Good news! I have a functional modem again! Thank your all for your reviews -- I'm sure you'll be pleased to see that Sawyer makes his first appearance in this chapter (I know some of you probably won't, but I did warn you!)...

This probably won't be of much interest to Sawyer fans, but I was thinking about something Damon Lindelof said once, about Rose's backstory being Kate's backstory, and I thought that that would make an interesting AU fic. Kate and Kevin are coming back from their honeymoon in Australia when the plane crashes. They get separated, and Kate meets Jack, who agrees to help her search for the tail section. After spending time together, they begin to fall for each other, and when they find Kevin alive, Kate is torn between the vows she made to her husband and her feelings for Jack. Let me know if you're interested...

Chapter 4. Adult Company

With everything else that was happening, Jack couldn't seem to find a spare moment to go down to the nanny agency, so he called in sick the next morning, and the morning after that.

As babies went, his was fairly well behaved, but she didn't like travelling; he thought maybe it was because it reminded her of her mother. He tried waiting for her to fall asleep in her capsule so that he could sneak her out into the car, but she always woke up, red-faced and angry before he could even finish backing out of the driveway.

He would have left her at home with Claire while he went to run errands, but she was busy packing, and making the final arrangements for Charlie's party, so he didn't want to bother her again by asking. He thought about calling Sun, but he knew that she would try to convince him to go to the reunion, and he still wasn't sure he could handle it. He was barely holding himself together as it was.

The car wasn't the only thing that seemed to remind the baby of Kate. She also hated the doorbell; he almost burst into tears along with her when it rang on Friday morning, causing her to spit out her bottle. He'd only just managed to calm her down after one of their failed outings, and here she was fighting him again when he needed her to cooperate, by refusing to let him put the teat back in her mouth.

She was struggling so hard that he was afraid of dropping her, so he put her down in her capsule, desperate to get rid of their visitor, but it wasn't a door-to-door salesman or a charity collector like he expected. It was...

"Sawyer. What're you doing here?" he asked, tired and defeated, and confused to find his old rival standing on his doorstep. He could still hear the baby crying in the kitchen, tearing at his heartstrings with her high pitched wails. He didn't really care; he just wanted him to go away so that he could get back to her.

"Your kid sis said something about free booze," the southerner drawled, trying his patience with his roundabout explanation, "so I thought since she invited me, why the hell not? It's not like I got anything better to do."

"Okay, but the party's not until tomorrow," Jack pointed out, doing his best to shut out the baby, "so what're you doing here, at my house?"

Sawyer gave him a defiant look, as if daring Jack to ask him to leave. "Ain't that obvious? I came to see Freckles. Heard you two were shaking up." He didn't seem to hear the baby, or if he was, he was ignoring her.

"She's not here," Jack told him flatly, not wanting to prolong the conversation any further, but when he moved to close the door, Sawyer stuck out his foot, jamming it with the toe of his boot.

"So?"

"So what?" Jack was sick of playing games with him. He didn't have time for a pissing contest, especially one over Kate. She was gone. They'd both lost. There was nothing left to prove. "I'm kind of in the middle of something."

Leaving the door open, he tried to walk away, but Sawyer kicked it back the rest of the way, following him inside.

"So, Mr Manners," he said, his eyes darting around the foyer appreciatively; if Jack didn't know better, he would've thought he was casing the joint, "when a man comes to see an old friend, and that friend is out, it's customary for the guy who answers to door – that'd be you," he added with a smirk, flashing his dimples, "to let him know when she's expected back."

"She's not," Jack assured him, feeling himself begin to shut down, the dull ache in his chest now fading to numbness. He was tired of talking about Kate, as if that was somehow going to change things; for a brief moment, he wondered if it was worth quitting his job and taking the baby somewhere where no one knew Kate, or that she was supposed to be with them.

"What'd you mean she ain't expected back?" Sawyer pressed, pausing in his tracks. "She's gotta come home some time." He gave Jack a suspicious look, as if he thought this was all a lie to keep him from seeing her. As if he thought she was going to walk in at any moment and tell them both off. As if that was even a possibility.

"I mean she doesn't live here anymore, Sawyer," Jack explained, resenting the fact that he had to spell it out for him when he was still trying to come to terms with the idea himself. "She hasn't for a long time."

They'd reached the kitchen by then. Jack pushed the door open, stepping inside with Sawyer still on his heels. The southerner looked surprised, processing this, until he saw the baby, and a light seemed to go on inside his head.

"I see," he said, his voice suddenly angry, "you finally snapped, huh? Found yourself a nice, normal girl who wasn't wanted by the Feds and decided to start a new life." Jack wasn't prepared for the venom that flashed through his eyes as he added, "Gotta admit, I'm a little surprised. Thought you two were in it for the long haul. Sure looked like it last time I saw you. Guess things change, huh?"

Jack was silent for a long moment, floored, and if he was completely honest with himself, a little annoyed, by the southerner's obvious concern for Kate. She was the one who gave up on him; he'd never even had the chance to get sick of her. "I was," he said finally, taking the baby out of the capsule and settling her in his lap, "in it for the long haul. She wasn't. Don't you have someone else to annoy?" He picked the bottle back up, and managed to successfully insert it between her lips this time, relieved when she started sucking again. He had enough to deal with, without having to add a baby that wouldn't eat to the list.

The southerner seemed to relax at this explanation. Jack wondered if he was glad, because it meant that she hadn't really chosen him either. "Naw, I save it all for you, Doc," he told Jack with a cheeky grin, apparently not ready to leave yet.

Jack wasn't sure why, until a moment later, he said, "So if Freckles pulled another o' her disappearing acts, and you're still hung up on her, where'd the kid come from? She another one o' Sid and Nancy's brood?"

When Jack didn't answer, realisation dawned on him, and he let out a low, unhappy whistle. "I knew she could be cold, but damn. You sure she didn't just need time?"

"I have no idea what she needed," Jack confessed, not meeting the southerner's eyes as he fought back another wave of hopelessness. He couldn't help feeling like there was something he should've done; like staying with her that last day, instead of going to work, but then she probably would've just waited until he was asleep to slip out.

"She got a name yet?" Sawyer asked, nodding towards the baby, seeming to want to change the subject.

"No, I'm still working on it," Jack admitted, surprised at how much easier it was to talk to Sawyer about this than Claire. Aside from him, the southerner knew her better than anyone. He felt her absence too. "I feel like I haven't had time to breathe since it happened."

Sawyer cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable. "Well chin up, Doc – she can't've gone far. For all her faults, she loves you, and the kid too, I'm guessing. She wouldn'ta left her with you if she didn't."

He looked away, seemingly embarrassed by how soft this sounded, but Jack smiled, touched by his words. "You want to hold her?" he said before he really had the chance to think about it, putting the bottle down, and offering her to Sawyer.

Sawyer took a step backwards, closer to the door, as if he thought the baby would explode if he touched her. "Naw, I should probably just go. Maybe I can catch up with her on the road, tell her the kid misses her." He gave Jack a small smile, and Jack knew that while he would never say it, the rest was implied. He would never admit to doing Jack a favour, but he had no qualms about doing one for Kate and her daughter.

"You're sure? Because you can stay if you want," Jack said, almost apologetic as he gestured at the collection of bottles and blankets that littered the kitchen. "I could do with the adult company."

Seeming to realise the futility of going after Kate, Sawyer nodded, and drew back a chair, clearing his throat again. "You got anything to drink? Besides whatever it is you were just giving the kid?"

"There's some beer in the fridge," Jack told him, standing up. "Take her and I'll get it for you." He handed the baby to Sawyer, who took her awkwardly, shuffling her around until he found a position that they were both comfortable with. He looked nervous, as if he was afraid she would break if he moved, though Jack could see a tiny smile forming at the corners of his lips.

"So what've you been up to since the rescue?" he asked as he handed the southerner a beer and sat down. "Last I heard you were in Canada?"

"Yeah, I got some friends up there, thought I'd stop in and say hi," Sawyer explained vaguely, fumbling with the tab.

Wordlessly, Jack took the can from him and pulled it, setting it back down on the table in front of him. He wondered if it was true, that the southerner had friends aside from the people he'd gotten to know on the island. Somehow he doubted it, or else he wouldn't be here.

Picking the can up clumsily with his left hand, Sawyer took a swig of his beer, looking down at the baby with a sad smile. "Never really believed all that noise about babies having people's noses and things," he said, "but I think I woulda known she was Freckles's kid even if you hadn't told me. It's scary how much o' her there is in her. You sure she's yours?" he added with a smirk, "'Cause she don't look anything like you."

Taking a sip of his own beer, Jack decided to let that one go. "You're telling me," he agreed. "It's like a daily knife in the heart. I look at her, and all I can think about is Kate."

Sawyer's expression was almost wistful as he passed the baby back to Jack. "Some folks'd say that makes you lucky. At least you got somethin' to remember her by. Me, I got nothin'."