"Could you please stop being a grump and help me with the decoration?" I sighed as Jean was pouting furiously in a corner, typing at his laptop. He's got a bad score in the last photography class because they didn't understand his concept and now he was sulking ever since this morning. On top of that, his family called and he had a monstrous fight with his father, I didn't eavesdrop but Jean was kind of... explicit; hard to ignore. It was clear his family was complicated and I couldn't help him with that or say anything so I shut my mouth and let him be for a little while. Jean didn't want to go home for the holidays, that was probably the main problem. In the last couple of months I found out his family was far from traditional, he was an illegitimate child and everyone hated him in his father's household while his mother couldn't stand him because he was reminding her of his father. He told me that the day after that pajama party and I was truly surprised because my family wasn't perfect either but it was nothing close to his.
"No" he mumbled and put headphones on, ignoring me and my decorating ass. It was almost Christmas so I made some investments and bought Christmas lights and placed all over the walls, trying to make the place "merry". I sighed and took the chair so I could reach the higher place, sticking the little light bulbs with scotch. I even bought a little tree I put next to the writing desk so we could feel a little like home. I was worried about Jean's holidays, to be fair, I was worried he was going to stay around and sulk in loneliness. After I finished I went to the kitchen where I made some mint tea and dialed my mother's number. I wasn't sure about all this but I was going to try out anyway.
"Hi, Marco!" mom squeaked happily and I burst into laughter because she was cute. "How are you, baby?" She was a loving mother so I told her all about my day and after I found out the little things that happened at home I coughed, trying to wet my dry throat.
"Mom, you know Jean, right?" She gasped.
"Your roommate, isn't it?"
"Yes, he's also my best friend and... he's having a hard time at home" I said and I could see her chewing her bottom lip, an annoying hobby I also had.
"Poor child, why doesn't he come over at our place, then?" I smiled because that was a whole intention and after some more chit-chat I hung up and took the two cup of tea, going to the bedroom and almost running through the hall because Bert and Reiner were having sex again. I was wondering if everyone was as sexually active as they were, I couldn't imagine Sasha and Connie doing it or whatever. In fact, I wasn't sure they were together, though Connie was pretty much into her. When I got back he was still pouting, a big frown on his whole face and for a moment I wanted to laugh because he was somehow adorable in all that grumpiness. I went and offered him the cup and he looked at me furrowing his brows and getting his earbuds out.
"Tea, no sugar" He didn't have a sweet tooth like I was. He nodded and sipped from his and I saw by his side with my orange mug in my hand, staring to see what he was looking at. He was on a tattoo online site so I arched my brows, surprised. "I'm getting a tattoo" He was the tattoo type, he had piercings, a septum and I could see him with tattoos too but why so sudden? He grabbed his sketch book that was by his side and opened it at a page where there was a bee drawn. "This. On my arm" he pointed at his inner arm, under his elbow.
"It looks good, you're really talented" I saw some of his sketches before and they were all really good. I was truly amazed by his talent and having a tattoo drawn by him was a smart thing, no one could copy it. "But why now?"
"Cause I have to spend my holiday money on something" he said annoyed and sipped on his tea. "Wanna come with me when I have it done?"
"S-sure" I've never been to a tattoo parlour before and the one that we visited looked not that scary. I was expecting something near horror movies, with buckets of blood and tall men with masks and big needless but it was nothing like it. The one tattooing was a woman, covered in tattoos but very nice, purple hair and thick glasses that were much like mine. She was impressed by Jean's art too and it was done real fast, probably because Jean didn't complain too much. He was wincing from time to time but stood nicely in his place and talking to me like we were having a coffee.
"You have to keep it clean and cream it every two hours" He nodded and bought the thing.
"It looks good" he said satisfied but still didn't smile. He was pale and annoyed ever since that call so I had to invite him to have dinner in town.
"Let's have pizza" I suggested and he nodded so we went to the closest Pizza Hut where we ordered our favorites and waited patiently for our order. He wasn't talking much so I kept him animated with my stories about courses and my mates and what happened after he left the party. When the food came I stopped and he smiled faintly.
"Thank you" he murmured and looked in his plate so I hummed surprised. "I know you try to cheer me. Fuck, I'm not the jolliest person" He breathed and I smiled widely. "I don't know why you stood all day with me" Maybe it was because I cared about him enough to want to see him smile. "Sorry"
"Don't apologize, it's not your fault" He furrowed, playing with the straw from his juice bottle and I shrugged, wondering what should I say. "You can't be happy all the time"
"You are, though" he said sarcastic and I chuckled, making him grin. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"I am just very optimistic" I pursed my lips and he chuckled again, taking the first slice of his pizza.
"You're Freckled Jesus, all kindness and shit" I burst into laughter at that because he was pushing it to extreme. If dad would have heard that he would probably have sent him to penitence or something. Probably that's why I was worried about him going to my place. Also, it must've been because I wasn't staying in a very stylish and big city. I was from a small town, where dad was a priest and where we were living in a small house, no luxury at all. Somehow I was nervous he was going to think little of me. "When're you leaving for Holidays?" We were almost in break. I looked to see his long eyelashes trembling nervous as he blinked.
"Next week" I took a big breath. "Look, Jean, you can come to my place if you want to, I've already talked to mom so..." I let the sentence fall because I wasn't sure how he was going to take it. His hazel eyes widened and he stared at me like I was mad.
"What?" He changed his place on his seat. "I can't do that" he said in a small voice and I smiled encouraging.
"Yes you can, Jean, I am not letting you alone during holidays" I repeated and he sighed, still not convinced. "Please! It will be fun, like you're on a trip" I added and he chuckled, his eyes finally lighting. I knew I won just then so we continued our dinner on other subjects, slowly but surely making him feel better and getting him smile. He had a beautiful smile once he lost his jerky attitude and I was feeling privileged that I was the only one who knew him this way. I was honestly surprised that he was such a lonesome guy because he was agreeable and he could be very nice and caring but I guess not everybody could see the good in him. He was funny and smart and not even his potty mouth could make him a bad person.
We went home after midnight and the next few days were spent lazily, we were just having our paper done by each other, in complete silence or having small talks from time to time. It was a pleasant way to spend time, I sometimes sneaked a stare at him, enjoying his expressions and his face in general. I don't know what was going on because I was never so infatuated with a person before, it was strange. He was sometime catching my eyes and teasing me, making me shy and causing me to blush. I don't know what was going on but it was surely turning my insides out. I was feeling strange and wanted to talk with someone about it so one day I asked Armin if he would go out with me to help buying Christmas gifts. He was a nice guy and I knew I could confide in him. We were walking through a mall - buying books and mugs and other stuff when I asked him to sit down and have hot chocolate with me.
I bought Jean a Slytherin mug that was looking amazing and a red scarf that matched his beanie. My brother got a new computer game and my parents a couple of books each. I had money because I saved all year for this one. We sat in a nice cafe and after the waiter took our order I wanted to tell him all about it but didn't know how to say it so instead I started babbling all about how I spent my days and he nodded, being nice like always. He was the listener. I didn't get the problem was off my chest so when I left I was dissatisfied and feeling frustrated, which was a first. I was also a little worried he would tell Eren by mistake and things would end up badly. That night we went to sleep early and after a few rounds of shifting I fell asleep.
A loud gasp woken me up. There was someone crying, howling and I got up, scared, realizing when it was Jean's voice. I turned on the light on my side of room and got up, hurrying to his side where he was sweating and tossing and turning. I grabbed his shoulder gently, trying not to create more panic.
"Jean!" I called but no result. "Jean!" I tried again and he opened his eyes, getting up suddenly and scaring me. There were tears running down his cheeks and he looked at me with big eyes, ignoring the discomfort of crying. I didn't expect him to wrap his arms around me and pull me closer desperate so I widened my eyes shocked but returned the hug, feeling the front of his shirt on my chest, as it was wet with sweat. "It's okay"
"You... died" he mumbled and I furrowed my brows. He had horrible dreams, with giants eating humans, almost every night. "Don't you remember?" I sighed.
"It was not real, no one died" He pulled apart and watched me alarmed.
"Now I remember." He whispered. "I remember everything, don't you, Marco?" I watched him wondering if he was delusional. "We met when we were 12, don't you remember? You were coming from Jinae, your parents were eaten when the wall fell" I didn't understand anything he was saying so I stuttered when I tried to calm him down, only making him proceed. "Don't you remember? You told me you believed in me as a leader" I couldn't understand where he was getting those things and I truly believed he was still dreaming so I blinked at him, uncomfortable. "You don't believe me." he whispered lowly and I looked down, at his hands. "I should have protect you back then, you were my best friend" I gulped, unaware of what was my reaction supposed to be. "Your bed was above mine when we were training" I bit my lip, maybe he was just very stressed. And still? Why spill such stories?
"Go to sleep" I whispered and he laid back, a little disappointed, just in time for me to prepare to get up. His hand took held of my wrist.
"Stay here" I was worried but it was not a good idea to refuse him so I slowly slid down next to him, seeing as his honey eyes were watching my face agitated. "I can't believe I found you" he said and closed his eyes, getting closer so his breath was falling on my exposed neck. I don't know why but my body began to feel hot and it took me a while to fall asleep, unlike him who was already dreaming. I truly believed it was because he was so stressed, maybe it had something to do with his family too.
Something was irritating my eyes so I opened them, realizing it was the sun rays that were falling through the window. There was something wrapped around me and I took a big breath when I saw it was Jean's arm that was holding me close as his face was buried in my neck. My body was reacting weirdly and soon I felt a certain part getting hard and I closed my eyes, trying to think of something bad. Dead puppies. Not Jean who was clinging on me with all his might, not Jean whose hot breath was tickling my skin, not Jean's long lashes that were forming shadows on his pale cheeks, no. I got up as soon as I could and sprinted to the bathroom where I watched myself in the mirror. I was pathetic, I couldn't control myself when I was sleeping in bed with my best friend. No, this was not happening, I wasn't falling for Jean Kirschtein, not when he had crazy vision, not when he was my closest boy friend. I took a shower and as I was brushing my teeth the bathroom door opened and in came a sleepy Jean that watched me worried as soon as he spotted me.
"Mornin'" He said softly and then looked down, as if he was refraining from something.
"Good morning" I said and went inside the bedroom, letting him be. I was glad when he didn't bring up what happened the last night because it was already very nervous and I was preparing our coffee/tea I tried to keep it at the back of my mind, ignoring it. When he came inside the kitchen I felt a blush spreading on my face at the sight of him. He was beautiful.
"Don't forget the milk" he mumbled and I nodded, pouring the thing in. He seemed to avoid me and it was worrying because we were leaving today for my home. We were going to take the train so we prepared our luggage and then went to the train station where we looked for our wagon and put our things in place. I was worried about the trip, to be honest.
"My father will come to pick us up from the train station cause it's pretty far from home" he took his beanie off and sitting next to the window. We were alone so far.
"Okay" His phone lit up and he looked at the screen, somewhat displeased.
"Don't expect something big and please try not to swear in front of my family, okay?" He nodded, still distracted and got his headphones out. "Jean" I whined and he looked up, disorientated. "They will love you" I smiled and a smile tugged his lips too and offered me an earbud. He put some track I didn't know on and closed his eyes, tired from the previous night. I don't know when the hours passed, we played card and slowly he went back to normal, acting like last night never happened. When we arrived it was a snow storm and we had red cheeks when I saw dad coming with a small smile.
"Good evening" he said formal and we both shook his hands when Jean threw me a weird look. He also felt it we were all formal. "Did you have a good trip?"
"Amazing" Jean said sarcastic and we got in the backseat of the old black car. He let me do the work so I kept going about how studies were great and we were doing our best, we were getting along pretty well and I made some friends. He seemed alright with it but as I knew my father, he couldn't be satisfied like that. When we arrived home mom came to greet us and she watched Jean with such a pity that I was annoyed. Alessandro was at a friends' house for the weekend so it was going to be just the four of us.
"You have such a pretty face" my mom said and Jean smiled awkwardly.
"Thank you, Mrs. Bodt"
"Let the boys rest a little, Cara" Dad said and we climbed up the stairs with our luggage where my room was. Alessandro had a separate room so we were going to stay in mine, where there was only a one-person bed he was going to take.
"They're okay" He said once we closed the door and I smiled crisped. They could be if they wanted. We unpacked some things, including the gifts I had for my family and told him to change in something comfortable before we went downstairs. He changed in sweat pants and a long-sleeved shirt before we went downstairs where mom already had two cups of hot chocolate prepared for us.
"Sit down, boys, how was the trip?" I began to talk because Jean wasn't "talkative" today. After a few more questions came the big one. "So Marco, do you have any girl you're interested in?" I felt my throat getting sore when I gulped and saw him finally looking up from his cup where he's been staring in the last half an hour. His sandy hair was messy and he looked curious, pupils dilated.
"No" I said simply and he furrowed his brows at me, like he was trying to figure things out. He said he was tired so I suggested he should take a nap and while he was doing so I helped mom with the dinner. I didn't know how to cook but I could help in the kitchen for sure.
"He seems like a nice but troubled kid" Mom commented and I knew who she was referring to. I nodded and didn't add anything because he was indeed acting weird lately. The dinner was done so I went to wake him up but stopped by the bed, looking at his sleeping face. When Jean was sleeping he was looking like a little child, very unlikely so picked my phone and snapped a picture, feeling the blush covering my face. I had no idea what was going on with me. I grabbed his shoulder gently.
"Jean" I whispered and he turned on the other side, mumbling. "Come on, you have to eat dinner" I grabbed his arm and pulled him up, making his eyes snap open. "Good" I said and he leaned on me, rubbing his eyes.
"I don't wanna"
"You have to or mom will flip" We had a pleasant dinner, he was more active that he's been all day and after the Spanish inquisition we ended up with two cups of white hot chocolate back in my room where we were sitting on the stone sill, watching the snow falling beautifully outside. In my town it was very cold every Winter so I was not surprised but he seemed impressed and vaguely pleased by the weather outside. I gave him an extra pair of socks so now his feet were covered in orange fluffy material and they were curled under his slender body that was half-pressed against the window. His hair was still all over the place.
"What?" He asked, turning to me and I shrugged my shoulders. He looked conflicted, like there was some kind of inner fight inside him.
"Whatever is happening you can tell me" I said and he looked away.
"You won't believe me" I knew it was about those fake memories so I chose not to open the subject once again because I couldn't believe something like that, no matter how sincere I believed he was. He was just imagining things. "Marco" he said after a while and I looked at him, arching my brows. "I know what I want for Christmas"
"Hm?"He frowned.
"Nevermind" He whispered, grabbing a fistful of sandy hair. "I'm going to sleep. Night"
"Good night" I couldn't go to sleep right away and I knew he couldn't either but none of us said a word, like we were listening to the snowflakes falling.