
You may have noticed that I updated the story three times in one week. You may be asking yourself why I have done this (or I may be making assumption about what you're thinking). It's because I'm nearly finished writing this fan fiction (I plan to be finished by Tuesday!), so I'm no longer in fear of leaving you guys hanging while it takes my three weeks to overcome my writers block (or three months, which is how long it took me to get back into my writing last time). Therefore, you can expect another update by Monday.
Thanks for reading, and I hope you review!