Summary: One of Spencer's unique inventions results in a swap Sam and Freddie will never forget

Summary: One of Spencer's unique inventions results in a swap Sam and Freddie will never forget. Seddie.

Disclaimer: Oh darn, you caught me, I'm secretly Dan Schneider! No, kidding, just plain, old Colors, owner of nothing iCarly.

iSwitch

Chapter 3

As nutty as it sounds, this was fun.

I mean, yeah, it sucked to be stuck inside a dork's body, but if it meant making Freddork's life even more miserable than before, then hey, might as well look on that bright side.

When life gives you lemons, throw them at people.

And the fact that Freddie would never have the guts to embarrass me back made it even more perfect. And even if he did, what was he gonna do? Answer a question right in class? Do my homework?

Oh yes, I was so frightened.

Carly and Freddie had left a while back with Spencer, and I was waiting for Mrs. Benson to come get me. I was going to drive home with Carly, but a person could only take so much Freddie, especially if they were in Freddie's body.

Wow, that really made no sense. Ah, whatever.

While we're waiting, I guess I'll list all of the fun things I made Freddie do today: skip half of Briggs class after telling her off, knock Gibby down, rip his AP Upper Honors Math test in half and shout "Math is for squares!" (Get it? Squares? That random two that goes above some numbers?), and eat his History homework (so I can tell Miss Ackerman's gullible replacement, Miss Credman, that a dog did indeed eat my homework). Man, I had really outdone myself. Freddie should've been thanking me for giving him so many fun things to deal with once we asked Spencer to fix his yogurt machine.

Instead, he was getting all mad. But I guess that was okay, because it was funny and Sam didn't normally talk to him anyway.

Carly, on the other hand, had been giving me questioning looks all day. Well, she'd been giving them to Freddie, so I wondered what was up. I also wondered what she had to tell me.

Okay, this was the best. For once, I actually had the right to know what secret thing Carly was telling Freddie…because it was for me to hear! So once I got out of this dork body, I'd just tell Carly I had amnesia all day, and tell her to repeat the question. Or something else, because that plan was dumb. I'll think of something. I always did.

The Benson family car pulled up, breaking my thoughts. Mrs. Benson opened the main door, and suddenly I knew this part wouldn't be as fun. Or, well, fun at all.

"Fredward, honey! How was your day?" she asked loudly but sincerely. She raced over to me, and I tried to struggle as she applied cloud block (there weren't even any clouds out!), but it was no use.

"It was interesting." I told her honestly, after the lotion was heavily applied. Gross much? I got into her car, unaware that the second I did so, it would be twenty questions.

Mrs. Benson started driving, and I noticed that her car was creepily clean. No scuff marks, no drinks, no garbage. It was definitely a change from my mom's pick-up truck. The last time she cleaned it was because Greg (boyfriend number twelve) asked her to.

"So…" she said, stretching out the vowel for a long time. "How was your math test?! Did you do well?! Was it hard?!"

"Um…" Suddenly I felt a bit guilty ripping the test, realizing it really was going to get him in a lot of trouble. Or maybe it was just the satisfaction of a prank well-done eating at my insides.

"And how's Carly?! Do you still love her?! Have you moved on yet, like you wanted to?!" Had Carly told Mrs. Benson about what I made Freddie say earlier? But wait, I never said I wanted to move on…move on to what?!"Did you talk to her at all today?! Oh, and how is Samantha?! Still bullying you?! Come on, son, tell all the deets!"

Wow.

"How's your lovely teacher Francine? Did you apply tick lotion before and after entering Math class like I told you last night? How's Jeremy? When was the last time you saw that boy? Really, Freddie, he's a nice kid –" Whose hobbies include sneezing, wheezing, and dripping? No thanks. "And how was iCarly yesterday? Anything interesting? –" Oh no, not at all.

Strangely, I found myself answering all her questions (minus all the real fun I had. Didn't want Freddie's mom to have a heart attack). I don't think anyone had taken any interest in me like this since….well, since a long time. It was kind of nice.

No one better find out that I said that though.

Finally, we pulled into the parking lot of Bushwell Plaza, and Mrs. Benson told me she was going out to buy some ingredients for her famous broccoli surprise (yay). I headed up the elevator after setting the clock on Lewbert's desk to ring loudly in one minute (he was sleeping, but soon he wouldn't be).

I soon got to Carly's apartment and knocked, remembering that Freddie was too stupid to pick a lock.

"Hey Freddie," Carly said, letting me in.

"Hey." I said back, and then I looked over at Freddie, who merely turned away. He was probably glaring. Whatever.

Carly eyed Freddie and leaned in to me. "What's eating her?"

"Anything that she doesn't eat her first?"

She smiled. "Oh yes." She walked over to the kitchen. "Do you guys want some watermelon?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Watermelon sounds good." Freddie replied, sounding a lot like he didn't really care. Seriously, he was making this so easy. I embarrassed him; he pulled off being me to some extent. It was almost too perfect. "Hey, where's Spencer?" Oh yeah, we needed to ask Spencer to fix his yogurt thing.

Carly was casually chopping watermelon into chewable pieces when she responded, "Oh, I think he's tearing apart his yogurt thing for a robot sculpture…" Oh, ha ha. Typical Spe – wait, tearing up what?!I turned to Freddie, and he was wearing my shocked expression. I was sure I was wearing his, too. Carly eyed us good-naturedly. "What? Bottle Bot doesn't deserve a friend?"

"He's…he's…" Freddie looked like he was about to faint. "He's destroying the Yogurtifyer?"

"It's the Yogurtinator." I pointed out quietly.

"Whatever!"

"Well, maybe he hasn't started yet," Carly answered. "But –" Before Carly could finish her sentence, I charged past her and her chopped watermelon and up the stairs, hearing a round of footsteps behind me.

This was bad. This was so, so, so bad. No way in ham would I stay in this dorky body for the rest of my life!

In a flash, I was in the iCarly studio, where I heard Spencer scream, an action he usually did right before smashing something (don't believe me? Take a look at all the iCrush it episodes…).

"Spencer, nooo!" I charged with great speed towards Carly's crazy, screaming, mid-swing brother and tackled him. The hammer flew out of his hands as I brought Spencer to the floor, and it crashed out of the back window of the iCarly studio. The room was silent for a few moments, as three things happened: Carly stared, dumbfounded, Freddie hurriedly went over to the machine, examining any further damage (nerd…), and a large, angry "ow!" was heard from outside the window.

I got off of Spencer and helped him up. He looked pretty scared, actually.

"Freddie?" he asked slowly.

"Yep?" I answered, trying to pretend I hadn't just pummeled him to the ground.

"Why did you just attack me abrasively and send my hammer flying out the window?" he asked, backing away.

"Because…um…because…" I searched my brain for an answer, but this wasn't exactly something that had an easy explanation. Besides, my brain didn't enjoy thinking intensely.

"Because S-Freddie wanted frozen yogurt!" Freddie finished quickly.

"Oh really?" Carly asked, an amused smirk on her face. Freddie, you're an idiot.

"Yeah! Isn't it obvious?" Freddie threw them a pretty impressive Sam look and reached into the machine, bringing out vanilla yogurt in a cup. Then he reached across the machine and handed it to me. "Here Fred…ward. You know, I could use some, too!" I watched as Freddie scooped my favorite flavor for himself.

"I hate vanilla ice cream." I hissed, so only he could hear.

"Just eat it!" he shot back.

"Or I could stick it in your face!"

"Rude."

"Yup."

He scowled in the way he usually did, and then smiled toward Carly and Spencer, who were just staring. Well, Spencer was having a thumb wrestle with himself…so never mind. "You guys want some?"

"No, ugh, I lost again!" Spencer yelled.

"Maybe." Carly said sternly. "After you tell me the real reason you tackled my brother to the ground." She crossed her arms and waited silently.

I turned to Freddie, wondering what we were gonna say. The truth? A lie? Nothing at all? We would never in a million years get away with the third one. Remember how I said I had ways? Carly Shay had way ways.

"No rabbit holes! That's cheating!" Spencer said frantically, still playing thumb wrestling.

"Okay." Freddie stepped forward. "Here's the truth." I raised an eyebrow. I swear to ham, if he told her that I was him, I would – "The Yogurtinator caused us to switch bodies. I'm Freddie, not Sam." – kill him! I am going to heavily damage that kid; I don't care if he's in my body!

The room was silent for a couple moments, before a large sound echoed through the room.

Laughter. At my expense. Well, mostly Freddie's, but mine too!

"Nice. One. Sam!" Carly exploded with laughter. Freddie and I chuckled nervously, deciding that she definitely wasn't going to believe us. Spencer joined in, and Carly and Spencer leaned on each other in a fit of laughter.

So obviously, the Shays definitely weren't an option to tell.

"You kids get funnier everyday!" Spencer said goofily, rubbing our heads. "And hey, Freddie, you were running pretty fast. I see you got over your I-Hate-Fast-Locomotion phase!"

"Yep, but I'm still in My Dork Phase!" I said proudly. Freddie tried his best to remain composed.

"Are you on auto-insult pilot or something?" Carly laughed. Ah, humor at Freddie's expense. This was the kind I enjoyed. Carly also seemed to have forgotten about the tackle to the ground thing.

"Well…" I readied myself to refuel the insults, but Freddie interrupted.

"Spencer, do you think you could fix the yogurt machine?" he asked, bringing the subject away from his inevitable dorkyness and to something more logical. No surprise there.

"Of course! I'm an electrical wiz!" he announced boldly, grabbing a wrench that just so happened to be in his pocket. Right after his proclamation, the wrench randomly caught on fire, and he yelled loudly in surprise. Panicked, he quickly threw the wrench away, and it fell out of the same window.

"Aw, it burnt my pinky!" he said sadly, examining his wounded finger.

"And broke our window." Carly added. "Again." A car alarm began ringing from outside the apartment building.

Spencer glanced at all of us nervously as the car alarm continued to roar. "How 'bout we stay away from windows today?"

"Yep/sure/okay." Carly, Fredward and I all said, one after the other.

"I'll try to fix this thing, then." Spencer said after the alarm stopped. "Though I still don't get why you want it fixed. It almost burnt your heads off…"

"Yeah, well…" I shrugged, with no intention of finishing the sentence.

"I'll help!" Carly chirped in.

"Pfft!" Spencer put his hands on his hips, superhero style. "Spencer Shay needs no assistance!" The car alarm sounded again from outside, and an angry woman was screaming wildly. He sighed, slumping forward. "Grab a screwdriver." We all laughed lightly, and for a sec I forgot I was in Freddie's body, 'til I caught a glimpse of my reflection in Spencer's machine and sighed in frustration. Even though the embarrassing Freddie part was fun, I needed to be me again. Freddie wasn't tough enough to be me. I wasn't even tough enough to be me. I was just better at hiding it.

I watched as Carly and Spencer worked together on the machine, a small but perfect-in-its-own-way family. Freddie and I merely watched, along for the ride but never truly a part of it. "Freddie, want to help?" I mean, yeah, I had a mom, but – "Freddie?" – that didn't mean that – "Freddie!" Whoops, she means me.

"No, I'm okay." I responded. "I'd better get home before, uh, my mom calls the police…or something." I sounded awkward, but Carly nodded in understanding anyway.

"I should probably get home, too." I heard Freddie say. As me. As in, he was going to my house. To live my life.

No. No way. That was not an option.

"You're going home?" Carly sounded surprised, but not astounded, as she drove a screw into the left side of the Yogurtinator. I understood though; I almost never went home.

"Yeah…" Freddie raised an eyebrow in confusion. He was never very observant with anything that wasn't under a microscope or in "Video Effects", so he probably assumed I went home all the time, like lots of kids.

Wrong, Freddo. You lose. He told Carly he'd see her later and headed downstairs. I followed him quickly.

Grabbing his shoulder, I spun him around, possibly harder than I meant because he fell to the ground and down the stairs, yelling 'ow' until he was all the way to the bottom. Some of my body's blonde hair went into his mouth and he spat, disgusted.

Note to self; shave head.

"You can't go to my house!" I shouted angrily.

"Why not?!"

"Because you just can't!"

"I know where it is!"

"That's not the problem, doofus!" He stood up and brushed himself off with sharp motions.

"Then care to enlighten me on what is?" Who did he think he was? I didn't just go around…telling people stuff! Especially him. When he was about to go to my apartment and act as me.

Suddenly, I hated the Yogurtinator with a passion. Why did this even happen?! The machine was supposed to give us a brain freeze, not transplant!

"None of your beeswax, dork!" I spat. "I just…I don't want you touching any of my stuff!" Lie number one.

"Why would I want to?" he asked, annoyed, but then he probably noticed how frantic I looked, though I didn't mean to look that way. It just sort of happened. He stared right at me, not angry anymore. "What's wrong that you don't want me to know?" I think he meant it kind of sincerely, but I paid no attention to that. Why? Because he was trying to tear down my perfectly crafted wall. I loved that wall.

"Nothing! Jeez!" I pretended like he was the one who needed to calm down. Lie number two.

"Then why can't I - ?"

"Just go." I just wanted him to leave, okay?

He stared for a moment, and then ended our discussion: "Fine. Don't even think of touching anything flammable, breakable, or, heck, touchable, in my apartment!"

"No promises." He made an angry sound and left. I watched him leave. I imagined him going home, seeing my mom, seeing my house…seeing me. I stood there a little while, trying to convince myself that everything would be just fine, that Freddie would just go straight to my room, that my walls were totally safe…

Lie number three. Lie number four. Lie number five.

A/N: No, Sam isn't getting abused. There are so many stories about that already. But is something going on? Hmm…you'll have to see.

Obviously, Sam is having mixed feelings about many, many things. I hope you guys like this chapter, and I'm SO sorry I took so long. School. Drama. Blah dee blah. You don't want to hear my excuses, but I really am sorry!

Thanks for reading!:)

-Colors