The nightmares continued nightly, Kurama waking screaming most nights, finding himself on the floor almost every morning. Most nights, Yusuke and Hiei came to his room, answering his screams, though he couldn't remember who they were or why they were there. Depending on how bad the dreams were, Yusuke would remain in the room, sleeping on the floor by the bed, Hiei just outside the door for the rest of the night.
During the day, memories continued to surface at random, not always related to what they were doing or talking about. Some of those, neither Yusuke nor Hiei could confirm since he'd lived so long before they met him, but they felt right, true, so he decided that they were, at least until he could confirm them otherwise.
"Who was Kuronue?" he asked one day, the name filling his head, but he couldn't remember more.
Yusuke, who was keeping him company in the forest then, looked over at him. "Your partner from a while back," he said.
"He died during a heist," Kurama added, the memory starting to filter up now that he had a little more to pull it up with. "He saved me," he said slowly.
"Yes. He loved you, I'm sure."
Kurama nodded and looked up at the sky. He could remember some good times with Kuronue. "Will you stay with me tonight?" he asked, turning to look at Yusuke again. "I don't want him to be in my nightmares. It's bad enough…" His voice trailed off and he looked away.
Yusuke's hand came to rest on Kurama's arm. "It's okay. Your nightmares will eventually work themselves out," he said, repeating a reassurance he'd given many times.
"Maybe if I slept out here," Kurama sighed. He'd thought it many times, but this was the first time he'd said it.
Yusuke shrugged. "I don't see why not," he said. "If you think it'll help, then we can try it. Hiei and I can keep watch"
"Why are you willing to do so much for me?" Kurama knew the answer, though. Yusuke had told him before, but something in him needed to hear it again.
Moving so that he could hold both of Kurama's arms, Yusuke said, "Because I love you. We spent five years looking for you, and I'm sorry it took so long, but we love you. It's only been a few months. You're making progress. The nightmares are a sign of this."
"How do you know?" Kurama demanded.
"Hiei's able to see your thoughts when he tries. Also, there's a healer we've been consulting."
A sense of violation flowed through Kurama. He did remember, just before he said anything, though, that he knew Hiei could read his mind, when he tried. It was why he wore that bandana all the time. The jagan. "Healer?" he asked, hurt he couldn't vanish in his voice.
"Yukina," Yusuke said. "She's been here a couple of times and we've talked to her with the communicator."
"I haven't seen her," Kurama pointed out sullenly.
Yusuke's hands fell to his sides. "She said it would be better until you remembered her, that you're going through so much in your mind right now…"
Kurama turned away. "Now you're deciding how and what I can remember," he spat out, unaccountably angry. Not knowing why he was mad just made him more angry and he lashed out at Yusuke since he was the only target available outside himself.
"That is not what I said!" Yusuke spat back. "I said you're making progress and we're not just blindly going about this!"
"No, you're consulting people behind my back and what's to say Hiei isn't deliberately deciding what I can remember!"
"Hiei wouldn't do that! If he could, he'd make it so you could remember what happened before!"
"Why doesn't he? Why are you making me suffer more if he can?"
"He can't! And what makes you think that five years of what Karasu did to you, being locked in that room that was so warded, your youki couldn't escape it, being starved, being tortured, can be erased in just one simple act?" Yusuke was shaking and wrapped his arms around himself. "Do you really think we enjoy hearing you scream from your nightmares? Do you think we enjoy being so careful with you, that we want to drag this out any longer than it has to be? Because if you believe any of that, you're fucking insane! Damn it, Kurama, we love you. This hurts us, too."
"Why doesn't he, then?" Kurama demanded, aware that he was shaking too, but refusing to hold himself, trying to appear strong for once.
Yusuke's mouth worked a moment, and it was obvious he was trying to get himself under control. "He said it would be like trying to build a sky scraper over a sink hole. That even if he did draw your memories up, without you healing first, that everything would just fall apart and you'd end up insane, really insane," he added, remembering he'd just accused Kurama of being insane. "That everything would collapse and your mind would be broken beyond repair. But, if you remembered on your own, then it would be strong, your memories and your mind." He sighed. "Yukina agreed, or said the same thing Hiei did without hearing him say it. And, I talked to a doctor in the Ningenkai briefly about amnesia, and he said the same thing, that it would be better for you to remember in your own time."
"Kuwabara?" Kurama asked, not sure where that name came from, but knowing he trusted him.
Yusuke swallowed. "Yeah, him. He figured out it was you and was very adamant that Hiei shouldn't help you with his jagan."
Kurama's arms wrapped around his body, openly shaking. "I just want to remember," he said. "I hate being this way, fearing my dreams, being afraid of you and everything. I'm sick of this. I don't want to be this way anymore," he said, his words becoming a plea.
Yusuke reached up for Kurama, touched his arm, and, when Kurama didn't flinch, drew him close. "I know," he whispered, cradling Kurama.
"Why did you keep looking?" Kurama asked, not moving to hold Yusuke or to get away from him.
"That tree you like sitting against, you bound it to your youki and told us that it would live as long as you did. It was still alive, so you had to be. We couldn't give up."
Kurama frowned, shifting so he could look at the tree behind Yusuke. "Why did I do that?" he mused, the memory lingering on the edge of his mind.
"Yomi," Yuuske said, the name itself carrying enough anger to set the air around them vibrating with it. His mouth worked a moment, obvious disgust and guilt twisting together with the anger. "You felt you owed him something, but you didn't fully trust him."
Kurama looked from Yusuke's face back to the tree. "It was my fault he was blinded," he said softly, slowly, the words coming as the memory slowly surfaced. "He…he thought he'd get his revenge on me by giving me to Karasu." He frowned at the images going through his mind. "He…tested the wards on my skin," he added, looking at his arms, expecting to see scars, though he knew they weren't there. He leaned his forehead against Yusuke's shoulder, images playing through his mind. "He wanted to hurt you, that's why I was kept in your territory," he added after a long moment.
Yusuke's arms tightened around him and Kurama was very aware of the anger that coursed through his body still, but, it didn't frighten him as it had; it wasn't directed at him. "And, unless I want to start an all out war, I can't do anything about it. All I could do was find you and get you back," he said, his voice as tense as his body.
Kurama was suddenly exhausted. He shifted away from Yusuke enough to look at him. "I understand," he said, feeling awkward , unsure what he wanted to say, how he needed to say it. "I…if it's okay, I need to sit out here a bit alone. Can you come visit me after you've eaten dinner? I need to think."
Yusuke nodded, bringing a hand up to caress Kurama's cheek. "Yeah. Do you want Hiei there, too?" he asked.
Pausing first, Kurama nodded. He waited until Yusuke moved away before walking to the tree he'd spent so much time under. It welcomed him, as it always had, but now he understood more why it did. He pressed his forehead against it, letting the memories that were still surfacing was over him. He wanted to scrub his skin, they made him feel so dirty. His knees gave out under him as he remembered what felt like everything about Yomi, their time before, when Yomi could see and had betrayed him, the failed assassin, their reunion when Yusuke had become a demon, the guilt he'd felt, though now he wondered why. It was obvious Yomi deserved what he got and more. With the memories of Yomi came the earliest memories from that room, how he'd fought, tried to get out, but being unable to touch the doors and windows—when had the wards been taken off the windows? He remembered touching them just before Hiei and Yusuke arrived—how Karasu had nearly killed him several times, how he'd been weaponless, there being no living plants in the room and his stash of seeds having been carefully removed before he'd been trapped. He curled into a ball, remembering Karasu raping him over and over again before he learned to hide himself.
The echo of a scream finally reached his ears and he realized he was screaming, his throat raw. He brought his hands up to muffle the sound, unable to stop the sound any other way. Blood flecked on his skin, unseen just yet. He screamed until all that came was silence, his face and mouth contorted in the agony that hadn't yet been eased.
A twig snapping had him scrambling closer to the tree, his eyes wide, looking for those who would hurt him. Black shoes and pants came into view of his frantic search. He looked up and Hiei was there, silently watching, something close to the agony Kurama felt on his face, in his eyes. Without a thought, Kurama flung himself at Hiei and clung to him while the rest of the memories he'd wanted to forget washed over him.